


The Time it Takes to Fall

by Sasswarrior



Category: Lunar Chronicles - Marissa Meyer
Genre: Brotp, F/M, Ship, kaider, kinder - Freeform, made up legends, otp, sasswarrior, the blue koi, the time it takes to fall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:22:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 42
Words: 105,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22134739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sasswarrior/pseuds/Sasswarrior
Summary: When the love of Prince Kaito's life is killed, he longs for nothing more but to be with her once more. And as fate—or death—would have it, Kai is given another chance to be with his dear Selene, but at a steep cost. His Selene will reincarnate ten times, and if Kai can find her and make her to fall in love with him once more, he will be allowed to die by her side. If not, Kai will spend the rest of eternity as a slave to death. Kai has reached the final reincarnation—Cinder Linh—and is determined to win her over. But things may not be as easy as they seem. Will Kai convince his past lover to fall in love with him, or will he suffer damnation?
Relationships: Iko/Linh Cinder, Kai/Linh Cinder, Kaider - Relationship, Linh Cinder/Carswell Thorne
Comments: 179
Kudos: 79





	1. Prologue

_China, 1615 A.D._

Prince Kaito rushed through the palace halls, his heart thundering in time with the rapid pace of his feet. He was running out of time— he may have already lost her for all that he knew. She could be dead by now.

Horrible visions of sanguinary executions colored his vision, pushing the young prince to his fastest pace. His breaths came in gasps and his flowing red changshan trailed him like a river of blood.

Kaito wasn't sure how his father had discovered Selene, but he had. Perhaps someone had seen them together in the gardens at midnight, or simply discerned his change in manner around her. It had been torture to treat his lovely Selene like an ordinary servant, but he had done so for her own protection. No one could know.

But now they did— and the prince had no clue as to who among his trusted few had deceived him.

Of course, Nainsi had known from the beginning. The old woman had practically raised Kaito, and she knew him better than any other person in the world— aside from his dear Selene. Nainsi had been excited for Kai, though, helping him to woo the maid he had grown so fond of. She had encouraged him to pursue the secret courtship despite his betrothal to Princess Levana of the Lunar Isles.

Konn Torin, his closest friend, would just as soon cut off his own arm than betray Kaito's trust. Torin believed in loyalty above all else, and as the son of the head of military, Kaito knew that he would stay true to any oath of secrecy.

That left only Selene, and her life was on the line. There was no way she would expose herself, knowing that discovery meant inevitable death on her part.

So how had his father discovered them?

The ornately carved wooden doors appeared before Kaito and he shoved them open, not pausing to notice the abnormality of no imperial guards blocking his way.

Pushing his way into the grandeur throne room, the prince examined the area, eyes roving with fervor. The room was large— fit for an emperor— but quite empty. Within moments, Kaito could see what he was looking for. His entire body relaxed.

Before the prince sat his father upon the mighty throne. Guards flanked him on both sides, their swords drawn in a manner that insinuated protection. And indeed, they were protecting him— the emperor— from someone who meant him both no harm and all the harm in the world.

_Selene._

"Father," Kaito spoke, his voice booming despite the tremor in his hands. "What is the meaning of this? Why are you terrorizing this lowly maid?"

Emperor Rikan sneered, his teeth glinting yellow against his waxy skin. "You know the exact reason, my son."

A chill ran down the prince's spine, but he held his stance. With one hand placed upon the hilt of his sword and the other on the sheath, Kaito strode forward. His face showed as much emotion as a brick wall, all hiding the screaming agony bubbling beneath his skin.

"I bid you to tell me, father— for I bear no foreknowledge of trespass on behalf of this servant." Words slid from Kaito's mouth like slithering snakes. He had grown accustomed to constant lies while growing up among monarchs. The consistent whisper of untruths was as familiar to Kai as his own heartbeat.

"Lies, you spew as though they be of your foreign tongue. But no more shall you beseech your ruler— your father— to heed unto them. No more will I listen of your lies." The emperor glared upon his son, his entire demeanor stony and impenetrable.

"Did you not know that your betrothed watched you in the garden under last night's moon? She gazed upon you while you placed your lips upon that of a loathsome servant woman. What say you? Did you not spend the moon's hour with a creature with whom you are not betrothed?" Spittle flew from the emperor's mouth as he yelled. His eyes bulged and his face became purple with rage.

"Nay, I have no knowledge as to your accusations. I beg thee, please relinquish that of an innocent slave who bears no guilt." Kaito now stood before his father, his body in front of Selene's in an attempt to protect her. Her white cloth maid's garments clung to her small frame, and her bodyappeared even smaller on the immense blue marble floors. She had not spoken throughout the entirety of the argument, her body stiff in the act of bowing before her ruler.

Hot anger flashed across the emperor's face, and in that moment, Kaito knew that he had failed his dearest love.

Kaito dropped to his knees and threw his body across Selene's. He could protect her with his life— there was no way he would let them take her while he lived. He would not concede to it.

"Selene, my love, I won't allow them to take thee." Kaito whispered into his beloved's ear. "My dearest, I won't allow them to take hold of you."

Selene made no noise of acknowledgement, but Kaito held her tightly to him all the same. He wouldn't let her go for the end of the world.

A roar resounded from the emperor, and Kaito knew that he had mere seconds before the guards would be upon him. He whispered words of comfort to Selene, fingers clinging to her as tight as they could go.

Hands tore at him and he screamed. He yelled the most horrendous things he could possibly think of and wrapped his entire body around his dearest Selene.

Selene, in return, let out only the slightest whimper. Her body made no effort to fight, which was quite unlike her. She had caught Kaito's eye in the first place because of her brazen manner and lack of fear towards authority. She was a fighter always— she did not whimper.

Perhaps it was the shock of Selene's docility that made Kaito let go of her, or maybe the sheer force the guards applied on the prince was enough to make even the strongest lover release his beloved. But one second Kaito had hold on Selene, and the next, she was gone from him. Gone forever.

Laughter filled the chamber with a brutality that hurt Kaito's ears. He screamed at the cackling. He screamed for his love. He screamed for the evilness that possessed the world.

"My son, did you truly believe that I would let you have her alive?" Emperor Rikan glared with the eyes of an evil tiger prepared to pounce. "I had her poisoned before your arrival. Don't fret, the pain is not much; she is not long for this world."

"NO," Kaito screamed, eyes blurring with rage and fear and an unbearable sadness. "Father, you know not what you have done, for Selene is my love. My closest companion. The one with whom I hold in highest regards. How could you have hurt her so?"

Emperor Rikan sneered, "It is but for your own good, son. You know not of love and the pain it bears. Life is painful enough, and you must soon acquire the responsibility of an entire kingdom."

"I will not take the throne that was preceded by a cruel ruler. I will not sit upon such a stage that requires of me no empathy. I would rather be an outcast." Kaito jeered, his arms still held taut by the imperial guards.

Rikan glared upon his son, but there was a sadness hidden within his eyes. "I know that you cannot see you now," the emperor's words had softened. "But she would only hold you back— stop you from living. I am doing you a favor, my son."

"I'm no son of yours!" Kaito wailed, kicking wildly at the guards. "I am no son of a coward! I am no son of a treacherous snake! I am no son of an emperor, and I relinquish any claims that lay upon my name." Kaito hissed the final part, his breath coming out unevenly. He longed to lay down beside his love and take his final breath. He wanted to feel the final caress of her skin against his own— he yearned for a final forbidden kiss.

"You cannot see clearly, Kaito. You are but an infatuated child. But someday you will see. You will understand, and you will thank me." Rikan rose from his throne and stepped towards his son. He placed a gentle hand upon Kaito's face, wiping away the tears. "Someday, my son."

A sob rose from Kaito's throat, all the fight leaving him. Kaito heard his father murmur something to the guards and they dropped him to the ground. He heard the door slam shut and knew that they were gone.

Kaito cried, much like a child would. His voice echoed like the song of a lost siren at sea. He wailed at the breaking of his heart and the pain that it brought to his soul. _It hurt so much._

Realizing his release, Kaito crawled toward his love— Selene. Her body lay limp across the oceanic marble floor. Her head rested upon the blue koi, her hair appearing an even deeper brown next to it.

Kaito reached Selene and held her body to his chest. She was so small, but somehow dying made her feel even more miniscule. Her body fit into his like an extension of his own.

Selene's eyes opened, their normal soft brown turned black. A sob broke through Kaito's body, causing him to shake. He brought one hand away from her body and forward to brush the loose strands of her hair away from her face.

He kept his hand against her face, thumb rubbing gently along her cheekbone. He cried, rocking her back and forth, singing her a lullaby for children. She stared up at him, eyes pooling with tears.

Kaito's body shook violently as the tears flowed freely down his face; but he continued to rock his dear Selene. He would hold her in his arms until the sky fell to the earth. He would remain with her until eternal sleep took them both for good.

Selene coughed, blood spewing from her mouth in a metallic-scented haze. A single tear slipped from her eye, and Kaito knew that it was the end.

"M..." Selene tried, her voice rasping under the strain of dying. "M... my... m... m... my... K... Kai..." Selene smiled for a brief second, her black eyes and red lips making her a creature unknown to Kaito. He held her all the same.

"My Selene," Kaito whispered, attempting to smile for her sake. Trying to smile one last time to soothe her achingness. "Oh my lovely Selene, I would do anything to be with you. Anything. Even die right here beside you."

Selene blinked one final time, the smile still on her face. Then, her body slackened and her eyes became glossy; Kaito knew she was gone.

Kaito buried his face in her neck, letting the sadness overcome him. He clutched her: one arm around her body, the other bringing her head to his chest. He rocked back and forth on his knees, his wails and pleas for her to come back the only soliloquy to comfort him.

He cried, tears tracing down Selene's face and neck— falling to the floor. He would cry a new ocean, just like the man in the old chinese legend. His sorrows would become a visible landmark for all the world to see.

An ocean, filled with dark, beautiful creatures. An ocean deep enough to house all the pain in Kaito's heart.

"Oh my dear child, why do you weep so?" A voice spoke, seemingly from nowhere. Kaito jumped, not aware of anyone being around him. Only himself and the dead.

Kaito glanced around; there was no one else in the throne room. Placing a final kiss upon Selene's forehead, Kaito gently laid her down upon the floor.

"Hey!" The voice screeched, causing Kaito to jump; he pulled Selene back up to his chest. The voice didn't seem to be coming from one spot in particular— it appeared to be echoing from every direction, as if it had no exact source.

Kaito looked down, seeing again the dark blue of the decorative inlaid marble koi. But now it wasn't frozen in the position of a swimming fish. It was moving around, as if actually swimming in the marble floor.

"W-what are you?" Kaito stuttered. He wondered for a moment if grief was playing tricks on him or if perhaps he had gone insane.

"I am the _Blue Koi_ ," the voice echoed from throughout the entire room, seeming to converge at Kaito's sitting place. "Ruler of the realm of death. Opposite of my sister the _Red Koi_."

Kaito blanched, his entire body going rigid. He teetered slightly, then bent to place Selene's body down behind him. This time no one yelled at him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kaito asked the still swimming fish. He marveled at the colors, shifting with the koi's every movement.

"Young mortal, don't you know the tale of the two sister koi? How life began with the first and ended with the second? How one man begged to be with his love again and death allowed him immortality to find her reincarnation?"

"Of course I know the story," Kaito blinked, his eyes sticky from his tears. "But it's just a tale."

A gasp escaped the fish. _A gasp_. "Oh my young princeling, I'll show you a _tale_."

The _Blue Koi_ swam around frantically, her body circling Kaito rapidly. Water suddenly splashed at Kaito's legs and began to flood the throne room floor.

"What are you doing?" Kaito gasped. The koi was gaining speed, and the entirety of the throne room began filling with water. Suddenly the koi was no longer made of marble, but of scales.

Real fish began swimming around the prince, each inlaid representation coming to life with the flow of water. Hundreds of multi-colored koi swam around him, following the lead of the largest.

The water was up to Kaito's waist now, the icy cold of it making him shiver. "W-what are you doing?" Kaito yelled.

"You said that you would do anything to be with your love, did you not?" The _Blue Koi_ asked, never slowing in her race around Kaito. "'Anything,' you said. Did you not mean it?"

"No," Kaito replied hastily, the water now up to his chest. The prince had a moment of panic, realizing that Selene must be under the water— drowning— but a bubble had come to encircle her body, keeping her safe and dry. Although what could harm her now Kaito knew not. "No," Kaito repeated. "I meant it."

"I thought so," The _Blue Koi_ replied, and though the fish did not have any facial expressions, Kaito could sense the smirk in her voice.

"My dear princeling," The _Blue Koi_ began. "I will offer you a deal, as the master of death but a respecter of love."

The water neared Kaito's neck, and he wondered if the koi meant to allow him death. If so, he would like to get it over with.

"Ten lives," the _Blue Koi_ continued, "I will allow her to reincarnate. I find that any more than that is too much for the soul to handle— they're only so durable when it comes to mortality."

Kaito froze, the water was nearing his face, but the words didn't make any sense. She was going to bring Selene back?

"During those ten reincarnations, you will be granted a sort of immortality. You will not age past twenty-one years. You will not become ill. You will not die, and nothing will be able to grant you death." The _Blue Koi_ spoke in a somber voice.

"You will have ten chances— ten lives— to find your dear Selene and make her fall in love with you again. With each life, however, she will appear somewhere new, and you must search for her. You must find her, make her fall in love with you, and marry her."

The water reached Kaito's lips, the fishy taste causing him to gag. He tried to swim up for air, but his feet were somehow stuck to the marble floor.

"If, after your ten chances to win back your love, you fail, you must spend the rest of eternity as one of my own— a slave of death, if you will."

Kaito began to see black spots, and wondered if the fish would even realized he died, despite her major role as death itself. She seemed pretty content to spew forth nonsense fairytales instead. But then again, perhaps this whole thing was in Kaito's head. Or even better, a dream, and Selene wasn't dead after all.

"So what do you say, my young princeling. Would you really do anything to be with your Selene once again?"

The world spun, but Kaito could still hear the words. They seemed to echo on and on, reverberating throughout his soul and making him quake with the feel of them.

Would he really do anything to be with Selene again? Selene, who taught him how to laugh. Selene, who had helped him find himself in spite of everyone telling him who he was. Selene, who loved him and who he had loved in return.

 _Yes,_ Kaito thought. _I would do anything to be with her again._

With this final thought, the water surged, spinning the young prince every which way. Laugher seemed to swirl within every wave, filling his head with the dark cadence.

A searing pain licked up his left forearm and all the way to his heart. Then a bright light shot through the world, filling the throne room with the fire of Hell for but a split second.

And then everything went black.


	2. A Familiar Stranger

_USA, 2019 A.D._

The hustle and bustle of the repair shop did nothing to distract Cinder from her work. Everyday was filled with the constant screeching and scraping noise that one was to expect at an auto mechanic's place of work.

To Cinder, the deafening sounds did not come as an annoyance; they were her sense of security. She reveled in the numbness that came from her job— how she could lose herself for hours at a time and not even notice.

At the moment, she was rolled beneath and ancient blue chevy, wrench in hand. It had taken her some time to figure out exactly what was wrong with the engine, but now she held within her an innate confidence that she could fix it.

Cinder had come to work at the shop three years previously when she had first left home. She had arrived at the small Washington town alone, and with nothing to her name. She had only been seventeen at the time— and majorly under qualified— but Thorne had taken her in despite it all.

That was the one thing that Cinder always appreciated about Thorne: he didn't care who you were or where you came from, just as long as you worked hard. Aside from that, the guy was a lazy, flirtatious drunk— but at least he held one redeemable quality on his behalf.

A banging came from above Cinder, and she jumped, smacking her head on the bottom of the old chevy and dropping her wrench painfully upon her chest. One would think that her headlight would protect her from such a thing, but somehow the lousy light source never managed to become a barricade between her face and the underside of a car. Cinder cursed in a colorful manner before rolling out from beneath the vehicle.

She climbed out, pushing down on the peeling blue paint of the car with one hand while rubbing her forehead with the other. She had given herself bangs shortly after acquiring the job at Rampion's Repairs for a reason; Thorne was a royal turd when it came to calling one out from beneath a vehicle.

There had been many times during Cinder's career as a mechanic in which her face had collided all too painfully with the hard metal of a vehicle. Thorne enjoyed bringing his employees self-inflicted pain for his own enjoyment. It was a miracle that he managed to keep his three employees around.

"Dammit, Thorne," Cinder scorned, her forehead throbbing painfully. She moved her hand to remove her headlight and glared at the man in front of her. But her glare was not placed upon Thorne.

The man who stood before her was not one who she could recall seeing before, but the second she laid eyes upon him she felt a sense of familiarity. His warm eyes held within them something that resounded deep inside her being. She could feel him, as if his own heart was beating within her chest.

She didn't seem to be the only one undergoing an uneasy sense of familiarity. From the soft "O" that his lips formed to the way he clasped his hands out in front of him, she could tell he felt something too.

"I am terribly sorry," the man said, regaining his composure. He smiled at her, apologetic. "Mr. Thorne told me that knocking would be the best manner of retrieving you. Now I can plainly see that I was used as a pawn in a practical joke."

Cinder glanced across the room and saw her boss doubled over in a fit of laughter, his blue eyes sparkling as he sent her a wink. She rolled her eyes.

"That's Thorne for you. The most unoriginal prankster to grace the earth." Cinder said dryly, not returning the stranger's smile. "What can I do for you today?"

"My apologies," the man bent forward for a half second, winced, and then pulled himself upright. "My name is Kai Prince. My antiquated truck appears to be in need of repairs, seeing how it makes an awful grinding noise whenever I attempt to drive it."

Cinder nodded, wondering at the foreignness that his voice possessed. His tone held an accent, marking him as someone who was clearly not from around here. But it also held no distinction to it, giving Cinder no grasp as to his origin.

"Show me the truck,"Cinder said. She knew that grinding could mean a great deal of things from uneven tires to transmission issues in the clutch. But hopefully seeing the car itself would allow her some clues.

Kai nodded, lips pressed together with a polite smile. He seemed incapable of doing anything but smiling.

He lead her outside to the parking lot and to a red Ford truck. Kai hadn't been lying when he said that it was old; the truck was a 1950's model, with rounded features that showed aesthetic appeal, despite the chipped, fading paint.

Cinder looked over the entirety of the truck, her fingers itching to get beneath the hood. She had never worked on something quite so vintage before, and she longed to run her fingers over the entirety of the vehicle.

"Alright," Cinder said, turning away from the truck, crossing her arms over her chest. The man—Kai—was looking at her in an unusual manner. It made her uncomfortable, though not in a he's-a-serial-killer type way. She didn't even know exactly what it was about him that made her uncomfortable. _He just did._

"Did Thorne have you fill out a form?" Cinder asked, her eyes locked on Kai's. They were unusual, seeming to hold an ancient wisdom that she could only begin to guess at. And their color was like nothing she had ever seen before. They looked like melted pennies, standing out brightly against a backdrop of stormy sky.

"Yes," Kai said, nodding fervently. Everything about this man emanated nerves. Cinder was definitely intimidating, but she had never caused anyone so much anxiety. "I have completed all the paperwork and given the proper insurance forms."

He stuck his hands into the kangaroo pocket of his grey hoodie, shuffling from one foot to the other. His entire body exuded nervousness, but all the while he kept a kind smile on his face.

"Okay," Cinder gave him a slight smile, attempting to relieve the poor boy of his restlessness. She couldn't help it— she wanted to smile at Kai. "I guess all you need to do now is give me your keys."

Kai drew a hand from the pocket of his sweatshirt and thrust it into the front of his jeans pocket. He retrieved a key, only to fumble with it and drop it to the blacktop.

Apologizing— for reasons unbeknownst to Cinder— he leaned down and grabbed the key, bringing it up hastily, a triumphant grin on his face. Cinder resisted the urge to laugh at this strange boy. She had never met anyone quite like him, so clumsy and sweet, but ever so proper. Yet somehow Cinder felt as if he had know him for the longest of times.

"Here you go my-" Kai paused, his cheeks flushing. He brushed at his messy black locks in an attempt to hide his embarrassment, but Cinder could see the color that appeared on his angular pale face.

"Cinder," Cinder said, trying to allow this boy to maintain at least some of his dignity. He grinned, all of his teeth showing, his eyes lighting with joy. And all stars above, he had dimples. Cinder felt her own face heating, her heart skipping a beat.

"Cinder," Kai repeated, her name rolled off his lips with an ease that sent a shiver down Cinder's spine. "Cinder..."

"Linh," Cinder supplied, and suddenly she felt like the one who was fumbling. _What was going on?_

Kai gave her another grin, and Cinder felt her lungs contract, struggling to gain air. He was so beautiful with his face lit up in delight. No— he was just beautiful. From his messy dark hair that fell into gleaming copper eyes to the gentle curvature of his nose and strong jawline. And his lips-

Were saying something, but Cinder had missed it. She realized that he was still holding the key out to her, his index finger and thumb pinching the blue cap. Her face burned as she reached out and took it, her fingers brushing against his as she did so, sending electricity down her fingertips.

She couldn't grasp how her stoic confidence had melted away at this boy's bumbling incompetence. Cinder did not know what had gotten into her; but whatever it was, it wasn't good.

Cinder had never balked in front of anyone before, let alone a boy she had just met. She didn't get nervous in front of strangers. She had left all her fear behind in Seattle. No one was allowed to have control over her emotions.

Except for this boy, so it seemed.

"Thank you very much, Ms. Linh." Kai put both of his hands back into his kangaroo pocket, nodding appreciatively.

"Cinder," Cinder said, and somehow— _somehow_ —her face managed to flush even more. "You can call me Cinder."

Kai took a step back, shrugging his shoulders up bashfully as his grinned. An inky lock of hair fell into his eyes, and Cinder longed to brush it away. "Alright— thank you, Cinder."

And then he turned and walked down the road, never turning to glance back at an open-mouthed Cinder. She did not understand what had just happened. How he had just walked away. How his steps held a sort of grace and confidence that had not at all been prevalent during their conversation. _Who was this boy?_

After a very long moment of staring, Cinder walked back into the shop. She strode over to the desk that Thorne sat behind, key in hand. She wasn't entirely sure why she hadn't told Kai to just go and give the key to Thorne in the first place. In fact, she didn't understand why Thorne had sent him over to talk to Cinder at all; she never dealt with customers. Her only job was to fix things.

"Unusual guy," Thorne screwed up his face, as if in deep thought. Cinder didn't know how he managed it.

"Yeah, he was." Cinder agreed.

"Must be foreign. He had a weird accent." Thorne concluded.

Cinder thought back to his voice and how she had wondered at the uniqueness of it. "But it didn't sound as if it were from anywhere specific. Just not from here."

"And, I mean, he was also very taken with you." Thorne said absentmindedly. Cinder whacked him on the shoulder menacingly.

Thorne yelped, and then laughed, eyes twinkling good naturedly. "You know what I mean, princess. It's just that, well, you're not exactly all dressed up. Plus you have a massive grease stain across your cheek."

Cinder reached her hand up to scrub at her face, which only caused Thorne to guffaw. She dropped her hand. Cinder shouldn't have been surprised— she was always dirty. And she was never dressed nice as well. She always sported a messy ponytail, white tank-top, green cargo pants, and bulky brown boots. People probably thought she didn't own any other clothes. They wouldn't be too far off either.

Alright, maybe Thorne had a point.

"Shut up," Cinder groaned, wishing more than anything that she wasn't having this conversation with Thorne. "It's not like you're all dressed up either. You clearly haven't shaved for days and you're wearing overalls, for stars sake." Cinder retorted, knowing that her thirty-something boss would not appreciate attacks on his wardrobe. Especially since she suspected that the overalls were his attempt to hide his ever-prominent beer belly.

Now it was Thorne's turn to glare while Cinder cackled. "You are the most disrespectful person that I have ever had the displeasure to know. It's a lucky thing for you that you're good with a wrench, or I'd have had done with you years ago!"

Cinder chortled, sticking her tongue out at Thorne. She tapped on his desk with Kai's key, the long-forgotten burn scars her left hand sported shining a grotesque pink beneath the florescent lights. She frowned and said, "I'm not quite done with the chevy, but I'll take a look at the truck tomorrow. I don't think it will be too much trouble."

"Good deal," Thorne grumbled, accepting the key from Cinder.

Cinder turned and walked away, shaking her head as she went— her mind still on the unusual boy. The strange man with an accent she had never heard before, and a personality unlike any other.

Kai, who's easy smile and melted-penny eyes felt as familiar to Cinder as the scars on her hands. But somehow, she had no recollection of ever meeting him before. He was a familiar stranger, and Cinder was determined to figure him out.


	3. The Measurement for a Jiffy

_USA, 2019 A.D._

The gentle thump of Cinder's messenger bag against her leg was as constant as the cool falling rain, though Cinder didn't hear any of it.

She had her earbuds in, threaded up under her black sweatshirt. Her mousy hair lay out of its messy tail and tangled around the chord of her earbuds beneath her hood. The music was loud, with a thumping bass and ranging vocals that could be heard if one got close enough.

But no one was around.

Cinder wandered the streets as a lone pedestrian, all the occupants of the small town gathered in their homes. Everything outside was both dark and light all at once. There was no sun, but the clouds cast a sheen of brightness across everything despite the rain.

Rain was almost as common as trees in the evergreen state, always coming down in a calming cadence, suggesting that of a sweet lullaby. Not that anyone had ever sung Cinder a lullaby, but she liked to imagine it: the gentle, tender love that emanated from the singer. The feeling of safety. The feeling of being loved. A feeling that Cinder hadn't felt in a very long time.

Cinder had left her past behind, abandoning all the sordid memories and imbrued scars. Leaving was the only thing that saved her after her sister's death. Well, leaving and Iko. Though the leaving itself had all been due to Iko's persuasion.

Iko was the only thing in Cinder's life that had ever been constant. She had been the one to spot Cinder's hurting beneath all the lies. She had encouraged Cinder to get away— to run as far as she could from the awful things that Cinder was undergoing. Iko had even helped her to do it, and moved out to be with Cinder as soon as she could.

If it weren't for Iko, Cinder didn't know where she would be, but it definitely wouldn't be where she was now. She wouldn't be walking to her own apartment from a job that she actually enjoyed. She wouldn't be free and happy— and she valued that fact more than anything else in the world.

Droplets of rain continued to fall, but so did Cinder's footsteps. The distance from Rampion's Repairs to Cinder's dinky apartment wasn't far, but walking the entirety of it always took her over half an hour. Cinder didn't mind though. She enjoyed the walk— and besides, she had never gotten her driver's license.

The smell of wet cement and moistened flowers rose all around Cinder pleasantly, filling her with a sense of peace. She loved the rain more than just about anything else. Perhaps that was what had stopped her from leaving Washington entirely.

Everything around Cinder was ordinary— exatcly as it always was. But for some reason, it all felt different.

Cinder couldn't get Kai Prince out of her head. It wasn't as if Cinder hadn't met odd people before— she had lived in Seattle once— but he was unusual in an inexplicable way. He had a manner that reminisced of ancient times, but an awkwardness that made him all too likable. He had looked at her as if the sun sparkled within her soul, and spoken to her as if she were the loveliest of creatures. He was something special, something unearthly. His entire persona was unique to the universe, and Cinder longed to study it more in depth.

But that was crazy. He was nothing but a customer, passing through the small town on his way to do greater things. The odds of Cinder even speaking to him again were slim, but still— he had caught her eye, and that in itself was unusual enough.

The run-down apartment building that Cinder called home came into sight, and she sighed; she may have met an unusual boy that day, but her life was still the same— and fantasizing over him wouldn't do her any good. Cinder needed to forget Kai Prince. She needed to let go of the boy with the coppery eyes, but for some reason, it seemed impossible.

***

"Blue, you will never believe what events just occurred but a few hours past," Kai exclaimed, practically bouncing on his booth seat as the ancient figure moved to sit across from him. The restaurant that served as their meeting place was small, quaint and retro, with posters of old bands and records hanging on the wall; Kai loved it.

Through all the decades and centuries that Kai had lived through, the mid-twentieth century had been his favorite. The music and dancing that had prevailed amongst Americans had filled Kai with an enigmatic joy that had been lost to him for some time. The hustle and bustle of people excited to be out of war and economic failures had reminded Kai that bad nights always led to good days.

It was an atypical meeting place for the two of them— the ancient deity preferred that of a more grandeur taste— but Kai had insisted upon the get-together, and the minuscule town only had so much to offer. He had found Cinder Linh, his Selene, and not in the place that he had been expecting.

Kai had searched for Cinder Linh in sixteen other countries before he made his way to the states. He had assumed that she would not appear there again— especially for her tenth, and final reincarnation— but after Europe and Asia had yielded nothing, he had decided to try his luck at the mixing pot.

One would think that finding a person, especially with the amazing technology of the twenty-first century, would be easy, but it wasn't. Of course, Kai knew that his Selene would always be born a year after her previous death, and always on her original birthday, December tweny-first. And Blue, gracious as she was, always provided Kai with his love's most recent alias. But there were millions— now billions of people on the earth, making Selene but a needle in the haystack.

Between the last nine reincarnations, Kai had not met his beloved in three of her lifetimes. During two other lives, Kai had only found Selene at the close of her life; his only act then had been to hold her in his arms as her constant brown eyes stared at his unfamiliar face. But, despite all the failures, he had also won her heart four times, and nearly married her within two of those lives. Yet somehow, he had lost her. Every action had been in vain, for he had failed every single time.

But he would not suffer through another funeral on behalf of his enchantress. He would not relinquish his love to death. Kai would win the heart of Cinder Linh, and their souls would once more be united. He would not allow their story to end without a _happily ever after_.

"Young Princeling, I have granted you semi-permanent immortality, allowed your Selene to live an extra ten lives, and am currently existing in the flesh and blood of an ordinary human being. Whatever you have to tell me cannot possibly be beyond my imagination." The _Blue Koi_ huffed, the silk of her exotic headdress shifting only slightly, but never uncovering her face.

Kai had never gazed upon the _Blue Koi's_ face, though he could sense her presence no matter her state. Whenever Kai was around her, his heart seemed to be filled with the ocean: the gentle beating turning to the crash of waves. She was all calm exterior, but hidden within lay a bubbling, roiling erraticness.

However, Kai had never encountered any trouble when it came to Blue. Their relationship was that of close friends, despite Kai's contract to live as the Chinese deity's slave if he failed to marry his beloved. In fact, from the very beginning they were fast friends, with the _Blue Koi_ insisting that Kai could simply call her Blue. It had been weird— nerve wracking, even at first; but after four hundred years together, Kai was used to it.

"Fair point," Kai took a sip from his tea, scrunching his face tight with disgust. "Agh, this liquid is an insult to the name of tea," Kai exclaimed, before bringing it back up to his lips for another swallow. He did not want to be rude, and his ancient, long-practiced manners would not allow him to abandon the luxury, even if the modern world held no care to the matter.

Blue sighed, relaxing into the acrylic bench, the material farting beneath her. Kai had to stifle a laugh behind his disgusting beverage.

Kai placed his cup down onto its respective saucer. The young waitress who had taken Kai's order had stared at him with a curious smile when he had asked for tea, as if it were an unusual thing. Tea calmed the nerves and soothed one's digestion. He couldn't grasp why anyone would consume a beverage as foul as the dark morning liquid of despair called _coffee_. It brought Kai only buzzing nerves and an inability to concentrate. He couldn't understand the people of today, though that was to be expected. Kai had been created to live in the seventeenth century, not the twenty-first.

Nonetheless, proper tea making was a skill that ought not to be abandoned as the years passed.

"I have found the one dearest to my heart. My lovely Selene. Cinder Linh, as she is known in this life. I discovered her three hours south of the place where I believed she resided. I know not of how it occurred, but it did. I found her!" Kai beamed at the statuesque woman before him, squeezing the chipped white china that held his tea with both hands. "Her records indicated that she was living in Seattle, but they must be outdated, because she lives here. She is here, Blue!"

Blue showed no signs of excitement, though Kai had not been expecting anything other than the lifeless stare of blue silk. It was all he ever saw: intertwining shades of oceanic blue that covered her from head to toe, veiling beneath it all of her emotions. Even her hands remained covered in the mesmerizing material.

Kai continued to explain, "My automobile decided to react poorly to the new climate, and so I took it to the nearest mechanic. The man explained that his top mechanic, Cinder, could have it fixed in a jiffy." Kai bit his lip and nodded his head forward. His hair fell into his eyes, messy and rumpled as always. He had intended to get it cut before he met Cinder, but plans changed.

"I have no clue what the measurements for a jiffy are, but I did know the name Cinder." Kai placed both of his hands flat on top of the red table-top. "I requested to meet this mechanic, claiming that I had special instructions to the car's care."

A conspiratorial sheen brightened the copper of Kai's eyes. He whispered behind his hand, long, pale fingers brushing his inky locks. He leaned forward in his seat, the cracked, black acrylic squeaking beneath him.

"I had no special instructions for my vehicle. My worldly cares could not possibly encompass something so trivial as an automobile. I simply wanted to see if Cinder was my Cinder— _my Selene_." Kai grinned, putting his face down into his cupped hand, his eyes fading off into a world that remained entirely his own. Blue remained impassive.

For a moment, Kai just sat there, basking in the memory of meeting her, despite the foul language she had first directed at him. She was Selene, in both body and spirit. She possessed those dark chocolate eyes and wispy hair that Kai loved to lose his fingers within. But she was also snarky and mistrusting. She was Selene, the girl who had died in his arms. Selene, who had owned nearly a dozen different names throughout the centuries, but always the same face. His love, who would forever lay claim upon his heart.

Kai snapped out of his memories, leaning back in his chair. He took another sip of his tea and grimaced, trying to hide his unpleasant facial expression behind the sleeve of his damp sweatshirt. The tea truly was terrible.

Releasing a cough, Kai tried to clear the awful taste from his mouth before his next words. "And she was. She is. I have found her, and I know that I can do it this time. I know that I can win her over again. I can do it, I just know it." Kai grinned, defying the foulness that consumed his mouth.

Kai stopped his babbling, allowing Blue a moment to think— a second of silence in which she could input her own thoughts on the situation. She said nothing, and Kai withered slightly. Despite knowing the ancient deitous fish for over four hundred years, he still found her impossible to read beneath the decorative silk that depicted the ocean.

"What do you think?" Kai prompted the master of death.

Another moment of silence, then: "I suspect that out of all ten opportunities you have been granted, this one shows the most promise. I believe that perhaps you won't get the pleasure of remaining by my side for all eternity."

Kai grinned, his youthful face disguising hundreds of years of sorrows. "I suppose so."


	4. One Last Chance

_England, 1997 A.D._

Everything was black: the clouds, the clothes, the mood. All was dreary as mourners traveled the short distance between the church and the cemetery. No one spoke, as if the blackness of the day had formed a smog, preventing anyone from evoking a single breath of speech.

The service itself had been short, commemorating all of Rose's accomplishments and lamenting on the shortness of her life. Nieces and nephews had sang a song of farewell for their beloved aunt; brothers and sister-in-laws had given a eulogy and life stories. Tears had been shed, and all the while, Kai sat in the back, silent tears falling down his face for the woman who he loved— though he had never met Rose Zhang.

In all truth and honesty, Kai's tears weren't for the death of Rose, but that he had been so close. So terribly close to being with her. The agony of that feeling alone was enough to tear the ancient prince apart with grief. Not the grief of death— the grief of what could have been.

Kai had found Rose through a recent phenomenon called _social media_. Kai had watched technology advance rapidly throughout the twentieth century, but it's latest progressions had made finding people from around the world an enormous amount easier. It had taken Kai little time to find the correct Rose Zhang, despite the name's popularity. He would always be able to find his Selene— as long as he never gave up.

And he hadn't, not this time. He had tried so hard. He had searched continents, countries, cities, towns and villages. He had traveled across the entirety of earth for nearly half a decade, constantly looking for Selene's ninth reincarnation. But alas, it had all been for nothing. She was gone now, and time was running out.

When the first social media site had been launched just months ago, Kai had found Rose within weeks. She was there— probably thanks to a niece or nephew— but she was there. And he had gotten into contact with her through the marvel called the internet. He had been so close, and he had lost her.

He had lost her.

And it was killing him.

Kai had done his best not to scare Selene again, and he had succeeded. He had gained her trust, and had been set to meet her in person. Everything was as it should have been— until three days before their meeting.

It had been an accident, though Kai couldn't understand why people felt the need to state such a thing; not many people drowned on purpose.

A day in Liverpool with her three nieces. Just a single afternoon for Rose to spend with the children that were not her own but might as well have been.

The River Mersey had claimed many lives throughout the years, but not in a single nightmare had anyone imagined Rose drowning there. Perhaps if she had known how to swim— to tread through the murky, silt-brown water— she would have lived. Or possibly the solution was the sobriety of the one manning the boat. Maybe there was nothing that could have been done; maybe it was the deft power of the water, or a siren singing Rose to sleep. But there was no use thinking on what could have been done. Rose Zhang was dead.

They hadn't even found the body.

The thought of Rose, her mind and soul that of Selene's, resting at the bottom of a filthy river gave Kai the urge to scream. He couldn't stand it. He had been _so close_.

A small group of mourners gathered around a grave. Kai didn't join them, but stood a distance away, hiding behind a white marble headstone. He didn't have the right to interrupt her family's grief; he had never met Rose, and he never would.

"It's not over yet, young princeling," A voice crooned from behind Kai. He turned around and saw a mass of blue silk, standing out against the bleak atmosphere. Blue was the only spot of color within Kai's vision, and her presence filled him with an undeniable rage.

Kai turned away from the deity, grinding his teeth together in an attempt to keep his cool. He had not talked to Blue in weeks, having abandoned her in France the second he had discovered Rose.

A rustle sounded from behind Kai. "Are you enraged with me, Kaito? If so, please explain. Like I say, don't expect what you don't express."

The gentle seep of burning lava crept throughout Kai's veins, preparing to explode from him and destroy the entire world. His fingers twitched.

"Of course I am angry!" Kai seethed, his eyes bleeding to black with rage. "She is dead, and I was so close." Kai spun around to look at Blue, standing passive and still as always. She was the image of the tranquil sea. "I cannot help but get the impression that you're preventing me from being with her. She drowned just days before I got to see her, and we both know of your fondness where the ocean is concerned."

"Kaito," Blue said sternly, placing her hand upon his shoulder. Kai shrugged it off, her touch feeling like a brand upon his shoulder. A brand, much like the ten he used to have dancing across his left arm. The ten that had turned to one.

Boiling rage was bubbling within Kai's blood. He felt powerful with his fury by his side; he could take on anyone or anything— even death herself.

"Kaito," Blue repeated, softer this time. She was so difficult to read, never displaying body language, never revealing her face. Her voice held little inflections. Kai found her personality showed a great likeness to that of those movie creatures— robots; she seemed incapable of emotion.

"You have to know," Blue continued, " that I want you to be happy. I would wish the world for you in a heartbeat." Kai crossed his arms across his chest, his face unreadable with his suspicious heart.

"Then why must you make it so hard?" Kai asked, voicing the innermost tantalizing whispers of his brain, the thoughts that had tortured him in the days since Rose's untimely death. He hadn't even seen her. He hadn't gotten a single glimpse of her. His eyes had not gazed into hers. "You are the master of death. You took her. You stole her from this world just days before I could see her. Why would you do that unless you wanted me to fail?"

Blue turned away from Kai, though it made little difference to him; she looked precisely the same from behind as she did from the front, all loose-fitting silk and willowing headdress resting atop it all. Against the backdrop of stormy sky and the stony chapel, the varying shades of intertwining blue shimmered intently, giving off an otherworldly feeling. An angelic headstone rested behind the _Blue Koi_ , allowing her the appearance of wings. She was terrifying.

But Kai held no fear of her.

"What you don't understand, Kaito," Blue place a gloved hand upon a curved headstone with a death date of over a hundred years previous. Kai wondered at the youthfulness that only a hundred years posed to him. "Is that I don't choose when people die. I can't command the soul to leave the body; I simply collect it once the choices of the soul and body diverge. Once the body loses control of the soul, I give it a home in my kingdom. That is all the power that I have."

Kai rolled his eyes. Logically, everything Blue was saying made sense, but his heart wanted to believe otherwise. His mind wanted to place the blame upon another— he didn't want this one to be his fault. He couldn't allow another death to be due to his own blunders.

"It hurts, you know." Kai said, placing his right hand upon his opposite forearm, covering the last of his koi tattoos. He had once had ten, burned into his flesh along with the immortality that had been seared into his soul. The pain was even greater as they faded from his skin, the majestic small blue koi fish dancing from the bend of his elbow to his wrist disappearing with a blinding flash of pain.

Blue turned, tilted her head at him. Her arms were held slightly away from her; she looked like an angel. Kai knew better. She may have been his only friend throughout his quest for love, but she had fallen from heaven eons before— that much he knew from legends.

She was the sister to the _Red Koi_ , the creator of all. Together they had created the universe, but the _Blue Koi_ had turned vengeful and greedy, destroying life. Her sister had wept as she cast her out of their kingdom, banishing her to the depths of the ocean, relegating her to collect the destroyed pieces of the _Red Koi's_ world.

"And I am sorry for that. I do wish that the brand upon your arm did not bring you pain, but alas, fire always burns."

Kai scoffed. "My brand is not the ache of what I speak. Of course, it is not pleasant in the slightest, but the pain I speak of is the torture of my heart. Each time I hold her in my arms as she dies kills another piece of my soul. The occasions in which I am not with her are not any better, for I know that she suffers the agony of death without my love to carry her out of the world. Every life she perishes from, I fear that a part of my heart dies with her. I feel as if I could succumb to the end of existence due to the torment it brings, despite my knowledge that I am immortal until the last beat of Selene's heart during her final reincarnation."

Rain began to fall from the sky in fat, pearly droplets, as if the _Red Koi_ wept for Kai from her throne in the heavens. The rain dampened his inky hair and black dress clothes.

Kai put his hand into his pocket, his hand rubbing against familiar, worn metal, the cool surface soothing his nerves, his worries.

Every part of Kai felt numb, as if he had become a boy of ice. The rainfall made no difference, the water falling against his skin cooly, bringing no feeling back to the emptiness that resided within his soul.

He would not fall apart again. There was no room for error at this point. Last time he had more opportunities. He had one chance left, and he could not fail. He would not allow for all the effort and suffering to be in vain.

"My pain walks beside me as a constant companion, along with that of my consistent anxieties and unbearable sadness." Kai spread his arms out, much like Blue. His sleeve pulled up, revealing the flick of a scaled blue tail upon his wrist. Rain fell upon him with a continual hum, causing his hair to stick into his eyes.

A crack opened in the heavens, allowing a ray of sunshine to fall upon the boy who had lived too many years. The soul that had outlived all those of its same make. A calcifying heart awaiting it's other half to return and make it whole once more.

Kai faced the heavens, allowing the light to consume his features and cause his eyes to turn to fire. His lashes clung together, and inky tendrils of hair stuck to the pale skin of his forehead.

He would not allow himself to become as frozen as the depths of the sea. Every beat of his heart was proof that he wasn't damned; he still had time.

Turning back to Blue, Kai smiled softly. She stood before him, still as a statue, awaiting the concluding words to his speech. Perhaps it was his political upbringing, or maybe he had always carried a natural flare for dramatics, but Kai always enjoyed the power of his own words as his inflicted them upon others.

"But all the pain and fear and sadness are what have built my love for Selene; my constant agony has only created more tenderness within my heart to house my wondrous lady. And when I next meet her, wherever she is, and whatever state she lives within, I will love her with all the passion of centuries past, all the intensity of every star that has died, with the dedication that my heart has committed to for nearly four hundred years. My love is the greatest that this world has ever seen, for I have fought harder for it than any before me— and I will not lose this fight."

Kai turned one last moment to gaze upon Rose's family. He watched the children weeping into each other's arms. He noticed the tokens that some held: flowers, cards, and in the hands of the youngest child, a wrench.

Reaching a hand into his pocket, Kai felt his own token, feeling the coolness of it. He smiled the smallest of smiles, a memory of a girl smiling at him beneath the light of the moon flitting across his thoughts with the gentleness of a flying bird.

Then he turned away from the mourners and their misery, leaving behind the empty grave that longed to trap him forever. But resolve had pulled Kai from the depths of despair that murmured against him and his quest.

He had one last chance, one final battle— and he would not lose.


	5. Burns and Virtues

_USA, 2019 A.D._

A smell of garden flowers wafted throughout the small apartment, the scent emanating in the form of steam spewing forth from the cramped bathroom. A day's worth of hard work had put Cinder in a good mood. She had finished four projects that day, and while none of them had been particularly difficult, the sense of accomplishment gave her an extra sense of purpose.

Drawing her damp hair off her shoulders and into a messy bun on the top of her head, Cinder walked into her musty kitchen, painted in various shades of uncomplimentary yellow. The color choice was not something that Cinder would have picked, but over time, she had grown to appreciate the uniqueness of such ghastly shades.

When Cinder had first moved into the apartment, Iko had nearly fainted at the sight of it, claiming that the place was an abomination. Cinder hadn't cared, feeling that as long as it was her own, that's all that mattered.

Despite all of Iko's constant complaints as to the horrendous color scheme, Cinder enjoyed the fact that her place had character. It wasn't every day you went into a home where each wall was painted a different, unmatching color.

Cinder slid around on the ugly beige tiling, her long socks gliding softly across the floor. She was dressed in her most comfortable clothes: large green sweatshirt, worn, black leggings, and socks. The clothes were clean, and Cinder was as well, for possibly the first time that day since leaving her house. She relished the feeling.

It wasn't that Cinder didn't enjoy her job— she loved mechanics— but sometimes she missed being clean all the time. It was pleasant to remain unworried as to the amount of grease one had on their face. But then again, the satisfaction of getting her hands dirty in the midst of a project was something that brought Cinder more satisfaction than anything else.

Humming tunelessly, Cinder popped a frozen burrito into the microwave. She pulled a glass down from the cupboard, and filled it with water from the sink, savoring the satisfaction the liquid brought to her parched throat. She always felt extra thirsty after a hot shower.

The microwave dinged, and from the inside Cinder could hear the soft sizzle of melted cheese. Her mouth watered; Cinder had barely had a moment for lunch that day and had woken too late for an adequate breakfast. This burrito was about to be the highlight of her day.

Rolling her sleeves up to her elbows, Cinder picked up the burrito, cussing only a little bit as the cheese burned her fingers. Despite the heat emanating from her tortilla-wrapped heaven, Cinder took an enormous bite from it, opening her mouth in an attempt to release the agonizing heat that attacked her tongue. Her open-mouthed munching did nothing to relieve the pain, but Cinder carried on, not caring to wait any longer to eat her burrito.

Within a minute— and not a second longer, for she was famished— Cinder finished her burrito. Feeling unsatisfied with the singular pocket of Mexican delight, Cinder popped a second one into the microwave, setting the timer for fifteen seconds less in the hope of a less devastating effect on her mouth— although, the damage was already done.

Brushing her tongue against the roof of her mouth, Cinder felt the burned flesh there, and the slight metallic taste that accompanied it. She really had no patience, and it always led to her getting hurt.

A buzzing sounded from the table, breaking Cinder from her thoughts of burns and virtues. She glanced at the fold-up card table, staring at her phone that rested face down upon the torn plastic.

Bemusement colored her thoughts: Cinder never received phone calls. The only people calling her were scammers or telemarketers, and those people didn't count. They didn't know her name. They weren't calling her, Cinder Linh— they were calling a ten digit number.

But scammers and telemarketers didn't call this late in the evening, or at least, not in Cinder's experience. So who else could be on the other end of the phone?

Only two people in the whole world had Cinder's number, and both of the two preferred text. Iko hadn't called Cinder throughout their entire friendship, and Thorne had only called Cinder once when he was drunk and going through a particularly rough breakup.

Cinder approached the table, face screwed up in confusion. Her phone was on the third ring, meaning that she only had two left before the caller would be sent to voicemail. Cinder stretched her hand towards the black-cased device, flipping it over to reveal an unknown number. She stared.

The call ended abruptly, and her screen went back to its impersonal lock screen, a little tab reading _missed call_ beneath the time and date. Cinder studied the unfamiliar number, noticing one thing: it was a Washington number.

But that could have been a coincidence.

Cinder peered at her cellular device for another moment, before placing it back upon the table. The microwave had dinged on the fifth ring of her phone, but Cinder had noticed the ending of the timer despite it. She would always hear the wondrous cry of the microwave that held her burrito.

Taking the two steps from the table to the microwave, Cinder popped the miniature door open and pulled a steaming burrito out just as her phone began to ring again. Cinder flinched, nearly dropping the plate to the floor as her blood began to pound audibly within her ears.

She was being paranoid for no reason, and she knew it. There was no need for her to worry about a phone call. She didn't even know if it was the same number. Perhaps two scammers had chosen to call her within moments of each other. Much crazier things had happened.

Cinder set her plate down on the table, and picked up her phone again. The light was black but bright, and the white numbers burning brightly against her retinas. She blinked, not remembering, but recognizing the number. It was the same one.

Sighing, Cinder hit the green accept button just as the fifth ring dinged out of existence. She held the device up to her ear, listening for any clues as to who could be on the other end of the call. She prayed that it would not be who she dreaded it may be. She didn't know what she would say if it was.

Silence greeted Cinder for three seconds, yet it felt like all eternity. Her nerves were tingling, sending a vibrating sensation throughout her entire being. She reminded herself that there was no way that they could be calling her. She hadn't left a number. Or an address. She had left nothing behind. There was no way that they were finding her now.

"Cinder," a voice snapped from the other end of the line. Cinder's heart sank. It was her. They had found her. They were coming for her. She was done for.

 _No_ , Cinder reminded herself. They couldn't come for her anymore, even if they wanted to. She was legally an adult, and had been for two years now. No one could touch her.

Silence surrounded Cinder as she waited for more to be said. Another moment, then, "Cinder, it's Pearl." A pause. "Your sister."

Cinder could hear the disdain in her adoptive sister's voice. Even though they had been raised together from the time they were young children, Pearl hardly considered Cinder a member of her family. She despised Cinder, believing her to be the reason behind her family's financial difficulties and trials. Pearl had always needed someone to blame for all the tribulations, and Cinder had been the easiest soul to pin the burden upon.

Neither of the girls spoke after the greeting, each one waiting for the other to make the first move. After three years' unbroken silence between the two, it was strange to be connected with one another once more. There were no words to mend the hurt that had once been afflicted.

Cinder broke first, her heart getting the better of her despite all of its protective layers. "What's wrong, Pearl?" Cinder asked, for surely her sister couldn't be calling her because she missed her. Pearl would never reach out unless it was a complete and utter emergency.

A sigh tickled Cinder's ear, making her spine grow stiff with anticipation. Whatever was about to happen was not going to go well.

"Cinder-" Pearl started, but Cinder cut her off, sensing snide comments.

"You better get to the point without any derogatory remarks, or else I will hang up and block you, you hear?" Cinder stated firmly, setting her boundaries to where she felt most comfortable. She had left the Linh's and their petty ways behind her, and there was no way that she would allow herself to convert back now after years of trying so hard to break the malicious habit.

The quiet that followed her words was all the depths of the sea poured between them— she felt as if she were drowning in the lack of sound. But her next breath for air was even more nerve wracking than the feel of bubbling water filling her veins with salt water.

Pearl's voice broke with her next words, her tone not softening, but cracking like thunder, all in the name of emotion as she said, "Cinder, mom... mom's..."

Cinder held her breath, scared for what would come next. She held next to no love for the mother who had raised her for the majority of her life, but the feeling of attachment felt between a child and the person who had reared them could never be completely swallowed by the black hole of hate.

"Mom's sick, Cinder," Pearl whisper-cried. Her voice held no love for Cinder, but the agony associated with losing a parent. Cinder knew the tone well— no, she knew the feeling. She understood the heart wrenching anguish that pulled one apart until they were nothing, for how could a creation go on living without its maker?

"She's sick, and she's not going to get better. She's not going to get better, Cinder. She's never going to get better." A sob on the other end tore at Cinder's heart. She had tried to banish the love she felt for her sister from her heart throughout many years apart, but alas, it was impossible. Her soft heart broke with her adoptive sister's.

Cinder pressed her palm flat against the table, only realizing in that moment that she was sitting down. Her eyes rested upon the burrito that she had been so excited to eat only two minutes ago. The thought of consuming it now made her feel sick.

The smallness of her kitchen filled her with nausea, as if the walls were closing in on her. All the air seemed to leave her lungs, and her body became incapable of drawing oxygen back in. Her body was rejecting it, as if new lungs had been placed within her that were incompatible with her body. Nothing worked anymore, and Cinder knew that she was going to die. Pearl may as well have told her that, rather than the approaching death of their mother.

Black spots touched on Cinder's vision, and she felt the urge to puke and breathe at the same time. She was trying to draw in air. She was trying so hard. It was all in her head, she knew it— but she couldn't grasp the air and hold it tight within her body.

Placing a hand upon her chest, Cinder felt her own heartbeat and let it ground her. The awareness of her life thrumming beneath her fingers emptied her mind, and as Cinder drew herself away from her thoughts, her body brought order back to itself. Her lungs contracted and expanded, allowing life to flood her being once more.

It was in moments just like this one that made Cinder wonder why her body was trying so hard to die, and why she was fighting so hard against it.

"She wants to see you," Pearl whispered, and for the first time in years, Cinder felt no trace of malice forced into her sister's voice. "She wants to say goodbye. She wants to talk to you."

Tears stung at the back of Cinder's eyes, making her nose prickle. She brought her hand up and covered her mouth, not allowing her sob to be heard by her sister.

"Cinder, please," Pearl begged, her tone whiny. "She's been begging for you to come. Please, Cinder. _Please_."

Cinder took in a deep breath, warding off the tears and the nausea and the ache within her chest. She would not let love sway her into any more anguish. She had let her heart lead her into fire before, and she would not allow herself to be burned ever again.

So instead of crying with her sister, or saying that she would hop on a train and be there that night, Cinder set her shoulders, and replied with a voice as cold and empty as the heart she coveted from her adoptive mother. "No, Pearl, I can't."

An anguished, angry cry sounded on the other end, making Cinder's very much alive, warm heart squeeze with guilt.

"I will not be coming to see _your_ mother," Cinder emphasized, remembering the way that Pearl had always marked her as a child not belonging to Garan and Adri Linh. "I hope to never see or hear from you ever again." And before Cinder's heart could regain control of her mind and apologize, she hung up the phone, silencing anymore of those heartbreaking sobs.

Cinder placed her phone down on the table, her hands quivering with the uncontrollable temper of a tsunami. Tears rolled down her cheeks. She swiped at them, her shaking fingers rubbing splotches into her skin. She balled her hands into fists, the anger rising like lava to the surface of a volcano— any minute she would explode.

And then she did, releasing a scream filled with pain and rage and terrible grief. She wailed as if her body were being torn to pieces, for it might as well have been with her heart and mind waging war against one another. She howled into the night, her cries not being enough to relieve her of all the terrible aching pain.

She grabbed her phone again, and threw it hard against the ground at her feet, reveling in the feeling of power and the loud crack that sounded after. She grabbed her glass next, throwing it against the beaten cabinets and letting the shards fly everywhere. She felt the sting of one rip through her leggings; the tear of another at her abdomen; the slice of a third beading blood across the length of her uncovered forearm.

But her anger melted away as quickly as it had come, letting nausea steal its place. Cinder rushed to the sink, never minding the fragments of broken glass that weaved their way through her socks and into the soles of her feet as she spewed forth her recently ingested food into the drain.

Her small frame heaved until there was nothing left within her but the pain. She ran the water, washing down the vomit, leaving behind only its acrid scent.

She sunk to the floor, leaning her face into the corner where cabinet met wall. She cried, allowing her weeping sobs to manifest. She cried until every sorrow had fled, leaving Cinder an empty, emotionless shell.

And that's where Iko found her, curled up on the floor, surrounded by broken glass and with an empty look in her eyes. Blood had pooled beneath her right arm, and spotted against the white of her socks. Even her hair was an abominable mess, falling from its bun in wafish, scraggly curls that were uncharacteristic to Cinder's appearance.

But if the blue-haired girl was surprised, she didn't show it as she coaxed Cinder up and off the ground and into a chair. Cinder stared blankly as her friend did so, never making a sound whilst Iko pulled glass from her skin and hair and clothes.

Cinder remained silent as Iko cared for her, barely even noticing her friend's gentle hands across her skin. Iko always knew how to take care of Cinder. She always knew when Cinder was at her worst without the briefest mention of it. She always came, and she never left— or at least she waited until Cinder was wrapped in the tender arms of sleep until she took leave.

Iko led Cinder from the kitchen, and to the bedroom that housed only a bed, a basket of clothes and a few scattered tools. She pulled back the rumpled sheets, and tucked Cinder under them.

And that's how Cinder fell asleep, with dry eyes, a bandaged bloody body, and a heavy heart. Her mind drifting off into a fitful rest, as Iko hummed a distant, aching lullaby.


	6. Alright

_USA, 2019 A.D._

  
A drop of rain hit the back of Kai’s head, causing a shiver to race down his spine; the chill of the deluge always surprised him after growing up with warm rain. At times he missed the beautiful climate of Beijing, but he had sworn that he would never go back there. He would never go home. But Kai didn’t care— not as long as he had his Selene once more. She was more safety and love than any home would ever be.

His heart picked up pace just thinking about Cinder. He had seen her only days ago, but it felt like all eternity. Staying away from her had been complete torture, although it would be worth it in the end. There was no way Kai would mess this up again; he would not fail.

Seeing Cinder had brought Kai a roller-coaster of emotions. Elation at seeing her and adoration towards her beautiful, messy appearance had consumed him, but also sadness. Kai was heartbroken, seeing how tired she looked. Her lost demeanor, and the unbearable anguish that her eyes held. To anyone else she would seem normal— not overly despairing. He knew her, though. He could read her eyes better than any piece of literature. He could feel the aura of her spirit, for it was the only thing that kept him alive. Nothing was more familiar to Kai than his Selene.

Blue had told him that this would happen— her soul would wear out; but he hadn’t expected it to appear so visibly. Within her eyes there were hundreds of years, each one filled with pain and suffering. Her spirit contained secrets unknown to even herself, and the agony of it was killing her. Kai needed to set her free of the pain, but it would take time.

He could recall the day of Selene’s death with perfect recollection, all of the colors just as bright. All the feelings ever so sour. Everything beginning and ending all at once as Kai had awoken on the throne room floor of Beijing Palace. The memories pulled and played with his thoughts, just as Selene had gently toyed with his inky locks, pulling him into a haze of times long past.

_A woman stood before him, swathed in silks of deep oceanic blues. Lungs burning, heart aching, Kaito sat up, confused at first, brushing his sopping hair from his eyes as he pulled his red uniform from his clammy skin._

_Perplexed at his condition— why was he soaked in water? Who was this faceless woman who was pacing tranquil steps around his sopping form?_

_Then he remembered it all._

_The floor was back to its mosaic form, all marble and glass rather than water and scales. Not a hint of wetness dewed the hard floor aside from the place where Kaito sat. Everything was as it was meant to be: the walls were still tall, golden, and intricately carved; the ceilings still painted as an angelic sky, filled with mystic birds, clouds, and mischievous, dark-haired angels._

_But Selene was gone._

_“What have you done with my Selene?” Kaito asked, his voice breaking with rising fear, despite knowing that the worst had already happened to her._

_The woman walked around him, her dark feet bare, but painted with swirls of aquatic hues that contrasted against her skin in a mesmerizing way. Kaito had never seen skin so dark as hers. Her dress was blue, but Kaito’s eyes could spot hints of green and purple undertones that gave the silk its water-like appearance. In that moment, Kaito knew that this was the Blue Koi. This woman would be either his salvation or damnation._

_“Gone,” the mischievous deity answered. “Gone, but to return again. Not yet banished to the afterlife, but in a realm of grayness between. She will wait there until next year’s winter solstice, on which that day she will be reborn.”_

_Tracing an elegant path around Kaito, the Blue Koi continued to explain in that mysterious, ominous manner she possessed. “You, in the meantime, must gather what you need and leave this place at once.”_

_Kaito flinched, the words not surprising, but wounding him all the same. Beijing was his home, despite all the trials he had faced as prince. But if he could be with Selene again, he would leave that instant, without a single coin to his name._

_“Selene will come back ten times, but each in a different place under a different name.” The Blue Koi towered over the prince, her veiled face causing Kaito to question what was beneath the silk._

_That whole day had been full of unexpected twists and turns. Life and death. Everything had changed from the moment Kaito had entered the throne room. His life had been turned upside down and then burned to ashes._

_“Your love will know you not, but you will know her, for her face shall possess the same features and her hand— the one once burned during that… unfortunate time— will bear the same scars.”_

_A flush colored Kaito’s face, but he made no comments on the matter. His skin was clammy and cold from the near-drowning experience; he worried briefly that he would fall ill, before remembering that sickness would never ail him again. He would not experience any health impairments until his immortality was stripped._ If _his immortality was stripped._

_“On your left arm I have placed my brand, marking you as one of my own, but also indicating the number of reincarnations—the number of chances—that you have left, although I believe that you will not forget either matters.”_

_Kaito pulled back the dampened red sleeve of his changshan, glancing at his left forearm, the one that had burned terribly as the water had consumed his entire being. Ten fish—koi— danced up his arm from his elbow to his wrist. Each one was blue, though the shades differed slightly, some possessing more hints of indigo or green. He stared at the inking, marveling at the detail— how each fish followed upon the tail of the other until his wrist._

_The final koi was the darkest, deepest shade of blue, a perfect imagining of the darkest depths of the ocean. The fish held no curvature in its form, unlike all the ones preceding it. Its fins spread on either side, indicating a rapid propulsion through unknown waters. The lips were also open, and in Kaito’s mind's eye he could picture bubbles spewing forth, a plea for help— a cry to be rescued from the school that ensued hot upon its tail._

Another drop of rain hit the back of Kai’s head, dragging him from the fog of timeworn memories as he pulled his hood up to cover his black locks. He left his hair untamed, still finding pleasure in the act of defiance years after his time as prince. Having his hair made up every day had been one of the many things he had despised during his time as prince.

His memories haunted him at times, consuming all his thoughts— his waking moments and the darkest of his dreams. Every memory accumulated from over the past four hundred years living within his mind, waiting, lurking, hiding— always ready to possess his soul.

Rampion’s Repairs stood out against the stormy sky, all old red brick and crumbling concrete. The sign above the auto repair shop was green with peeling, white letters. However, Kai found the most abhorrent part of the shop to be the graffiti that decorated the side of the shabby building: a rather exposed woman, painted with surprising detail. Kai averted his gaze, blushing profusely.

The garage doors were open despite the pouring rain, music and the clanking of tools on metal spewing forth into the town of the forever-crying sky. Kai walked in, his muddy, green sneakers squeaking against the lacquered concrete floors.

At a small desk in the corner sat the man— Thorne— who had tricked Kai into playing a trick on Cinder. Kai still felt bad about that; he had already been the cause of too much pain where Selene was concerned.

Thorne glanced up from his “work” of reading magazines that rather matched the outside art of the building, his eyes droopy and unfocused as his gaze landed upon Kai. Pity consumed him as he stared at the middle-aged man who had found so little joy in life. He was so young to Kai, yet his time upon earth would not be all that long, and he wasted it continually upon ineffectual, joyless activities.

“Well, hello there, Mystery Man. Come back for your cherry beauty?” Thorne took a swig from a dark bottle, releasing an odious burp before casting a smirk on Kai. “Or perhaps you’re looking for a little something more. Like, I don’t know,” Thorne stood up, walking over to a truck, though this one was newer in model and make than Kai’s. He proceeded to bang on the passenger door, causing a yell to emanate from the bottom. “A very angry mechanic?”

Cinder rolled out from beneath the truck, her face flushed with rage as she spewed a number of colorful words, all directed at Thorne. Then she saw Kai— who was staring hopelessly at her— and fell silent.

Kai realized at that moment that he hadn’t even asked to see Cinder, though he would have. He glanced over at Thorne, who had uttered no words in his defense against Cinder’s verbal abuse. He only winked at Kai as he walked back over to his desk.

“Hello,” Kai said, fighting the urge to bow towards her. “How is your day going, Ms. Linh?” Kai cursed himself, knowing that she _hated_ being called “Miss”. Already in this reincarnation she had scolded him for it, and that was not even to mention all the previous lives in which she had frowned upon his propriety.

She fidgeted, crinkling her nose just as Kai had expected her to do. “Um, good. But please, call me Cinder, Mr. Prince.”

A smirk came across Kai’s face. “Well, if you insist upon me calling you Cinder, then I must also request for you to call me Kai.”

That simple invitation caused a smile to spread across Cinder’s face, and while her cheeks were still flushed from her untempered rage, Kai thought that he saw the color deepen— although perhaps that was just his imagination attempting to provide him with a hopeful outlook.

A moment of awkward silence ensued, and Kai fidgeted with his fingers, finding them rather intriguing as Cinder persisted in a mute tongue. She, in turn, bit her lower lip, looking at him with a wrinkled brow.

Thorne huffed out a sigh; Cinder flinched, drawing a burned hand across her messy bangs. Kai watched her, mesmerized by the way her fingers traced the locks of hair. He rather liked seeing her with bangs— she hadn’t had them for the last two of her reincarnations, something that had shocked Kai for quite some time.

“Your car is ready,” Cinder said, her shoulders forward and her face pinched with the effort of not being awkward. She was totally being awkward. “Let me take you to it.”

Kai nodded, his own tongue tied for no conceivable reason. Cinder grabbed a single key on a ring from a row of pegs on the wall and walked out into the rain. She stepped out into the deluge as if it didn’t exist— as if she took no notice of it.

She placed a hand on top of his truck, her fingers tracing the surface with a grace that Kai had rarely seen from her before. Then she turned to look at him, her lips moving to form words that Kai couldn’t hear for the life of him.

Her eyes swam before him through the rain, that same soft brown that he had learned to love over four hundred years before. The brown with hints of gold— outlined in black. They were the eyes that had laughed at him, not the ones that had stared as the life seeped out and away from her body. These were the eyes of the rising sun, not a dying star.

“Kai?” Cinder waved a hand in front of his face, her eyes wondering at him. She then grabbed his hand, bringing it palm-up and placing the key within it. She curled his fingers around the cool metal, the touch of her skin sending a shiver down his spine.

“Sorry,” Kai said, chewing on his lower lip. “Thank you kindly for fixing my truck, I appreciate it very much.” Kai didn’t even know what had been wrong with it, but he knew that his capable Selene would fix it. She was the most proficient, ambitious person he had ever known. Besides, he would bet most anything that she had told him the issue while he had been gawking like a fool at her mesmerizing eyes.

Cinder scowled. “I’m a mechanic. It’s my job.”

“Y-yes,” Kai stuttered, “I suppose it is.”

Kai placed a hand on the top of his truck, attempting to touch it with that easy manner that Cinder had caressed it with. His hand slid, however, and he stumbled, his dragging fingers causing a farting noise to sound.

A glance passed between the two, Kai awkward, and Cinder awkward for him. And then, like magic, both of them were laughing; and not just I’m-uncomfortable laughter— actual, humorous laughter that emanated from deep within a person.

The laughter lasted for a few moments, the spontaneous act seeming to catch both of them by surprise. Even when it died down a smile remained upon their faces, all the awkwardness disappearing with Kai’s moment of embarrassment. And it was like the old days— harmonious and beautiful. It was absolute bliss.

Cinder took a step away from Kai, a grin still gracing her lips. “Did you give your payment information to Thorne?” Her voice held light, no bitter bite of sarcasm tinging it it.

“Yes, I left it with him upon my last visit.”

Still grinning, Cinder scrunched her face up, as if confused by his words, though Kai could not comprehend why.

The rain began to pick up, the drops increasing in size and intensity. Kai pulled at the chords of his hoodie, the gray material darkened to the color of slate.

“Alright,” Cinder began walking backwards, her face a mixture of laughter and confusion and complete joy. “I guess I’ll see you around, Kai. Well… yeah.” She blushed, her face flustered, probably realizing that Kai didn’t live in the small town.

He was an absolute stranger to her, and yet some part of her thought of him as belonging to her world, even after only two encounters. The thought gave him hope, despite the sound of Blue's voice scolding his optimism within his head. It was hope; it was only hope. Just a bit of hope, and he would not let it get the better of him. He would not allow it to take control of all his senses. He would not jump the gun-

“Would you like to go out with me?” Kai blurted, the words blending together in such a way that caused Cinder to tilt her head questioningly. “Um,” Kai blushed. “Would you like to go out with me, perhaps this Saturday?”

Cinder paused for a moment, analyzing his features, glowering at him as she did so. His heart hurt with anticipation. He had screwed it all up. She would think that he was a creep and she would reject him. His final chance was ruined, all because-

“Alright,” Cinder said, surprising Kai, and by the look on her face, herself.

Elation bloomed in Kai’s chest, a grin spreading across his face. He tried to mask the overwhelming joy that consumed his soul, and felt that he did a rather excellent job at it, considering he wasn’t jumping up and down clapping his hands.

“Alright,” Kai mimicked her, going for cool but coming off giddy. “I’ll pick you up at four?”

“Alright,” Cinder smiled, biting her bottom lip. “I live at Phoenix Towers, just a couple miles north of here.”

“Alright,” Kai twisted the key to his car in the lock, listening for the click and then opening the door. “I’ll see you around, Cinder.”

She cast one last glance at him, walking backwards a few paces before turning, and stepping back into the garage.

Kai watched her until the final moment— until her figure was out of his view entirely. He stepped into his truck, smiling at the smell of trees that filled the air. Cinder had left an air-freshener in his car.

All the anticipation and excitement bubbled within Kai’s chest. Everything was working out. Maybe he wouldn’t screw it up this time. Maybe he would get a happy ending.

Turning the key in the ignition, the truck roared to life. And as he shifted gears, and blasted the radio, Kai let out a cheer: a cheer of joy, a cheer of excitement, a cheer filled with all the hope of his future.


	7. Orphans

_USA, 1947 A.D._

  
The squeaky faucet turned on, screeching with the rust that had accumulated along the sides. Kai had been meaning to clean it for the past few months, but hadn't gotten around to it. He no longer had the time to take care of problems to simple as cleaning.

Rubbing soft bar soap onto his hands, he glanced up into the dirty, spotted mirror, looking at a face that he knew better than any other—a face he practically despised—a face that no longer felt like his own.

His hair had grown long— longer than he had had it in hundreds of years. His eyes were red, but not from lack of sleep; he no longer needed to sleep, though he did do it for sake of wanting to. Well, he had, back when _she_ hadn't been to bad. He hadn't slept in years.

He dried his hands with the holey towel next to the sink, his fingers cold from the icy water. If his deal with Blue hadn't entailed no bodily harm to ever encapture him, he knew that his fingers would be cracked and bleeding. He hadn't felt the sting of physical pain in too many years, and he feared that he would never feel it again.

A low moan came from the next room over, and then the sound of babbling from a croaky voice. Kai exhaled a breath, both relieved and afraid.

Kai walked into the next room, brushing his long hair away from his face. If he let it grow much longer, he would have to start pulling it back.

The room was small, the whole area taken up by a small hearth, a wooden chair, and a bed. Kai moved to sit in the chair, looking at the woman lying in the bed.

She appeared to be ancient, her hair brittle and gray, her face lined with hundreds of creases. Everything about this woman exuded age, despite her years upon the earth only being seventy-four. Perhaps it was the hardness of her life— or more likely, the illness that had taken hold of her

"What do you need, Li Zhen?" Kai asked, taking hold of the ancient, withered hand. He squeezed the fingers, his heart burning as he stared at his Selene, broken and dying.

He had found her sixteen years earlier, starved and dying on the side of the road. Nearly everyone had struggled during the depression, but it hit San Francisco especially hard.

From the moment he laid eyes upon Selene's eighth reincarnation, he knew that he could not be with her— and it had nothing to do with their apparent age gap. Blue had explained to him early on that if he were to marry Selene, he would match her physical age perfectly, allowing them to be together no matter how late in life Kai discovered her. No, the real cause of Kai's inability to marry Zhen was her illness.

She had the organic brain syndrome, or at least that's what the doctors had diagnosed her with. Her memories didn't last, and she could hardly remember just about anything. On most days, she couldn't even recall who Kai was, or how she had met him. To her, he was a stranger every waking moment.

The pain of finding his love, starved, dying, and sick in a gutter had nearly destroyed him. Immediately, he bought an estate nearby, bringing the middle-aged woman there to live in comfort. Unfortunately, the grandeur scared her, and Zhen, frightened by her belief that she had been kidnapped, tried to run away.

So Kai had moved them to a smaller location, a humble abode. It had taken next to no time for Zhen to grow comfortable with Kai, for in her crazed state, she thought she knew him at times.

"Wa-her?" Zhen replied, her lips cracking as she gave him a broken smile, full of hurtful memories and years of starvation.

Kai moved to pour a glass of water from the pitcher next to the bed. The water was a little dusty, though he knew that Zhen wouldn't mind, especially not now— not as she lay dying.

During the beginning years of their companionship, Kai and Zhen had been able to spend time walking around the streets, going to parks and restaurants. But now, as Zhen could hardly remember her own name, they were both confined to the small apartment.

Lifting the glass to her lips, Kai gently dripped water down the woman's throat, careful not to overflow her mouth and allow for a spill. He was always careful with her, for despite her weakened state, she was still his Selene: the girl who had helped him, loved him, and taught him how to live. She still had that fighter's spirit, and he would cherish her during every moment of her every life, no matter how broken she was.

"Thank..." Zhen closed her brown eyes, causing the wrinkles of her face to droop. Kai sat down in the seat next to her, brushing the feathery locks of hair away from her face.

For months she had been confined to her bed, barely able to move in even the slightest of ways. Kai knew that soon he would feel the burning again, and that yet another of Selene's reincarnations would be lost from this world.

Before Zhen had completely lost it, she had told Kai all about her life— and it wasn't a happy one. Because while she had done much good during her span of years upon the Earth, she had endured much pain. He could still recall with perfect clarity the conversation in which she had relayed the entirety of her life.

Gently squeezing Zhen's hand, Kai closed his eyes, letting his mind slip back sixteen years, to a rainy day filled with painful truths.

_A droplet of rain hit the window, followed by another and another. There was no thunder or lightning, but the pounding was loud enough to frighten a person. By now, Kai was used to the rain, but the cold still made him shiver._

_"You're not from around here, are you?" Zhen asked, her eyes wary of Kai as she stared at him from across the table._

_Over the past few weeks, Kai had taken care of the woman, making sure that her every need was met. At times, she appeared to rather enjoy his company— but sometimes, she couldn't even recall his name. It was a complete mystery to Kai, never having met a person so forgetful. He suspected that a certain level of trauma had attributed to her mental deterioration, but he knew no methods to help it._

_So Kai had decided to simply take care of her every physical need. He had gotten them a flat, and she had clothes, food, and a warm bed to sleep in._

_At first she had found it ludicrous to share an apartment with a boy— one that wasmuch younger than herself— that she did not know. So Kai had told her that he was her nephew. After that, she hadn't questioned it, despite the fact that she had no living family._

_"No, I was raised in Beijing," Kai replied, smiling as best he could. She asked him the same questions every day, never seeming so remember his past answers, or the fact that she had already inquired of him._

_Zhen squinted at him, her brown eyes still the same after all these years— every single life. "My parents came from China," she said, her voice hoarse._

_Kai stood and poured her a cup of tea, handing it to her gently, and making sure that she would not have to rise from her seat the whole time. She nodded to him gratefully, taking a sip of the tea and sighing in relief._

_"Yes, you've told me that before. Do you recall which part?" Kai asked, anxious for any information on the woman that he was now taking care of. It didn't matter to him what her life had held, he would take care of her no matter what; he just wanted to know her._

_Zhen set her cup down upon the coffee table, leaning back into her cushioned chair with a grunt. She pulled at the soft cotton of her dress, gently rubbing her thumb across the fabric. "No, I have no clue as to their origin. They never wanted to speak of China. They always said 'We came to America to get away. Stop bringing the evil back.'"_

_The rain outside relented, slowing to a soft drizzle. Zhen shivered, and Kai rose immediately, grabbing a blanket and laying it across her lap._

_"Thank you," Zhen smiled. She was always grateful for even the simplest of kindnesses. Kai felt that he didn't deserve it— not from Selene, who had lived a multitude of cursed lives because of him. Selene, who had died time and time again, all because of him._

_Kai gave her a tight-lipped smile as he sunk back into his wooden chair. He could never enjoy the comfort of a cushioned chair; he had never sat in one during his upbringing, due to cushioning bringing laziness— something he found rather ironic, considering his father and his ways._

_"How did that make you feel?" Kai asked, trying to get her to open up. He had recently read a book by an Austrian fellow that he hoped would aid him in gaining answers from such a closed off woman._

_Zhen glared at him for a moment, before softening. She never revealed information about herself past where her parents were from. "I didn't much care— I was so young when I asked. By the time I grew to want an understanding of my heritage, my parents were both dead."_

_"What happened to them," Kai asked, jumping on the opportunity._

_"Mining accident. They were some of the first in San Francisco. Some of the first immigrants, I mean. Immigrants and miners, rushing to the gold rush." Zhen said, closing her eyes as if to remember it all._

_"They died when I was only fourteen— I was sent to an orphanage after that. Honestly, it hardly made a difference. I went from working all day and seeing my parents asleep every night to working all day and not seeing my parents fast asleep every night. I hardly knew them; they were always working, I was always working, from the time I could walk and talk. It's just the way things were."_

_Kai brought one leg up, placing his ankle upon his knee as he scrutinized Zhen. Her expression remained calm, along with her voice; but Kai could feel her. He could sense the sadness from within her— the aching from something lost. He knew the feeling well._

_"Was the orphanage better than home?" Kai asked._

_Zhen flinched, opening her eyes, as if she had awoken from a nightmare. She gazed at Kai, her eyes filled with fear._

_And then she closed her eyes once more, humming softly as she did so, as if to soothe herself._

_"No." Zhen replied shortly. "It was terrible there. Filled with crying children who didn't get enough to eat or any love. It was horrible."_

_"That sounds awful," Kai said, his heart squeezing. Kai had never been able to walk into an orphanage; the sight of suffering children destroyed him. He knew that if he ever went inside one of the "child sanctuaries" he would adopt every single kid he laid his eyes upon._

_Zhen shook her head, eyes still closed. "I hated it. All the children, the mean nuns, the beatings, the chores. I hated it_ all _. And he did too."_

_"Who?" Kai asked, moving so that he could rest his elbows upon his knees. He was staring at the woman before him, analyzing her face, and the way it wrinkled. He watched her hands, and how they played with the white linen blanket laid across her lap. She was here, but also in a world unknown to him. She was lost to the past— one that he would never know, unless she told him._

_Silence ensued for a few moments, Zhen's eyes moving rapidly beneath their lids. Her fists clenched for but a moment, before releasing._

_"The boy that I ran away with. The boy. The boy with the brown hair and green eyes." Zhen scowled, and Kai watched in amazement. Out of all her previous lives, she had never loved another. Actually, Kai had thought that she was incapable of loving another, since that was essentially what Blue had told him._

_"You ran away with another orphan?" Kai asked, his voice catching slightly as he asked the question. He had already accepted that he had no life with this reincarnation except to take care of her, but the idea of her loving another still caused a pain to race within his chest._

_Zhen opened a single eye, squinting it at him, before closing it once more. "Yes, another orphan. My closest friend." She squeezed her eyes tightly, her whole face pinching. "We left when we were sixteen, not caring to stick around anymore."_

_"What happened to him?" Kai choked out, his jaw and fists clenched tightly. A lion was eating him up from the inside out, tearing apart all of his organs, and chewing on his heart with a savagery unknown to him before— or at least that's what it felt like._

_Another silence engulfed the room, except this time, there was a burning fire interlacing the sorrow. Something bad had happened; something terrible had occurred because of this boy._

_Without waiting for a response, Kai posed another question, his gut twisting at the thought. "What did this boy do to you?"_

_A single tear slipped from Zhen's still-closed eyes. Her shoulders came forward, and she wrapped her arms around herself. She was entirely defenseless: broken. This memory was destroying her. Perhaps that was the reason why she so often forgot._

_"I lied to him. I lied to my dearest friend— I told him that I loved him." Zhen sobbed. She shook her head, placing her worn face within her withered palms._

_Kai froze, unsure of what to do. She hadn't loved this fellow? Why would she run away with a man— a boy— that she didn't love? It made no sense._

_Standing from his seat, Kai walked over to Zhen, placing a gentle hand upon her shoulder. He crouched before her, his face appearing below hers. He let her cry for a few moments, before speaking again. "What happened, Li Zhen?"_

_Zhen peaked through her fingers at Kai, her eyes red and bloodshot— burning bright from the pain."He would beat me," Zhen quavered. "H-he would hit me, tell m-me we needed to g-get married. But I... I didn't want to. I d-didn't love him."_

_Boiling rage consumed Kai, unlike anything he had ever felt before. He wanted to kill this boy— this fiend that had hurt his Selene. The little monster would pay, he would feel the pain that he had caused Zhen. He would rue the day and cry from the bitter depths of-_

_"So I ran away," Zhen finished, rescuing Kai from the destructive powers of his own love and hate._

_She had a far-off look on her face, and Kai knew that her thoughts were elsewhere, away from him, and even from the abusive boy. She was living in a time of trouble, but also joy. A time where she suffered, but felt much satisfaction._

_"What did you do after that?" Kai asked, attempting to glimpse into her imperfect world._

_"I tried to do good." Zhen said simply, a smile spreading across her face. "I tried to help the people in whatever way I was able. I wanted to save all the children. I wanted to save the orphans, the ones like me. The ones who had cried because they had never known love. I_ needed _to save them."_

_Kai nodded, understanding her every word. He too felt a need to save people, though he was much less capable than Zhen. He had never been able to save anyone— not even his dearest love._

_"But I didn't do a very good job of it," Zhen whispered, her eyes closed once more, a frown creasing her face. Remorse contorted her features. "I walked in all the marches, and gave all that I had; but I never saved a child. Not once."_

_"You did all that you could," Kai comforted, his heart swelling. "Sometimes that's the most that you can do."_

_"But I should have done more!" Zhen shouted, scaring Kai. He fell backwards and away from her, his butt landing hard against the wooden floor._

_Zhen stood suddenly, her face flushed, her eyes wild. He had upset her, and he knew that he would not receive anymore information from her. Perhaps she had already given all that she was willing to offer._

_She muttered something about not feeling well, and she stomped off and away to sleep in her tiny room. She was upset and mad, and Kai had caused it. He felt awful, but at least he now understood the complexity that was Li Zhen. She had suffered much. Kai vowed that he would not add to her pain— never again would she hurt._

Opening his eyes, Kai smiled, feeling the satisfaction of knowing that he had kept his promise to himself. He may have confused her with his lies about their relation, or angered her by bringing her to doctors, but he had never hurt her.

Kai held fast to Zhen's hand, looking at her face. He hummed an ancient lullaby, one that he had sung to her on countless occasions, both as Zhen and as other reincarnations. It was the song that was theirs, and theirs alone. It was the song of comfort and sadness and dying.

Zhen opened her eyes for a moment, looking into his eyes and smiling; she recognized the song. She hadn't been able to remember Kai's name for four years, but she knew this song better than anything else in the world.

Kai sang the words out loud, pronouncing them in their original Chinese. The words poured out from his mouth as he held the dying woman's hand. They soared into the sky, decorating her dreams.

And then her eyes fluttered close, their last glimpse of the boy sitting before her, singing her a song into the next life. It only took a few more minutes for her breathing to slow, slow, slow to a stop. Another second for Kai's arm to burn; for three koi to become two. The world had ended yet again.


	8. As Classy as it Gets

_USA, 2019 A.D._

A ping sounded from Cinder's back pocket, eliciting a groan from her. It was the third text that she had gotten that morning, and she knew that this one would, just like the other two, not be from Iko.

Cinder pulled out her phone, trying not to look at the message as she muted the device. Unfortunately, she caught a glimpse of the cautionary words, and Pearl's urgings for her to go to Seattle. But Cinder didn't want to go to Seattle— especially not today. Not when she had a date with Kai.

She was still trying to wrap her mind around the idea of going on a date with Kai Prince. Did he like her? Thorne had said as much, but he generally assumed that everyone liked everyone, much as he liked every semi-attractive woman who glanced his direction. But Cinder didn't think that way.

Her thought process had switched between believing Kai to be a jerk or an idiot— though neither made sense. The way he had spoken to her—with the manners that of a British boarding school boy— made it impossible for Cinder to imagine him as anything less than a proper gentleman. And the intellect held within his words prompted her to presume him to be a man of great acuity.

But then the question still stood: why had he asked her out?

Cinder's phone began to buzz from her back pocket, vibrating her backside. She rolled her eyes violently, and pulled out her device, praying to all the gods in the sky for a patience unknown to her being.

She didn't need the extra allowance of patience, however, because when she pulled out her phone, it wasn't Pearl's name that lit up the screen, but Iko's.

Surprise bloomed within her— Iko had never once called her through all their years of friendship. The few times they had talked on the phone had been Cinder's doing. But there was always a first time for everything.

"Hey," Cinder answered a grin lighting up her face. She was abundantly relieved that it was her best friend on the phone and not her sister.

Her joy must have shown in her voice, because Iko laughed a little as she spoke. "Someone's excited for tonight, now aren't they?"

Cinder scoffed, "No, I'm happy that you're not my sister calling." Cinder walked into her cramped bedroom and flopped back onto her bed. She always had Saturday's off, due to the fact that Thorne thought that weekends should never be worked. Normally it agitated her— but today, she was grateful. "And don't talk like that; it's weird."

"Your mom's weird," Iko muttered, and Cinder rolled her eyes.

"My mother is probably dead or something, and my adoptive mother is more psycho than weird." Cinder deadpanned, kicking her socked feet up above her head. Her socks were dark green and unbelievable warm, despite their years of use.

Iko huffed, clearly exasperated. Cinder grinned. "So do you know what you're gonna wear tonight?" Iko asked, moving past the point of bitter delusion.

Dropping her feet back to the ground, Cinder propelled herself from the bed. Her features were a mixture of agitation and panic, though those particular emotions were not conveyed through her tone. "Probably the same as usual," Cinder said, voice a dry monotone.

A dramatic breathy scream emanated from the other end, causing Cinder to nearly drop the phone. She let out a few of her most choice curse words, then held the device back up to her ear, praying for no more loud surprises.

"Iko-" Cinder started, a little fed up. She was already nervous enough about tonight without having to worry about something as trivial as _clothing_.

But her fashion-loving friend would not allow her to win this one. "Cinder, so help me. You cannot wear a tank-top and cargo pants— both of which are extremely greasy and smell like the bottom of Thorne's toilet. That is just inappropriate on too many levels and a major embarrassment to _me_."

"How is it embarrassing to you if I look like a cave creature?" Cinder asked, amusement creeping into her voice as Iko became more shrill. Her best friend had always been this way, insisting that Cinder dress up— look nice; but Cinder had never heeded her words, and she wasn't about to start now.

Well, at least not entirely.

"Cinder," Iko pleaded, sounding near to tears. "My dearest friend, I beg of you. Please, _please_ , wear something presentable. This is your first date. You may never get another one— especially if you're this hostile with your date-"

"Iko-" Cinder interjected, mock-hurt and laughing.

Her friend continued. "No, please, Cinder. Just this _once_ , wear something not old and gross. You can even borrow something of mine! I can come over right now if-"

"I have a pair of clean jeans and an old Nirvana t-shirt. I threw them in the wash, and they're clean. I don't think he'll even recognize me." Cinder cut in, attempting to soothe her fashion-crazed friend.

Silence melted on the other line, and Cinder waited for a response. She picked at the neckline of her shirt, smelling the old cotton before dropping it back down, crinkling her nose. She needed to do laundry more often; everything she owned smelled rather like, well: the bottom of Thorne's toilet. Not that she knew what that smelled like, but... she could imagine it well.

"Is it the naked angel shirt? Because that's not classy for a first date," Iko said, her voice less crazed, but still concerned and slightly agitated.

Cinder laughed— a full belly laugh. Her cackling caused Iko to groan, which only made Cinder laugh harder and harder until she had to sit down and clutch at her side.

"So you are wearing it? Because that is not classy." Iko practically cried into her end of the phone.

A few more moments passed, filled with Cinder's attempts to quiet her chuckling. She would never understand Iko's love for fashion, but she would always adore her friend's ridiculousness when it came to the subject of clothes.

"No," Cinder huffed gleefully, barely able to contain her remaining giggles. "It's a Lithium shirt. As classy as it gets."

Iko hummed on the other end, as if analyzing this information. "And you're _sure_ you don't want to borrow anything of mine? I just got this really cute blue dress that I think-"

"I'm fine, Iko." Cinder said, slightly exasperated. "It's not like anything you wear would fit on me anyways." And this was true. While Cinder may have been small, she did not have Iko's curves to fill out whatever "cute dress" she had just gotten. And besides, she was much more comfortable wearing pants. And a t-shirt. And her very old, yet sturdy pair of sneakers. It would all be fine.

Silence sat on the phone for a moment, stealing all the words and excitement. Cinder truly was excited for her date, however nervous it made her. She wasn't expecting great things to come from it at all, but this would be her very first date ever, as a twenty-year-old woman. Cinder was ready for her first date.

"Are you feeling better?" Iko asked, her words nearly a whisper. "And your arm, is it..."

Cinder felt her eyes sting slightly, and she looked up at the ceiling. She had worn a long-sleeved shirt to work all week, and no one had noticed anything. Well, except Thorne, who had eyed her suspiciously. She had flipped him off, however, and nothing had gone amiss.

But she would ignore Pearl, and maybe someday her heart wouldn't hurt so much. Perhaps one of these days she would feel truly happy. "Yeah— I feel better." Cinder said, her voice a little foggy. "Everything's healing up super fast, too," Cinder added, always in awe of Iko's magical doctoring skills, despite having zero training. "I swear, you should have been a doctor."

"And wear scrubs? Absolutely not." Iko said, causing a laugh to burst forth from Cinder. They both laughed for a time, their giggles in sync, just the way friend's laughs were supposed to be.

"Call me after?" Iko asked, her voice simultaneously giggly and caring. Cinder rolled her eyes, but smiled all the same.

"I'll call you the second I'm back in the abomination," Cinder said, referring to Iko's nickname of the apartment. And then, more solemnly, feeling immense gratitude towards her friend—the only one who cared for her—she added, "Thank you, Iko."

"Anytime," Iko sang, not seeming to catch the sincerity. "Love you so, so much! Have a fun night! And maybe... get rid of those unkissed lips." And then she hung up, giving Cinder no time to complain against Iko's statement.

***

"What am I supposed to do?" Kai moaned, leaning backwards in the booth seat his body occupied. "I don't know how to court a twenty-first century girl. They don't even call it courting anymore!"

Kai fell forward onto his open palms, barely missing his cup of disgusting tea. He had been agonizing over the past few days, wondering what on earth he was going to do. Did he take her to a motion picture, or simply to dinner. What would she be expecting? What would she not be expecting? He didn't know. _He didn't know._

Everything had been so much simpler the first time around— even the sneaking around. They had both known the same words and culture; they had been in complete understanding of one another. But now, with a four hundred year gap between their first meeting and this "date", he wasn't quite sure how to handle things.

Blue placed a hand on the back of Kai's head, all comfort and warmth, despite the constant coolness of her hands. "My young Princeling, Cinder Linh has taken a liking to you, just as she has through every reincarnation of her you have encountered. Winning one over in the first existence is always the most trying. Your souls are now intertwined. You are just as addictive to her as she is to you."

"But she hasn't liked me in every reincarnation!" Kai exclaimed, raising his head up, his face tormented. His eyes stung remembering— recalling the horror upon her face, and the way she had run away from him. Run into Death's waiting arms. To the _Blue Koi._ "Her fourth reincarnation... Pimchan. She _hated_ me." Emotion was rising within Kai— he was terrified. He had lived in fear ever since the fateful fourth.

Blue scoffed, her inky blue veil fluttering before her shrouded face. "She didn't hate you, Kaito. She loved you before everything happened."

Kai looked at the light right above them, the luminescence burning away the tears that stung his eyes. That had been the worst event of Kai's entire life— even more painful than Selene's original death. It had torn every bit of him to shreds, and the grief had screamed within him for nearly three hundred years.

"What should I do for tonight?" Kai asked, needing to talk about something other than the worst failure of his entire existence. "Do you feel that a museum is a proper date place, or is that too old-fashioned?"

Blue remained stony, but Kai knew that she was contemplating. This was all serious business, and Blue had always helped him to win Selene over. It was always his own failures that drove his dearest love away.

This was his last chance, and he would do all in his power not to blow it.

"A museum sounds pleasant, but ascertain that it is not too exotic." Blue said, matter-of-factly. "Curators are not as classy as they used to be."

"Alright," Kai said, biting his lip. "I will bring Cinder to a tasteful museum, perhaps an art gallery. That's about as classy as it gets." Kai leaned back in his seat, considering. "Then we will dine at a decent restaurant, howbeit, not anywhere overly lavish— she wouldn't like that." Kai imagined Cinder sitting at an ornate table and had to force back a laugh. She had always been the same girl, no matter the life or circumstances of each existence.

"Then perhaps I will take her to get that ice cream stuff, for it is quite good." Kai said, a smile upon his face. He had tasted ice cream back in his original days in China, though it had not quite been the same. Nothing could compete with America's strawberry ice cream.

Blue said nothing during Kai's day dreams of ice cream, but he liked to imagine that she found him somewhat entertaining. He was all that she had in the world— as far as he knew— and he hoped that she wasn't entirely lonely. She had been so terribly good to him throughout the centuries.

Kai stood from his chair, grinning down at the veiled deity. "Thank you, Blue, for your assistance." Kai pulled at the strings of his hoodie, unable to maintain the nerves running under his skin. "I must now go and prepare myself. Farewell, my dear friend."

" _Wait_ ," Blue said, her voice calm, yet urgent. Kai stopped in his trail, turning back to his closest acquaintance. She looked so odd, sitting in the 50's themed restaurant with her entire body shrouded in blue. He waited, worried that she had something troubling to tell him.

"Yes, Blue?"

More silence— Kai couldn't read her. He didn't understand what was going on underneath that ominous blue veil. "Please don something other than that atrocious old hoodie."

Kai laughed, his smile growing as he walked from the restaurant. "Will do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I just wanted to thank everyone who has been so kind to me on here. This is a new adventure (I've always been on Wattpad), and so far I've had nothing but great experiences. I hope that you all continue to enjoy each of my weird stories:)


	9. Museum of Local Foreign Art

_USA, 2019 A.D._

The rain fell with an angelic grace, dampening Cinder’s hair as she stood outside the apartment. Her brown locks were pulled back in a ponytail, less messy than usual, but still unkempt— she had never managed to make it anything other than wild. Still; it was a good thing that Iko had not seen her untamed tresses, or else she might have had a fit.

Aside from her hair, Cinder was rather put together— by comparison, at least. She had taken a shower and put on freshly clean clothes that she had _never_ worn to work. The thought of all the effort she had put into her clothing choice made her both cringe and grin just a tad.

A vintage red truck pulled up to the apartment building. Cinder smiled, a tension within her released that she hadn't realized was there. He had actually come; she would not be abandoned yet again.

The driver's door opened, and out stepped Kai in a black t-shirt and jeans, wearing a brilliant smile upon his lips, making a set of faint dimples appear within his cheeks. His eyes twinkled with an air of mischief, causing Cinder’s heart to lurch in a way she had never felt before. There was not a single pelt of fear within her— only giddiness.

Kai walked towards her, moving to her side as if to take her arm, before tilting his body sideways, his face flashing with horror. He walked beside her instead, cheeks aflame, and lip between his teeth.

Cinder grinned at him. “How are you doing?” She asked, her nerves lessening slightly upon seeing his.

“Splendidly,” Kai said, before blinking rapidly. “Um, I’m doing rather well. I’m good. Dope.” Kai’s words came fast, but his blush won the face, consuming his features before his final declaration as to his well-being.

She stared at him, face pinched in a way that proved that she was attempting not to laugh. “Dope?” She asked, a chuckle escaping her lips.

Kai put his head down, as if he were a scolded puppy. The blush had reached his ears, though the movement of his head had caused his messy hair to cover them for the most part. “I heard it around,” he said, his voice soft and dejected.

Cinder nodded to herself, brow slightly crossed. “Did you hear it back five years ago? Because I think that might be the last time I did.”

Kai shot her a glare, but ignored her comment, moving to open the passenger’s side door. Cinder glanced at him, having not expected such a gentlemanly act— not because he wasn’t cavalier, but rather because she had never been shown such politeness.

“You don’t have to do that,” Cinder said, her own cheeks matching Kai’s.

Kai shut the door behind her, and ran around to the driver’s side, jumping into the seat and pulling on his safety belt. He then turned to her, hair falling into his quizzical eyes, lips slightly parted. For a moment, he stared at her, taking her in as his expressions clouded. “I know you do not need me to open your door,” Kai grinned sideways, causing only a single dimple to make an appearance. “But I rather enjoy the old-fashioned technique,” Kai’s smile expanded, displaying his dimple duo. “As long as it brings you no offense, of course.”

Squinting her eyes at Kai, Cinder pondered whether this display of politeness was akin to that of a serial killer’s trap, or if perhaps, he was simply a cordial man.

She decided to go with the latter.

A hush fell throughout the car, and Cinder wrinkled her nose. She glanced at the dash, checking for a radio, only to discover an ancient, non-functional AM radio. She side-eyed her date, wondering if this man was even real.

“So,” Cinder inquired, folding her arms. “Where do you come from?”

Kai grinned at her, eyes twinkling. “Are you asking me that because I’m Asian?”

Cinder’s nose crinkled, but a smile slipped through despite it, making her face rather pinched. “Yes, Kai,” she deadpanned. “As an Asian American, I am assuming that you, a fellow Asian, must be from Asia.” She rolled her eyes, leaning back against the soft leather of the bench seat.

As a retort, Kai chuckled, exclaiming, “It was but a joke, my–” Kai’s eyes crinkled. “My-y sense of humor can at times be inappropriate,” he finished, his jaw held in an uncomfortable manner. “But I am, _of course_ , from China.” Kai glanced her way, throwing her a wink.

“China?” Cinder asked, sitting up straighter. “What’s it like there? I mean, communism, and all that?” Cinder turned her body, so one leg was pulled up on the bench seat.

“Well,” Kai listed his head to the side. “It wasn’t communist when I lived there, so things were rather different.”

Cinder squinted at him, tilting her head to the side. Kai didn’t turn towards her, seemingly not sensing her confusion. “Um,” she sputtered, closing her eyes momentarily. “Hasn’t China been communist for decades?”

Kai’s face paled, his fingers tightening on the steering wheel. “O-oh, I meant that it didn’t feel that way,” he said, voice containing a tone of anxiety. “I left when I was very young.”

Leaning back in her seat, Cinder side-eyed her date, but decided to drop the matter. “Did you move to the US after that?”

“Actually, I moved around frequently before settling in the states,” Kai said, his shoulders relaxing back. “I’ve traveled around most of the world, you see.”

“Really?” Cinder asked, rhetorically. “Do you enjoy traveling? Or were some sort of army brat that had no choice in the matter?”

Kai’s hands spun the steering wheel, and Cinder watched his arms, gazing at them longer than the circumstance warranted, as if spotting something there.

“It was my choice for the most part; I did it all on my own terms,” Kai explained. “I often travel alone.”

“Since you were very young?” Cinder asked, repeating back his flippant tone. “You can’t have traveled the world alone as a child.”

A crease formed upon Kai’s brow, his face that of self-admonishment. “Well, of course,” Kai amended, “I was not a child. It has been in the more recent years that I have traveled. Ever since I reached the age of adulthood.”

“But you can’t be that old,” Cinder insisted. “What are you, twenty?”

“Twenty-one, actually,” Kai corrected, a twinkle in his eye. “But that is not important. I would like to know where you’re from, now that you know of my past history.”

The breath caught in Cinder’s lungs. She had been expecting him to ask, but she was never prepared to tell her tragic origin story. It didn’t help that she hardly even remembered it; in fact, it only seemed to make everything more painful. She had but one memory of her mother, and she constantly dreamed of it— being taken away.

“Oh, well,” Cinder cringed, her body tensing and heating all at once. “I don’t really know where I’m from. I was in the foster care system for a while, and then adopted at age six,” Cinder’s voice was softer, held at a more delicate cadence than she usually let it flow. “But I’ve lived in Washington my whole life; I’ve hardly even traveled out of the state.”

“Does your family still live here as well?” Kai asked, tilting his head to the side, and sparing her a glance as he pulled up to a red light.

The sound of rain filled Cinder’s head, as she heard it hit the roof, the windshield, the pavement. She listened to the calming rhythm that had been her only lullaby. She breathed into it, feeling the coolness of the wet drops upon her skin, despite the dryness that remained upon her body’s surface.

She had learned the technique from a self-help book; find something calming in the midst of unsettling conversations. She would always hold fast to the things she knew best: the rain, the pound of her heartbeat, and the feel of the burn scars upon her left hand.

“They do,” Cinder said after a moment. “But you haven’t told me where we are going tonight,” Cinder added quickly, before Kai could press any further.

It wasn’t that she didn’t trust the boy; in truth, she felt rather comfortable around him in a way she rarely did around other people, but she had only just met him. She was not about to dump all the dirtiness of her past on him on their third time meeting in person. She did not want to scare him off, for reasons unknown to her.

“Ah, I was wondering as to when you would inquire of that,” Kai said, sending a double-dimpled smile her way, causing her lungs to catch and her heart to skip a beat.

Kai pulled the truck off the main street and into a near-empty parking lot, outside of an old, decadent building that Cinder had never before taken notice of. It was beautiful, in an outdated sort of way, with curving architecture, and painted white brick. The building was small, but it still had high windows, sure to let light in from above in that way that made the dust within a building sparkle like glitter.

“This is it,” Kai said, pulling into a parking spot near the front, just at the perfect angle for Cinder to read the sign: _Museum of Local Foreign Arts_.

Cinder stared for a moment, tilting her head to the side, as if to better read the sign’s black, professional lettering. Then she turned to Kai, brow knit together as he smiled at her. Finally, her lips parted, slightly pursed. “That’s a little contradictory, don’t you think?”

“Come on,” Kai grinned, taking the key out of the ignition and opening his door.

Sliding off the bench seat and out into the cold Washington air, Cinder shivered. She slammed the door of the truck, then zipped her plain black jacket up over her white Nirvana t-shirt. When she walked to the other side of the truck, she gave Kai a once-over, taking in his bright eyes, heartwarming smile, and… bare arms.

“Aren’t you cold?” Cinder inquired, pulling her arms tight around her so as not to shiver. She had lived in the cool climate of the evergreen state her whole life— but that did not stop her from growing cold under the sunless sky and the misty drops of rain.

“What?” Kai asked, tilting his head as he inspected her. He then reached out, brushing her bangs out of her eyes, his fingers gently touching her forehead.

Cinder jumped back, eyes widening. She opened her mouth, but no words came out.

Kai froze, staring at his hand in horror. Before bringing it back to his side quickly. Clearing his throat he turned away, his ears tinted pink. He awkwardly patted the hood of his cherry truck, pushing away from it as if that would allow him to escape the awkwardness.

“Er, museum,” Kai muttered, spinning halfway to look at a still stunned Cinder before motioning towards the white building. “Let’s go inside.”

For a split second, he turned— as if to extend his arm out to her, but seemed to think better of it, shaking his head. Cinder stared at him from behind, watching the red creep up his neck. She wasn’t entirely sure what was going on, or who this boy was; she did not know what to do with him.

So she followed him into the museum.

The building had only a single floor, with the high ceilings, paned in circular frames that had been spotted from the outside. The walls were painted white, but not too bright a shade— something more neutral and calming. Everything about the miniature museum was serene, from the paintings of forgotten meadows to the almost-creaky floorboards.

Cinder stared around the building, from the skylight to the paintings, and finally, at Kai. He was watching her, his eyes sparkling with a child-like delight— a joy so wholesome that it consumed his entire demeanor. Locks of black hair fell into his eyes, and Cinder felt the urge to brush them away, much as Kai had done with her. She restrained herself.

"Everything here is local art, done by the people of the village," Kai said. "And they rotate new pieces in quarterly so as to keep things interesting," Kai explained.

He rocked back on his feet, looking everywhere except for at her. “Do you like it?” Kai asked, hands behind his back as he leaned towards her. Cinder beamed at him, sticking her hands in her jacket pockets, aiming for nonchalant. 

“I–” Cinder gazed into Kai’s eyes, noting their copper shade, and the lighter flecks of gold that encircled the pupils. She took into account the almond shape of his eyes and the dark lashes that outlined them. She couldn’t stop staring at those eyes. She knew those eyes.

But she didn’t.

“Thank you,” Cinder whispered, shrugging her shoulders forward. She glanced down at her feet, feeling the beginning of a flush creeping into her cheeks. “This has been absolutely perfect.”

Kai scowled playfully, his eyes still retaining all their kindness. “It’s not over yet, Cinder,” he replied, then took her by the hand and led her through the museum.

They spent nearly two hours in the small museum, reading the plaques and analyzing the artwork. Cinder had never before been to any sort of art gallery— aside from a class field trip in the fifth grade— and while it wasn’t exactly her thing, she rather enjoyed looking at the small squares of beauty that others had crafted with their own hands. They were something new, yet extraordinary— even if they weren’t brought into existence by monumentally famous artists.

Looking at the art was even better with Kai around, because while Cinder enjoyed the entire picture, he would point out the finer details: the shading, the symbolic use of different colors, the abstractness of the work. He saw things within the pieces that Cinder would never have picked up on with her own eyes— and she loved the new perspective.

By the time they had circled through all the pieces the museum had to offer, Cinder’s gut hurt from laughing, and her cheeks ached from smiling; she couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so happy. No memories— not even the ones where she was with Iko— could compete with the few hours she had spent with Kai.

“This garden looks so tranquil,” Cinder said, pointing to the final painting that they had not yet gazed upon. “All the cherry blossoms and golden glow,” Cinder mused. “It’s one of those places that one would never want to leave; a beautiful little safe haven.”

Cinder glanced at Kai, who’s eyes had gone wide, and his face just a smidge paler. He stared at the painting, though the expression on his face gave the impression that he had just seen a ghost.

“Kai?” Cinder turned towards the boy that she had only met just that week. He was just a boy, who was there with her, but somehow, he was extraordinary.

“Sorry,” Kai winced, rotating so that he was facing her. “It’s beautiful. But I’m famished. Would you like to go get some supper?”

Closing her eyes for a split second, Cinder wondered how she was attracted to this guy— the one who kept using every outdated word known to man.

“Sure,” Cinder said, analyzing Kai’s features yet again. “But most people tend to call it ‘dinner’ or ‘a bite to eat’,” Cinder continued, not unkindly. “I don’t think I’ve heard anyone call it ‘supper’ since reading _Jane Eyre_.”

“Oh,” Kai’s mouth opened slightly, a bit mortified. “I’m sorry, I’m rather unacquainted with many of the American ways of saying things.”

Cinder chuckled, grinning at him. “It’s okay,” she exclaimed. “It’s, um, _rather_ nice to hear someone speak so properly,” she smirked.

“Oh, ha ha,” Kai deadpanned, rolling his eyes at Cinder. “Let us go get that bite to eat,” he said, waving at the curator, and holding the door open for Cinder.

She thanked him, and walked through, not feeling any discomfort or suspicion at his kindness.

***

“Why is it a singular bite to eat?” Kai asked, nibbling at the end of a pizza crust and making a face.

Cinder choked on the piece of crust that she had been chewing.

The two had wasted no time upon leaving the museum, and Kai had driven them straight to a fifties-themed diner. Cinder found the place charming, with outdated posters, faded red vinyl booth seats, and the beautiful, wholesome music that had been lost to the past.

Sputtering slightly, Cinder put a hand on her chest and took in a deep breath. “What did you just ask me?”

“I mean,” Kai continued. “I must have taken hundreds of bites. Are some people taking only one bite per meal?”

Cinder shut her eyes for a brief moment, trying so very hard not to laugh at this clueless boy. When she looked at him, she saw a concerned look on his face, as if he was worried for the people taking but a single bite per meal.

“No, Kai,” Cinder reassured. “It’s just a saying. It’s not literal.”

“But of course,” Kai said, blushing.

He paid the bill when it came, and then proposed a walk around the area— to which, Cinder agreed.

They left the restaurant, side by side, but not touching. They walked together, laughing and sharing stories with one another. Explaining life occurrences to one another. Confiding within the other their own favorite things, places, and people in the world.

The pair walked for a long time, stopping only to buy cups of steaming hot chocolate from a street vendor as the sun set.

Cinder watched in awe as Kai ordered, not in English, but in a language she understood nothing of. She had stared, taken aback by the rapid switch from the only tongue she knew, to something that flowed with an elegance that English did not.

When Cinder asked him what language it had been, he replied, “French,” as if it were the simplest thing in the world. Then he changed the subject, prattling on about how French chocolate is better than anything the Americans make.

And even as the two migrated back to the car, and drove towards Cinder’s apartment, the conversation flowed, never ceasing, or allowing for awkward pauses.

“I had a _rather_ wonderful evening with you, Kai,” Cinder said, standing in front of her door at Phoenix Towers. She nibbled on her lower lip, trying to fend off the grin that was sure to overtake her face as soon as she entered into the abomination.

Kai guffawed, rolling his eyes at her, then smiling kindly. “I did as well,” he replied. “Actually, if you wouldn’t mind,” Kai continued, his words gaining speed. “I was thinking that this might be ra- um, fun,” he shot a glare at Cinder. “To do again.”

For a moment, there was only the soft patter of twilight rain, before Cinder answered, almost mischievously: “Yes, I think I would _rather_ enjoy that.”

“Oh hush,” Kai glared, though the look held no power— for while his eyes attempted to wither his opponent, his mouth had spread into the widest smile that had ever been known to mankind.

“Would next Saturday be alright?”

“Yes,” Cinder nodded, brushing her hair away from her face.

“Splendid,” Kai beamed. “I will see you next Saturday at four o-clock, then.”

“Alright,” Cinder responded, reciprocating his joyful facial expressions.

Kai leaned forward, as if to bow, then grimaced. Instead, he waved his hand as he walked backwards and away, saying: “Goodnight, Cinder.”

“Goodnight,” Cinder replied, watching the boy until he stopped his mad waving, turned his back, and walked away from her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay, so I know Kai doesn’t canonically have dimples, but I just always imagined him with them, so that’s how I will forever and always write him. I don’t think I did at first (I don’t remember; I’ve had a decent amount of head trauma) but I can’t stop now. Also sometimes I feel so wordy and sometimes I feel as if I completely lack in descriptions. It’s just a struggle. And on that fine note, how are you guys enjoying this story so far? I haven't been very interactive (that's my bad) but is there any feedback? Things are gonna get good real fast here... I think... (I guess it depends on what your definition of fun is.)


	10. Valley of Yellow Flowers

_Scotland, 1872 A.D._

Orange flames licked at the houses within the village, swallowing the wooden huts with the claws of corruptive fire. Screams echoed from around the valley, and people ran every which way, trying to get away from the danger— trying to escape their reality.

People brushed against Kai, in their hurry to get away from the raid. Some even grabbed at him, attempting to get him to join the chase to higher ground. But he couldn’t leave. He would not escape until he found _her_.

But she was nowhere to be found.

Kai screamed her name, but he could hardly hear himself above the chaos surrounding him. He prayed with the _Red Koi_ , begging her to allow his love to live— and cursed the _Blue Koi_ , pleading with her to not let Ayesha die.

Tears ran down Kai’s face, from smoke or agony, he did not know. All he knew was that everything around him was dying, and he would too if he watched her eyes turn lifeless one more time. He wouldn’t be able to handle it; it would completely and utterly destroy him.

“ _Ayesha_ ,” Kai shouted, his voice growing hoarse. Her family’s hut was in sight, and he could see the soft glow of flames eating away at the wood. He ran faster, fearing the worst.

Kai had found Selene’s seventh reincarnation in a small village in Scotland but a year before. From the moment the two met, Ayesha had adored Kai, just as she invariably seemed to. She would always be standoffish from him at first, but after a few meetings, she grew to trust him more than anyone. He had seen it happen too many times.

He had seen too much of everything too many times. Selene’s familiar eyes look at him, as if he were a total stranger to her. Watched her past become more tragic than the last, always ending in a demise worse than anything Kai could have imagined. Gazing at his arm as yet another koi burned away forever.

“Ayesha!” Kai cried above the screams of the burning village. Her home was becoming an inferno, with the flames deepening in their hue. They were illusive and bright; they were the beginning and the end of Kai.

Her home was shivering under the weight of the fire by the time Kai reached the doorway. He screamed her name, as he flung the door open, not caring if the whole building collapsed on him— it wouldn’t make a difference.

His eyes spotted a form sprawled across the wooden floor, and his heart stopped. The form was a body, and a small, familiar one at that, dressed in a shredded brown smock. She lay in the center of the room, her hair a mess of snarls, her body splayed at odd angles, and a pool of blood forming beneath her. All around them everything burned— everything except his arm. She wasn’t dead.

She wasn’t dead yet.

Kai rushed to her side, pulling her body to him. Her clothes were ripped and barely covering her skin, and Kai felt his stomach drop. She wasn’t conscious, but she was still breathing. She was bleeding and burning, but she wasn’t dead.

Scooping her into his arms, Kai rushed out of the hut. If he had been a normal person, he would have been hacking away due to the fumes. He would have felt the gentle flames that licked his arm as he rushed through the doorway. If he had been normal, he would have laid down beside his betrothed and died with her.

“ _Yesha,_ ” Kai sobbed, his voice only a whisper. He collapsed ten meters outside the home, just as the hut crumbled in on itself. He flinched at the splintering of the wood, and clutched Ayesha to himself, trying to shield her ravished body with his own.

He had been gone for only an hour, leaving the immigrant village behind as a peaceful sanctuary; he had come back to Hell.

There had been talk of raids happening in neighboring villages; of fiends crashing in, killing the men, violating the women, stealing everything of value, and then burning everything left to the ground. Kai had feared it all, never wanting to leave Ayesha's side, but she had brushed it off. She said that they wouldn’t touch their village. She claimed that no one would hurt her. She had calmed him enough to leave her side. He had left her, and now he would lose her.

“Yesha, please,” Kai whimpered, rocking her back and forth in his arms. “Please please please,” Kai cried into her hair. “I can’t lose you again.”

A cough sounded, and Kai looked down to see the soft brown of Ayesha’s eyes. _Selene’s eyes_. He let out a broken sob, a sound that was more animal than human. He clutched her even tighter, muttering words that even he didn’t understand as he kissed her face.

“Kai,” she choked out, reaching up a bloody hand to touch his cheek. Her eyelids drooped low, but did not shut, retaining contact with his. He had a stunning moment of déjà vu— holding this girl in his arms as she died.

"Where does it pain you?" Kai asked rapidly, scanning her body and navigating where the blood was coming from. "What can I do? Of what can I fetch for you?"

"Kai," Ayesha repeated, giving him a look that he didn't understand. Her brow was set in that way that said she knew something that he didn't— and he wasn't sure he wanted to discover what she knew.

"W-where does the pain most torture you? What do you need of me?" Kai's words were beginning to crumble into sobs, and he felt himself lose all control.

Ayesha blinked at him slowly, conveying the thoughts of her mind. Within the single glance, she told him what she knew— what he had known, but not wanted to accept. "I will not last this night, my love."

"D-don't speak in such a way," Kai weeped, his mouth agape, in not a smile, but a smothered sob.

"Kai," she whispered.

He cried even harder.

“I-I’m so sorry,” Kai whispered into her hair, rocking them back and forth. Back and forth. He could hardly breathe for the emotion overwhelming him. “I’m so terribly sorry, Ayesha. I should never have departed from you. I should never have–”

“Shh,” Ayesha voiced, before breaking into a hacking cough. “Kai, my love, don’t cry. Don’t cry for me— all’s well.”

“No,” Kai’s voice cracked, his eyes spewing a fresh wave of tears. “Ayesha, I can’t let you die again. I cannot bear to lose you yet another time. Don’t depart into the unknown. I beg of you, love. Please, don’t steal away from me.”

Ayesha gave him a small smile, her eyes large and sad, conveying the hopelessness that she felt. She heaved a rasping sigh, pressing one hand to the wound in her chest, while using the other to cup his tear-stained cheek.

“My love, I don’t wish to depart from you. I never have, from the very–” Ayesha coughed. “–moment our paths first crossed,” she closed her eyes, her breathing growing more labored with each breath. Tears fell upon her face, as if from the heavens above, but truthfully, from that of copper eyes.

All around them, fire and screams raged on, but all they seemed to know was one another. The entirety of the world had turned to gold, from the burning huts, to the falling sun. Everything was falling to pieces; yet, nothing could tear them apart, not even death— though Ayesha knew not of that.

Kai had been very careful in what he told his love’s latest reincarnation. He would never relive the agony of the fourth. Her fourth rebirth; the worst life that Kai had yet to live through. So he had decided to wait to share his— their— life story until they were married. He had been but a week away.

“I love you, as the light so loves laughter, and the darkness adores the night. I love you with all the love of an orphan’s heart, for that is all I have ever had to offer unto you,” Ayesha murmured, using the last of her breath to speak words of comfort.

“I love you so much as the birds love the sky, and the fish love the sea. I will love you until the final beat of my heart,” Ayesha gasped. “And then I will love you some more.”

“Yesha,” Kai whispered, clutching her hand against his cheek. “Yesha, love, _please._ ”

“Shh shh–” Ayesha coughed once again, blood dribbling from the corners of her mouth. “Kai, my love, my life, my all; do not cry for me,” she tilted her face slightly, giving him a half-scornful look that he knew all too well. It was the look that her soul cherished above all others, and the one that had made Kai fall for her over two hundred years before. “For every time that the sun kisses the horizon, that is but your love, greeting you for another morning, and one more night.”

Ayesha brought her hand from Kai’s cheek to rest upon his chest. It was something she had done in every life that he had met her; it was as if she knew that his heart had always beat for her, and her alone.

“ _Mo leannan_ ,” Kai muttered, pressing a soft kiss to Ayesha’s head. She smiled at him, a pure smile that melted his heart, despite her bloody face and ragged, dying appearance. She was still his fighter— his lover. She was still the same girl that he had fallen in love with all those years ago.

For a moment, it was just the two of them: a pair of lovers, clutching each other, completely oblivious to the world falling apart around them. A companionship of love and compassion and all the light in the world. And then the moment was over.

Ayesha’s chest didn’t rise again, and her eyes lost their spark. And slowly, as if afraid of waking Kai from a dream, her hand fell away from his chest, and down upon her own— cold and lifeless.

Kai lost all his composure, at first begging softly for her not to leave him— until his arm burned, and yet another koi fish fled from his skin in a rush of blue.

The misery of everything caught up to Kai, and he began to scream into the night, cursing the _Blue Koi_ and all the wretchedness that she had brought upon him. Shrieking at life for all that it had taken away from him, time and time again.

He held her tight to him, her broken, bloodied form, as if to combine his soul with her lost one. He clutched her to him as all the fight drained out of him, and all that was left were sobs, and a song that held a familiar melody but indecipherable words. A song of time and falling— a song that had once comforted, but no longer could.

And when he had cried his fill, he scooped up Ayesha, as if she were a sleeping child, rather than his deceased love. He carried her away from the smoldering village that she had once called home, and down into a valley filled with yellow flowers.

He held her through the night, hearing nothing but the wind, and smelling the fragrance of wishing flowers and cold blood. He stayed with her, until the village turned to ashes, and the sun reached over the horizon, covering Kai in a blanket of warmth— a final kiss— as his love withered away into dust.


	11. Long Lost Prince

_USA, 2019 A.D._

The light of the computer burned at Cinder’s eyes, but she squinted despite the sting. Her fingers danced across the keys of her ancient laptop that had once been Iko’s, but was now hers. She was a woman on a mission, and she would not stop until she found out exactly who Kai Prince was.

Immediately after getting home from her date, Cinder had phoned Iko, telling her all the details of her night with Kai. Iko had been excited at first, exclaiming over every detail; but after some time, she had started to grow suspicious, questioning some of Kai’s more quirky characteristics and his motives.

Admittedly, this had caused Cinder to deflate slightly, for she had genuinely enjoyed Kai’s company, despite all of his oddities. Sure, he spoke differently than most people, and acted as if he had been born a century too late, but that did not necessarily make him a psycho-murderer-maniac.

Was it completely awful that Cinder had loved spending time with someone who was genuinely interested in her for once? Sure, she had Iko and Thorne, but they never asked her what her favorite color was, or her fondest memory. They cared about keeping her well and out of harm’s way; but she couldn’t remember a time when either of her friends had asked any questions concerning her dreams. It had been nice for a change.

But Cinder also knew that Iko’s intuition was spot on— she could spot a creep from a mile away, and Cinder would not be a fool and ignore her warnings.

So, rather than discounting Iko’s suspicions or fully accepting them, she had decided that she needed to find out who Kai Prince truly was.

It was turning out to be harder than she had planned.

Kai’s name alone was rather popular, leaving Cinder to search hundreds of Facebook profiles to no avail. As far as she could tell, he wasn’t on any social media whatsoever. She knew she shouldn’t have been surprised, figuring his old fashion ways and mannerisms, but it was disappointing nonetheless.

She searched other media platforms, and even went so far as to study family trees and public records. Yet nothing gave an explanation to the origin of Kai Prince. Sure, there were hundreds of him scattered throughout the world, some sons of billionaire techies, while others were regular nine to five people. But no one was her Kai Prince.

 _Well_ , Cinder chided herself. _He wasn’t hers_.

But there was something about him that felt so surreal and yet so familiar. He had that feel of a long lost friend— someone who had once been known but had long since been forgotten. And yet somehow, she knew that she had never once met that man through the entirety of her lifetime.

She persisted nonetheless, searching for a ghost— a person who existed as people once had: as flesh and blood, living souls without any footprints save for the ones left by their very feet. Kai wasn’t a man of the digital age, and while Cinder would have found that to be a rather endearing trait at any other time than the present, she felt annoyed at the lack of information he displayed. 

Exhaustion wore on Cinder, as the darkness of the night turned into a soft pink fuzz upon the horizon. She groaned, agitated at her lack of discovered information, but itching to call it quits and finally get some much-needed rest.

The internet had somehow failed her, despite the forty-six million results at her fingertips. Her mystery man was nowhere to be found, and the soft rock that had once played out of her phone had died off hours ago without her even noticing.

She was just about to end her agony while searching through image results, when a picture of an ancient oil painting caught her attention.

Cinder let out a soft gasp as she examined the painting, taking in every feature, trying to find a single flaw— but there was none. For the oil painting looked exactly like Kai. Of course, he was dressed in a finery that resembled ancient asian culture, and his hair was cropped, in a shorter, more professional manner, but aside from that, he was the same. The same angular features that made him so fascinating to look at; the same copper eyes that could stare down into one’s soul; the same smile, ever so slightly tainting his lips.

She glanced down to the bottom of the image, clicking on the blue link with a fervor, biting her lip as she did so. An excited bubble was blooming within her chest, stealing all the oxygen from her lungs and smashing her heart down until the beat emanated from her stomach. A sort of nausea consumed her, during the two seconds it took for the page to load. Cinder had found something— and it was big.

At first glance, the page was nothing special, with royal cursive letters that were more tacky than professional. It had the feel of a half-finished wikipedia page— a once sought after topic, but forgotten due to lack of interest. Cinder read it despite this, her interest peaked.

_Zhu_ **_Kai_ ** _to (Chinese: 朱開東; pinyin: Zhū_ _Kāi dōng; 7 April 1596 – 31 January 1615), crown_ **_prince_ ** _and son of the Wanli Emperor (Chinese: 萬曆帝; pinyin: Wànlì Dì; 4 September 1563 – 18 August 1620; personal name: Zhu Rikan), was set to be the 15_ _th_ _emperor of the Ming Dynasty. However, just four years before Emperor Rikan passed away,_ **_Prince Kai_ ** _to disappeared, never to be seen again._

_There are no reports of death upon the royal scrolls, or any markings as to where the crown_ **_prince_ ** _was buried. All that is left of Zhu_ **_Kai_ ** _to are ancient Zhu family tapestries, and an oil painting (see below) of the_ **_prince_ ** _, dated 1614, just a year before his disappearance._

_However, while there may be few physical evidences of the_ ** _prince_** _’s existence, there remain legends among the Chinese culture of Zhu_ ** _Kai_** _to, and how the_ Blue Koi _(Chinese: 藍色錦鯉; pinyin: Lán SèJǐnlǐ; God of Death) came to the young royalty on the celebrated holiday,_ Lunar New Year _of 1615. These legends range in a wide variety of details, but all come to one conclusion: that the Wanli Emperor’s crown_ ** _prince_** _did not die, but rather, he was given immortality._

 _Some claim that this immortality was given to Zhu_ ** _Kai_** _to because of his greatness, and the generosity he showed towards his people (something that his father had been lacking in, and would eventually be a major cause in the fall of the Ming Dynasty) while others claim that the young_ ** _prince_** _captured the_ Blue Koi _, and ate the fish under the moonlight of the_ Lunar New Year _, becoming the next God of Death._

_There are many reported sightings of Zhu_ **_Kai_ ** _to through the years, the most prominent being that of the boy who was imprisoned in Cambodia (1832) but could not die, no matter the methods tried. The boy disappeared sometime in 1840, due to reasons still unknown. However, there is no evidence to support that this, or any of the other claims to the crown_ **_prince_ ** _’s identity are valid._

Cinder read the text four times, taking in all that the short article had to say, her heart slowly thudding to a stop. She felt a small amount of disappointment at not having found anything of importance— but what had she expected to find from a four hundred year-old oil painting? Sure, Kai was the old-fashioned type, but surely she should have known that not even he would have an oil painting done of him rather than snapping a photo of himself.

She had been delusional to believe that any information could be gained from the site, even if the painting did resemble Kai Prince down to his thin pink lips and the mischievous glint in his eyes. He could be a great grand something of the chap, and share a striking resemblance to his ancestor and nothing more.

But even as Cinder mentally bashed herself, she couldn’t help the tug that pulled at her heart every time she looked at that photo— the same one she felt when she had first met Kai. She chided herself, knowing that she _did_ know that face, simply because it resembled _Kai_. She knew she didn’t know _him_. She knew from the bottom of her heart that his was not a face that she had ever known throughout the entirety of her life, and yet it still nudged at her.

Examining the digital image of the painting closer, Cinder huffed. She knew she was being stupid, but what else was she supposed to do?

Cinder had never seen any scars upon Kai’s face, and the painting reflected that back to her. Everything about the ancient prince was Kai, though the gray hoodie had been replaced by an oriental, high-necked gold robe of sorts that matched the exact shade of the prince’s eyes.

Upon further inspection, Cinder could see that the silk robe-thing was weaved with threads of red and blue, tracing around his collar, in patterns upon his shoulders and in a circular form upon his chest.

Zooming in on the prince’s chest, Cinder could see that the circle was actually two koi— one red and one blue— chasing each other’s tails, mouths wide open, but never catching one another. In the center of them were twirling waves of red and blue, in a pattern that Cinder could only assume was a rioting ocean.

In fact, the ocean pattern appeared again upon the robe’s shoulders, and the wrists of the connected sleeves. It appeared to be a theme— one that would most definitely support that this _Blue Koi_ had some kind of connection to the long lost prince.

Leaning back from her computer screen, Cinder let out a sigh. She closed her eyes tight, pressing her palms over her lids, and reveling in the coolness that she felt after hours of staring at the bright screen. But all she could see when she closed her eyes was the soft stare of Prince Kaito— _Kai Prince_.

He would haunt her until she discovered more about him, and whether or not there was a connection. Because Cinder had seen doppelgängers before, but none so perfect as this. None that shared an absolute perfect resemblance with their counterpart, alive or dead.

Opening her eyes, Cinder searched for a name, and found one at the bottom of the page, along with a link to another website.

Cinder clicked on the link, finding herself on Dr. Dmitri Erland’s personal website. At the top was a picture of an old bald man with intense blue eyes that seemed to stare at her even through the screen. Below the image were enough credentials to fill a Webster’s Dictionary.

The rest of the information was about Dr. Erland’s study of the Ming Dynasty, and how he specialized in the reign of Zhu Rikan and made many important contributions and discoveries as to the Wanli era.

When Cinder reached the bottom of the page, she discovered that there was no more information concerning Prince Kaito.

Disappointed, Cinder put her head in her hands. “ _You’re such an idiot,_ ” Cinder muttered to herself, her voice dry and nearly gone. “What did you think you’d find? That your boyfriend’s actually an immortal prince? Stars,” Cinder groaned. Now she was delusional for thinking that Kai was some old Chinese royalty _and_ her boyfriend after only one date.

Lifting her head, Cinder scanned the screen once more, pouting as she checked for any information on the long lost prince. But when she got to the bottom once more, she found nothing but an email for the historian.

Cinder glared at the email for a moment, her heart burning to message it whilst her brain screamed at her for being a nut-case. She knew— _she knew_ —- that she was being a whacko, but there was something within her that still had to try.

So as the sky turned from pink to orange to blue, Cinder typed out a message to Dr. Erland, explaining nothing of her troubled mind, but asking everything from within it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I have no words for the weird crap I found on the internet while researching for this. Like WOW. WOW. Also it’s weird to write a story where Kai is the one keeping a secret and not Cinder. I’ve never done this. It’s quite fun. Anyways, what are everyone’s thoughts thus far into the story? I have not been very interactive, so I apologize for that. My big question is how is everyone liking the flashbacks? I was really pleased with the last one, but I don’t really know how you’re feeling. Anyways, feel free to comment whatever the heck you want! Love you all and hope you’re all well:))


	12. Singing in the Rain

There was no sunshine or birds chirping in the early hours of the morning, but for Kai Prince, there might as well have been glorious beams of light falling from the heavens, and forest creatures dancing after him in a harmonious manner. He was happier than he had been in over a century— and that joy was flowing from him as he skipped down the streets of the small Washington town.

He had been filled with a radiating glow ever since his date with Cinder Linh, the tenth and final reincarnation of his long lost lover Selene, who he had met and fallen in love with when he had been the crown prince of China. But times had changed, and four centuries later, he was almost sure that he had recaptured her heart— even if it was only after one date.

The date itself had been excellent, despite Kai’s little slip-ups here and there. But Cinder didn’t ask questions as to how he could speak seventeen languages or what his tattoo was— though perhaps that was because he had only demonstrated knowledge of two languages and had done his very best to cover up his tattoo.

At the very least, she did seem to notice his old-fashioned ways— though that was something that not even time could take from him.

Rain began to fall in a soft drizzle, and Kai pulled the strings of his hoodie tight, a grin still firm upon his face despite the cold. He had always despised the cold, but he couldn’t seem to feel it today.

Kai wrapped his arm around a light post, swinging around it as he had once seen Gene Kelley do some years back. The sleeve of his sweatshirt pulled and twisted, but prevented him from feeling any discomfort. He felt a laugh escape him as he swung once, twice, then three times, the giddy bubble within his chest taking over.

“Are you reenacting _Singing in the Rain_?” Asked a voice from behind Kai, causing him to pause mid-swing. He recognized that voice better than any other on the planet, and hearing it in this moment was perhaps one of the most embarrassing occurrences of his long life.

Face red and biting his lip, Kai slowly released the pole that his arm had been around and turned to face the love of his life.

He gulped as he took her in, and a strand of messy hair fell down into his eyes from beneath his hood. He stared at the girl who stood before him, dressed in her regular mechanic’s attire of boots and cargo pants, but with a black jacket zipped up over her top. She held a black umbrella up above her head, preventing her messy ponytail and face from catching any of the drizzle.

“Yes?” Kai responded, unable to look Cinder in the eyes. He scuffed his sneakers against the ground, realizing for the first time that his entire frame was soaking wet.

“Huh,” Cinder sounded unconvinced, but carried on nonetheless. “Uh, is this a normal thing for you to do?”

“I would have to say no,” Kai responded, a grin breaking across his flaming face. His insides still longed to be buried deep deep under the ground, but the fact that Cinder hadn’t run screaming reassured him that she was still his Selene. Her soul had seen him make a much bigger fool of himself.

Cinder walked towards Kai slowly, taking each step as if she had to think about it until she stood within arm’s reach of him. Kai felt all the air leave his body as he looked down at her, his mouth slightly agape. A tingle ran through his entire body, and every thought within his brain seemed to vanish.

She stood before him, nibbling on her lip as she looked up at him. Her hair was a complete mess, falling in her eyes and all around her face, making Kai want to brush it away with the soft sweep of his fingers— but he would not repeat that same embarrassing mistake.

The space between them might as well have been filled with lightning rather than rain, for there was an electricity there that seemed to charge everything around the two of them.

“Something got you in a good mood?” Cinder asked, voice a low near-whisper.

A drop of rain fell into Kai’s eye, but he blinked it out as if it were a saltless tear. “Yes, I believe so,” Kai replied, tilting his face to the side as he looked at her.

A ghost of a smile twitched at the corner of Cinder’s mouth, but she somehow managed to keep a straight face. Kai, on the other hand, was grinning like a fool.

“Funny,” Cinder said, her lips finally giving way to her own, softer smile. “I’ve been in a pretty good mood the past couple of days too.”

“Glad to hear it,” Kai responded, giving himself one of those mental high-five things that he had seen become so popular throughout the years. “Where are you off to on this fine morning?”

Cinder chuckled lightly, for reasons unknown to Kai, but smiled at him sweetly— a smile that she had once given only to him. A smile that he had had to work so hard for four hundred years ago.

“I’m off to work,” Cinder explained, pointing past Kai. “Rampion’s is just two blocks down from here.”

“Ah, I see,” Kai said, his features lighting up. “I’ll walk you there.”

Cinder’s mouth opened just slightly, her eyes going wide. “Oh, no, that’s not really necessary–”

“I insist,” Kai exclaimed, turning and extending his elbow towards her.

A laugh escaped Cinder, and she closed her eyes, leaving Kai completely clueless as to what she was laughing at. Was he simply a hilarity and nothing more?

“What is the subject at which you laugh?” Kai asked, his elbow slowly falling to his side. This only caused Cinder to laugh harder; she lifted a hand over her mouth, as if she was the one who was embarrassed.

“Sorry,” Cinder chuckled. “I would truly take your arm any other day, but you are sopping wet.”

Kai looked down at himself, taking inventory of his sodden sweatshirt and jeans. A blush crept up the back of his neck, tingeing his ears. The rain had started as a soft drizzle, but over time, that drizzle had become downpour, and Kai’s dry clothes had become wet blankets upon his skin.

“Oh,” Kai stared at Cinder’s shoes, too embarrassed to meet her gaze. “I’m sorry.”

“Kai,” Cinder reached out and touched his arm. A jolt went through Kai, starting from his arm and emanating throughout his entire body. His head snapped up to her, and Cinder dropped her hand away from him faster than the blink of an eye.

“Um,” Cinder continued. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sorry I laughed. It was just goofy and cute and I-”

Cinder broke off, and this time it was her turn to look at the ground. Kai felt a swoop of joy flood his chest, and his courage was once again restored.

“May I walk you the two blocks to your work?” Kai inquired, both arms down at his sides, but a gentleness within his tone.

“Yes,” Cinder muttered, still not meeting his gaze.

“Thank you,” Kai said calmly, ignoring the urge to dance and shout. He did, however, move forward with a spring in his step.

Cinder lingered behind him for a moment, before walking beside him, their steps in sync with one another.

Neither of them spoke for a while, but rather they walked side by side in the rain, listening to the sound of rain hitting pavement and their own heartbeats echoing within their heads.

Then, just as Rampion’s Repairs came into full view, Cinder stopped in her tracks, turning to Kai. She nibbled on her lip as she clutched her umbrella; she had a look that travelled to a world far away— one that Kai knew nothing of.

“What’s your tattoo of?” Cinder asked, nodding her head to Kai’s wrist.

Her words hit Kai like a wave, and all of a sudden, he could feel every drop of water that had sunk through his clothes and wetted his cold skin. He thought that she held no suspicions— but apparently he was wrong.

“W-what do you mean?” Kai stuttered, pulling at the sleeve of his hoodie unconsciously, but only causing Cinder’s attention to latch there.

“The tattoo on your wrist,” Cinder responded. “I saw it when you were swinging around on the pole.”

Kai stared at her, mentally cursing himself with words he would never say aloud. He had been so very careful to make sure that she hadn’t seen it; but not only had she seen his tattoo, she had gotten a great view of him acting like the fool he was when she had spotted it.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Cinder said slowly, taking a step away from him, her shoulders sagging. “I just saw it, and I don’t know. I was just curious, I guess.”

Kai stared at her face, and her eyes that tore at every inch of his being. There was no power within him to refuse something to her— there never had been.

Pulling at the cuff of his sopping sweatshirt, Kai revealed his tenth, and final koi tattoo— the one that had been chased for four centuries, never gaining relief from the pursuance of death.

He held out his arm to her, and she stepped forward, taking hold of his wrist with gentle fingers. Kai felt another jolt rush through him, and had to withhold his urge to shiver. Her skin was pressed against his own— but it had been before. For stars sake, he had already held her hand at the museum, and in a multitude of other lifetimes, but it she still got him every time.

“It’s a blue koi,” Kai said, and felt Cinder’s calloused fingers tighten around his wrist ever so slightly. “I got it when I was but a foolish, young lad, and-”

“How old?” Cinder asked, cutting Kai off.

He stared at her, his body suddenly growing tense— protective.

“Oh, um,” Kai stared at his wrist, trying to come up with a good answer, but his mind struggling to find one. “Five?”

Cinder gazed at him for a moment, dumbfounded. Then her face cracked with a brilliant smile, and she laughed at him once more. Kai felt his shoulders release their tension, and he joined in, unable to contain his dizzying pleasure.

And then there was that moment, with the pair of them laughing— that full kind of laugh that couldn’t be restrained, even if a person wanted to. Their eyes met, and it was as if the whole world around them had stopped spinning, and all that was left was Cinder’s hand encircling his wrist, and her eyes looking into his, as if they could see his very soul; it was one of those moments that often describe love at first sight— but Kai had been in love with Cinder for more time than she could possibly imagine, and that passion for her would remain within him long past his final glimpse of her.

Kai was a statue, unable to move; and yet somehow— _somehow_ — Cinder was edging closer to him, her umbrella now covering his soaking frame.

She was inches away from him, and he could feel the warmth of her breath against his skin, causing goose flesh to prick up along his arms.

All that was left in the world were Cinder and Kai, barely touching, but somehow feeling each other despite their distance apart. The rain had ceased to exist, and all that Kai could hear was the beating of his heart, racing faster by the second.

Kai’s head tilted down, slowly closing the space between their lips. Cinder’s eyes fluttered, surprised at first, but then dreamily, as if she were falling asleep. They were breathing one another’s air, and that was all that was left between them.

Closing his eyes, Kai leaned in to kill the final inch of space between their lips, everything within his body dancing. And then—

“Cinder, stop your flirting,” shouted a voice from behind the pair. And just like that, the electricity was gone.

Jumping apart, Cinder released Kai’s wrist. She gave him one last look— one of bewilderment and annoyance— before turning to Thorne and not-so-subtly giving him one very special finger.

Kai stared at her as she walked away, rubbing at his wrist as if he could still feel her fingers around it.

“I see you had a very good weekend,” Thorne stage-whispered to Cinder, throwing a wink Kai’s way.

“Shove it, Thorne,” Cinder replied, actually shoving him as she walked in through the door to the repair shop.

Thorne waved at Kai, and Kai nodded in response, before turning, and strolling slowly down the street. His thoughts were for Cinder and Cinder alone, consumed by the memory of her eyes, and the kiss that had almost happened.


	13. Dying Star

_Cambodia, 1840 A.D._

The loud clank of a barred door sliding shut jolted Kai awake. He sprung from his curled position upon the cold stone floor of his prison cell, sitting upright. He was awake and alert immediately— he never needed sleep, although the last eight years of imprisonment had led him to the realm of living death more often than he had visited in decades.

His Cambodian prison cell was not a nice one: he was kept in the deepest, darkest cage— one meant for the worst of criminals and traitors. It was small, not quite big enough for him to fully stretch out in any direction, and held within it only a bucket for him to relieve himself in. It was a cell for someone who was dangerous— someone horrible. Yet Kai’s only crime had been an attempt to get King Ang Chan’s secret daughter to run away with him.

But he had failed. _Again._

He had found the bastard princess working as a maid at the royal palace nearly nine years ago. Kai had taken up work at the palace as a servant, working in the kitchen, just for the chance to see her on occasion— though as a ladies maid, that occurrence was rare.

For months Kai had only caught glimpses of her— until one day they ran into each other. _Literally._

Ang Channary had been rushing out to fetch something for Princess Mei— now Commandery Princess Mei. It had been some sort of garment that Kai could not name, but Channary had been in a rush to get it for her half-sister. In so much of a hurry that she had run smack into Kai, who had been carrying a sack full of kaffir lime leaves.

She had been in a panic, worriedly sputtering apologies and solutions and that all the blame was to be placed on her. She didn’t notice him staring at her, as her fingers danced among the scattered green leaves, scooping them up into her smock's apron.

Kai had placed his hand upon her arm, gently. “My lady,” Kai whispered, watching as her head turned slowly, until her eyes looked up into his own. He could feel her gaze like the strike of a lightning bolt upon his face. He could feel her very soul take pause— for it knew him.

“I-I…” she sputtered, feeling the heat of this moment just as much as he was. Because while Kai had found his love, he had not gotten the opportunity to meet her properly within her seventh life. In fact, all the meetings that had occurred between them thus far had been him watching, and her never seeing.

But she had seen him in that moment, and in every moment they had had after that. Because from that day forward, they had become friends; then secret lovers; then engaged. He had asked for her hand, despite the despicableness of it all. Ignoring the fact that she was to live and die in that palace, under her father’s protection. Forgetting that Kai had never considered asking Channary’s father for her hand— because what was the point? He would say no. And Channary had never been one to follow rules.

So they had set out, preparing to sneak off in the night— until Mei had ratted them out. Mei, who Channary had told because she was her sister, and because she didn’t want her to fret over her. Mei, who turned Kai over to King Ang Chan because she loved her sister so.

Kai had been going to meet Channary, waiting for her outside— waiting for a girl who would never run away with him. 

And so the guards had captured Kai and thrown him into prison. They had set about, preparing for his execution: it was the guillotine for him.

But Kai was unable to die, as the King soon discovered; and that was how Kai ended up in a prison cell, deep in the dungeons of Cambodia’s royal palace. A permanent resident of a royal cage.

The years had passed in a lonely sort of misery that he had grown accustomed during Selene’s fifth reincarnation. An agony that he had accepted during his solitude, mourning the forth reincarnation and how he had failed so terribly.

Yet, while Kai slept and lived with the crushing doom of his own thoughts, he had still had some bright spots within his life. Channary, brave despite the constant abuse she had endured within her own home, had visited him as often as she had a moment to.

She would come down to his lonely cell, where only the rats kept him company, and she would talk to him. She would tell him the stories of her life, and how she had come into the world as a bastard child of the Cambodian king and a lowly— most beautiful— Sino-Khmer. A mother who had come from China, but died in Cambodia as a result of childbirth.

Normally a child of such a hideous nature would have been left for dead, but the king had truly loved Channary’s mother, and had decided to keep her within the palace and raise her as a servant.

Channary had been especially loved by her sister, Mei, who had taken her on as one of her personal ladies maids when Channary was only twelve.

Kai, in return, told her about the world around them, and how beautiful it was. He shared his own stories of China, the beautiful place that Channary had always longed for, but would never in her life gaze upon.

She had continually questioned him about his life up to his imprisonment, seeming to suspect him of something spectacular, but Kai had never relayed anything related to the _Blue Koi_ ; he could not live with another Pimchan.

“Kai,” whispered a voice from within the darkness, startling him. He knew that voice, and he always would. He had even grown accustomed to hearing it from the eerie blackness of his cell— but not like this: not without seeing the shadow of her form through the bars.

“Channary?” Kai asked, panic seeping into his voice. “What are you doing here? Why are you hiding?”

A moment of silence, and then Kai remembered the slamming of bars, and the echo of heavy footsteps walking away and into the light.

He’d had a variety of other people live in this dungeon with him, but none had inhabited their cell for more than a single night. No one was thrust down into the dungeon with the intention of living another day.

“What’s going on?” Kai questioned, gripping at the bars and trying to bend them away. “Ary, what’s going on? What’s happening? Channary–”

“Kai,” Channary repeated, her voice quiet, yet firm. Kai silenced with the sound of it, his body beginning to tremble.

“Ary,” Kai cried, his voice cracking.

“Mei has been dethroned,” Channary said, her words spoken carefully. “Baen has been imprisoned in Phnom Penh to await her trial that will most certainly end in her demise. The others… I have not the slightest clue”

Kai let this information seep into his brain. He had known that Cambodia had fallen into some deep trouble once King Ang Chan had died, with only four daughters to leave behind, and no proper heir to take over the throne. Siam and Vietnam had both been attempting to take over, and while the oldest of the dead King’s daughters, Baen, had been willing to defy the Vietnamese, Mei had not.

So as a temporary solution, Mei had been crowned Commandery Princess until a suitable successor could be found. This meant that for the past six years, Mei had been nothing more than a puppet, controlled by the Vietnamese— but now her time was up, and so was Channary’s as well, by the look of it.

“They’re going to execute you?” Kai choked out. His fingers were twisted around the bars of his cage, but his insides were curling around his heart, strangling all the life out of it. “Ary… no–” Kai felt tears slip from his eyes and into his gaping mouth. “You can’t. They can’t,” Kai stammered. “ _Why?_ ”

“I am a disgrace,” Channary muttered, and Kai could hear the sadness disguised as strength within her words. “And I no longer have any protection. Believe in my words: Mei did all within her power— but there is nothing left to be done.”

Kai stared out at the blackness around him. He hadn’t seen the light of the sun in eight years— not since the seventh and final attempt upon his life. There had been nothing but blackness, and the occasional flickering of a candle from either a guard or Channary.

And somehow, all the blackness seemed to fill his soul, consuming him with a dark depression that he had very nearly drowned in decades before. It tore at his whole being in a manner akin to that of a dying star. All that existed was the all-consuming destruction and the deep black nothingness.

“Kai,” Channary’s voice sought him out once more from the darkness, pulling him away from his thoughts of the end.

“Yes, my love?” Kai responded. For while their romance had been stopped, their love for one another could never cease. Not even death had stopped Kai’s adoration for Selene, and as in every life, Selene’s soul never halted in her care for him.

“What identity is yours truly?” Channary asked softly. “I know that it is not that of a simple voyager, or even a villager’s son as you explained to my sister. You are something of a world that is not my own; you are a being that cannot die. Who are you without the lies?”

“Ary…” Kai mumbled, pressing his face hard against the bars.

“No, Kai,” Channary snapped. “Do not dare to lie to me once more— for I know with a surety that you are a being, either blessed or cursed of God. You have immortality. Do not cast a false image towards me any longer.”

Hearing the sound of only his heartbeat, Kai recalled the vow he had made; he remembered the promise to himself that he would not share who he truly was until after he had finally married Selene, and her memories were restored.

But here she was, once again, about to die. She would be gone by sunrise, and there was absolutely nothing that Kai could do about it. Because if there had been a way to escape, Kai would have found it by now— he had tried absolutely everything, even attempting to get Blue to free him as she had after his last imprisonment.

So Kai broke his promise to himself, and told Channary the story of his life, and how he had met her hundreds of years before. How he had fallen in love with her when he had been the royalty and she was nothing but a servant at Beijing Palace.

He wept over the details of her first death, and explained that her soul was living its seventh life. He told her that she would reincarnate once again in the year of 1841, somewhere else, awaiting Kai once again to find her and win her over.

Kai left one thing out, however: the details of her fourth reincarnation. He could not bear to tell her the details of that death, and how they had very nearly destroyed everything within him.

And when Kai had finished the story, Channary did not say a word. Instead, she reached her hand through the bars of her own cell, and grabbed hold of one of Kai’s own.

They spent the night in silence, not reminiscing on their near escape into a life of love and freedom. But rather, they held onto one another, fingers interlaced from outside of their cells— their love never having been bound to anything so trivial as life.

Neither of them slept a wink, but by the time the guards came, both felt a certain peace wash over them. This was not their last chance— there was still time left for Kai to find his lost love. There was still time for Kai to save his soul.

The pound of footsteps upon the harsh stone startled the pair’s hands apart; they were both on their feet within seconds, waiting for the death that was sure to greet Channary.

“Kai,” Channary whispered urgently. “There is going to be conflict. The kingdom is sure to fall, and when it does, you must escape this place. Keep a watch out.”

“I will,” Kai responded, perspiration breaking out upon his brow. “And my love,” Kai whispered, a single tear slipping down his cheek. He had felt the aching burn upon his arm too many times before, but never under such circumstances; he had never anticipated it so.

Channary reached her hand out once more, brushing her fingers along Kai’s knuckles, before dropping her hands back to her sides. He could picture her perfectly, standing tall, with her eyes closed, daring to be brave in a world that had brought her only terror. She was the same brave soul that he had met over and over again, and she would never lose her grit, no matter what.

“I love you, with all the courage of my heart, and the earnestness of my soul. And I promise,” Kai whispered, listening as the encroaching steps grew louder and louder. “That I will find you in the next life. And if not the next, then the one after that. For you are the greatest love of my heart, and I shall never abandon you.”

“My love, I do not wish to depart from you,” she whispered back at him, her words slurred with the quickness of their delivery. “But I trust in you, that I will not be lost— but rather, that you will find me once again. You have discovered me in lives past, and I know that you shall never fail me. My soul has loved you in lives unknown to me, and it shall love you in lives that you have yet to discover.”

And with those words, the guards arrived, their gruff behavior frightening both parties into silence.

They unlocked Channary’s cell without any words, then grabbed her, throwing a sack over her head as they did so.

She screamed despite her courage, fighting the guards and their will to end her life. Kai shouted at them, pushing at the bars harder than he had ever before. He cried out, listening as the two brutes dragged his love away, beating her senseless as they did so. The peace that both had felt was broken.

Kai felt like a dying star: all blackness and explosions. Everything ended as he listened to the screams of his love. All that lived within him was a violent storm of rage and fire, even as her screams quieted, and the sounds of life abandoned the dungeon.

He was a dying star, crazed and powerful— entirely destructive. And then his arm seared once again, and all that was left was an expansive space filled with nothing but a lonesome heart and blackened thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It was whack seeing Kai and Channary together. Kinda freaked me out, but also it's a Cambodian name and it's one of her own names so yeah that's how that went. I hope you enjoyed it!


	14. Scary Red Fish

_USA, 2019 A.D._

“Pearl,” Cinder said, her voice strained with the effort of not screaming. “You have to stop calling me.”

The phone had rung for the fifth time that day, and Cinder had finally given in and picked up, though she had not done the act happily. She had already blocked Pearl’s number three times in the past weeks, but no matter what she did, her sister always found another way to contact her.

She would have left her phone on silent, but as she was preparing to go out on a date with Kai, she had left her ringer on— just in case he cancelled. _Because why wouldn’t he cancel?_

“How selfish are you?” Pearl asked, her voice hawty and rude. “Our mother is dying, and you act as if it’s not important to you. As if she didn’t raise you and give you everything you could ever want.”

Cinder ran a hand through her hair; it was down, and while not exactly maintained, it was less messy than normal. She had decided to wear it down for her second date with Kai— per Iko’s request— and she wasn’t quite sure how she felt about it yet.

The rest of her outfit was much the same as the one she had worn on her last date, save for the plain soft pink shirt that Iko had lent her. Even Cinder had to admit, the color gave her an almost vibrant look in contrast with her dark skin, especially when paired with her black jacket and jeans. For the first time in her life, she had that pretty, feminine look; and while she would never change from her low-maintenance ways, there was something to be enjoyed about looking nice while going out with a boy that she was growing rather fond of.

“That woman may have kept a roof over my head, but she never loved me. She tortured and abused me. She’s awful, and the last person I want to see, even if she is dying.”

“Cinder–” Pearl sneared.

“Pearl,” Cinder growled back. “I’m not coming, nor will I ever come; so you might as well stop asking.”

“You’ll regret your petty ways someday,” Pearl hissed into the phone, though her words held their own sort of envy within them. But why? Because Cinder was free and had made it on her own?

“Funny,” Cinder said, her voice distracted. “I could say the same for you.”

And with that, Pearl hung up the phone, leaving Cinder to a room of silence, and a heart more heavy than it had been before.

***

“Are you okay?” Kai asked, reaching his hands across the table to gently touch Cinder’s. She let his fingers curl into her own softly. It was such a rare occasion in which a person made the smallest of physical contact with her, and with Kai, it was that much more magical. The compassionate caress of his fingers on hers sent sparks throughout her entire being.

The evening had been wonderful, with Kai taking her to a records store, and then a bookstore, and now, to dinner at a quaint 50’s themed restaurant. They had simply browsed around, sharing with one another their favorite music and literature.

Cinder had found Kai’s taste to be yet another unusual thing about him. He professed his love of Elvis Presley and Dean Martin, but also to the Chinese Opera— which the record store had none of. He knew few songs from the past four decades, and an abundance of oldies from a century before.

Where books were concerned, Cinder was near convinced that he had read every novel to ever come upon the Earth— he was the most well-read person she had ever met. All from Shakespeare to Harry Potter, though his favorite era was seemingly the gothic, which Cinder found particularly funny.

Kai had been all ears as to Cinder’s favorite music, but had made some confused faces upon looking at the album covers.

“Why is that child unrobed, underwater and chasing the common coin?” Kai had asked, holding Nirvana’s “Nevermind” album in his hands.

Cinder had laughed, and taken it from him, explaining the 90’s had been a weird time, and Nirvana had simply been a different band— one of the very best. Also there were drugs, but she didn’t mention that part to Kai, because she figured that he wouldn’t understand the concept of recreational drugs; and she hated to think about Kurt Cobain’s untimely death.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Cinder mumbled, trying to smile, but not doing a great job at it. “There’s just a lot going on right now. Sorry.”

“Never fret nor apologize,” Kai said, rubbing his thumb across the back of her hand. The gentleness of his speech and touch sent shivers down her spine— she had never experienced something quite so wonderful in all her life. The only people that had ever voluntarily touched her were either dead or Iko— and while Cinder loved Iko with all her heart, it wasn’t quite the same.

“Alright,” Cinder responded, a real smile on her face this time. “It’s just family stuff. Nothing important.”

“Ah, I see.”

“You do?”

“Yes,” Kai cast his eyes downward, looking at the spot where his empty plate had rested two minutes earlier. “My father was a difficult man. He always said he only wanted the best of and for me, but his ends were always his own. He cared for himself and no one else.”

“What about your mother?” Cinder asked, her mind shifting gears. She was still distracted, yes— but now her thoughts were on the missing prince, and his uncanny resemblance to Kai.

“Oh, there’s not much on the subject of my mother; I hardly knew the woman. My time as a child was most spent with the children’s maid— er, nanny. She raised me from my infancy until I was grown,” Kai confided.

Cinder wracked her brains for what to say next, but she couldn’t think of any questions to ask Kai that didn’t make her sound like she was a psycho who believed that he was a four hundred year-old Chinese prince.

“Family is a complicated issue, but they’re important,” Kai muttered, his eyes no longer upon Cinder’s. “They can destroy your entire life, but you can still love and miss them somehow, despite all that.”

Cinder opened her mouth to reply, but before she got the chance, the waitress came back with the check.

The subject lay forgotten after that, but Kai’s words remained within Cinder’s mind. Of course she hated her mother— the woman had been horrible to her. She had made Cinder out to be the villain of every bad thing to ever occur. Adri had caused her emotional trauma, and even hit her before. She had been the worst human being to raise an already damaged and forgotten child. But somehow, despite all of this, Cinder still wanted to say goodbye; she wanted to see her mother against her better judgement, and the internal battle was destroying her.

The duo left the restaurant, with Kai saying nothing more of their next destination other than it was a surprise. Cinder tried to give him a grin, or really just anything— but it all felt too dreary. She was out on a second date with a boy that she really liked— but her heart just wasn’t in it anymore.

It was one of those lonely feelings where she wanted nothing more than to be alone. She longed for solitude, and not because she disliked anyone, or even her surroundings; everything within her was an emptiness, that felt as if it would destroy. It would be better if she was alone— for if she were alone, no one could get hurt.

But alas, she was with Kai, and he had that giddy smile upon his face as he opened the truck door for her, and started up the retro vehicle. And no matter how distressed she felt on the inside, she wouldn’t let it get in the way. She was done allowing her darker emotions to tamper with the way she wanted to live her life.

“Do you like driving in silence?” Cinder asked, looking at the ancient radio that the car had, and knowing that there was no way that it could play anything.

Kai’s eyes widened, and a flush crept up into his ears. “It doesn’t bother me,” Kai said, staring with an overwhelming amount of attention at the road. “And if I long for the silence to end, I will play the music upon my cellular device.”

Cinder nodded her head, though she said nothing in return.

“If it is bothersome to you, I can turn something on,” Kai said, his eyes squinting, as if to see something that wasn’t there.

“Oh, no no!” Cinder turned to Kai, chewing on her bottom lip. “It doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I was just curious. I’m sorry.”

Kai turned to look at Cinder, his eyes just glancing at her before they went back to the road. But for that brief moment, they held a hint of sadness— like she was something other than he had expected her to be. As if she were something broken, and he felt personally responsible.

“Um,” Cinder cleared her throat, not wanting to hear any pity speeches. “So where are we going?”

Kai gave her one more look, but decided to drop it. “Well,” Kai grinned. “As you have noticed, today we have touched upon a couple of the arts: literature and music,” Kai turned the car, and suddenly they were in an open area, with only a speckling of cars to fill the space, and a ginormous screen in front of them all.

“So I thought that we could end by watching a motion picture,” Kai said, putting his car in park beside a silver Prius.

Cinder stared at Kai, dumbfounded. There was no way on this earth, or any other dimensions of it that he was real. He was too perfect— too old-timey. He was everything that the perfect guy was supposed to be but never was, and Cinder still couldn’t figure out why in the world he was interested in her.

“It’s _Roman Holiday_ ,” Kai continued, his words growing faster. “Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck. She’s a princess, who’s overwhelmed by her life and decides to go to Rome. But she passes out on this bench and then an American reporter comes upon her and improperly brings her to his apartment for her safety. They then begin to fall in love, and he teaches her fun and adventure and love. It is quite a spectacular film. But if you don’t like it—”

“Kai,” Cinder placed a hand upon his arm, and gave him a real smile. “This…” Cinder couldn’t help but feel a little overwhelmed by the kindness of it. The gesture, that was so simple, yet enormous. No one had ever taken her to the movies in her whole life. Sure, she had seen a handful of films with her sister, Peony, when they were children. But that was the full extent of her cinematic experience.

“This is wonderful,” Cinder said. “I… I…” Cinder couldn’t think of any words to describe how much it meant to her.

Kai beamed at her, and his eyes held that sparkly, mischievous quality that sent shivers up Cinder’s spine. Their bodies were turned toward one another, and it was just the two of them, sitting side by side on the bench seat in Kai’s truck. They were both hesitant— both scared, but somehow their faces were tilting towards one another.

There was this magnetic pull, drawing them together, closer and closer. Cinder could feel the anticipation building up inside of her, knowing what was supposed to happen next, and needing for it to happen.

Music blared from outside the vehicle, and the two jumped back, breaking the reverie that had brought the two together, and causing the tension to dissolve. Cinder stared out through the windshield and saw the fading circle of stars that was the Paramount Pictures emblem.

Cinder released a breath that she hadn’t known she was holding, then let out a laugh. She glanced at Kai, who’s face had turned a brilliant shade of red to contrast the dark green of his zip-up jacket.

Kai turned towards Cinder, his eyes bashful, then reached under his seat and pulled out a plastic grocery bag filled with boxed candies.

If Cinder had thought her heart couldn’t melt any more due to Kai Prince, she had been wrong.

“I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I just thought we could try some of everything,” Kai said, still not meeting her eyes. “We have the weird crunchy chocolate balls, the scary red fish gummies, the rainbow teddy bears, the tiny people candies, the baby mints— or whatever their name is— and these ropes of licorice.”

Cinder had to bite her tongue to keep from laughing at Kai, who had spewed this list without showing even a hint of embarrassment. Even she— who had never been to a movie theater, and couldn’t remember having ever tasted of those sweets— could, with confidence, name every one of the items within the plastic “THANK YOU” grocery bag.

“I’ll take the scary red fish,” Cinder said, sure that her face must be contorted in a frightening position to stop from laughing.

“You brave soul,” Kai commended, handing her the yellow box, and pulling out the white Junior Mints one for himself.

Cinder opened the box, then turned to watch the movie. The music was loud— an orchestra that’s reminded her of the film Peony had once shown her, _Sleeping Beauty_. The names on the screen were large block letters that curved only slightly, making them bold and elegant at the same time.

Then the film started, and Cinder was immediately taken with the old black and white film. She munched on the Swedish Fish, not entirely sure why Kai found them to be frightening, but enjoying their gentle sweetness upon her tongue.

But as the movie progressed, and the princess and the reporter were becoming friends and laughing together, Cinder realized that she and Kai were sitting mere inches apart and not touching at all.

There she was: sitting at a drive-in, romantic comedy movie, next to Kai, who was kind and funny and definitely not hard on the eyes, and all she had done was eaten a box of Swedish Fish.

Turning to face Kai, she saw a goofy grin on his face, as if he saw more than just two characters falling in love on a screen. She noticed the light upon his face, and the way it made his angular features softer, especially as he smiled and laughed at some joke that Audrey Hepburn had made.

And it was in that moment, with the light glowing, and his laughter filling the air, that Cinder realized she was in love with Kai Prince. 

Kai turned to face her, a smile still plastered on his face, and a dimple peaking through on his cheek. “Are you enjoying the motion picture?” Kai asked, his eyes softening as he looked at her.

Cinder smiled back, and nodded, blinking slowly, as if in a dream.

The pair both turned back to the movie, except for this time, Kai moved his arm so that it was around Cinder’s shoulders.

For a moment, she froze, unsure of what to do. Then she let out a breath, and melted into Kai’s side, leaning her head to that it rested on Kai’s shoulder.

And for the remainder of the movie, they stayed like that: side by side, in utter bliss, and completely unaware of how in love the other was with them.


	15. Ten Times Too Late

_USA, 2019 A.D._

“Earth to Cinder,” Iko waved a hand in front of Cinder’s face, rolling her eyes. “Earth to Cinder. Earth to–”

“I’m sorry,” Cinder muttered, blushing as she grabbed Iko’s hand and put it back on the table.

They were at Cinder’s apartment, eating pizza as they often did whenever Iko was able to make it over. They had seen less of each other than usual, due to how they typically got together on Saturdays, and Cinder had been out with Kai for the last two. But Cinder had gotten home early that Thursday, and Iko didn’t have a date, so the two had decided to order in and catch up at Cinder’s place.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Iko asked, taking a bite out of her slice of everything-on-it pizza. She somehow managed to do it without dropping a single topping, or even getting a speck of grease on her face. Cinder stared in reverie, unsure how one could perfect such an art.

“Uh, nothing much,” Cinder muttered, scratching the back of her head absently and messing up her ponytail even more than usual. She hadn’t talked to Iko about Kai as much as she would have liked to. Iko was great at talking boys, and had always nagged Cinder to put herself out there, but for some reason, Kai put her on edge.

Iko shook her head as she polished off the last of her slice. “Cinder, I know that look. And I know you. You’re thinking about Kai Prince.”

“No…” Cinder said, though she dragged the word out in a way that made it clear that she was lying. She had never been able to keep things from Iko, and she wasn’t about to start now.

“Cinder,” Iko started. “I know what I said before, about him being weird,” Iko twirled a braid around her finger. “But maybe he’s just that: weird. And even if he ends up psycho-murdering you, I would like to hear the details about him before your untimely demise.”

Dropping her untouched slice of pizza back into the box, Cinder glared at her friend. “I looked him up,” she admitted.

“Me too,” Iko confessed, leaning forward over the rickety old table. “I couldn’t find anything— or at least, nothing for this particular Kai Prince.”

“Same here,” Cinder said, nibbling on her bottom lip.

Iko stared at her, then looked up at the ceiling as if to ask God for patience. “You are the worst liar in the entire world. What did you find?”

Cinder closed her eyes and let out a sigh. She picked a mushroom off the pizza, and put it in her mouth, chewing thoughtfully. “I found this Wikipedia page— well, not exactly. It was just this guy who wrote about this prince who went missing in 1615. I don’t know, it’s probably nothing.”

“Wait wait wait, explain. What about this prince is so intriguing?”

“Well,” Cinder said, pulling off a sliver of crust and slipping it into her mouth. “There was actually this portrait— that’s why I clicked on the link in the first place. It was this portrait of a Chinese prince, whose name was Zhu Kaito. Apparently he was next in line to the throne, but he disappeared on the Lunar New Year.”

“Okay,” Iko said, her face scrunched up. “So he’s a prince, and his name is Kaito. Is that all?”

“ _Iko_ ,” Cinder whispered, her voice low. “The portrait looks exactly like Kai. It’s a mirror image, except he’s all fancy and looks like a prince, rather than a twenty-first century boy.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Iko’s eyes widened. “Oh, okay. Okay. Um, so what you’re saying is that you think that he’s the prince who disappeared like, four hundred years ago?”

“Yes?” Cinder cringed just thinking about it. “No? I don’t know. It all lines up super weird. Like Kai acts as if he’s from another time period, and looks exactly like this guy, but how is that even possible?”

Iko closed her eyes, covering her face with her hands. “I don’t know what to tell you,” she said, her voice muffled. “I just can’t see a way for this to be true. How does a prince live for four hundred years and still look exactly the same?”

“I don’t know,” Cinder confessed, glaring down at the now half-naked slice of pizza. “It’s just so weird. He’s so weird.”

“But,” Iko, twisted her head up from her hands, her eyebrows raised.

Cinder felt her whole body contract, as if to protect itself. She was scared to be open about her feelings— to share everything that she had felt. But this was Iko, and she had always told Iko everything.

“I kinda think I might like him a little more than I ever intended to,” Cinder confessed, her whole body tensing. For some reason, it all felt wrong— as if she were kidding herself.

Iko tensed as well, her whole face going pale as she turned to look at her friend. “Like how much?”

“I don’t know,” Cinder groaned, knowing exactly how much she liked Kai. “It’s all so complicated. He’s wonderful and perfect, and literally everything anyone could ever want. But then there’s the whole ‘Zhu Kaito’ conspiracy in my brain as well, but I just don’t know how that would even work.”

Iko frowned, looking down at her perfectly shaped nails. Cinder always marveled at their elegance— the way they were always neat and trimmed, yet somehow completely natural. Cinder’s own nails were usually tinted some shade of unpleasant gray, ragged, and often bleeding.

There was just a natural beauty to Iko that Cinder could never have— even if she tried. She had always been like that, since the two had met in high school.

Cinder started to wonder if Kai would still have any interest in her if he met Iko. Would he still want to see her for their third date on Saturday if he knew that there was someone such as Iko? Because while her best friend was beautiful, she was also kind and intelligent, and way better at nearly everything— other than mechanics— than Cinder.

“If you care for him,” Iko said slowly, still not looking at Cinder. “Then you should give him a chance. What are the odds that he is some long lost prince?”

“Not much,” Cinder said, her voice constrained. “And I don’t even think that actually bothers me. I think it’s more…” Cinder put her head in her hands, trying to wrap her brain around all the emotions coursing through her body.

“You’re scared,” Iko whispered. “You’re scared of what this means; you’re scared of those feelings.”

“Is that completely insane?” Cinder asked, peeking at her friend through her fingers.

“Maybe just a smidge,” Iko teased, throwing Cinder a wink. “But based on your track history of people that you’ve cared for, I think it’s understandable.”

Cinder let out a sigh, feeling comfort at Iko’s words.

“But don’t let fear hold you back,” Iko continued. “Fear is man’s worst enemy, and love’s greatest traitor.”

“Don’t wax poetic on me now,” Cinder sniffed, crinkling her nose, but smiling all the same. Iko always found a way to make her feel better.

“You’re going to be fine,” Iko laughed. “And if he breaks your heart, I’ll kill him.”

“While I don’t think that will be necessary,” Cinder grinned, “I thank you for the solidarity.

“Anytime,” Iko smiled, winking at Cinder.

***

Water ran down Kai’s face in a gentle trickle, gluing his lashes together and tickling his nostrils. He stared at himself in a grimy mirror that had a long diagonal crack through the center. His face was the same as it had always been— aside from the moisture upon it— but his eyes were somehow older than they had been four hundred years ago. They were exactly the same as they had always been: brilliant copper, with flecks of amber in the center; but somehow, they held a sort of weariness that had grown with the years.

Kai knew that he would look for Selene for all eternity if that had been the _Blue Koi’s_ sentence— but he would have to admit that the past four decades had been exhausting. He was too tired for a being that never needed sleep.

Grabbing a towel, Kai wiped his face dry, watching as his skin grew rosy with the rub of the scratchy fabric. He ran a hand through his hair, the strands damp at the roots and dry at the end; he pulled them up, then watched them fall down into his eyes.

Letting out a sigh, Kai left the tiny bathroom and entered into the kitchen that was also a bedroom and living room. It was a studio apartment— the cheapest thing that he could find.

It wasn’t as if Kai didn’t have any money; on the contrary, he was loaded. He had left China with nothing, but had worked hard for the first bit, and earned enough to get around. He was more educated than most people, and fluently spoke three languages, allowing for him to get just about any job he pleased.

Throughout the years, he had worked lots of odd jobs, sometimes a teacher, other times a translator, and even once as a chef— though that particular job hadn’t lasted long. For the most part, Kai enjoyed jobs that included the arts in all their many forms, though especially literature. Museums also held a special place within Kai's heart, as he was always wanting and willing to share all that he had learned of the world throughout the duration of his long life.

But while the jobs had earned him enough money to get by, his real fortune had come through in more recent years as his interest rate increased. It was a simple thing: he had put his money in banks— all around, due to his travels, and the interest over the course of many decades had given him more money than he felt he deserved.

He had put his fortune into a lot of good— donating to different charities, especially ones involving children, and those who came from rough families; because Kai knew better than most how hard parents could be.

All four hundred years of wandering the Earth in search of his love had not been a waste— yet somehow, they still felt pointless. He had searched for years and years, and had found her once again; but would he be able to keep her?

Kai had been engaged to be married to Selene on two occasions, and convinced her to run away with him on two others. In all the lives that Kai had met Selene’s reincarnation, she had never failed to fall in love with him— even in her fourth reincarnation. 

She had loved him even as she forgot his name and where he came from. She had found comfort in him, a stranger holding her as she died in the rat-infested streets of London. She had adored him, even on the night before her execution. She had stared at him as if he were the world while her village had burned to the ground. She had been willing to leave her whole life behind to start a new one with him as an outcast. She had been the girl who claimed him as her own, even when he was the reason for her death.

But while she had loved him in so many lives, Kai could never forget the one in which she had despised him. The one where he had failed—scared her off. He would never cease to remember _that_ reincarnation, and how horribly he had fallen.

Selene may have always loved him, but she had learned to hate him as well; and for that, Kai would have to remain cautious.

Cinder had a damaged soul, and it was all Kai's fault. She had died ten painful deaths on his account, because he had been ten times too late. She had faced horrors that no person should have to live through during one lifetime. Cinder was a broken being—but so was Kai. Because while Cinder had died all those terrible deaths, Kai had suffered through them with her.

Their souls were forever intertwined, and there was nothing that could break their bond. As long as Kai didn’t mess up again, he could succeed. _He would succeed_.

Because if he didn’t, he would lose everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Fun fact: the original name for this story was Ten Times Too Late, but I changed it at the very last second to The Time it Takes to Fall based off of a song I wrote, that just happens to be the lullaby that Kai sings to Cinder/Selene/pretty much every reincarnation he encounters.


	16. Maybe Someday

_England, 1812 A.D._

Kai didn't feel the fifth koi brand disappear from his arm as he had the four previous times it had smoldered into nothing. In fact, he wouldn't have even noticed it was gone if he hadn't been staring at his left forearm the second it had wilted away.

He hadn't felt anything for over seventy years, and he wasn't about to start now— not after everything he had experienced.

For the past seven decades of nothing but the overwhelming pain and then numbness, Kai had done nothing but lay upon the floor of whatever shack or street he decided to call it quits on. He hadn't tasted food in all that time, for he felt that he didn't deserve it— and of course, he didn't need it to keep him in this miserable state.

He had wandered about, his clothes nearly the same throughout the years, only changed during the first hours after Pimchan's—death because of all the blood—and the few times since when the fabric had become something close to nonexistent.

But he had been in his shack for the past decade and a half, listening to the sound of the waves, and waiting for _her_ to find him.

It surprised Kai that in all the years since Pimchan's death, Blue had yet to come and visit him. She had kept close in all the previous years, even visiting while he had been jailed in Australia. But now she was gone, and Kai was completely alone in the world.

He had no clue as to where Selene's last reincarnation had been, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to know.

Kai sat up from the floor, glancing around at his surroundings. The shack itself wasn't all that bad; he paid for it with the little money he still had left at this point, and aside from that, only bought wood for his fire. Because after seventy years without any physical contact, even in the smallest manner, Kai was tired of being cold.

He was so cold and alone—and it hurt. This feeling of emptiness and agony was a feeling all in its own. It was something that he wasn't sure he could ever come back from.

The fire was burning low, so Kai stood from the dirt that had been his bed for the past few hours. He threw another log on, watching as the orange burned into yellow.

He stared, letting the brilliant flames mesmerize him into a sort of reverie. There was something so exotic and mysterious about fire— they were the opposite to all the blue that had filled his life from the time he had left China.

A bang reverberated throughout the shack, doing nothing to startle Kai. In fact, the only sign he made as to hearing the soft knock was the slow blink of his eyes.

"Enter," Kai said, his voice barely above a whisper. He had hardly spoken during the last seventy years of isolation, and his vocal cords struggled with the simple word.

The door opened, and in stepped a majestic creature, veiled in the darkest hues of the ocean, with nothing but her naked, dark feet peeking through as she walked in. She was a creature that did not belong to this world any more than Kai did, and yet, they were both there.

"My thoughts were only just imagining when you would next transpire to impose upon my company," Kai rasped, turning away from Blue and seating himself directly in front of the fire.

"I thought it best to give you a moment of serenity to gather your thoughts and prepare for your next conquest. But alas, you never deigned to give this reincarnation a single thought," Blue said, her voice even and low as it always was.

"I cannot carry on as I have in the past," Kai whispered, his words lost in the crackle of fire upon wood. "No longer can I venture to inflict pain upon the only one who owns my heart."

"How can you say such words?" Blue hissed, coming to sit beside Kai, her legs crossed beneath all her silk and veils. "For you know what awaits you if you cannot procure your prize."

"She is not a prize," Kai growled. "She is a woman— one that I love more with every beat of my dusting heart. I cannot bear to do her a single ounce more of harm. I shall not stand to watch any more horrific things befall her on my account."

"Oh my princeling," Blue soothed, placing a gloved hand upon his shoulder. "Have I not already told you in past years that no matter what you shall make of your circumstances, your love will always endure the pain of living. She will always suffer greatly, because she suffered much in her first life. A person has the same destiny, no matter how many times their soul graces the Earth. The only way to change her death is to change her life."

"But my being around her has done nothing yet but to bring her harm," Kai whispered, a single tear sliding down his cheek. "My presence is a curse upon her soul. The very proof of that lies within the span of this past life. It has surpassed all the others in length by a grand margin. I am the curse; I am her suffering."

" _Kaito_ ," Blue snapped, dragging her hand off his shoulder in a painful manner and slamming it upon the floor.

Kai hiccupped, his old name startling him— it was something he hadn't heard in over a hundred years. He had abandoned the name as he had abandoned his duties to his country. It was a name that belonged to the prince who wanted to please his father. _Kai_ was his real name. The nickname that she had called him by. The name that he had come to claim as his own.

"Do you not know by what horrible misery this last reincarnation suffered?" Blue asked, her voice still calm, but holding a gruff quality within it.

"No," Kai whispered. "No," he pleaded, covering his ears with his hands and rocking back and forth, staring at the orange flames and wishing that they could destroy him— but nothing could do that sort of damage. Nothing could destroy someone so cursed as himself.

Blue crouched in front of him, placing both hands on the side of Kai's face. The fire behind her illuminated the oceanic fabric covering her, making it dance like the waves of the sea. Her face had no eyes, or indication of any humanic features beyond the gentle bump where her nose was sure to be.

There had been a time when Kai had wondered what lay behind Blue's mysterious veil; but those days were far behind him. He supposed that whatever she hid, she disguised it for a reason. Because either her face was too ugly, or too beautiful for this world to behold.

"Yue was born to a wretched immigrant family in Japan— one that had no mind as to how to take care of all seven of their children. She was brought into the world as a fifth priority, and forgotten by the woes of her family and the world. Her mother no longer felt a love for her offspring once the first born son came forth into the holding, and her father, oh that man is cut from a cloth much crueler than that of your own father. True horrors were all that she had for family."

Kai looked down to the dirt floor, his heart weeping for his Selene. She had lived terribly, even without him— but at least her death had not been because of him.

"But her family was not even yet the most dreadful part of her life. No no, there was _that_ _boy_."

Kai's head snapped up, his eyes going wide. He felt a flutter of emotions: hurt, fear, loathing, jealousy, agony. He had never known Selene to want anyone other than him— but perhaps it was for the best. Maybe she had known some sort of happiness with this boy. Maybe she had finally gotten a taste of the purity that love should have held.

"He was a nasty bit of slime upon the face of humanity. He convinced poor Yue that he was her friend— an ally. He lied to her about the state of his own life, and convinced her that they could run away together and make a new life for themselves. They had loved one another, but with different forms of affection."

A sick feeling gutted Kai, and he knew what was bound to come next. Wherever Selene was, horror was bound to follow.

"Please," Kai cried, his entire body shaking. "Blue, I beg thee. Please do not continue. I cannot bear to hear the rest. I cannot bear it. _I cannot bear it._ "

"The moment the pair were away, the boy attempted to advance upon her. He tried to manipulate her into loving his decrepit heart, but she is not capable of loving anyone other than yourself. Your souls are so intertwined at this point that there is no force upon the face of the Earth that can stop her from loving you. So he gave up on trying to win her affections," Blue sighed at this. "He hurt her-"

"STOP!" Kai pushed Blue back from him, unable to bear another word from her mouth.

Inside his head, all he could see was Selene, his love, being harmed— and he could not bear it. The thought of her being hurt tore at everything that resided within Kai. It made him want to scream and rip out his own very heart and tear every hair from his head. The thoughts drove him mad— the kind of mad that one can never come back from.

Blue stumbled back from Kai and straight into the hearth. She let out no scream, but simply a gasp of surprise.

Immediately, she lurched out of the fire and onto the floor— and for the first time in nearly two hundred years of knowing her, Blue was not completely composed. In fact, all she could seem to do was stare at her hands and the burned blue silk that had turned to ash.

"Blue-" Kai started, reaching for her hands.

But Blue pulled away, hissing as if— in pain.

"I-I-" Kai tried to speak, but he did not have words for what he was seeing. For as Blue pulled off her gloves, Kai saw angry red blisters flaring across her palms. They weren't terrible— Kai had seen far worse burns in his time; but Blue wasn't supposed to burn.

"All is well," Blue whispered, pulling the sleeves of her robes down to cover her blistering hands.

"I am sorry," Kai muttered, curling in upon himself. "I am sorry, Blue. My stars, I am so terribly sorry. _I-I am sorry._ "

He pulled his knees up to his chest and sobbed into the floor. He was awful and horrible and wretched. He was the most despicable human being upon the face of the Earth. All he had brought into the world was pain and misery. He was the worst of all the scum upon the Earth. He _hated_ himself.

"Kai," Blue said, her voice tender and motherly. "The apologies should be coming forth from me, not you. She is the greatest love of your life, and it is never well to hear of harm upon the one that you love. It is a most dreadful and horrible feeling— quite possibly the worst in the whole world."

Blue placed a bare hand upon Kai's face, and Kai stared at her fingers, watching as they came to touch his face— completely free of injury. Perhaps Kai had just imagined the burns. Maybe he had simply seen them because they should have been there. It wouldn't have been the craziest thing he had imagined. He hoped that they had not been real.

"I must now venture back into the world— and I beg of you, Kai: got forth and have no fear. Do not let your fear hold you back."

Kai stared up at his only friend in the world. His faceless friend, that had given him the opportunity of happiness again and again, only for him to ruin it. She had saved him; but somehow that saving had only led to pain and damnation.

"I cannot bear to encumber her with any more pain than I already have," Kai rasped, his eyes stinging. "Blue, I _cannot do it_."

"Kai, I cannot force you into anything—other than my servitude if you fail," Blue said, staring down at him upon the floor. To her, he must have been nothing more than a shaking, weeping infant. "If you choose to never search for Selene again, that is your choice, but it is a poor choice.

"You have been given an opportunity that far few have ever been granted. You have been allowed a second chance at love— another opportunity to live out an ending that shall end in more than death."

"Blue," Kai whimpered, his face dampening with his tears.

Blue walked towards the door, her form dancing like the softest waves of an evening tide. Then she turned one last time, speaking to him: "You did not choose this life to live forever. You chose this wretched existence to _save her_ — to save that which you love."

And with that, Blue walked out of the shack and into the freezing air beyond where only empty shacks and breaking waves existed, leaving Kai alone with his blizzarding thoughts. Everything within him was swirling and blank, perhaps beautiful in a world where beauty is nothingness.

He could not bear to hurt his Selene once more— but what if he was hurting her more by not being there for her?

But whenever he thought of this, all he could see was Pimchan, lying upon the floor, cold and dead. All he could remember was how it was all his fault. How he was no better than that boy who Yue had run away with. He had also hurt his lovely Selene. He had destroyed her. He ruined _everything_.

So Kai vowed to himself, in that moment, that his goal was no longer to get Selene to be with him— well, at least not his primary goal.

His topmost priority had to be saving her: protecting her from the world and all the pain within it. He could only let her love him once he was sure that she was safe— once he knew that she could come to no harm. Then perhaps Kai could ask her for forgiveness. Then maybe they could finally be happy and Kai wouldn't have to live with the horrible memories until the end of time.

Maybe someday he could fix it all: he could explain to her all that had been going on and ask her to understand. He could beg her to not hate him for all the misery he had caused her throughout the centuries.

Maybe someday he could actually be the one to save her and they could get their happy ending. Perhaps she would be able to love him once more, despite all the pain he had inflicted upon her soul. Maybe someday they could both be happy.

And maybe— just maybe— Selene could forgive Kai for killing her.


	17. No Asking Required

“Do you really think that it could be up the tree?” Cinder asked, squinting up into the brush above them.

She was in the middle of the woods with Kai, and they were geocaching. Never before had she heard of such a thing as geocaching, but here she was, with Kai, looking for little treasures hidden in the middle of nowhere. She would have felt somewhat nervous to be all alone with not a soul around if she was with anyone other than Kai. It was odd, but she felt completely at ease with him. Nervous, but not of him— only the feelings she felt regarding him.

“My cellular device pins the treasure to this very tree,” Kai sighed, wiping a hand across his brow. The day was cloudy, but all their walking had led to an increase in body temperature— especially with their jackets on. “Perhaps it is up on that particularly thick bough,” Kai pointed about twenty feet up, squinting at the foliage.

“Alright,” Cinder said, clapping her hands together, the pink scar tissue of her left hand contrasting with the tanned skin of her right. “I’ll climb up.”

“Pardon?” Kai asked, his eyes going wide. He looked up at the tree, and then back at her. Cinder had already taken off her black jacket and was handing it to him.

“Oh, uh, I can actually climb it,” Kai interjected, pushing her jacket back towards her. “I have climbed an abundance of trees in my time. My eloquence in tree climbing is rather phenomenal.”

Cinder scoffed, rolling her eyes. “The fact that you just used ‘eloquence’ to describe your tree climbing makes me think that you have never climbed a tree in your life.”

Kai grumbled incoherently, shooting her a glare, but did not argue against her words.

Grinning, Cinder pulled her phone out of her back pocket and handed it to Kai, swapping it for their geocaching treasure. He looked up at her, one eye closing in a goofy, confused manner.

“I don’t want it to fall on your head while I’m climbing, Cinder explained, trying to keep a straight face and failing. It was clear that Kai had never before even considered climbing a tree, and the bafflement upon his face was something that Cinder found all too adorable.

Cinder turned away from her flustered date and placed her hands upon the tree. The bark was rough against her skin, but she smiled as she began to climb.

“Be careful,” Kai called after her, his voice anxious. Cinder turned her body and looked down at him, his face red from exertion and sweaty from the warmth of his gray hoodie. She scowled at him, then continued to climb.

It had been ages since Cinder had climbed a tree; she had forgotten how much she loved it. The wonderful feel of climbing up into the heavens and away from all the horrors of the Earth. She could remember all the happy times she had enjoyed up in the sky, racing her little sister up and up and up. Hearing Garan cheer them on from down below.

Those had been some of her happiest moments. Just herself and her favorite people, away from all the negativity that was her life. She had gotten to laugh, and make jokes and not have her stepmother call her horrible names or make her do chores throughout the entirety of the day. She had gotten to be alive in those moments— and she would never forget them.

“Hey Cinder,” Kai called from below. She was about fifteen feet up the tree, and near the bough where the suspected treasure was sure to be. She squinted around, looking for her next handhold and boosting herself up.

“Yeah?” Cinder replied a little distractedly. She upper body strength was good all things considered, but it had been a long time since she had pulled herself up a tree.

“Someone is calling your person,” Kai said, holding the phone up to the sky as if to show Cinder. “However, there isn’t a contact listed for the number.”

Cinder felt her blood run cold— she knew who was calling her.

She shouldn’t have been surprised that Pearl was contacting her at this time: she had called her every Saturday afternoon for the past couple weeks. Normally Cinder would have been home at this time, preparing for her date with Kai. But they had left for their date in the early hours of the afternoon, rather than the later ones.

“Um, you can just hang up on it,” Cinder said. “Or let it go to voicemail. It’s probably just one of those scam numbers.”

“Okay,” Kai responded, his answer sounding more like a question than anything else.

Cinder returned her focus back to the tree, nearing her destination. Her heart was racing faster than it had been a minute before, and suddenly her attention was less focused on the tree, and more on why Pearl kept insisting on calling her.

She reached her hand upwards, feeling for the next branch. She grabbed on, pulling herself up and up— until she heard a snap. The branch gave way, and Cinder felt her body begin to succumb to gravity’s strong force.

Below her, Kai yelled incoherent words, but they were useless. Within a split second, Cinder grabbed onto another branch, then pulled her body flush to the truck of the tree. She exhaled deeply, listening to the thundering sound of her blood pounding within her head.

“Cinder!” Kai screeched from down below, his voice more panicked than Cinder thought the situation warranted. Sure, she had almost fallen twenty feet, but it’s not like she would have died or anything.

“I’m fine,” Cinder called back down, waving a hand at Kai. “Just misjudged the sturdiness of the branch. I’m almost there.”

“Please descend from the tree, Cinder,” Kai said, his voice quivering. “I do not want for you to get hurt. I could not bear it.”

The tone of his voice caused Cinder to pause. He sounded so pained—as if he truly could not bear the idea of a single scratch tracing her skin. She knew that he was kind, and oh-so sensitive to the world and everything, but she couldn’t understand how he could possibly care for her this much. They had known each other for less than a month, and while they had spent a decent amount of time together, she was so new to him.

Cinder looked down at Kai, who had his arms extended, as if to catch her if she fell. The sight made Cinder want to laugh, but instead she yelled down, “I’m almost there. I promise that I will not fall from this tree.”

“That which you have promised,” Kai said, his brow crinkling. “You must perform.”

Turning away, Cinder started up the last few feet to the widened bough. Her hands were sore and slightly scraped from her near-fall, but she was otherwise unharmed.

She reached the top and found a small wooden box. She exclaimed in triumph, pulling her body to sit on the branch.

“Is the treasure there?” Kai asked, his voice still concerned, but tinged with the smallest hint of excitement.

“Yes,” Cinder replied, grabbing the box and displaying it for him. Kai grinned and even let out a short “Woo-hoo!” which made Cinder laugh.

“What is inside of it?” Kai called, craning his neck, as if he could somehow see inside the box despite being twenty feet below it.

Cinder opened the box, her heart dancing. The front had a latch made of rusted metal, and the box itself was somewhat molding, but still intricately carved and beautiful. Cinder wondered why someone would put such a beautiful creation up and away from the world— why someone would hide such artistry.

With an outside so charming, Cinder expected whatever “treasure” within to be just as wonderful. She was somewhat wrong on that point.

For a moment, Cinder stared, dumbfounded by what she was seeing. Then she started laughing— that full kind of laugh that one only gets when they are completely and utterly amused.

“What is it?” Kai called up, shielding his eyes with one of his hands. Cinder only laughed harder, leaning back against the trunk of the tree, her messy hair entangling itself with the scratchy bark.

Containing her giggles for but a moment, Cinder picked up the item that had caused her to launch into such hysteria and tossed it down towards her confused date.

Kai caught the package and stared, his face scrunching in confusion. Cinder watched him, biting her lip to keep from laughing. She loved the way he studied the package so intently, and how his dark hair somehow managed to always fall right into his eyes. Her fingers itched to brush the locks away, and put her hands gently upon his cheeks and then-

“Are these prunes?” Kai asked, holding the package in one hand and covering his eyes with the other as he looked up at Cinder. Watching him made some part of her ache, as if being twenty feet away from him was simply too far. She had never felt this way before— had never experienced such a feeling. And yet, she knew the emotions coursing within her and all that they entailed.

“Flip it over,” Cinder chuckled. “There’s a little note written on the back— I think a kid wrote it; the handwriting is terrible.”

Cinder continued to watch Kai, enjoying his concentration, and the time it gave her to simply look at him. He was so beautiful, his features angular and elegant. But there was also something so otherworldly about him— as if he was the last of some ancient species.

“They’re…” Kai trailed off, looking up at Cinder. “They’re tomatoes?”

“Dried tomatoes,” Cinder giggled, her entire body tingling with the amount of joy she felt. “They’re… they’re dried tomatoes that the kid.. the kid grew in his garden.”

“I think that this person be not a kid, but a man,” Kai replied, letting out his own breath of laughter. “In the P.S. he mentions that his girlfriend forced him into drying out the tomatoes so they would not spoil.”

Cinder could no longer breathe from how hard she was laughing. It was all too much for her to handle; this kid— this man— had thought that these tomatoes were the most lovely treasure in the world. It was the most delightful thing that Cinder could even imagine.

For a moment, the pair laughed together, Cinder leaning her head back against the tree and letting out the loudest laughter of her life whilst Kai clutched at his side and chuckled silently. Then their eyes met, and it was one of those moments that nothing can tarnish or destroy. They were happy and together, and the world felt right.

“Come down please,” Kai said through his laughter. “We must partake of ‘God’s greatest gift to mankind,’” Kai quoted, his eyes closing with the mirth of it all.

“Alright,” Cinder replied, her insides hurting from all the laughter. “Let me just leave our little present first.”

Reaching into her front pocket, Cinder pulled out a carved wooden rose. The object had brought her pause upon her first glance of it, for its beauty was so delicate. Cinder could tell that it had been carved by hand and with the deepest of care. There was even an inscription written upon the bottom, though Cinder couldn’t read it— it was written in characters. She wondered if Kai himself had made it, or if it was simply something that he had laying around.

At first, Cinder had protested against putting something so beautiful away in a box where it was questionable whether or not someone would find it— but Kai had told her that he had no more use of it, and would love it if someone else could figure it to be a treasure.

So Cinder tucked the carved rose into the box, then picked up the geocaching log to write hers and Kai’s names in it.

The list of names already written was a short one, with only three groupings listed. Cinder wrote her name and Kai’s, with a little plus between them that made her heart flutter. And then, only because Kai would never ever see the box and what was within it, she drew a little heart in after their names.

Cinder found climbing down the tree to be much simpler than climbing up, and made it down in half the time it had taken her to get to the geocache.

The second Cinder hit the ground, Kai spun her around and grabbed her hands. Cinder protested, but Kai examined them all the same, his face falling as he took in the scrapes.

Cinder pulled her hands away and put them on Kai’s face, raising one eyebrow at him. They were both hot messes, but she didn’t much care. She was happy, and she wanted nothing more in the world than to kiss him.

“You had me worried,” Kai said, placing his hands on top of her own and rubbing his fingers gently across them. “I thought you were going to fall and-”

“But I didn’t fall,” Cinder said, a bit mischievously. “I didn’t fall, and I got you a bag of dried tomatoes.”

“What great luck you have,” Kai deadpanned, rolling his eyes.

Cinder laughed, her hands falling down to his neck, fingers twisting softly into his dark hair.

“Oh,” Kai exclaimed, dropping his hands from Cinder’s and reaching into his back pocket. “You received three more calls from the same number,” Kai handed Cinder’s phone to her.

Cinder felt the breath leave her, along with all the joy she had been feeling only seconds before. Of course Pearl had continued to call. Of course she was the one to burst Cinder’s bubble of happiness.

“Okay,” Cinder said, drawing away from Kai. She went to put the phone in her back pocket, her entire body feeling as if it longed to be living in some sort of hole.

“Are you not going to call them back?” Kai asked, his eyes widening.

Cinder squinted at him, trying to decide what to say. “Uh, well, I can call them back later.”

“I do not mind in the slightest,” Kai said, smiling at her reassuringly.

Cinder did not feel reassured, but didn’t want to appear weird or argue the point, so she pulled out her phone and clicked on the caller ID, her gut sinking.

Pearl picked up on the first ring, her voice immediately squawking through. Cinder cringed, turning away from Kai, so as not to see his face the moment he realized that she was not good enough for him.

“Cinder, what the-”

“Pearl,” Cinder cut in, her voice pleading— begging for it all to stop. “Please please please stop calling me.”

“Not until you come see mom,” Pearl said, her voice breaking on the last word. “I think this is it, Cinder. S-she wants to see you. She wants to talk to you. _Please_.”

Cinder’s mind screamed for her to hang up— these people had done nothing for her. They had tortured and abused her for years, and never once had they wanted her around. But while Adri had been the worst mother in the entire world, she was also the only one that Cinder had left.

“This could be it, Cinder,” Pearl whispered on the other end of the line. “She could be gone, and you would have never gotten to say goodbye.”

Cinder didn’t say another word, but she didn’t have to— Pearl hung up.

Everything within Cinder was battling, tearing her to shreds. She didn’t know what to do— no, that wasn’t right. She knew what she needed to do, but gathering the courage to do it was next to impossible.

Turning around, Cinder looked at Kai. His eyes were wide, and he was nibbling on his bottom lip in a nervous manner. Cinder knew that he had heard every word.

“My mother is sick,” Cinder said, gesturing with her hand, despite the phone still clasped in it. She was starting to get a headache, and she wanted nothing more than to be alone and away from the only person who had ever made her feel wanted. Because why would he want her after he knew what a horrible human being she was.

“I can drive you,” Kai said, pulling his keys out and twirling them around a finger.

“No,” Cinder said, shaking her head, tears filling her eyes. “No, I couldn’t ask that of you.”

“But you didn’t ask it,” Kai said, walking forward and taking her hands. “I offered. All you have to do is accept. No asking required.”

Cinder let out a choked laugh, a single tear slipping down her cheek. “No, n-no, I can take the train to Seattle. Um, if you wouldn’t mind driving me to the station.”

“Cinder,” Kai sighed. “Let me drive you. It will be much faster, and we can talk things out— if you want to, of course.” Kai blushed, looking down at the ground.

“Okay,” Cinder whispered, another tear sliding down her cheek. “Thank you.”

Kai smiled sadly at her, then wrapped her in a hug. It was the most comforting thing that Cinder had ever felt, and the brief embrace gave her courage.

The pair said nothing as they broke apart— though Kai still kept an arm around Cinder, even as they walked down the slope and towards Cinder’s wretched past.


	18. To Live and Suffer Endlessly

The car was silent as Kai pulled off the freeway and into Seattle. Most of the car ride had been devoid of noise, and while Kai was quite used to a world of quiet, he found it uncomfortable under the circumstances.

He wanted Cinder to talk to him— to explain what was going on. Because while he knew her better than any other person in the world, he couldn't read her mind. He had held her as she had died on multiple occasions, calmed her in the midst of a world of chaos, and been there for her when no one else had. But he didn't know what was going on this time.

Throughout Selene's many reincarnations, Kai had found her to remain much the same— save for one thing. She grew more frightened. With time, and each new life, she seemed to fear more, and experience less and less comfort. Perhaps it was the changing world, or her increasingly terrifying life circumstances, but Selene was not as brave as she had once been.

Kai blamed himself for this: it wasn't her fault that she'd had to live eleven different lives. Life was exhausting enough when you only had to live it once. Selene had never had any say in whether or not she wanted to be reincarnated. Kai had made the choice for her— the choice to live and live and suffer endlessly until her life ended on his terms or the _Blue Koi's_.

For years Kai had lived with an endless amount of guilt, knowing that his only means of relief would be her. His dearest love, and most brutal torturer. She had destroyed him time and time again, only to build him back up.

Kai turned into the hospital's parking garage, the fading light of the evening sky disappearing inside the underground passage. He wished more than ever in that moment that his car could play music.

He pulled the car into a spot, turning off the ignition with a near-silent sigh. He could feel Cinder's tension without even looking at her, and it made him anxious. She had never gone into detail where her family was concerned, but he figured that it was something bad— it was never good where Selene was concerned.

"Hey," Kai said, his voice soft. He turned his body so that he was facing Cinder, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder. "I am here with you, no matter the consequence of this visit. I will be with you through the entirety of the meeting if you wish me there."

Cinder said nothing, but she nodded in response, her eyes round and glistening in the dim lighting.

They got out of the car and left the garage in silence. Echoes sounded around them, everything from cries, to people whispering on their phones, to happy exclamations. It was such an odd assortment of people in the simplest space: people who had seen babies being born, and others who had just lost parents, or even some coming to pick up their friends who had broken their legs after falling down the stairs. An odd assortment of people indeed.

A car backfired loudly, like the sound of a gunshot— frightening Kai. He grabbed hold of Cinder's hand instinctively, then realized what he had done and tried to let go, but Cinder held on. Her cold fingers intertwined with his warm ones, squeezing them tight. Kai squeezed back.

He opened the door that led into the sterile white walls of the hospital floor unit. Immediately Kai felt ill just entering the place. He hadn't been inside a hospital since 1945, when he had last tried to get Zhen professional help before the doctors declared her a hopeless case.

"Excuse me, madame," Kai said to the lady at the information desk. Cinder stayed slightly behind him, still grasping his hand as if it were a life line. "We are in search of the Lady by the name of Linh."

The woman stared at him, her mouth slightly agape. Kai felt a twinge in his stomach, and turned towards Cinder. Her face was still pale, but she had a slight smile on her face, and her eyes had lost the hollow look they had held moments before.

"We're looking for Adri Linh," Cinder said, her voice barely above a rasp. "I'm her... I'm her daughter."

"Adri Linh," the woman said, typing into her computer and looking at it intently for a few moments before turning back to the pair. "Alrighty, Adri Linh is on the third floor, room thirty-eight— but you're gonna wanna hurry because there are only fifteen minutes left before visiting hours are over."

Kai thanked the woman, then walked towards the elevator, gently pulling Cinder along behind him. She wasn't resisting, but she still seemed somewhat hesitant despite it all.

The elevator ride was silent, save for the soft classical piano music playing through the speakers. Kai was bursting with so many questions: there was so much he wanted to ask Cinder about her family. But he knew her— and he knew that she wouldn't answer his questions if he asked them. Selene had always been the type to say something only when she wanted to.

By the time they made it to the third floor and found room thirty-eight, five minutes had passed— though Kai suspected that Cinder wouldn't be distraught at having but ten minutes to speak with her estranged mother.

The plain wooden door was nearly closed, with only a small sliver open just enough for them to hear the voices from within. Kai felt Cinder's entire body tense, her fingers holding his so tightly that they started to lose all feeling.

Kai looked at Cinder, his eyes questioning. Cinder bit her lip, eyes round and filled with fear. It broke Kai's heart to see her like this— scared and unsure. She had always been the bravest girl that Kai had known; she had always had this confidence, even within her shyness. But now, standing here outside the door to her dying mother's hospital room, Kai had rarely seen her so terrified.

"Hey," Kai said tenderly, bringing his other hand up so that it rested upon her shoulder. "You do not have to enter inside that room. You and I can turn our backs upon it, if that is what you desire."

"No," Cinder shook her head, closing her eyes briefly. "I have to do this. I...I need to say goodbye. I just..." Cinder opened her chocolate eyes and looked straight into Kai's own. That one look told him all that he needed to know.

Kai brought his hand up to cup her cheek, and for a moment, Cinder leaned into it, squeezing her eyes shut and breathing in deeply. Then she turned away from him, and raised her unoccupied hand up to knock on the door.

She didn't hesitate before walking right in, not waiting a second for either of the occupants to say a word. She dragged Kai in behind her, startling him.

The sight in front of them was pitiable. A woman upon a bed, with graying hair shot through with white, and skin so transparent that Kai could see her twisted purple veins and fragile bones. The girl who sat in the chair beside her wasn't much better looking, with her hair frizzed and messy, with dark shadows under her eyes and rumpled clothes.

Almost immediately, the young woman's face changed from frustration to shock, and then, to suspicion. The dying woman made no sign that she had noticed the pair walking in aside from a soft sniff.

No one said anything for a long time, but rather the three women all stared at one another, as if to size up an opponent. Kai felt somewhat uncomfortable, but stood his ground all the same.

"Who's this you brought, _Cinder_?" The woman on the bed sneered, her ugly yellow teeth bared like fangs. Her voice itself was a husky whisper— almost a predatory growl.

Cinder gulped. "This is Kai," she breathed. "Kai Prince. He's the one who drove me here, as per _your_ request."

The woman scoffed, her eyes rolling in a nasty sort of way, much unlike the way Cinder rolled her own eyes whenever Kai said something she found particularly ridiculous. There was something so malicious about the way this woman stared at Cinder that he refused to believe that _this_ was her mother.

"Adri–"

"Oh, so I'm Adri, to you? Not your mother? Not the woman who raised you and gave you everything you would ever want?" The woman snarled, confirming the worst of Kai's fears.

"Yes, you're just Adri to me." Cinder said, her voice strong— but in that intense manner that one's voice gets just seconds before it breaks. "Just Adri, because you _never_ loved me. You never cared what happened to me. You didn't even attempt to come looking for me once I left because you couldn't give one single flying–"

"You don't know a thing, you foolish girl!" Adri yelled, her deep voice thunderous despite her weakened state. "You destroyed this family, and then left. You abandoned us to nothing but despair, you wretched creature!"

" _Mom_ ," Pearl snapped, and Kai hoped that someone from this family would finally help Cinder. "We didn't ask her here so that the two of you could yell at one another just like you always did. Remember the whole purpose of this."

Cinder froze, the redness of rage sliding off her face like the soft drops of a Seattle rainstorm. She paled, her fingers somehow becoming colder within Kai's grasp.

"Hah," Adri snickered, flicking her fingers at her own flesh and blood as if she were some simpleminded creature. "Your purpose of getting this rat here. Oh what was it? So we could say goodby to one another? Make amends? Fix this damned family? You're just as foolish as your–" Adri drew air quotes and made a mocking face, "– _sister._ "

Pearl flinched, as if she had just been slapped across the face. Her shoulders curled inward, as if she wanted her whole body to twist into non-existence. Kai almost felt bad for her, but then remembered that this girl was the reason why Cinder was here; she was the reason why Cinder was enduring such abuse.

"What the hell could you want from me?" Cinder fumed, her nails digging into the back of Kai's hand. "I don't have anything to give you, and even if I did, I wouldn't."

"You owe me," Adri grinned wickedly. "After all that you did— after you destroyed this family, you nasty scum— you owe me."

"Madame Linh," Kai tried to interject.

"Stay out of it, Kai," Cinder growled, shooting him a look that was probably meant to look fierce, but rather, it appeared broken. Then she turned back to Adri. "What do you want?"

"Well, once you abandoned the only family you had, you took all the income with you," Adri said, a wicked expression upon her face. "You owe me. You left, and you ruined us. You took everything. And now, I'm about to die, and leave my daughter nothing but an endless world of debts that would have been paid if you hadn't abandoned the people who saved you."

" _Saved me?_ " Cinder released Kai's hand and walked to the bedside of her dying mother. "Are you kidding me?"

"You were living in a rat hole before Garan brought you into my home. If we had left you there, you wouldn't be standing here today," Adri jeered. "He saved your worthless life, and now you owe me."

"You're right," Cinder said, and Kai blinked, unsure if he had heard her correctly. "Garan did save me. He loved me. He took care of me. And if he were here, I would owe him all that I have to offer."

"But you," Cinder continued, getting so close to the bed that her thighs were touching the mattress. "You are every bad part of my life. You were everything horrible. You're the reason why I am so damn messed up. And I'm not going to let you screw up my life any more than you already have."

"Cinder-" Pearl tried, her hand reaching out for her sister, despite their mother between them.

"And you," Cinder's voice broke. "Never talk to me ever again. Stay the hell away."

Cinder turned, facing a frozen Kai. She had tears pooling in her eyes, and after all that Kai had seen her through, he had never once seen her so defeated.

"Come on, Kai," Cinder whispered. "Let's get the hell out of here."

She started towards the door, grabbing Kai's hand and tugging him towards the open frame.

"Oh, you think you can just take your fancy boyfriend and be done with your real family?" Adri called out to Cinder's back. "You think he'll care about you? You think he'll stick around once he's found out everything that you did?"

"Cinder," Kai muttered, attempting to pull her out of the room as gently as he could.

Cinder released his hand and walked towards her mother. She pointed her finger at the woman, her entire being shaking. "In the short time that I have known Kai, he has cared for me more than you ever did. Don't you dare ever compare yourself with him. You are not even a fraction a lovely and wonderful as he is. So don't you even _dare._ "

And with that, Cinder turned, tears streaming down her face, and ran out of the hospital room, leaving everyone behind stunned and speechless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry this took a while to update! I would also just like to say right now that the next few chapters are going to have some intense, more mature themes. I am not a graphic person, and will not going into many details about it, so it shouldn't be that bad. But if you are particularly sensitive, this is your warning. And if you need more warning, let me know! I'm totally and completely happy to make anyone feel comfortable while reading my stuff. It's no problem<333


	19. Star Crossed Lovers

_Thailand, 1740 A.D._

"My love," Pimchan grinned, her eyes sparkling under the light of the setting sun. Her long brown hair was down and appeared almost red under the glow, and the blue silk of her Chut Thai seemed more purple than its sky shade.

"Good evening, my dearest one," Kai hummed, his heart melting at the sight of the greatest love of his entire life. Never in his life had he loved another person as much as he loved this girl— even if this wasn't the life in which he had originally met her. This was the first reincarnation that he had reached in time, and not had to watch die.

In some ways, Kai had suspected that it would take all of his attempts to finally get his happy ending with Selene, especially after how hard it had been proven to find her. With three previous reincarnations, Kai had found her in two of them— and one of them had been only moments before her death. The other he had not been clever enough to manage, and had been thrown into jail by a bunch of scary Australian nuns.

But this time around had been so... easy. Kai had found Pimchan when she was sixteen, and her immigrant parents had loved him immediately. Pimchan of course was still Selene, and she was wary of him at first, but not for long. It was only a matter of a few months before they were betrothed to be married on Pimchan's eighteenth birthday.

Now only hours remained from the time that they were to be married; Kai could still hardly believe that he had succeeded. His curse would be broken so soon— he and Selene would be together, despite the baker's dozen of decades between their original meeting.

"I have longed to see your face for all the hours since I last beheld it," Pimchan gently ran her fingers against Kai's cheek, her touch as light as the kiss of snowfall. "But soon I shall not long for you so dearly against all the hours of the day and night. For within a day's time we shall be joined until the end of our days."

"Perhaps then you shall long for the days in which I am not with you more often than I am," Kai teased, looking around before taking her hand in his own and bringing it up to his lips, the sleeves of his traditional Suea Phraratchathan falling down his arms.

"I cannot imagine such a time when an emotion of that caliber could ever overcome me— for I am so woefully enamored by you," Pimchan came closer to him, the sweet smell of her breath reaching Kai as her face drew near to his. "I swear on my life, for I would not need one without you in it."

"Please, swear not upon the thing that is dearest to me; I could not stand for you to break your promise, and for me to lose you for all time. I could not bear such a thing ever-" Kai broke off, catching himself before he said more.

Pimchan drew yet closer to him, her face a scandalous few inches from his own. "Speak your final words in which you always seem to forget," Pimchan scrunched her face up as she said this, as if trying to stare into Kai's soul for answers as to his mysterious persona.

She had always been so curious about him and his origin. He spoke differently than she was used to, though he adapted to the country's customs more quickly than he had in Australia or England.

"Worry not, my dear," Kai muttered, his mouth dry. "I forget no such things, but simply ramble into eternity." He pulled back, still clasping Pimchan's hands.

"You think I know not when you speak such lies," Pimchan smirked at him, intertwining her fingers with Kai's own. "But I know your soul, Kai. I know it quite well."

"And I am well acquainted with yours," Kai replied, squeezing the hands of his love.

"Love," Pimchan asked, her voice tinted with something that Kai hardly recognized. It was a drastic change— as if something horrible had come to pass. "What marks lay upon your arms? Wha-what-"

A wave of terror flamed through Kai's body, making his skin come to life with the feeling of a burn. He had always been so careful to keep his marks covered. He wore his wrappings upon his forearm, explaining to Pimchan that the arm had been hurt and it needed to remain bound. Many times she had asked to examine his wound, but he had protested. She could not know. He could not tell her. In any other life maybe, but not this one. Not with when her name was Konn Pimchan.

And with all that aside, they lived in a modest country, in a modest world. His sleeves always remained long, and there had never been an issue.

But on this day, the sheep Kai had been watching over had ripped his bindings, leaving only his sleeves to cover his markings. He had meant to cover them again

"It is nothing, dear flower, remember it not," Kai cut her off, attempting to yank down his left sleeve. But Pimchan was too fast.

She grasped his arm and pulled back the sleeve, baring his tattooed koi fish to the world around them. She gasped, and dropped his arm, backing away from him as if he were the most horrifying thing she had ever beheld.

"K-Kai..." Pimchan's voice wavered, as she stared at him. Only moments before she had looked at him as if he were the entire world; now, as her eyes met his, she looked upon him as if he were the destruction of all that she loved.

"Chan, please..." Kai begged, knowing that whatever thoughts that were going through her head were not good ones. "I can explain. It is not the horror that it appears to be. I swear it upon my life-"

"Your life?" Pimchan shrieked, her eyes growing wet. She covered her mouth, to stop the choked sounds that were starting to escape her.

Kai moved towards her, as if to comfort her, but Pimchan only thrust her arms out at him, demanding him to stay away from her.

"Please, Pimchan, I beg you. Please listen to my speech. Let me tell you the explanation of my markings, for they are not the curse of which you fear."

Pimchan made no move to come towards Kai, but at the very least she did not try to run away. Rather, she stared at him, with tears streaming down her face, as she covered her mouth. Somehow, even in her terror she was beautiful. Horrifying, but beautiful.

"It is not the curse of which you fear. I am not the slayer of the _Blue Koi_ ," Kai explained, wringing his hands together as he spoke. "That is simply a legend— for I have met the _Blue Koi_ , and she is very much alive."

"But you bear the curse of death," Pimchan sobbed. "You bear the mark of one who has slain death under the moon of the Lunar New Year. You-"

Pimchan's eyes widened, and her hands began to tremble so fiercely, that Kai worried that her entire body would begin to seize.

"Believe me, love," Kai cried, his nails digging into the tattoos upon his arm. "I would never seek to destroy death, for death is an important part of life. I believe that no man can escape her or her wrath. She came to me— upon the Lunar New Year. She-"

"STOP!" Pimchan yelled, covering her face with her hands. The blue silk of her dress was becoming tainted with her tears, the spots darkening the fabric to the precise shade of the ocean. "Stop it, please," Pimchan whimpered, slowly sinking to the ground. "Cease to speak your words of torment. I beg of you."

Kai felt his heart break at that moment. All the joy that he had been encumbered by during the past two years seeming to dissipate within a matter of moments.

"Do you not know why my family was cast out of our native land? Why with the fall of the Ming Dynasty the Konn family was cast out of China? Why-"

"I know it all," Kai choked. "I know the reasons, without need for you to explain. Konn Torin was my greatest friend. He searched for me for many years. He even..." Kai swallowed his bitter tears at remembering the time and place where his friend had found him and begged him to return home to the throne. The time in which he had pleaded with Kai to save the dynasty.

Kai had refused, of course. He had sworn never to go back to China— at least not until he was free from the bonds of death and the immortality she had granted Kai.

Konn Torin had returned to China without Kai, and the Ming Dynasty had died with Rikan. The Konn family had been banished from the land— exiled to Thailand.

"You're the lost prince of China. Oh stars in the heavens. Oh stars. Oh stars, no," Pimchan sobbed, her whole body wracked with the torment of her discovery. "Kai... you're Zhu Kaito. Oh stars..."

She wept into the ground, her tears watering the soft earth in which she had lain to rest multiple times.

Kai could not stand to watch her weep so— at least not alone. He walked to her side, and sat down next to her. For a moment, she let him hold her as she cried. She rested her head against his chest, as if to listen to the sound of his ancient heart. A sound that she had listened to time and time again. He wished that that sound alone could remind her of their love. How they were eternally bound. How she was his savior, and without her— well, he was nothing without her.

But then she remembered herself, and her hatred towards this man that she was so soon to be married to. She shoved Kai away, rising from the dirt, and ran from him.

Kai knew to not chase after her; she was his Selene after all. Once her heart was set, there was no changing it.

For hours Kai remained upon the dirt, resting his hand above his heart, and feeling the wetness of her tears and the memory of her head upon his chest. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the one talisman he had of his lost love and pressed the ring softly against his lips in a cool kiss. 

There he remained, weeping upon the ground, knowing that he had failed. By this time, Pimchan had surely explained to her father who Kai was, and why he was the worst of all the creatures of the Earth— especially to their family.

Once again, Kai had failed.

But as Kai wallowed in his failure and self-pity, the moon rose above the trees, covering him in a luminescent light that made his skin appear sickly.

It was only then that Kai heard the ruckus. Voices shouting in the dark, like the echo of lonely ghosts.

For a moment, Kai was sure that they were the villagers, coming to kill the monster who bore the curse of the _Blue Koi_. Even those who did not believe in such myths would long for his blood after they saw the mark of death upon his arm— especially when there were seven left upon his pale skin.

But the name that they were calling was not his own.

A shiver ran down Kai's spine as he heard the two syllables being chanted into the night. The name that he had grown to love. The name that meant more than anything in the world to him.

"Pimchan!" The ghosts yelled into the night. "Pimchan! Pimchan! Pimchan!"

Kai rushed to his feet, his blood running as cold as the ocean water that had swept him up over one hundred years before. Immediately, all his thoughts of sadness over losing his love once again vanished from his mind.

Kai had figured that she would tell her family who Kai was, and that they would banish him for all eternity. But what if her parents hadn't believed her? What measures would Pimchan take to escape Kai?

"PIMCHAN!" Kai screamed, running into the woods.

The voices behind Kai were loud, but they were looking in the wrong place. They wouldn't find her in time. They wouldn't be able to save her.

Kai remembered the first evening of their first kiss. It wasn't proper for a young man and young woman to be alone together, but Pimchan had never been fond of the rules— especially where Kai was concerned. She had snuck out to rendez-vous with Kai on the old abandoned tree stump.

He had been hesitant to come within ten feet of her, but Pimchan had taken his hand and led him to the mossy tree stump. They had whispered to one another, making promises of love that Kai had thought that they would never break. She had cupped his face in her hands and kissed him gently. Kai had nearly thought her an angel, in her white nightgown and her hair braided over the top of her head. The moon had glowed softly upon her face, and Kai could have sworn that she was the goddess of life herself.

But of course, Kai had never met the _Red Koi_. He only knew her sister— the one who had been cast down from the heavens to the depths of the ocean. He knew not the creator of life— but the one who stole the brilliant souls her sister created.

"Pimchan!" Kai yelled, his voice growing hoarse. The trees were growing denser, and Kai had a sudden sense of déjà vu. He remembered another day, running down the hallways of his palace home, with fear as his only companion. He prayed to the red _Red Koi_ that this time it would end differently.

He reached the clearing of trees, and saw the massive mossy stump, bathed in moonlight. And at the foot of the stump, he saw the angel once more, dressed all in white and covered in the soft glow of the goddess of the night.

The same moment that Kai saw his angel, his arm began to burn.

" _No_ ," Kai sobbed, throwing himself down to the Earth, right next to his beloved. He brought her up into his arms, feeling her warmth, and the stickiness of her blood as it oozed down the front of her angel's dress.

"Pimchan, _no_ ," Kai wept, rocking her back and forth in his arms. He pulled the knife from her chest, and pressed the fabric of his shirt to the gaping hole within it, but it was no use.

As Kai tried to save his love, she stared into his eyes, the moon reflecting perfectly within them. And somehow, within those eyes, Kai could see her soul, a century and a half old, staring back up at him.

"M... my... Kai..." Pimchan sighed, moving her hand, as if to touch Kai's face, only for it to fall onto her chest.

Pimchan's chest didn't rise again, but her eyes remained open, eternally staring at the moon as if it were her long lost home.

The burning in Kai's arm ceased, and he cried into Pimchan's neck, his tears wetting her skin and long flowing brown hair.

He wished that he had a vial of poison to drink, and join his star crossed lover for all eternity. He wished that he was as lucky as Shakespeare's most renowned lovers. He longed to vanish into the world unknown— the ocean of life after death. He needed the relief of no longer living. He wished that he had had the courage to end his life with Selene's— to join her in the afterlife from the very beginning, or not exist ever again. For surely nonexistence was better than any life he could live without his love in it.

But alas, he was not as lucky as Romeo and Juliet— he could not simply join his love in death; there was no vial of poison that could kill him now.


	20. Unlovable

Cinder didn’t know where she was running off to— all she knew was that she had to get away; for if she couldn’t get away, she knew that she would self-destruct. She couldn’t stand another second with that fiend of a woman that had raised her.

She rushed past medical personnels dressed in white lab coats and blue scrubs and around hospital beds filled with the sick and dying. The memories of her last visit to a hospital filled her mind and tortured her. The agony that had filled her heart as the doctors had told her that her sister was dead—dead before Cinder even arrived. She had run then too.

Finally she reached the staircase, pushing past the white exit door and into the all-concrete room where the entire world turned dark and gray. She raced down the staircase— feet echoing loudly upon the ground though she could barely hear the noise over her own breathing. Actually, she didn’t notice much aside from that fact that her lungs were no longer catching air.

Reaching the bottom of a flight of stairs, Cinder collapsed to the ground and held her head in her hands. There didn’t seem to be enough air in the room as she sat there gasping violently upon the ground. Tears stung her eyes and her lungs burned to be filled. She wondered if she was dying— if this would be her end.

A hand touched Cinder’s back and pulled her close. In her panicked state she couldn’t see or hear the person— couldn’t even smell them— but she knew it was Kai. The way he pulled her gently into his arms as she tried in vain to catch just a breath of air into her lungs. He whispered words of comfort to her— words that she couldn’t make out— but they made her feel more at ease.

Her body melted into his, as if she were a rag doll released from the hands of a child. His words suddenly changed from mumbling to actual sentences strung together, and Cinder felt immediate comfort within them. She buried her head in his chest and let out a sob. She clutched at his shirt with shaking hands as if he were the last person on the earth— and to her, he was.

Kai didn’t tell her that it would be alright, or that she was fine. He simply whispered “I am here,” and “I have you.” And then his voice would slip into a language that she couldn’t understand as he sang a melody that sounded vaguely familiar— a lullaby. But no one had ever sang to Cinder before, not even when she was a baby.

Eventually her breathing slowed along with her tears, leaving her head throbbing and her eyes dry as sawdust. Her entire body ached with that sort of hollow emptiness one feels after suffering a massive panic attack— that effort of trying to breathe and bring back whatever normal was supposed to feel like; that feeling of dying, and wishing that you would, and then having to come back to being alive.

“She is nothing but a wretched, sad woman, Cinder,” Kai whispered into her hair. Her body rested halfway in his lap and her face still lay buried in the crook of his neck. She hadn’t been held so dearly by anyone since her sister’s death. Only Iko had given her any form of affection since her sister’s death, and even then it was… different— almost as if Iko didn’t know how to hug and love someone the way they ought to be. She was more mechanical in the way she loved others, doing everything the right way, but without the same emotions.

Cinder swallowed, feeling another tear slip out from her eye and fall onto Kai’s sweatshirt. “But she’s my mother,” Cinder mumbled, nuzzling her face farther into Kai’s neck. “She raised me. She’s supposed to love me but…” she choked on the words, feeling them catch like sticky honey within her throat. “Why doesn’t she love me? Am I that unlovable?”

Kai’s body flinched at her words and he pulled away from Cinder. He kept his hands on either of her shoulders, holding her far enough away from him so that he could look into her eyes. “Unlovable?” Kai asked, his Adam's apple bobbing with the single word. “You think that you are unlovable?”

“What else would explain why a mother hates her own daughter?” Cinder let out a little gasp, her lip trembling.

“Cinder,” Kai said her name like a prayer. His eyes flitted back and forth between her own, growing sadder the longer he stared. She had never before seen him look so devastated— as if her pain was entirely his fault. Cinder felt as if she should be comforting him rather than the other way around. “In all my life, I have never before met someone so terribly lovable as yourself. Never. I do not know a soul upon this earth that is more deserving of love than you.”

His words were barely audible as he uttered them, and the reverence with which he said them caused Cinder to shiver. She knew that he meant them with all of his heart. What she couldn’t understand was why he felt this way after knowing her for only a month— how could he love her so in such a short amount of time?

But then again, she wasn’t entirely sure if her own feelings were that far off from his own.

“How can you know that?” Cinder’s words barely escaped her lips— her entire mouth felt as if it were coated in sand. Her eyes searched his, yearning to dive into them and explore his very soul, ancient as it seemed. “You’re only twenty-one. How can you know something like that?”

Kai leaned toward her, his lips only a breath away, though his eyes remained focused on hers. “There are the very things that a person does not need time to understand; things such as love and goodness— you just know.”

Cinder stared at him, licking her chapped lips and feeling her body inch slowly closer to his own. The air itself felt as if it were alive with electricity: twitching and buzzing and filling her with an insatiable need to pull Kai as close to her as she possibly could.

“Cinder,” Kai’s voice hitched on her name as if filled with fear, and Cinder felt the electricity vanish within an instant. She leaned back from him, and his hands fell from her shoulders.

“What?” She asked, feeling her heart sink and her body fall back into its once-exhausted state.

“You can ignore my question, and I shall never again bother you with it,” Kai started, nibbling on his lower lip with the pause of his sentence. “But I must ask you what happened to your sister?”

All the air seemed to leave Cinder with this question. It’s not as if she hadn’t been expecting it— in all honesty, she knew that it would have to come up eventually why she ran away from her family when she was only seventeen— but she still wasn’t prepared to answer it. She hated talking about Peony, even with Iko who had known and loved her as well.

Cinder stayed silent for a long time, and Kai’s shoulder drew in on himself, as if to protect his body from Cinder’s nonexistent wrath.

“I-I am sorry, Sel- Cinder,” Kai winced as he stumbled over his words. He closed his eyes, as if afraid to look at her. “I shall never ask it again. You have my wor-”

“Have you ever heard of sudden arrhythmic death syndrome?” Cinder asked, turning away from Kai and staring at the wall instead. “SADS for short.”

Kai didn’t reply, so Cinder carried on, shutting her eyes tightly as she did so.

“It’s this disease that people get— hereditary,” Cinder let out a bitter laugh. “My father, Garan, died of it when I was only eleven. He was a perfectly healthy thirty-six-year-old man, and then bam,” Cinder snapped her fingers. “One morning he was just dead. He died so suddenly and just out of the blue. His death tore my family to shreds.”

Cinder pressed her hands up to her eyes, trying not to let any more tears slip out. “My mo- Adri,” Cinder felt her heart twinge with the near-slip. “She was always mean, especially to me, but Garan’s sudden death made her cruel. She treated me like an animal, never allowing me the proper necessities that a human— particularly a child needs. Without Peony or Iko, I’m pretty sure I would have starved at some point. Honestly, without Peony, I’m not sure if Adri would have let me live at all,” Cinder swallowed, her breathing becoming more and more ragged.

“Peony saved my life on more than one occasion— she even took my own beating upon herself once to stop Adri from actually killing me. She saved me time and time again, and she loved me when I was the most despicable,” Cinder let out a sob, her shoulder shaking gently. Kai moved closer to her, though he did not touch her. “And I failed to do the same for her. I didn’t notice the signs— looking back, they were just like Garan’s. She was always dizzy and breathless and even fainted a few times. Adri didn’t have either of the girls screened for it, and I still don’t know why. But one day she was there, and the next she was gone.”

Cinder slumped against the concrete wall, pressing her forehead against its cool surface as tears streamed down her cheeks. “She went to work with me— just to get out of the house for a little while. I swear, I still don’t know how it happened. One minute I was working on a car, listening to her chattering at me and the next I heard her fall to the ground. I thought that she had tripped, but when she didn’t get up I dragged myself out from under the car.

“I thought she had fainted again,” Cinder’s words barely made a sound, and she wasn’t sure if Kai could actually understand anything she said, but he was still listening to her intently. “She smacked her head on the ground, and there was blood everywhere. All I can remember was the blood, slowly spilling out onto the ground around her. I didn’t even think to check for a pulse.”

Raising her face from the wall, Cinder turned to Kai, looking at his devastated features. Tentatively he reached out a hand and Cinder took it. He squeezed, and Cinder felt a bit of strength flow back into her being.

“The paramedics told me that there was nothing I could have actually done,” Cinder sighed, feeling all the tension leave her body. “But I’ll always wonder…” Cinder trailed off, her eyes looking up at Kai.

“You loved her with all of your heart, Cinder,” Kai whispered, tightening his grip upon her hand. “She made that horrible home bearable for you, and I can tell that your presence was much the same to her. You cannot blame yourself for such a tragedy.”

Cinder let out a dry laugh and swiped at her eyes with her unoccupied hand. “It doesn’t really matter whether or not it was my fault— Adri always blamed me for it. She said that my filthy work environment stressed her out or some other rubbish. I don’t really know. It’s just…” Cinder sighed, staring down at Kai’s hand, fingers intertwined with her own. They were unblemished and pale while hers were scarred and tanned. The perfection against the inadequate.

“What?” Kai asked, bringing Cinder’s attention back to his inquisitive copper eyes. His lashes dipped down as he stared at her, casting a slight shadow upon his cheek.

Cinder cleared her throat, blinking back a new onslaught of tears. “Nothing,” she tried to smile, but knew that it came off as weak.

She stood from where she was sitting, pulling Kai up with her. “We should get going home,” she said, dread filling her up from the inside. She wanted to stay here with Kai forever, even if it was in a forsaken hospital where her mother lay dying. “I’m sorry I took up so much of your time. I’ll pay you back for the gas and-”

Kai pulled her close to him, holding her fiercely against his chest. One hand played gently with her hair and for a moment Cinder just let herself breathe with him and feel the beat of his heart against her palm.

“We should go,” Cinder whispered against his neck, holding back tears.

Kai released her from his hold and they stared at one another as they backed away, as if in a trance. He didn’t say a word to her but nodded instead.

And with that, they left the hospital in silence.


	21. The Death of Prince Kaito

_USA 2019 A.D._

The freeway was nearly empty with darkness as its only companion and Kai felt completely alone as he drove south of Seattle despite Cinder’s presence next to him. She slumbered peacefully, breathing out soft puffs of air that made her flyaway hairs dance and the window glass beneath her face fog. Her entire demeanor held only calm contrasting the boiling emotions that had taken control of her features only hours before.

Kai felt like the worst human being upon the whole earth— everything was his fault and it always had been. How selfish could he possibly be to make the love of his life suffer so? Even if it was so that they could be together and happy someday, how terrible was he to bring such incredible pain upon the woman he loved?

Through each life she had lived her existence was filled with horrors that Kai couldn’t comprehend. From abusive households to illnesses to complete and utter abandonment, Selene’s soul had seen the very worst of humanity through the course of over four hundred years and it was entirely his fault.

His heart felt like a ball of iron within his chest as he stared out at the dark and cloudy sky where even the moon no longer existed. The sky felt like a reflection of his very soul: so dark and dreary that no light could come through, even as it sat right beside him. Never before had he been so tormented by the presence of his love than he did now. 

Seeing Cinder’s family and their treatment of her hadn’t been what he had expected; he knew that the familial bond was weak and that Cinder had a poor relationship with her family, but he hadn’t expected _that_. The pure hatred within Adri Linh’s words alone made his own heart feel scolded— he could hardly imagine the hurt that would stem within Cinder from them.

Kai’s own family— stars, back over four hundred years ago— had been tricky. His father wanted him to be everything that he was: powerful and unyielding. Kai had tried his very best to do what his father wanted of him growing up. He’d been a man, rather than yielding to his gentler childhood tendencies. He shunned weakness and taught himself to be an empty shell of a person, always seeking ambition rather than peace.

He could distinctly recall the day he’d met Selene— despite the long time since its oritinal occurrence. He was rushing down the hall, not running, but walking at a brisk pace. He didn’t have much time before he was supposed to meet his father— they were discussing his betrothal to that of Princess Levana, bringing the Ming Dynasty more power than ever before. Kai had only met the woman on a few occasions and felt absolutely nothing for her, but what did it matter? He was going to be the Emperor of a great dynasty. _Love didn’t matter_.

But as he turned the corner of the hallway, he found that his viewpoint would change. His body slammed into that of a girl dressed in white cotton and carrying a mound of linens. Kaito sneered, ready to yell at the lowly servant. He expected the girl to cower beneath his stare, but she didn’t.

The girl glared at him, her eyes burning into his soul as he pulled himself up to his feet. She made no moves to clean up her mess of clean linens, but continued to stare at him. And for the first time in Prince Kaito’s life, he found himself speechless.

That day held a lot of firsts for Prince Kaito: the first time he apologized to another, the first time he helped to clean up a mess, and the first time that he felt love.

Perhaps it was the defiant stare within her eyes, or the kindness she showed him upon his apology, but Kaito couldn’t forget the girl. He hadn’t even asked her name on that fateful day, but he kept an eye out for her in the months to come. He dreamed of her as he sat through meetings to discuss his wedding and in the quiet moments of solitude that he experienced. He longed to feel her beside him as he had but that one time, and have her skin brush against his so gently once more.

But Kaito didn’t see her again for months to come. No matter how desperately he searched for the girl she was nowhere to be found. On one occasion, he even asked his dearest companion Torin if he had ever met a girl by Kaito’s description of her, but it was to no avail. She had vanished quite entirely.

So Kaito resigned to forget her, this girl who made the hollowness within him feel full. He carried on in aiding his father and preparing for his wedding to Levana Blackburn. He allowed for the cold to return back to him.

Then one day he caught a glimpse of brown hair and white cotton scurrying past him down the hall carrying an armful of linens. His heart leapt as he rushed her way, nearly knocking her to the ground once more.

“Servant girl,” Kaito called out, cringing inwardly, though he knew not what else to call her by.

The girl froze, then turned, and it was indeed the servant who owned his heart. Her eyes were the same shade of brown, though they looked fearful. Kaito’s face fell as he neared her— she had changed immensely from the day that Kaito had met and fallen in love with her. 

That’s when he caught sight of her hand, bandaged and swollen beneath its heavy load. Kaito approached slowly, raising his eyebrows as if to show that he meant no harm.

“That load must weigh heavily upon you,” Kaito said, taking the top half of the linens from her and carrying them in his own arms. “Allow for me to take my share of the burden.”

“No no no,” the girl gasped, reaching to take the articles back from him, but he held them out of reach. “Your Highness, I shan’t allow you to do so.”

“But these linens are used primarily for mine own benefit, are they not?” Kaito asked, tilting his head somewhat to the side. “And of course there is the matter of me making amends for my most obnoxious behavior upon our last occurrence of meeting one another.”

“There is no need,” the girl insisted, eyes pleading as she held out her arms for the remainder of her load.

Kaito deflated and gave back the load of linens.

“Thank you most graciously,” the girl bowed her head to Kaito. She turned from him and began to walk away, taking Kaito’s heart with her.

“By what name do you go by?” Kaito called out to her retreating form. They were entirely alone within the hallway, so there was no one there to eavesdrop in on his conversation with the girl. Her eyes roamed the hallway despite this, wary of all her surroundings.

“That is of no matter,” the girl responded, eyes downcast.

Kaito took a step toward her and placed a hand upon her shoulder. She flinched, and Kaito retracted his hand, his heart squeezing with misery.

“What happened to you?” Kaito inquired, trying desperately to get her to look into his eyes. “Who has tormented you so?”

The girl swallowed then looked up at him with watery eyes. “They heard the way that I spoke to you,” she whispered, glancing about her as if to make sure that no one had entered the corridor. “I was simply reprimanded for my untoward behavior to the most noble Zhu Kaito.”

Kaito let out a little gasp and the girl looked away from him. She blinked rapidly as she stared at the white linen within her arms, but a single tear fell upon them.

“The master held my hand upon a raging flame until the flesh thereon resembled nothing of a hand,” the girl muttered.

Tears filled Kaito’s own eyes, and it was that precise moment that he knew his way of living wasn’t the right way. He had been raised to believe that he was better than those around him because of his birthright, and he had believed it up until that point. But now, as he stared at the girl that he had somehow come to fall in love with— the once brave soul who now cowered before him— he couldn’t live as he once had anymore. That moment was the death of Prince Kaito.

“You… you didn’t deserve such a heinous cruelty to be placed upon yourself for allowing me to see my own humanity,” Kaito muttered. He reached his hand out once more— slower this time— and the girl did not flinch as he placed it upon her cheek. He wiped at her tears and for a moment, she leaned into his hand.

“Selene,” she whispered, eyes closed.

“What?” Kaito asked, barely understanding the word that crossed her lips.

“Selene,” she repeated, eyes moving up toward his own. “My name—you requested it. My name is Selene.”

“Selene,” Kaito uttered her name, feeling it slip sleepily across his lips. “Selene.”

She gave him a sad smile, then pulled herself away from him.

“You did not ask of my name,” Kaito said, causing Selene to stop in her tracks once more.

“I know who you are,” Selene glared, a ghost of her old self returning— a burning fire in a world of darkness.

“No you do not,” Kaito replied, crossing his arms over his chest and on top of the embroidered kois that decorated his changshan. “You know of Prince Kaito, but that is not I; Prince Kaito is dead.”

“Then who are you?” Selene asked, her eyes brightening with the challenge. “If you are not a man of immense power, set to inherit all of his father’s empire, then who are you?”

“Just a man,” Kaito responded, his throat dry as he said the words. “Who knows not right from wrong any longer.”

Selene took a step toward Kaito, her eyes steady on him as she did so. “And by what name does this new man wish to be called?”

Kaito closed the gap between them, putting his hand upon her cheek as he stared into her eyes. “By whatever name you choose to call me,” he whispered, his voice barely audible.

She smiled up at him, their faces mere inches apart. He could feel the movement of her breathing against him despite the linens that separated them both. He could smell her— the scent of fresh laundry, though perhaps that was just the material she was holding. Simply touching her was enough to make his skin tingle.

He wanted nothing more than to close the gap between them entirely and place his lips upon hers— but he had only just started his life as a new man, one who treated people as they ought to be treated. He wasn’t going to kiss this girl just because he wanted to.

Her eyes sparkled up at his, and then a smile spread across her lips. Kaito couldn’t help the infectiousness of her smile, and mirrored her. “What?” He asked, tilting his head somewhat to the side.

“You are right,” Selene mumbled, her eyes flicking back and forth between Kaito’s own. “I do not know who you are. Not in a correct sense at the very least. For you are in no part that of Prince Kaito.”

“Then who am I?” Kaito pleaded, needing to know who he was— who she knew him to be. He wanted to be the good and not the prince. He wanted to be all decency in the way that she saw him. “I beg you, please tell me I am not an unlovable creature.”

“Unlovable?” Selene asked, dropping her linens upon the ground as she said the single word. "You believe yourself to be unlovable?" She stared into his eyes as if searching for a hint of evil within them. “No, you are not an unlovable creature— not anymore. That man is dead; I can see the new man within your eyes, and that soul is only kind and good.”

“And who is that man?” Kaito asked, their bodies drawing closer and closer by the second. 

Selene smiled at him, and before she placed her lips upon his own she whispered but one word: “ _Kai_.”

***

Kai pulled up to Cinder’s apartment and twisted the keys from his truck’s ignition. Cinder had slept through the drive home, and Kai hadn’t been able to escape his thoughts— the memories of Selene teaching him how to be human and loving him despite his past cruelties.

She slept now, her breathing peaceful and even. Kai watched her, face smooshed against the window and the moonlight shining down upon her face and wondered how she could have ever loved him in any lifetime. Maybe she hadn’t, and it had all been in Kai’s mind— the way she had looked at him, smiled at him, pulled him close to her. Perhaps her love had been nothing but a dream.

Cinder let out a whimper and her whole body tensed. Kai moved to her side immediately, taking her hand in his as she let out another cry. He knew that she had nightmares of her past lives— not that Cinder specifically had told him, but Blue had explained to him that she would have them, and Zhen had confessed to having them during the years that Kai had taken care of her. He hadn’t been able to stand watching her suffer then, and he couldn’t stand it now.

“Hey, Cinder,” Kai whispered, shaking her gently. She let out another whimper but didn’t wake from her slumber. Kai shook her harder, pulling at her shoulders. “Cinder, wake up.”

Her eyes opened, wide and startled. She flinched when her eyes met his and immediately looked away. Kai’s heart sank with misery.

“We have reached your place of residence,” Kai said, trying and failing to offer her a smile.

“Oh,” Cinder gasped, pulling herself away from the door and shrugging her shoulders from Kai’s hands. She kept her eyes on her legs as she grabbed the door handle and pulled it toward her. “Uh, sorry that I fell asleep.”

“No, do not apologize. I am glad that you were able to obtain rest,” the words tumbled from Kai’s mouth, and he felt his insides cringe at the ridiculousness of them.

Cinder put a hand over her eyes for a moment and then dropped it back onto her lap. She pushed her door open and slid down to the pavement below. Kai pushed his own door open to walk her to her door but Cinder stopped him.

“No, no,” she gasped, her eyes squinting in his direction as she held her hand up in front of herself. “Don’t worry about it, Kai. You’ve done enough tonight.”

Kai winced at her words, but nodded despite the internal pain. He’d done enough— yes, he’d caused her enough pain throughout her life.

“Thank you again, for taking me up to see my… to see Adri,” Cinder said, standing awkwardly beside the door, holding it open. “I really appreciate it.”

“It was my pleasure,” Kai choked out, staring at her desperately— trying to will her into looking at him. But she didn’t.

Without another word, she turned and left for her apartment. Kai sat there for minutes, staring at nothing and wishing that he could be the one to die and forget the painful tale of the Prince Kaito and Selene.


	22. Complete

_Australia, 1721 A.D._

“Mr. Prince,” a voice chuckled above Kai, causing him to turn from his face-down position on the stone floor. If his body still allowed for injuries, he most definitely would have gained some sort of scrape across his face. “Do you always remain in such a state within my absence?”

“If you mean eternally miserable, then yes,” Kai quipped, sitting up and dusting off his prisoner’s smock. He should have stunk like the dead after laying in a filthy prison cell for decades with far and few occasions to leave, but alas his invulnerability allowed for not even that to happen.

Kai studied the face of Amaris— a face he’d watched for decades as she grew from a girl into a woman, then aged slowly as Kai stood still. It was painful to watch the woman he loved so grow old without him, though it was better than watching her die young. Holding her in his arms as she died in both her first and third lives had been the two worst experiences of Kai’s entire life.

“Why have you loved me so all these years?” Amaris asked, her eyes noticing his stare. “I believe the notion of love at first sight to be nothing but a load of codswallop, so grant me the truth to your affection.”

“Ah, but it was love upon first meeting,” Kai grinned, winking at Amaris.

“You fell in love with a nun while watching her do the wash?” Amaris questioned, raising an eyebrow. She lowered herself to the ground, tucking her black skirt beneath her legs. “Not ideal circumstances to begin a romance— unless of course, that was not our first meeting.”

Kai smiled at Amaris for a moment, but then the grin slid from his face, slipping off like raindrops. He dropped his eyes to his hands, twiddling with his fingers all the while. Blue had warned him not to say a thing concerning his life— her life. She warned him that it would only end in hurt— but this was his Selene.

“Why are you here?” Kai asked, putting a hand up against the bars.

Amaris’ face fell and she looked down at her hands folded neatly in her lap. Her left hand still retained the burn that she was cursed to bear— she would always have it so long as she lived, no matter the life she held.

“Amaris?” Kai reached through the bars and gently brushed her burned fingers. A single tear fell from her eyes. She grabbed hold of Kai’s fingers, clumsily intertwining hers with his. She let out a sigh, tracing the back of his hand.

“I’ve taken ill,” Amaris choked on the words as if they physically pained her to say. “The doctors say I have not long until death takes me home.”

“What plague ails you?” Kai asked, voice tender. “Surely there must be some means of aiding you— you are not even five and fifty years in age.”

“Mr. Prince I am well past my expiration date. I know of hardly any women who have lived such a long life as mine. Of course that might also be in part due to my lacking in the stress of marriage and childbirth, but nonetheless— I have lived a full life.”

“But Amaris-”

“Kai I have come to tell you that I am near my death,” Amaris sighed, staring down at her hands holding Kai’s. “And in return I ask that you tell me of your life.”

“Why my life?” Kai questioned, though he bowed his head. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to tell her his story— he was just scared to do so. Afraid of all that could happen if he divulged his greatest secret.

“Because I have watched you, Kai. For seven and thirty years I have watched you never age a day from the time we met. Your eyes have never lost their luster, nor has your hair turned to gray. Not one wrinkle has plagued your face through nearly four decades in prison. You have remained a youth while all around you has aged. So unless this jail holds some magical powers unimaginable to humanity, there is something within you— something wonderful.”

“I don’t think wonderful is quite the right word,” Kai remarked, attempting to draw his hand back between the bars of his cell but Amaris captured them again.

“Kai,” Amaris said sternly, her brow drawn. “Am I not the girl who tried to run away with you? Not once, but twice?” Her eyes softened as she looked into his. “Am I not the girl who was willing to break her vows for you?”

“Are you that girl now?”

“Nay,” Amaris turned her eyes away from his, though he could still see the tears within them. “I am no longer a girl, but an old, decrepit nun on the verge of death. A woman who watched over the man she loved as he did not age. Do you know how painful it has been? To see you live eternally whilst I wither into ugliness.”

“You are not ugly,” Kai interjected, but Amaris tittered.

“You needn’t spare an old woman’s feelings; I am not the girl you once knew, and I never shall be her again. My life has come and gone, and now is filled with nothing but bitter regret.”

Kai leaned his head against the bars, allowing for the cool metal to calm him. “Regret of what, might I ask?”

Amaris paused, her eyes upon the filthy stone floor. She traced her fingers in the gray dirt, letting the grains gather under her nails. Her eyes closed gently, and for a moment Kai wondered if she was trying to work up the courage to leave him once and for all, despite her hand still clasping his own.

“That I didn’t try harder,” Amaris choked out, eyes squinching tighter. “Every day I regret that we did not make it— that we were not able to escape together like we had planned. I will dream each night that the two of us made it only to wake and discover that I am still alone, and you are forever here in prison.”

“Amaris,” Kai mumbled her name softly, closing his eyes and cursing his horrible luck. Why was it that he got closer each time only to lose her more painfully. To not find her in her first reincarnation and meet her only in her dying moments in the second had been agonizing. But this— knowing her and loving her but not being able to be with her was torture. Surely he would be with her in the next life— nothing worse could happen than this.

But it didn’t matter whether or not Kai hoped that the next life would be perfect— right now she was dying, and he was trapped in his lowly prison cell. She loved him, and he loved her, but time had slowly taken her away from him.

Time: the thing that Kai could no longer comprehend. The concept that was the basis for his lullaby— time. The time it takes to fall. But to fall where? Asleep? Apart? Or in love? Which one was it? And why must he always seem to be falling?

“Every day I have to wonder at what could have been. Or would we have ended up with the same outcome? With me, old and dying, staring at your young, beautiful face,” Amaris sighed, dropping his hand and dusting off her skirt. “Would it have been worth it, even then?”

Kai bit his lower lip, trying hard to think of what to say and how to ease the pain of the one he loved so dearly. How could he tell her of his life, and how it had always revolved around her. That she was his beginning and his ending. That without her, Kai Prince was nothing but a ghost.

“That is not the ending we would have had,” Kai whispered, his eyes still squeezed shut. He dug one hand into the pocket of his smock and touched the one thing he still had left from Selene— the thing meant for her. He released it and placed his hand back up against the bars.

“Then what ending would have been ours?”

Kai opened his eyes and stared into Amaris’. She was beautiful despite her age, and her eyes held all the same vibrance they had on the day Kai had first met her at the Beijing Palace. Over a hundred years later and she was still the same— still passionate and brilliant and kind to those she loved dearly.

“It would have been happy,” Kai mused, a sleepy smile taking over his features. “All would have been perfect— you and me until the end of our days.”

“So your days can end?”

“Under specific circumstances, yes,” Kai said, his mouth twisting up. “But they do not matter anymore— not now. Maybe upon another day they will, but for now all I care for is to speak with you, and know that you are not troubled on my behalf.”

Amaris sighed, “I have always been troubled on your behalf— you have slept alone in this prison cell for decades and remained awake, solitary and in despair. My heart has ached for you, knowing that without me you could have lived the life of an ordinary man— free.”

“You are right in assuming that you are the reason for my unordinary life,” Kai chuckled. “Though it is still not your fault despite this— and at the very least, you, Amaris, have no recollection of how great an impact you have had upon my life.”

“But how can that be? Me, not remembering?”

“Because our souls have met before,” Kai whispered, telling her part of the enormous truth. “And they are bound by love as true as the stars.”

Amaris grinned, her gaze taking on that hazy glow it only held when she stared at Kai. That look that Selene had given him when he’d kissed her for the very first time— er, well, when _she_ had kissed him for the first time.

“I feel as if some part of me would remember that,” Amaris hushed, glancing down upon the ground. “Meeting you, and knowing that our souls are one. Though I do think that might have been what caused me to feel the way for you that I did— that pull. I never imagined forsaking my vows before I met you.”

“Never?” Kai asked.

“Well,” Amaris blushed, which was something quite rare for her. “I wasn’t particularly fond of making them to begin with,” she admitted. “But as I joined my sisters and drew closer to God, I found my home here.”

Kai felt his heart sink. She’d been happy before him— happy. Without him, she could have found joy in her peaceful life.

“But my heart has never felt complete save for when I am with you,” Amaris continued, tracing a heart in the dirt. “Before I met you, a part of me was missing, but I found it. And even if our lives were never complete, my heart was.”

Kai reached out and Amaris grabbed hold of his hand. She leaned her head against the bars, her forehead resting against Kai’s. They didn’t say another word to each other, no “I love you’s” or “I’m sorry’s”. Because even if they hadn’t gotten their happily ever after, they’d still found each other— and that was enough for now.

It no longer mattered that they hadn't escaped all those years ago, back when they were both young and vibrant. They hadn't managed to escape in Selene's first life either. Maybe escape was something that would never be in the cards. Perhaps it was waiting—patiently allowing the time to pass and allow them a life of tranquility. 

After a while Kai hummed the lullaby he’d only ever sang to her— the one about time. And as he held her hand and wondered at the words, he knew that he’d have enough of it. After all, he had lots of time to find Selene and be with her once and for all. Someday soon they would be together, no matter the time, no matter the place, no matter the life she lived. And when that day came, Kai's life would finally be complete.


	23. An Outpouring of Joy

_USA, 2019 A.D._

“I think it’s a good thing you snubbed him,” Iko dipped a fry into a mound of ketchup that lay upon her burger wrappings. Her nose wrinkled as she chewed the potato shred, but she continued to eat them in spite of this. “There’s something… off about him. He’s not telling you the truth about himself.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Cinder asked, dipping her own fries in ranch and relishing the combination of flavors. “I know that there’s something mysterious about him, whether it be his weird connections to that lost prince or not— but I don’t care.”

Iko nudged her remaining fries toward Cinder and rolled her eyes. Her nails were painted a deep blue color that matched almost perfectly the shade of her hair. “Look, I get that he’s a dreamboat, Cinder. He’s definitely really hot and that’s always a plus but-”

“This has nothing to do with how hot he is!” Cinder exclaimed, chomping defiantly upon a golden brown fry. “I couldn’t care less how he looks. He’s kind to me— he cares about me and I know that for a fact. He drove me all the way to Seattle for crying out loud. He treats me like I’m loveable…” Her words trailed off as her memories slipped to Kai: the warmth of his eyes and the gentleness in his smile.

“I should have been the one to take you to Seattle,” Iko grumbled, but Cinder ignored her.

Cinder shifted her gaze out toward the tiny window, staring out at the clear blue sky— it had been a while since she’d seen one. The color brightened her mood somewhat and she was suddenly struck with an idea.

“Iko,” Cinder whispered, her words hushed yet excited. “I really truly like him. I know-” Cinder shot her best friend a glare, stopping her words before they could exit her already opened mouth “-that you have mixed feelings about him, but I don’t. I really like him, Iko.”

“Then why’d you snub him if you like him so much?” Iko quirked up an eyebrow, her lips pursed in an almost agitated way.

“Because I was upset,” Cinder glared, feeling resentment beginning to pool within her chest. Cinder had never once during all their years of friendship fought with Iko, but in that moment she felt a boiling rage within her directed at her friend. “And I was embarrassed that he’d seen me and my family like that. I just wanted to be alone; that’s perfectly natural.”

Iko scoffed and rolled her eyes. Her arms were folded across her chest and her nose was slanted up toward the ceiling as if Cinder was something beneath her.

“What?” Cinder growled, digging her nails into her palms.

“I don’t want to be mean,” Iko said, her tone not entirely reflective of her words. “But do you think that maybe you’re just into him because he’s the first guy who’s ever shown you any sort of attention?”

Cinder’s mouth fell open, but she was at an entire loss for words. Did Iko really think so little of her as a person? Or was there some sliver of truth within her words? Was she only into Kai because he was nice to her? Was that even a bad thing—to like someone because they were kind?

Iko let out a sigh and reached a hand across the table, placing it on top of Cinder’s. “Cinder, I’m sorry— that came out wrong. It’s not like you’re not deserving of every guys’ attention, you just tend to push people away before they even have a fighting chance of catching your eye.”

Moving her hand out of Iko’s grasp, Cinder chewed on her bottom lip. Sure, she wasn’t exactly the happy, flirty ball of sunshine that Iko was, but she wasn’t exactly throwing bricks at people either. She loved others quietly, and if people wanted to know her better, she always allowed them that choice; Kai had just been the first person to choose.

In all her life, love had not come to her easily, and she’d never sought it out, afraid of only driving people away. As a child, only Peony had loved Cinder, and as a teenager there had been Iko. But in all her adult life, Cinder had never truly experienced love. Of course she still had Iko, and perhaps one might consider her clunky friendship with Thorne to be something, she’d never felt that burning within her— that insatiable need to be near a person.

It was almost as if something inside her had been broken until Kai appeared in her mechanics shop— as if without him, she were incapable of love. Only with Kai did Cinder feel complete.

But perhaps that was just her lack of experience; it’s not as if she believed in soul mates or anything as cliché as that— she just… she loved Kai. She cared for him, and physically ached when she was away from him. She couldn’t live without him.

“I love him,” Cinder whispered, then put a hand over her mouth as if to take the words back. It was the first time she had said the words aloud, admitting to anyone other than herself that she was in love with Kai Prince.

Iko’s whole body tensed, as if she had a bee on the tip of her nose. She stared at her friend with a look in her eyes that Cinder couldn’t quite make out— was it fear?

Cinder lowered her hand and closed her eyes. She pressed her palm flat against the table, and let a smile overcome her features. “I am in love with Kai,” Cinder repeated.

She opened her eyes and stared at her best friend, eyes ablaze with joy. “I know I’ve only known him for a month, but it doesn’t matter. I’ve never before felt anything like this for another person, Iko.” She studied her friend, trying to gauge her emotions. “I know you think there’s something off about him, but I promise you there’s nothing. He’s just– oh, he’s just lovely.”

Iko’s eyes closed for a moment, then opened with a new expression upon them. She smiled at Cinder, though there was still some level of reserve within her eyes.

“I’m happy for you, Cinder,” Iko said. “I truly am; you deserve love more than anyone else I know, and this guy sounds perfect. I just… I just want you to be careful.”

“I will,” Cinder grinned, tilting her head toward her shoulder. “I promise, Iko, I’m not being stupid about this. I know him, and I know he won’t hurt me.”

Iko took a sip of her iced tea, winking at Cinder as she did so. Cinder couldn’t help the idiotic smile that covered her features. Never had she ever felt so happy. It was a weird thing to feel after all the horrible emotions that had roiled within her the night before, but she couldn’t staunch the outpouring of joy. She was giddy with her feelings.

“Oh,” Iko placed her cup back on the table, sucking in her lips as she did so. “Just out of curiosity, did you ever hear back from that doctor man— Erland?”

Cinder squinched her brow, the name sounding familiar but not immediately clicking within her mind. Then she remembered: Dr. Erland, the guy who was obsessed with finding the lost Prince Kaito from the Ming Dynasty. It had been weeks since she’d messaged him, and in that time she had nearly forgotten her email to him.

“No,” Cinder said, somewhat hesitant around the word. “No, he never emailed back. Maybe it was just some scam thing that a kid came up with.”

“Huh,” Iko said, taking another sip of her drink. “That’s weird.”

Cinder nodded, but wasn’t thinking about the oddities of a possibly made-up Dr. Erland who had enough valid credentials to give anyone a headache. All she could think about was Kai, and how she had finally admitted to her feelings for him to another person.

She wasn’t quite sure what to do next, but she knew that she had to see him— today. She longed to be close to him again and feel his arms around her.

“I’m gonna call him,” Cinder said.

“Dr. Erland?” Iko perked up, eyes inquisitive.

Cinder shook her head, pursing her lips. “No, I’m gonna call Kai.”

“Why?”

“Because,” Cinder tried to bite back her smile, but it overwhelmed her features in spite of all her efforts to hide it. “I’m going to ask him out for tonight, and tell him how I feel.”

***

Kai threw himself into the red vinyl booth, his entire body buzzing with energy. His hair was still wet from a recent shower and small droplets sprayed out and onto the diner’s table; he didn’t even notice. All he could think about was the conversation he had just had with Cinder— what did it even mean?

She had called him twice: once while he had been in the shower, and the second time just as he was getting out. Kai had nearly panicked at the ringtone of his phone, having rarely heard it in use before. And upon seeing Cinder’s name as the contact he had rushed to answer.

At first he suspected that she would be calling about the night before and to tell him that she never wanted to see him again; he hadn’t slept a wink the night before for fear of that very thing. But then to hear her voice, even and calm, asking him out on a date— he had never imagined such a thing possible; it was something that her soul hadn’t done since its first life.

“Blue,” Kai gasped, blinking wildly at the figure sitting across from him. “Never in all the years of my life will you guess what occurrence just took place.”

“Princeling,” Blue said, her voice carrying the slightest hint of a huff. “We have been over that expression time and time again; I am the living embodiment of death— I see all.”

“Oh,” Kai deflated slightly, then leaned forward. “Well then I assume you have knowledge of what just happened to me.”

“Your darling love has asked you to meet her this evening,” Blue replied, her blue veil fluttering slightly as she spoke. “You are to meet her in but one hour.”

“Precisely!” Kai exclaimed, throwing himself back against the seat and grinning wildly at the ceiling. He could hardly contain his own excitement, feeling it bubble within him like a volcano of immense joy.

“I believe that I have truly accomplished my goal this time, Blue,” Kai sighed, closing his eyes as they began to sting. “It is only a matter of time now before all works itself out and we finally get the ending that should have been ours four hundred years ago.”

Blue said nothing, but sat mutely as Kai exclaimed as to his immense happiness. Only the gentle flutter of her veil as she breathed indicated that she was more than a remote statue of blue silk.

Kai leaned forward toward his comrade, a goofy grin still stretched across his cheeks. He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “My only fear is that another situation akin to Pimchan’s happens and I lose her for all of time,” Kai admitted, his smile sliding slowly from his face. “This is my final chance; I cannot bear the idea of losing her— not after all the pair of us have endured.”

“Never let fear clutch you so ardently within its claws, young princeling,” Blue hummed, her body swaying with her words like the soft waves of a timid ocean. “Fear is man’s worst enemy, and love’s greatest traitor.”

“Do you believe I should tell her then?” Kai inquired, his heart squeezing at the very idea of such a thing. It was a hard enough truth to get out even before Pimchan’s wretched death— but since then he lived in agonizing fear of what Selene’s soul would do if she discovered the truth about him.

“When the time is right,” Blue said, splaying her hands upon the table. They were covered in the same blue silk of her dress. Everything about Blue was, well, blue. Only her feet had he seen, and that had been many years before; he could still remember the deep brown shade of her skin though. Sometimes he wondered if she wore the veil to hide something: immense beauty or wretched ugliness. He had never dared to ask to see her face.

Kai ran a hand through his hair, cringing when he felt the wetness it still carried. He swiped his hand upon his jeans, ridding his fingers of the dampness. He let out a final huff, then pushed himself up and out of the booth with a series of vinyl farting noises.

“Thank you, Blue,” Kai said, extending his hand as if to place it upon Blue’s shoulder, but then thought better of it. “I appreciate all that you have done on my behalf during our four hundred years together; without you, I would have nothing.”

“You’re kindly welcome,” Blue purred, her voice low and soft beneath her swathe of silk. “Just make sure that your efforts are not in vain.”

Kai nodded his head to her, then rushed out of the diner. His heart leapt in ecstasy; he was going to see Cinder— and for once she had asked to see him rather than the other way around. He would tell her how he felt about her, and show forth all the love within his heart.

And maybe, if everything went smoothly, he would tell Cinder exactly _who he was_.


	24. Nothing But Her

_USA, 2019 A.D._

Cinder bit her bottom lip— a nervous habit that she had done since before she could even remember. Her fingers played with the soft blue sleeve of the sweater that she had borrowed from Iko, playing with a loose thread at the end. She was so anxious that she could hardly even think about anything other than Kai.

Oh stars above— _Kai_. He would be there to pick her up at any moment and she couldn't get him out of her mind. She was so sick with nerves that she could hardly contain her belligerent energy as her legs paced back and forth along the pavement in front of her apartment building.

While talking on the phone with him, Cinder had felt so calm— completely sure of herself and what she was doing. Those emotions had abandoned her now.

Kai's red truck pulled up just then, a bright streak against the fading blue sky. Cinder took in a deep breath, steeling her nerves for the night to come. She picked up her backpack that she had left leaned up against the building and swung it over her shoulder as she walked toward the truck.

As the gentleman he always was, Kai was there to greet her outside the truck, opening the passenger door for her and smiling politely. Cinder felt her stomach do a triple backflip as she smiled back and wondered if it was possible for a person to die of nerves.

Kai walked around to the other side of the truck and jumped in, his hands fumbling slightly as he turned the key in the ignition. Cinder felt her own body relax somewhat upon seeing Kai's own anxiety. She let out a breath and leaned back into the seat, watching Kai's every movement as he maneuvered the car out of the parking lot.

"H-how has your day been?" Kai asked, turning his gaze upon her for a fraction of a second, his eye twitching.

"Good," Cinder replied, the word coming not an instant after Kai's question. "And you? Your day, I mean?"

"Excellent," Kai said, replying just as fast as Cinder had. His mouth curved in as if he were internally scolding himself for something. For a brief moment his hand reached up, scratching at the back of his ear. Cinder chewed on her bottom lip.

Cinder tried to think of something else to say but nothing came to her. The only thoughts that danced throughout her mind were that she had no thoughts and Kai was so very close to her— close enough to touch and hold and-

"I believe that today might be the first blue sky I have seen in all my time here," Kai said, drawing Cinder from her fantasies of simply scooting closer to him.

"Uh," Cinder tilted her head, mouth falling open as she stared out at the sky. "Wasn't it blue yesterday?

Kai blushed and his nose wrinkled with embarrassment. Cinder couldn't help the smile that spread across her face as she watched Kai's pale features turn pink. Kai glanced at her briefly, his face still mortified, and Cinder turned away, flustered at having been caught staring at Kai.

It felt like their first meeting all over again—fumbling and nerves reigning over everything, not allowing for a single shred of intelligence to be made known. It was as if every other meeting they had had before— every date and random encounter had been erased from history, leaving behind two uncomfortable people who didn't know how to talk to one another.

Cinder mentally slapped herself; she knew how to talk to Kai— she had done it many times before. He was one of the only people that she could converse with quite comfortably— the only person in the world that she never tired of talking to.

"Hey Kai," Cinder turned back to him, feeling somewhat breathless.

"Yes?" He asked, squinting at her despite the setting sun behind him.

"I'm sorry about last night."

"Whatever do you mean?" Kai turned his gaze back to the road then upon her once more. He examined her face with care, searching her eyes for something.

"I mean," Cinder let out a sigh, blowing her bangs from her eyes. "I kinda snubbed you last night, and I'm sorry about it."

Kai said nothing, and Cinder turned away from him, looking out the window and at the sky fading slowly from blue to purple. There was a hint of clouds upon the horizon, as if they were longing to chase the sunset all the way into oblivion. She'd always admired sunsets and ability to change her whole perspective on her surroundings. One minute everything could be blue, and the next they were purple, then pink and so forth. She wished that she could make others see the different sides to her, rather than the one she always put forth to each individual. She was the sky, but some only knew her at certain points in the day and were never able to appreciate the full color spectrum of her.

"I was just, I don't know, sad," Cinder admitted, closing her eyes to block out the sky. She despised being vulnerable, showing all her aching pieces to another person and hoping that they didn't run from her.

"After all that you went through last night, I would find your mood to be quite odd if there were no hint of depression within it," Kai murmured.

Cinder turned back to Kai and saw his eyes twinge with something that looked like misery. She felt her heart soften as she stared at him and longed to reach out a hand and touch him.

"So where are we off to?" Kai asked, giving his head a little shake as if to clear it of something. Cinder blinked her eyes rapidly, then allowed for a grin to overtake her face.

"You'll see."

***

The peanut butter of his sandwich stuck to the roof of Kai's mouth and he had no clue on earth how to get it off. He moved his tongue around, trying to scrape the material but to no avail. The food would probably stay until his death, one way or another.

Cinder laughed beside him, covering her mouth with her own half-eaten sandwich. She seemed to have no trouble eating the thing, and Kai wondered at her in amazement. She could eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without major choking hazards. Kai could hardly fathom such a thing.

In his defense, Kai had never had a PB&J sandwich before this very day, unlike Cinder who claimed to have "grown up on them." So at least he had that excuse going for him. That did not, however, stop Cinder from laughing at Kai every time she glanced at him— which she was doing a lot of.

But who was Kai kidding— he couldn't take his eyes off of her.

She was just as beautiful as she had always been, all messy brown hair and big, dark eyes that Kai had never been able to get enough of. And her smile, oh her smile as she laughed at him; it was like his favorite song— he could have lived with it forever.

"Eat some carrots," Cinder thrust the Ziploc baggie filled with thick stubs or orange. "It helps to get the peanut butter from the roof of your mouth."

Kai smiled gratefully and took the bag from a laughing Cinder. He bit into the vegetable, his nose wrinkling with the solid crunch. He'd never been fond of the food from the first time he'd tried it back before they had been cultivated to be cheeto-orange. They were too crunchy for his liking, breaking off in an almost unnatural way when eaten raw.

Cinder let out another laugh and Kai realized that he was making a particularly disgusted face. He tried to mask it with a fake grin, which only led to Cinder into hysterics. Kai began to chuckle as well and their laughter advanced into full-on chaotic giggling fit for only children or the mad.

Despite the laughs emanating from him and the tears that stung his eyes, he couldn't stop watching Cinder, her face alight in the brilliant orange of the dying sun. She looked like an angel, dressed in a deep blue sweater and clean light jeans. Kai felt like a chump in comparison despite the black knit sweater that Blue had forced him into wearing. There was no way on earth he could compare to her beauty— but then again, it had always been that way.

Cinder could have worn a paper bag and Kai would have still found her to be the most beautiful person alive. Because her radiance had little to do with her outward allure. She was more than a pretty face; she was an intelligent woman, and a witty girl that could come up with a sarcastic comment to anything. She was everything that Kai admired, and he couldn't imagine any single person being just as wonderful as she.

"What?" Cinder asked, covering her mouth as she took another bite of sticky sandwich. Kai realized that he was staring and shook his head, trying to stop the blush from creeping up his face and failing miserably.

"Oh come on, what is it?" Cinder asked, scrunching her nose. "Do I have peanut butter on my face or something?"

"No," Kai said quickly, taking a bite out of his sandwich and immediately swallowing. He started to choke, coughing until the hunk of peanut butter and jelly covered jam went down his throat completely.

Cinder laughed, then reached out and took the rest of his sandwich from him. Kai didn't complain, giving her a grateful nod as she shoved the thing in its Ziploc and tossed it into a paper bag. She packed up the rest of the food, shoving it all into the little brown bag and then thrusting that into her backpack.

Kai suddenly became very aware of how there was no longer any food covering the blanket between them. They were alone upon a park hilltop watching the sunset together. He could scoot across the faded red blanket and be beside Cinder in an instant. He could wrap his arms around her and hold her tight against him as they stared out at the sunset. He could-

Cinder moved so that she was right beside Kai, their legs touching. Her fingers brushed against Kai's as she put her hands behind her to steady herself. Kai felt a spike of electricity move up his arms at her touch. He looked up at her face and saw her staring at him, her features soft and pondering.

He longed to lean his face toward hers and close the gap between him— that small, small gap of a mere few inches. He could smell the leftover traces of peanut butter upon her skin and feel the gentle warmth emanating from her.

"Can you tell me something?" Cinder asked, tilting her head just slightly to the right in a way that drove Kai absolutely insane.

"Anything," he whispered.

She smiled and asked, "Will you tell me something you've never told anyone before?"

Kai turned his face away from her, a scowl overcoming his features. He tried to think of a subject that he had never confided in to any other person. Of course, he could always tell her his true identity, but he had told her that before, even if she didn't remember it. There had to be some piece of him that he had never revealed to any of her past selves.

"When I was just a lad of eighteen," Kai started, clearing his throat. "I fell in love with this girl— we fell in love with one another. I loved her more than any other person in the world; I would have done anything for her. Those were among the most wondrous days of my existence.

Cinder listed her head to the other side, allowing for a ray of fading sunlight to cut across Kai's cheek. "What happened to her?"

"She died," Kai said simply, turning his gaze down to his lap as his eyes began to sting. "She died, and it was all my fault. I was unable to save her— s-she just died in my arms."

Cinder turned her body so she was facing Kai, crossing her legs in front of her. She placed one gentle hand upon Kai's shoulder just as a single tear slipped from his eye, tracing down his cheek like a lost drop of rain. He blinked and turned his gaze to her eyes. She stared at him with a sort of heartbroken comradery— as if she knew all that he was going through. In a way, she did— or at the very least, her soul did. She had been there watching him as he held her. She had been the one to endure the bite of poison as it stole her soul away from him the first time.

"Is that when you got your tattoo?" Cinder asked, nodding her head toward his wrist. Kai closed his eyes and bowed his head forward. When he opened his eyes again Cinder had a look of immense pity upon her features.

"What is something you have never told another soul?" Kai asked, swallowing hard.

Cinder let out a breath and leaned away from Kai. He wished that he hadn't asked the question— he couldn't stand the larger expanse of empty space between them. She bit her lip nervously, though the gesture only made Kai glance down at her lips. He let his gaze pause on them for a moment, wondering at how familiar they were to him despite all the years. 

"I have these nightmares," Cinder confessed, eyes downcast. "They're so real, they almost feel like memories. I'm dying in all of them, always in a different way. Sometimes I'm drowning at the bottom of the ocean while other times I lay on the ground and watch as the world burns. Then I wake up and I'm still alive even though I feel as if I should be dead."

Kai let out a shaky breath, closing his eyes so that Cinder couldn't see the wetness within them. His heart ached, as if the effort of maintaining life for over four centuries had suddenly become too much for it to bear. In all honesty, he sometimes wished that his heart protested more to all the pain of living for so long.

"Kai?" Cinder murmured, her voice so low that it was barely audible.

"Huh?" Kai opened his eyes which landed immediately upon Cinder's. The sun had disappeared entirely, leaving only the softest hues of dusty pink and purple sky behind Cinder. Kai felt a shiver run down his spine, and knew it wasn't due to the cold of the sunless sky.

"I'm sorry about the girl," she whispered, her breathing hitching on the last word.

"And I am terribly sorry about your nightmares," Kai hushed, his brows drawing together. He swallowed painfully. "I despise that you have to go through such torture."

Cinder nodded slowly, and for the briefest of moments her eyes dipped down to Kai's lips before coming back up to meet his gaze. Kai could hardly breath as he stared at her, his body unconsciously moving closer to hers.

Both pairs of eyes flitted up and down, looking into brown eyes then down to soft pink lips. Both were drawn in, bodies pulling close as if they were controlled by a master puppeteer.

Cinder brought her hand up to Kai's cheek, her fingers gently running along the cold skin. Then her other came up, cupping the other side of his face. Her fingers traced his features, as if she were blind and trying to memorize the exact shape of his face. Kai couldn't breath, his entire body burning with anticipation. He wanted the last inch of space between their lips to disappear into oblivion, and cease to exist until the end of time.

Kai's eyes burned into Cinder's, and she stared at him with an intensity that he hadn't seen in many many years. Her eyes were fire against the night sky, blazing a burning trail in the darkness. They were the only light that Kai could see.

" _Cinder_ ," Kai choked, his voice a bare rasp.

Then her lips were on his, pressing tenderly into his own. Kai let out a little gasp, then kissed her back more fervently, allowing passion to seep into their kiss. He brought one hand up to touch her neck and cup her jaw. Then his fingers explored further, reaching back into her hair and playing with the messy tendrils.

Cinder let out a little groan, then grabbed Kai's shoulders and pushed him so he was laying down on the blanket. Her body lay part parallel to him and part on top of him, burning and hot despite the layers between them. They were chest to chest, lips still pressed against one another as they continued to kiss.

Kai wrapped his arms around Cinder's waist, holding her tight and gently at the same time, as if afraid of losing her. All he could feel was her body against his, fitting so comfortably— as if she was a piece of himself that he had been missing.

Her hands moved to his hair, her fingers curling inky strands around them and tugging ever-so gently. Kai kissed her more desperately, making up for all their lost time. The centuries in which he had waited to kiss her urged him to never stop. He could hardly remember that any time at all had even passed as he felt her lips on his, and her heart beating erratically against his chest in perfect unison with his own.

A flash of light broke the perfect darkness, followed by the low rumble of thunder. Cinder flinched, breaking the kiss. "What the hell," she grumbled, turning her face toward the sky. Another flash of lightning struck the sky, and a moment later droplets of rain began to fall.

Kai tried to catch his breath but to no avail; he gasped loudly, heart seemingly pounding out of his chest as he stared up at the dark sky. Somehow the clouds upon the horizon had caught up to them and covered the once-dreamy pink sky with gray. Rain fell on his face, a cool reprieve against his burning skin.

"It's raining," Cinder muttered, turning her gaze back to Kai. He let out a laugh at the obvious statement but didn't point it out.

The drops grew larger in size, causing Kai's hair to go from vaguely damp to soaked within a minute. Kai continued to stare up at Cinder, her face blocking out the cloudy sky and the spikes of lightning that came periodically.

Kai pulled her back down and Cinder's lips met his, though more gently than they had in their initial kiss. He grinned as he held her to him and she ran her hand down his cheek. He could hear nothing but the loud patter of the rain and the roaring of their combined heartbeats. He could feel nothing but _her_ , as her hands roved along his face and her lips kissed him so tenderly and her chest moved up and down in rhythm with his own. The world had become nothing but _her_.

Another strike of lightning broke the sky, but this time the sound of thunder didn't wait an instant before following, sounding with a deafening _boom_. Cinder pulled back slowly, letting out a little sigh as she did so.

"I think we should probably go before we get struck by lightning," Cinder said, her words followed by another lightning strike. It lit up her whole face, showing her mess of wet hair and almost wild brown eyes.

"Must we?" Kai sighed.

Cinder grinned, then pulled herself up and off of Kai's chest, extricating herself from his arms. She grabbed her backpack and slung it over her shoulder. Kai gathered the sopping red quilt and pulled the bundle into his arms.

The rain poured down on the pair of them, lightning striking once again as Cinder reached out her hand and Kai took it. Then the couple ran down the hillside, hand in hand as the thunderstorm pursued them through the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is dedicated to all the readers that have begged me for a kiss for about ten months. I hope it was worth the wait<333


	25. The Winding Path of Death

_England, 1665 A.D._

The streets were gray— that color of dust and hazy smoke. The buildings around matched the streets with near perfection, with only a bit more texture to the hard stones; the sky was only a few shades lighter with its storm clouds. Everything felt dismal in the alleyway as the dying added to the gray with their rotting skin and empty eyes.

Kai treaded carefully throughout the streets, making sure not to step on any poor abandoned soul. Hands reached out to him, the skin cracked and bleeding with oozing purple sores. The sight triggered his gag reflexes, but Kai forced himself not to fall to the ground and retch. He was on a mission, and he could not stop now.

He'd found Selene's reincarnation for the very first time; well, he knew where she was at the very least, which was an enormous leap from her only other reincarnation in which Kai had stumbled cluelessly throughout Asia without finding a hint of Chun Ming.

But when Kai had caught wind of the incredibly talented Chinese mechanic in London, he'd known that it was her. She'd always had a knack for fixing broken things— it was one of her talented that he admired most about her.

Kai had scoured the streets of London for three days now, but to no avail. Those that had known of the talented young girl told him to look for her in the streets, as they were her home. So he searched and searched, but it was hard to find anyone amongst the mass of dying. He prayed only that she would not be among them— that she had withstood the plague.

A hand latched onto Kai's ankle, startling him so bad he nearly toppled over. He leaned down to look into the face of a dying woman. She had green eyes and mouse-brown hair that lay in clumps around her shoulders. Her fingers were freezing and somehow more cold than the December air. Kai shivered, but knelt down beside her.

He grasped her hand and stared into those sad green eyes rimmed with red. Her eyes were that of a young girl, though the sores upon her face and the illness had aged her into looking like an ancient woman. She opened her mouth as if to say something but nothing but haggard rasps came out.

"Shhh," Kai hushed, putting a hand upon her cheek while using his other to clutch her delicate and bleeding fingers. "Shhhh," he hummed, "it will be alright. Let death take hold of you, young one. She is kind; she shall wrap you in her loving arms like a babe and carry you tenderly into a world without suffering."

The girl continued to make disgusting choking noises, her lashes fluttering as she continued to stare at Kai. She seemed to be struggling to get something out, but all attempts at any form of communication on her part failed.

"Fear not," Kai swallowed, smoothing down the girl's hair. "For soon you shall be in a place that is not here— and for that," Kai closed his eyes for a moment, allowing for a tear to slip past his lashes. "I envy you greatly."

The girl stopped trying to say whatever she wanted to tell Kai; her breathing evened out, as if she had fallen into a comfortable sleep. But her eyes remained focused on Kai, deep green and piercing in spite of their imminent death. Then she let out a final sigh, and her eyes glossed over in a way that Kai had only seen one other time in his life.

Kai allowed for a single tear to slide down his face and onto the girl's cheek as he ran his fingers over her eyelids. He hadn't even known this girl— had never seen her until minutes before. But he had witnessed her death and watched as the light faded from her eyes. He prayed to the _Blue Koi_ that she had an afterlife more blessed than her mortal life had been.

He stood and dusted his frock off. He wiped at his eyes and continued down the winding path of death. More hands reached out to him, but Kai closed his eyes and skirted around them. He couldn't waste any more time; he had to find Selene.

Turning down an even danker street, Kai saw a single body lying propped up against a house. He moved closer to the form, examining it as he came into closer proximity. It was a girl, and her appearance was somehow even more wretched than that of the dying woman Kai had found in the street. Because unlike the former plague victim, Kai recognized the form upon the ground.

" _Ying_ ," Kai breathed her new name out with a gasp. He rushed to her side, throwing himself down hard upon the pavement that the cloth covering his knees ripped and bared the skin to the cobblestone below him.

The girl only blinked slowly at him, her brown eyes a sort of faded version of their original shade. Her lips parted as if to greet him or ask him who he was, but no words exited those chapped and cracking lips.

Kai pulled her frail body into his arms and held her against him. He brought one hand up to cradle her head against his chest and leaned down to press his lips to her ratty hair. Tears slipped from his eyes in fast succession, falling upon the crown of her head.

He blinked rapidly, then moved her head so that she could look up at his face. Her eyes stared at him with a sort of wonder that one had only while in the presence of something they believed to be truly miraculous.

"A..." Ying croaked, closing her eyes with the effort of the single word.

"Shhhhh," Kai choked, more tears sliding down his face. "Shhhhh, i-it will be a-alright."

"A-are.... Are you an..." Ying let out a weak huff. "Angel?"

"No," Kai sobbed, rocking back and forth. "No, my love, I am not."

Ying's eyes studied him further, as if she recognized him but couldn't place his face. Kai tried to smile at her, but could hardly manage more than a pained grimace. It pained him so dearly to see his Selene in such a state— to leave her dying just forty years ago, only to find her now in the exact same position. It had broken his heart then and it crushed his heart now. He loved this girl more than all the stars in the sky, but this suffering— this _agony_ that she was going through was almost more than he could bear.

"I am so terribly sorry," Kai cried, clutching her against him. "This is all my fault. Every ounce of pain you have ever suffered has been nothing other than my doing, and for that I am... I am..." Kai let out a little whimper, his breath hitching. "I am the most unforgivable being upon the face of the earth."

Ying said nothing, but continued to stare up at him with her wide brown eyes. Her face was gaunt and gray, just as everything else around her. There were sores along her cheeks and one at the corner of her mouth, oozing with a clear-orange pus. A single tear slipped from her eye as she watched him.

"I-Is there any way I can be of use to ease you of your suffering?" Kai asked, trying not to choke upon the words. Ying said nothing, but another tear slipped out of the corner of her eye, trailing slowly upon the rotting skin. "M-might I s-sing you to sleep?"

A soft smile curved at the ends of Ying's decaying lips, allowing for them to crack and begin to bleed. Kai choked on a sob, letting his lips twitch upward at the small gesture.

"A-alright, then," Kai's voice hitched. He sniffed and blinked his eyes rapidly, trying to clear his eyes of the tears. "For you, my love, I shall sing you a lullaby."

Ying continued to stare at him, her lips still turned up just slightly at the corners. Blood leached from the edges of her mouth and tears clung to her lashes in icy splendor. She looked nothing like the girl he had once known— the healthy girl who taught him how to love; but she was still his Selene, and even at her worst he still felt nothing but an unquenchable love for her.

" _Like stars down to earth_ ," Kai started, his voice shaking on the simple melody— the one that he had whispered to her as he held her in his arms. The song that he had sung only for her after moments of intimacy. It was the song that had stuck with him through it all, just as Selene had.

" _Or rain coming from the sky_."

Ying's eyes sparkled despite the gray that ate at everything around them, almost as if she recognized her lullaby.

" _Tears sliding gently from your face_ ," Kai choked, tears of his own falling softly from his eyes and onto Ying's cheeks.

" _Pennies tossed into a well_."

She continued to smile at him, with those cracked and bloody lips.

" _A ship caught in the sea's swell._ "

Ying brought one last breath into her lungs, her eyes still captured on Kai's face.

" _Everything it falls,_ " Kai whispered, staring ardently into Ying's eyes.

But the light in her eyes had vanished, like a candle blown out on the darkest night. Kai stared at her for a moment, unable to take in any of the foul air around him. He watched her face, begging for her eyes to focus on his once more— for her chest to take in another breath of air. But nothing happened aside from a soft stinging upon his left forearm as the second koi brand burned away. Ying was dead.

" _No!_ " Kai sobbed, falling back against the wall behind him and cradling the love of his life against his chest. Tears fell from his eyes in quick succession as he clutched at the dead girl. His body wracked with heartbroken sobs, and he rocked back and forth as if he were rocking her to sleep.

Awful choking noises escaped his mouth. He pressed his lips sloppily against her hair and then her forehead, begging her to come back to him— to breath life once more and allow for them to finally be together. He pleaded with her to wake from her eternal slumber and kiss him upon the lips and whisper to him that it would all be okay. His heart ached for her words to comfort him from his years of endless torment; he couldn't withstand another lifetime of this— the dismal searching. He couldn't do it again.

"P-please," Kai wailed. "Selene, my love, I beg you," his words came out as a near scream. "Please do not abandon me; I cannot do it again. Love, do not leave me once more. Please, Selene. _Please._ "

But she did not hearken to his calls and remained rather as silent as ever. She had passed into the realm of the _Blue Koi_ , and he would not meet her again until her next life, wherever it led her to be.

As time wore on, Kai's sobs slowed into a gentle river of tears and then a barren river of emptiness. His breathing eased back to its normal pace and his body stopped its constant quivering. All the while, Kai never released Ying's body; he vowed to hold her until she turned to dust.

The moon came up and shone a sliver of light upon Kai through the murky clouds. The cold bit at him, though it brought him no pain— he could feel nothing of the agony that was mortality. Even his tears brought no headache upon him, reminding Kai that he wasn't human, not really.

Kai eased Ying's body to the ground and rested himself beside her. He maintained a hold of her hand, clutching the icy fingers in his own warm ones. He stared up at the sky, wishing that he could see stars; but how could he make any sort of wish upon a starless sky?

He watched as the night turned to morning, felt a slight shift in the atmosphere around him as light bathed the dying city. He closed his eyes and allowed for a moment of rest to overtake him— not because he physically required sleep, but because he needed a moment of respite from the world around him.

In his dreams there was nothing, just as there always was. He was alone even in his moments of unconsciousness, as if his mind couldn't conjure up a single moment of happiness for him to remember.

When Kai awoke, the sun was high above him, the soft white light filtering through the clouds and into his eyes. It looked almost to be an entering into heaven itself. Kai smiled at the thought. He turned to Ying, as if to tell her of his marvelous thought. But when he turned to see her, he found nothing but a pile of dust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is the last flashback in which Kai will find Selene... so weird. Also, for those of you that don't follow me on tumblr @/salt-warrior, you probably haven't seen the wonderful art that has been done for this story! If you go to my page and look at my Masterlist (which is at the top of my blog) and scroll to the bottom of it I have three lovely pieces of art for the Prologue done by @/CosmicNovaFlare and one done by the wonderful @/horton-hears-a-who on tumblr for the last chapter "Nothing But Her"! They're all just absolutely stunning so please check them out because they're just wOw. Anyhow, thanks again for reading! :)


	26. A Good Kisser

_USA 2019 A.D._

The hand that wiped the condensation from the bathroom mirror revealed a wet smile and sparkling copper eyes. Kai grinned at his reflection as he rubbed a towel along his head, drying his freshly cleaned hair. He felt warm and tingly all over— though the feeling had nothing to do with his recent hot shower.

He brought both hands up to cup his face and stared at his reflection in the mirror. Somehow, he looked changed— as if all the years of misery had faded from his eyes and left behind the boy of long ago. His face was that of the young prince who had learned to love, rather than the old man who fought to find it once again. He was everything that he had forgotten and somehow the only thing that he could remember how to be.

Kai ran a comb through his hair then dressed in his usual outfit of a sweatshirt and jeans. He brushed his teeth and watched his happy expression all the while, even sticking his tongue out at himself in the mirror.

He exited the bathroom and went into the kitchen. He grabbed a bowl and filled it to the brim with the flakey balls of Cocoa Puffs and dumped in only a sprinkle or milk to dampen the crunchy food and fill in the empty crevices. He dug around a drawer for a spoon and came up with a dusty utensil, not hesitating for a moment before dunking it into his bowl and bringing a heading spoonful up to his lips. Cereal was one of the few foods he found to be a true creation of God through his many years upon the earth.

The night before played through his head on an endless, blissful loop. It was just him and her eating their sandwiches as the sun set. Then her lips were on his and hands were pushing him to the ground. Then the lightning came, dragging them out and away hand in hand.

But the night of happy memories had not ended there; Kai drove Cinder back to her apartment and there they stayed for two hours talking and laughing and kissing in Kai's truck all the while. They had each professed profound affection for one another— though neither had gone so far as to say that they loved the other. It didn't matter to Kai; he was just happy that she cared for him in any sort of way.

In the moments before she left his car he considered telling her his secret—who he really was. He had thought of mentioning it when she had asked for him to tell her something he'd never told anyone before, but he'd been a coward. No matter how much Blue egged him on to tell Cinder, he was still afraid to divulge his deepest darkest secret of her—the one that had once destroyed her. 

So rather than tell her the story of his life, he'd kissed her goodnight for the first time in hundreds of years; he couldn't have asked for anything more.

The rest of the night was a haze as Kai drove about the rainy town, singing songs that he thought he had forgotten centuries before. He'd wandered through the streets and let the rain fall down upon him and drench him to his skin. He couldn't feel the bitter sting of cold, and he knew that even if he were physically capable of feeling any sort of physical ailments he wouldn't have felt anything of the sort that night.

He was completely and most incandescently happy, and there wasn't a thing in the world that could bring him down.

***

"What happened to you?"

Cinder stopped humming, pulling herself out from under the hood of a Camry and attempting to hide her ever-present grin with a scowl. She did not succeed.

"Aces, there is something terribly wrong with your face," Thorne held up his hands in front of himself as if he were taking in the measurement of her face with his fingers. He squinted his eyes tight and let out a low whistle.

"Stop that," Cinder swatted his hands down, but her smile persisted nonetheless. She just couldn't seem to make the goofy grin disappear no matter what she did. Though, she wasn't exactly trying to make the tingly feeling throughout her body abandon her.

Thorne brought a hand up to stroke the stubble along his chin. He closed one eye and raised an eyebrow in a way that made him look more constipated than inquisitive. The look did not help Cinder's bubbling supply of happiness. Seeing Thorne be an idiot was good always— as long as that idiocy did not correlate to bodily harm for her.

"What?" Cinder growled, rolling her eyes but not to its usual affect.

"You went out with that weird red truck dude didn't you?"

"So what if I did?" Cinder said, her voice lofty.

"Cinder," Thorne tutted, "I cannot believe you went out with a customer. For shame." Then he took a step closer to her and lowered his face toward hers conspiratorially. "So how was he?"

"Thorne," Cinder shoved at his arm, rolling her eyes.

Thorne squinted at her in turn, then wiggled his eyebrows at her. "Oh, I see. It's written all over your face. You two made out."

"Oh my stars stop before I have an aneurysm," Cinder picked up a wrench and debated whether or not she should hit herself or Thorne with it. Both seemed like a good option.

She twirled the tool along her fingers effortlessly, allowing for her bubbling energy to be free. Her entire body still felt jittery at the mere thought of Kai kissing her. Talking about it made those emotions surge into full-bloom. She hadn't even told Iko about the kiss yet, though whether that was due to excitement of nerves Cinder wasn't sure.

"Was he a good kisser?" Thorne asked, making little kissy faces at Cinder.

"Gosh, Thorne, would you shut up already?" Cinder ducked away from her boss and back under the hood of the car she had been working on. She tightened a nut, gritting her teeth with the effort.

A banging sounded overhead and Cinder jumped, knocking her head into the roof of the hood. She let out a string of obscenities, all of which were directed at Thorne and various members of his family.

"Aw, come on, Cindy," Thorne elbowed Cinder affectionately.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?"

"Apparently as many times as it takes for me to ask you how your date went."

Cinder sighed, closing the hood of the car and leaning against the front of it. Thorne watched her, eyes eager. He was similar to Iko in his constant yearning for gossip, though he didn't seem to have any unwarranted grudge against Kai like she did.

"Alright fine," Cinder dissented. "We went out, we kissed, and you can call me Baby because I had the time of my life yada yada. Are you happy now? Can I please return to my work?"

"I am truly filled with joy now," Thorne grinned. He nudged Cinder with an elbow, wiggling his eyebrows. "Was he a good kisser?"

"Thorne-" Cinder started, shooting a glare at her companion but he just laughed, making kissy faces at her.

"Aw, come on, Cinder," Thorne whined. "I'm just teasing. I'm really happy for you. It's nice to see you living a little bit. Going out on dates. Making out with really hot guys that happen to talk like old British men. I'm proud of you, kid."

Cinder grumbled a thanks and crossed her arms over her chest. She always felt a bit uncomfortable whenever Thorne acted like this— almost as if he were an older brother, or some weird drunkle that was overly protective of her. She didn't know how their relationship had gotten to this point, but during the years of Cinder working and fighting with Thorne, they were actual friends.

Thorne tossed her a wink then turned and trudged back to his desk area. Cinder picked up a pair of pliers, preparing to get back under the hood of the vehicle.

"Oh," Thorne turned, halfway across the garage. He had his hand pointed toward her as if he were accusing her of something. "And if that little bastard tries anything, let me know. I'll kick his ass into next week."

"Thanks," Cinder rolled her eyes and turned back to her work, but inside she felt her heart burst with a little warm bubble. She may not have had many friends in her life, but she knew that she could count Thorne as one— old drunkard that he was. He cared about her, and that little friendship meant everything in the world to Cinder.

She ducked her head back under the hood of the car just as her cell phone started to ring. Cinder banged her head hard and let out a string of mighty curses. She rubbed the back of her head as she pulled out the small vibrating device and clicked the "accept" button without hardly thinking.

"Hello?" Cinder half-growled, rubbing the back of her head. For a half second she felt her heart become fearful, wondering if the caller was her sister once more. Pearl had called her more over the past month than anyone else had ever called Cinder.

"Cinder," Iko's voice hissed. She sounded somewhat breathless, as if she were on the move to get to some place. But Cinder could hear no commotion on the other end of the phone, meaning that she was probably in a private setting.

"Iko," Cinder exhaled, dropping her hand from her head. She brought her body up so that she was sitting on her work desk, legs dangling just out of reach of the floor. "Hey, sorry I'm kinda busy right now. I'm still at work and don't get off for-"

"Cinder I have something urgent," Iko's words came out in a rush as if some sort of dam within her had broken and those words had been set free.

"Can you call me tonight when-"

"It's about Dr. Erland," Iko hissed. She sounded frustrated, as if Cinder were the one being difficult.

Cinder tilted her head to the side and looked up at the clock on the wall. She still had three hours left of work. She considered telling Iko to wait until then to tell Cinder her latest conspiracy theory, but hesitated. She had plans with Kai once she got off work, meaning that she had essentially no free time. She might as well let Iko get her rant over with.

"What about him?" Cinder rubbed a hand across her eyes, smudging engine grease along her eyelids. She had hardly slept the night before, unable to tamp down her excitement after kissing Kai. Every time she closed her eyes she relived the feel of his lips on hers and felt her heart burst with a new wave of adrenaline.

Iko huffed on the other end of the line. Cinder couldn't grasp why she was being so difficult— so strange. There was something about Kai that undid her best friend, but Cinder couldn't figure out exactly what it was.

"Cinder," Iko said, drawing out her name. Cinder closed her eyes in a long blink then reopened them. Iko let out a sigh. "Cinder, he's dead."

A small involuntary gasp escaped Cinder's lips. Then she rolled her eyes at herself for indulging in Iko's melodrama.

"He was an old man, Iko," Cinder chided. She slunk off her work desk and began to pace back and forth beside the Camry. Of course Cinder had been hoping to get a response from the doctor. Something telling her that Prince Kaito's tomb had been discovered just outside of Beijing or something else of the sort indicating that this long lost prince was dead. She had wanted closure more than answers— but his death did nothing to change the way she felt about Kai, and why would it?

"You don't get it!" Iko shouted, her tone causing Cinder to almost drop her phone.

"What the hell, Iko?" Cinder winced, switching her phone to the other ear. "Calm down. Why are you being so crazy?"

"Cinder," Iko said, and there was a hint of pleading in her voice. "Dr. Erland didn't just die." She paused, whether for dramatic effect or because she needed a breath Cinder did not know. "He was _murdered_."

A shiver slithered down Cinder's spine as if Thorne had come around and dropped an ice cube down the back of her shirt. For a moment she fell speechless, unsure of what to say— how to react. The old man? Murdered? _Why would anyone want to do such a thing?_

"What do you mean?" Cinder asked, her voice small.

Iko let out a breath, but when she spoke again her voice was soft. "He was murdered, Cinder. Someone came into his little office in Oregon and stabbed him seven times. They didn't even find his body until the next morning."

Cinder leaned her back against the car, a sick feeling overcoming her at the thought; a poor helpless old man left dying on the floor of his study. A small elderly man who dedicated his life to something so specific and unique as the Wanli Empire. Cinder hadn't even known what that was until a few weeks before.

"When?" Cinder breathed, her voice so low that it barely made a sound but Iko seemed to hear her in spite of this.

"Three days before Kai showed up in town."


	27. A Time Unknown

_USA, 2019 A.D._

Bright yellows flowers held Kai's gaze— they were different in shape and size than the ones he was thinking of. They weren't the wish flowers that had been in that valley in Scotland; they were delicate yellow daisies. But all he could see was the vibrant color, and all he could smell was that scent of wild, and his mind dragged him back to that time when he had held her in that valley of yellow flowers

His hands started to shake and he closed his eyes, trying to ward off the tears and memories. Breathing suddenly became a chore and he had to think about each breath as he allowed for oxygen to enter his lungs. He pressed his hands against his chest and felt the rapid kick of his pulse beneath his fingers. He reminded himself that he wasn't in Scotland and the year wasn't 1872.

Kai exhaled slowly, squeezing his eyes one last time before he opened them again. The flowers were no longer dandelions but daisies, and he was in twenty-first century America. Everything within the world had righted itself once more into reality.

But those moments of forgetting plagued him more and more frequently as the years went on. Seeing something so simple as a bundle of flowers or the soft flicker of flames or even a prison cell could send him back to a more sinister day within his past. The reminders of his long and miserable life were everywhere, and they tortured him with increasing cruelty as the years passed by.

"Are you okay?"

Kai shifted his attention up toward a woman with a kind smile. She wore a red apron that read _Benoit Farms and Flowers_ in a near-cursive script. The bright red clashed violently with her flaming hair. He gave her his best attempt at a smile and curtly nodded his head. She blinked away the concern in her eyes and turned her attention back to a rose bouquet she had been working on.

Eyes scanning the rest of the flower stand's selection, Kai picked a bouquet of white and pink peonies— a sort of tribute to the one family member Cinder held dear to her heart.

He paid for the flowers and thanked the woman even as she stared at him with slight concern. He didn't have time to get worked up over a memory of something that had taken place literal lifetimes ago. He was no longer in the same century— he no longer lived on that same continent. Everything had changed.

Now he was going to meet Cinder, who cared for him deeply and held no fear of him. He had finally won the battle against life and death and would once again be with the woman he loved so dearly.

After the night before filled with kissing and talking and the holding of one another, Kai felt assured that he had finally succeeded— that the whole thing had not been in vain; he wouldn't be forced to spend the rest of his eternity damned and as a servant of death herself.

But even as he celebrated the victory of winning the love of his dear Selene once more, he couldn't help the feeling that something awful was about to happen, just as it always had. Whether it be imprisonment, or a raid, or a freak drowning accident, Selene always seemed to slip from his grasp the moment they finally committed to one another. It had been that way from their very first life together, as Kai had held her in that secret garden and asked the servant girl to be his for forever and watched her die slowly the very next day.

It was almost as if they were cursed to find each other again and again only to lose one another. Kai's destiny was not the happy ending, but the long and miserable journey it took to get to it. All his life he had had to live with a half-finished fairytale, ending before the prince and the princess got their happily ever after.

Kai shook his head as if to clear his mess of thoughts from it. Nothing good ever came from worrying about what could happen— especially when it wouldn't happen. He was going to spend a lovely evening with Cinder, and that in and of itself was enough to melt all the worry away from his heart.

In every life that Kai had known Selene, she had always managed to make him feel good no matter the circumstances. Whether he was trapped in prison or happily and ably with her, she somehow was able to boost his spirits. It was one of the many reasons why he had fallen in love with her over four hundred years ago. Even as the realist she was, she had an energy of constant hope— a mind that was unconquerable when she wanted it to be. Having her respect had been the greatest accomplishment of his life second only to earning her love.

He walked toward his truck and hopped in, setting the flowers beside him. He pulled out and began to drive toward Cinder's apartment, his nerves buzzing with kinetic energy. He couldn't wait to see her— because even if she couldn't remember yet, she knew what Kai was going through. She had been there with him through all the pain and misery; she had been the one to get the worst of it.

Selene had died over and over again and lived lives that were rarely filled with joy. There had been occasions in which she had loved Kai so dearly and not wished to be parted from him. But she had dealt with the consequences of that love through horrible life circumstances and nightmares of them in the next.

Kai thought again of the yellow daisies and the flashback of that yellow valley of flowers and realized that perhaps he too had not escaped his long life trauma free. Just like Cinder with her nightmares, Kai had to live with constant reminders of all that he had lost. They were both trapped by the past and all the horrors that it held.

But the curse would end soon— Kai just knew it. They would finally get their happy ending and be free from their trapped lives.

***

Cinder scuttled about her apartment, shoving dishes in the sink and throwing loose items of trash away. Her hair was wet and already soaking through her black cotton t-shirt as she bustled about, but at least she was clean and didn't smell like car oil any longer.

She glanced at the clock and swore loudly, just as a knock sounded on the door. She ran back to her small bedroom and ripped off her soaking shirt and changed into the green hoodless sweatshirt she often liked to sleep in. Then she rushed to the door, slipping right as she reached it but caught herself upon the handle. Cinder yanked the door open— or tried to until she realized that she first needed to unlock it.

"Hi," Cinder breathed the second she laid eyes on Kai. He grinned back at her as water dripped from his hair into his eyes. He clutched a small bouquet of white and pink flowers in one hand and gave her a silly little wave with the other which she couldn't understand because she was close enough for him to talk to or even touch. She was even more shocked when she found herself mirroring him with the useless gesture.

"Would you like to come in?"

Kai smiled in that sweet sort of way that made the dimple in his cheek prominent and nodded his head. Cinder stepped aside and allowed for him to cross the threshold of her apartment.

He handed the bouquet of flowers to her and said, "For you." Cinder smiled and immediately brought the peonies up to her nose so she could smell their delectable scent. Her heart warmed that he had remembered. She closed her eyes and tried for a moment to forget that she was about to ask the boy she loved whether or not he had committed murder just a month before.

She blinked away the thought and looked at Kai. He watched her so carefully, as if he were afraid that if he stopped she would disappear. Cinder gave him a smile then brought her free hand up to cup Kai's cheek as she leaned in for a kiss. They broke apart, and Cinder grabbed his hand and led him to the kitchen.

Carefully, Kai removed his damp gray hoodie and placed it over the back of one of the rickety old chairs, then sat down. Cinder bustled about the kitchen, pulling out two mugs from the cabinet over the sink and placed them down on the table. Then she walked over to the stove and pulled a tea kettle off and brought it to rest upon a hot pad on the table.

"This room," Kai said, turning his head to stare at each wall. "It is like the varying rays of the sun."

Cinder laughed, walking back to a shelf that held a box of assorted tea bags. "My friend Iko claims that it's a monstrosity. Every wall in this apartment is painted a different color."

"I find that to be more marvelous than monstrous," Kai said. Cinder couldn't help but smile at his words— couldn't help but to tell herself that this man could not possibly be a murderer. Iko was simply paranoid and overprotective; that had to be all it was.

"What kind of tea do you like?" Cinder asked, rifling through the box of tea bags. "I have Earl Grey, Caramel Vanilla, Honey... Sleepy Time?"

"Whichever one you find best," Kai said, scratching behind his ear as he watched her.

Cinder grabbed two bags of Caramel Vanilla and placed one in each of their mugs. Then she poured the hot water in both their mugs and sat down across from Kai. Immediately, he picked up his mug and began to drink, even as Cinder put up her hands and let out a noise of protest.

Kai stared at Cinder quizzically over the rim of his black mug. Her brow scrunched together, and she wondered at how he wasn't yelling in agony as he guzzled the scorching tea. The only reaction he had was to twist his lips slightly as he set the mug back down upon the table, as if he found the substance subpar.

"How...?" Cinder asked, drawing out the word in a soft whisper. "Do you not have tongue nerves?"

"Pardon?"

"Kai, that is a very hot mug of tea," Cinder stated, wrapping her hands around her own mug and jumped back as it scalded her fingers. She pointed at the mug, swirling her fingers in time with the steam. "I can't even touch this mug, let alone drink the contents within."

Kai paled and gave her a nervous smile. "I've never much been bothered by heat," he said, scratching at his ear— it was his nervous tell.

Cinder leaned forward, inspecting him closely. He blinked rapidly, and Cinder noticed that his pupils were dilated; something was scaring him.

Her own heart began to patter ferociously, and she could hear the beat within her ears. She didn't want to ask him the question— whether it was because she was scared if she was right or wrong she did not know. There were so many odd things about Kai from the way he talked to all the random knowledge and languages he knew to his vagueness when describing his life. That alone was enough to make someone suspicious, but coupled with his likeness to the "long lost" supposedly immortal Chinese Prince was something that surpassed coincidence.

But Cinder couldn't bring herself to ask Kai about it, no matter how terribly the question ate at her. She didn't want to know— she didn't care if he was an immortal prince or just a typical strange guy. Cinder had fallen in love with him, and if she found out he was something other than the wonderful boy she knew, the truth would destroy her.

Iko had urged her to question Kai— had even suggested they do it in a public place or allow for her to hide in the closet to insure he didn't attempt to murder Cinder as well. But Cinder couldn't imagine Kai as a murderer. To her, he was the gentle Kai who had held her as she cried at the hospital and taken her to a drive in movie and called Swedish Fish "scary." He wasn't a murderer— he couldn't be.

"Who are you really?" Cinder's voice quivered as the words came out, but she didn't stop them from spilling forth from her lips. It seemed like the least dangerous question to start with.

Kai squinted at her for a second then took another sip of his scalding tea, not even flinching as he swallowed the liquid. Cinder felt a trickle of sweat— or perhaps water from her hair— slip down her neck.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean who are you, Kai?" Cinder leaned toward him, her gaze flicking back and forth between his two copper eyes. "Who are you, and where did you come from? What are you not telling me about yourself? What the hell is going on?"

"I am terribly sorry," Kai licked his lips and averted his gaze. He looked as if he were somewhere else— pushed into a whole new reality far, far away from Cinder. "I cannot possibly know of what you speak."

"Stop lying to me!" Cinder slammed her hand down upon the table, jolting her tea mug just slightly. "Kai, I have put a lot of blind trust in you over the past month— taken vague answers and not pushed for more— but I'm done. I need the truth. I need to know who you are. I just need to know that you're not someone else, Kai."

Kai shut his eyes tightly, his hand jumping to his left wrist and squeezing the skin there. His breathing picked up as if he were having trouble catching air, and for a brief moment she wondered if he was having a panic attack.

"Kai?" She asked softly, her voice lowering. He pressed a palm against his chest as if to feel his own heartbeat. It seemed to calm him, and he opened his eyes once more. They were wide and afraid.

Cinder watched him carefully, taking in his every movement— every breath he took. She was scared to frighten him, because while he sat before her as a man, he had the presence of a terrified animal— a rabbit stuck in a trap.

She swallowed, unsure of what to say. She needed an answer— she couldn't continue to live a life of blissful obliviousness. Cinder needed to stop hiding from her problems and face them. If she had discovered anything about herself in the past weeks it was that running never solved a thing.

"Kai," Cinder started, her eyes pricking with hot tears. Her hand reached across the table, though she did not touch Kai. "Are you the long lost Prince Kaito of the Ming Dynasty?"

He didn't flinch or gasp at her words— he didn't do anything except stare at her with those haunting brown eyes that seemed to house more than twenty-one years of memories. Everything around them ceased to exist during those moments as they watched one another, waiting for an answer that they both already knew. Cinder could hear nothing— feel nothing. All she could see were Kai's eyes filled with so many years and such a terrible amount of fear.

Kai swallowed, his adam's apple bobbing emphatically with the motion. Then for a brief moment he squeezed his eyes shut before opening them once more, somehow filled with more moisture than before. He watched Cinder and his face seemed to melt with agony.

Then he nodded slowly as a tear fell from his left eye and traced down his angular cheek. Cinder watched it track down his cheek and wondered how long it would take for it to fall. She wondered at how long it had taken her to fall for Kai— it couldn't have been like falling asleep, which happened so terribly slowly. She had fallen for Kai in a time unknown, but a short time still—too short, perhaps.

The tear fell to the table, and Cinder's eyes fell upon Kai's once more; they were filled with such terrible sadness. She too could feel the wretched agony tearing him apart.

"Yes," Kai whispered as another tear fell from his cheek. His lips parted in an awful attempt at a smile, but it gave him a look more akin to being in pain that pleasure. "I am Prince Kaito, son of Emperor Rikan of the Ming Dynasty."


	28. Dust of the Earth

_Japan, 1645 A.D._

Kai hadn't expected the burning— the wretched searing pain across his arm as the first of his koi brand disappeared from his forearm. Of course the _Blue Koi_ had warned him of such horrible agony, but it was excruciating after thirty years of no pain. He hadn't felt a thing since his immortality had begun, and the burning sting felt like more than he could bear.

Well, the sting and the knowledge of what it meant. Selene's first reincarnation was gone before he'd even had the chance to properly look. She was gone from the earth for the second time in the same century. Kai vowed to himself that it would be the last.

That time in the throne room at Beijing felt like it had happened hundreds of years ago, and in a way, it almost was. Kai had left immediately after the Blue Koi had granted him temporary immortality. He'd left his home without a word to anyone he knew— not saying goodbye to his best friend Torin, or Nainsi. It would have been painful if not for the aching hole within his chest.

So Kai ran, with nothing but the clothes upon his back and the ring he'd intended to give to her as his sole token. He abandoned the only place in the world he knew and ran northward into the Russian Empire.

His need to flee his home had been the only thing to keep him falling into a pit of depression. The trek across the lands that should have been his was miserable because of the mental torment it brought to Kai. While walking he had all the time in the world to think of Selene and how he had failed her so miserably. All he could do was remember her and how she had whispered his name upon her final breath. All he could see were her eyes and how the soft brown had turned lifeless even as she stared at Kai.

He found respite from the wretched memory only in sleep, where nothing at all existed. As a mortal he had dreamed often of wild adventures filled with fantastical prospects. He had dreamt of freedom and joy and Selene, which were synonyms in his mind. But now he could not dream of anything, whether it be a nightmare or a fantasy. He praised the Blue Koi for the moments of peace, but cursed her all the while for leaving his mind abandoned of the beautiful memories.

Kai wished to dream for the sole purpose of remembering Selene's smile under the moonlight. He wanted to dream of her in his arms as they fell asleep side by side. He longed to remember the taste of her lips on his and the smell of her hair as he nestled his face against hers.

Because if Kai could dream, he would dream only of her.

In the years that followed that dreadful Lunar New Year he'd traveled all across Eurasia on land and sea. After a brief period in Russia in which he secluded himself in the Siberian tundra, he'd gone to the coast and gotten work on a trade ship. The work was hard, and something that he had never before experienced as a wealthy prince; but he enjoyed the feel of working one's self, even if he did have that advantage of never tiring.

For three years he worked in trade, switching to another ship on occasion until somehow he ended up on a Japanese pirate ship. He still didn't understand how that one had happened, but it was an experience he enjoyed all the same. He only stopped when the captain grew too suspicious of a man who refused to set foot upon the shores of China.

He'd abandoned the ship the next time they raided the Korean coastline, and immediately wished that he had stayed on board the ship. His time in the country was short as he found life there too slow and dreary and _normal_. He was still young and restless— he needed a distraction from all that twisted about his mind.

That was when the _Blue Koi_ came to him, whispering the name of Selene's first reincarnation, and telling him that he had already crossed paths with the young child in her short span of life. He wasn't particularly pleased to hear such a thing after spending three years upon the soil of many countries and seeing thousands of people. But it was then that he began his search— he'd lived out his remaining days of boyhood and aged to his permanent state of twenty-one. He'd had time to grieve and distract himself from the agony of living.

So he searched. Then he searched some more, and once he'd done that he searched. And in all that time he found _absolutely nothing_. No girl by the name Chun Ming. No girl with Selene's face and brilliant personality.

And he never found her. In the sea of six hundred million people, he did not once see her brilliant smile or hear the low cadence of her voice. He failed in finding his Selene.

Through dozens of countries he searched, learning many languages along the way of both Asian and European nature, he found nothing. He met new people every day, and explained each time that he was looking for someone— a girl— but they knew not of where she came from.

Three times he found girls by the same name, but all three had been nothing more than name doppelgängers. Three times he had cried himself into that oblivion of sleep knowing that he had been so terribly close.

Year passed by in tens— starting with one decade of hope, then one of desperation, and ending with one of despair. His life felt as if it were ending as he lived without Selene.

It was strange how his love for her never dissipated— never wavered. His eyes could never wander upon another girl as they had when he was young and hadn't known love. He couldn't think of anyone or anything other than _her_.

At times he wondered whether it would be easier if he could forget her— if living a life filled with mindless pleasures would be better than this endless, agonizing search. But a world in which he was not most passionately in love with Selene was one he could not— would not— fathom. Because without her, he was nothing but a heartless prince.

Kai crumpled to the ground, clutching at his forearm as he cried out, " _No!_ " into the night. Because while the pain was unbearable due to the years without it, the knowledge that he had failed was more agony than he could bear.

"My dearest Selene," Kai sobbed, his tears falling to the dirt of his small hut. "Love of my burning soul, why have you departed from me?"

No answer came to his questions, nor comfort from the aching pain within his heart. It felt just as it had when Kai had held her in his arms and watched as she passed from his life and onto another. It seared like that of a hot knife stabbed directly through his chest and into his heart. He wished that the pain was just as it felt— at least then his misery would end.

When Kai reached his lowest points in life, he wondered at what it would have been like to take his life by Selene's side. To close her eyes and then bring a knife down upon himself and join her in whatever followed death. In times before sleep he almost dreamt of it as he let his mind wander to worlds filled with less pain and regret. Would it have been better if his miserable life had ceased to exist upon that moment of his dearest love's death? It was a sick thought that ate at him, tormenting him almost as horribly as the memories of Selene's last words.

" _My Kai_ ," she'd whispered, her mouth tripping over the two syllables as poison ate at her insides and brought her life to its end. " _My Kai_."

A viscous sob shook Kai's whole body as he cried upon the floor. His body sprawled out in spasms as he lost complete and utter control over himself. Dirt rubbed across his face and caused spots of mud to form upon his cheeks. His fingernails became filthy with the wretched dust of the earth as he scratched at the ground as if to dig his way to hell.

He thought of her face looking up at him, her eyes reflecting the light of the moon as he leaned down to kiss her. He remembered the exact curve of her lips as she smiled into the kiss. He felt her arms wrap around his neck, pulling him down, down, _down_ so he could be closer to her.

Everything hurt as he thought of her. His sobs escalated into something past hysterical and into a land of silent screaming. He scratched at his arms, but felt no sting of pain as he tried to shred the tattoos from his flesh. Kai wailed as his efforts brought him no pain— no relief. He was trapped in a limbo where nothing bad could happen to him, but no good as well.

His invulnerability and immortality made him feel as if he were nothing other than the ghost of a human. He wasn't alive in the way he had been before— one could not live without pain. Living was something meant to tear a person apart until they had nothing left to give. But whatever he was doing, it wasn't living— it was something far worse.

Kai tried to regain his breathing, although he didn't even necessarily need to do _that_. He thought of a life in which he found Selene and they fell in love once more. He tried to conjure up memories of how it had felt to think of seeing her every single day— of waiting until nightfall when they could meet up in their secret garden and talk and kiss and hold one another.

His breathing slowed, and his body released all its tension only to start shaking. He sucked in breaths that tasted of nothing and let the final drops of sadness leak from his eyes. His arms wrapped around his body as if trying to remember how it felt to be held.

All his life he had been alone save for the year in which he'd been in love with Selene. Of course he'd had his best friend, and his nurse maid, but that was different. Those had been temporary companions, there to love him unconditionally and give him a pat on the back for simply existing. He hadn't had the kind of love that one earned until he met Selene. Kai hadn't felt that burning sense of all-encompassing passion until she crashed into his life.

Selene had been everything to Kai from the moment he met her. She was the only one who made him feel as if he weren't entirely alone on this vast expanse of earth.

But she was gone, twice now, having lived lives that ended because of his insolence. She was dead because of him— and how many more times would she have to die before he made it to her? Would he ever manage to find her, just one girl among so many millions?

He vowed to himself that he would— that he would find her once more and give her the life that they had dreamed up while laying side by side in the palace gardens. He would hold her once more as he had then and stare up at a sky filled of only dreams and wishes. He would not forget her as the years passed by and agony wore him down to nothing but his love for her. Kai would find Selene and love her with the same fierceness he had worn in their first life together. He would find her, and he would not let her go— because if he lost her, he would be nothing more than the lonely dust of the Earth.


	29. A Place Far Away

_USA, 2019 A.D._

_"How?"_

Cinder stared at Kai as her one-word question hung in the air like a poisonous gas, strangling both of them the longer it remained. She couldn't fathom what was going on. She still didn't know how to feel.

Of course Cinder had seen every coincidence stacked up against Kai— he was the absolute worst at lying for starters, and even worse at covering up his tracks. He might as well have held a sign up above his head proclaiming that he was the long lost prince. But some part of Cinder had expected it all to be just a silly lie— a fable crafted by Iko out of her overprotectiveness for Cinder. The question hadn't been meant to be answered by the truth he had shared.

Kai looked down at the table, as if he could not bear the sight of her. It angered her— that cowardice. The fact that he could speak to her of a truth and then not even grant her the courtesy of looking her in the eyes after she asked a question. He was the imposter—the liar— not she. He was the one who had just proclaimed himself a prince of China.

"Kai," Cinder hissed, her voice as hard as iron. "Explain."

He looked up at her, and Cinder could see the pain within his eyes. For a moment she wanted to withdraw her words— tell him that it was alright, and that she didn't need an explanation. _But she did._ If he had lied to her about this, what else had he withheld from her?

She wanted to ask him about the doctor— the old man who studied the Ming Dynasty. But first she needed to find out how crazy he actually was; she needed to see if this idea of him being some prince was true, or if he was delusional.

"Where would you like me to begin?" Kai sighed, his eyes drooping with exhaustion. Cinder had never seen him look so tired.

"From the beginning."

"Alright," Kai said, splaying his hands out upon the table. "Our story-"

"Your story," Cinder corrected, her voice a sneer. "This is your story. I have nothing to do with it, _your majesty_."

Kai smiled sadly at her; it was that kind of smile that one had only when they saw a person they once knew but no longer recognized. Cinder's heart skipped a beat.

"I beg you to never call me that," Kai said calmly, inclining his head toward her. "But it is indeed our story. I would not be here on this day if it were not for you."

Cinder huffed, but added no comment to his statement. Fine; if he wanted her to be four hundred years old just like him, he could imagine her to be ancient. Just long as she got his story from him.

"The year was sixteen hundred and twelve," Kai continued. "I was in my eighteenth year— as were you-"

"Wait," Cinder cut in, her brain remembering a story that Kai had once told her. "The girl you fell in love with when you were eighteen— the one who died. Are you telling me that you think that girl was me?"

"I _know_ she is you," Kai mumbled, his eyes glancing back down to his hands.

"How?"

"Let me explain myself first— there is backstory here to add onto why and how I know that you are the Selene I met over four hundred years ago."

Cinder glowered but let him tell his tale, deciding not to interrupt again if only for the sake of her own sanity. She was feeling the beginnings of a headache just listening to Kai— something she had never felt in his presence. He had once been a force of only goodness to her; but now, well, he was something _other_. Something strange and to be feared. She was starting to wish she'd taken Iko up on her offer—at the very least she could jump out of the closet and beat Kai out of her apartment with a broomstick.

"It was the Lunar New Year, and my father beckoned me to the palace throne room. I sprinted down the halls, knowing that something was amiss. You see, my father and I always had a troubled relationship— I was his first son, but not his favorite. He would have preferred for the son of his favorite lover to be his heir, but law decreed that it must be I to ascend to the throne. Emperor Rikan did everything within his mighty power to squash every bit of my very soul. For the first years had much victory in the field. He brought me up without love, allowing for me to be nothing but a heartless creature.

"Then one day I met you— Selene." Kai sighed as he said the name. "You— she— was the most wonderful woman I have ever met. She taught me how to unbecome my father and transformed me into the man I am today. She gave me love, and I have never cared for a soul more than I do for her."

"But Kai," Cinder interjected, breaking her own promise. "I'm only twenty, and I _know_ that those are all the years I've lived on this earth. I was born in ninety-eight; I even have a birth certificate to prove it."

"But of course you do," Kai grinned slyly, taking her reasoning to be acceptance of his insanity. "You are not living the same life that you were when we first met. You are no longer Selene, but Cinder. You were Selene first, then nine others between the four hundred years and this life."

"How?" Cinder asked again— it was the only question worth asking. None of what Kai said made any sense. Was he a part of some sort of religion where they believed in reincarnation? She had heard of a few—especially in Asia— but never had she been told of any practices like that of what Kai was describing. Quite obviously he was insane.

"Well, on that Lunar New Year that I was speaking of, I arrived at the throne room to discover you upon the floor. My father had poisoned you, and I held you in my arms as you breathed your last breaths." At this Kai teared up a bit, his lower lips quivering slightly. "You died for the first time in the Beijing Palace in China as you stared up into my eyes and whispered my name. To think of it is to end my soul each time."

"So how did I get here on this day? Does it have something to do with those koi goddesses?"

Kai closed his eyes as if he were internally cringing. To see that look upon his face the night before would have made Cinder laugh at him endearingly and melt into a small puddle. Seeing it now only caused her heart to flare with anger.

"Upon your death a flood overtook the throne room," Kai explained, his eyes still closed. "You were swept away as was I— the water that of the _Blue Koi_. It was one of the most terrifying and wondrous experiences of my life, to watch as the floor of oceanic marble turned into a living, breathing sea.

"Then the water dissipated and there she stood— the _Blue Koi_." Kai said the name almost as reverently as he said Selene. She was someone dear to him; the thought made Cinder's chest twinge with foolish jealousy. "She offered me a chance to be with my dearest love once more." Kai stared at Cinder, his eyes bright and shining. "She told me that she would grant Selene ten reincarnations and myself immortality during that time. If I could find Selene—find you— then I could end my curse and we could spend the rest of our days together as it should have been."

Kai stopped his story here, though Cinder did not think that it was the end of his tale— how could it have been? It still explained nothing of how she was here, and how he believed that she was some dead girl from the seventeenth century.

"Shouldn't the curse be gone then?" Cinder asked. "You found me, so shouldn't the curse be over? Wouldn't your immortality be gone if you found your _Selene_?"

Again Kai's face became sad. "It is not as simple as that. I have to win her heart once more and marry her. You see, I asked for her hand the night before she was killed, and we had a plan to flee together and spend the rest of our days far from my corrupt father. So in order for my immortality to vanish and for you to regain your memories, we must marry."

Cinder blinked— one of those hard blinks that involved the rolling of one's entire head. She could not believe what she was hearing. Was he asking her to marry him? They had only known one another for a month, and he was proving himself to be a delusional man who should have been in a mental hospital and not free to wander around among women.

She knew that she should have feared for her life at that point— he was a man who wanted for her to be his in the way of their ancestors. He wanted for her to marry him, and she would refuse most adamantly and tell him to never look upon her face again. It was the beginning or the middle or the end of a serial killer story, in which the crazy boyfriend, mad with passion, kills the girl he claims to love.

But Cinder wasn't afraid of Kai; despite his delusions and her revulsion toward him, she could feel only pity. He was clearly not okay in the head— but did he have it in him to hurt her? She couldn't imagine such a thing. Kai, who had held her so tenderly just the night before. It was impossible to think of him stabbing an old man seven times.

Cinder swallowed, chewing the question within her mind. She hadn't wanted this truth, but she had gotten it. She wasn't sure what she would do if Kai answered her other question affirmatively.

"Kai?" Cinder asked, feeling sick as she said his name. "Where were you in the days before you came to Washington?"

Visibly, Kai relaxed, as if he had been expecting her to throw him out at any moment. He scratched behind his ear and squinted his eyes as if he were trying to remember.

"I cannot recall; somewhere south of here? Idaho? Possibly Oregon." Cinder felt her heart deflate as he mentioned the state where Dr. Erland lived. Her mind was screaming as he continued on, unable to take another word. "Yes, it was definitely Oregon. I remember staying at gassing my automobile and having to let a man do it for me. Funny law there, isn't it?"

A choked sound escaped Cinder's lips involuntarily. She covered her mouth as Kai stared at her. She felt as if she had just been stabbed through the heart.

 _Iko was right,_ Cinder thought. _Iko was right, and this man is a killer. I fell in love with a murderer. I kissed a murderer._

Cinder brought her hands up to cover her face and let out a soft groan. She couldn't think of what to do next. Should she subtly contact the police as she asked him more questions? What did one do while they were trapped in their apartment with a killer?

 _Calm down_ , Cinder chastised herself. He could have just been going through Oregon— there was always that fifty fifty chance of someone crossing into Washington through Oregon rather than Idaho. Well, there was Canada too, so really only the odds were only one out of three. Still, it was a far conclusion for her to jump to.

"Cinder," Kai hushed, her name soft upon his lips. "Whatever is the matter? Is it my words? Do you wish me to go?"

Composing herself, Cinder drew herself up in her seat. She took in a single breath and folded her hands on top of her table.

"Do you know a man by the name of Erland?" She asked, the words as cold as ice.

"Erland?" Kai repeated the name. He tilted his head to the side as if to wonder at it. "No, I do not believe I do; why do you ask?"

"Because my friend Iko has been researching him," Cinder hissed, "after he never messaged me back. She's been worried about you and who you are so she looked into Erland to see if we could get any information out of him. But we never will because he was murdered just three days before we met."

Kai paled, his eyes growing wide. Fear ignited within Cinder's heart as she watched him. He looked both young and old as he stared at her, terror blooming on his face.

"And this man, Erland," Cinder continued, unable to stop. She couldn't stop talking— stop whispering the words that hurt them both. It didn't matter anymore one way or another. She was never going to talk to Kai after this night. "He devoted his life to researching the Wanli Empire, and he had a very specific curiosity with the disappearance of _Prince Kaito._ "

Kai flinched at the name, and it was that moment that Cinder lost all her cool entirely. She stood from her chair so abruptly that it flew back into the wall with a crash. Kai stared at her, his eyes filled with the most wretched fear; it was almost as if he were seeing something other than her— as if he were reliving a memory.

"Get out," Cinder gasped, her breathing ragged as she pointed a finger at Kai. "Get out right now. Get out before I call the police. _Just get out!_ "

Her words seemed to echo throughout her multi-color kitchen as she screamed at Kai. All he could do was stare at her, breathless as she yelled. His eyes were frozen and terrified— and rightfully so, for Cinder was a horrifying creature in that moment of anger. Because for once in her life she had believed that she was loved— and now it was all falling from her grasp. It hurt more than she ever could have imagined.

She rushed to the other side of the table and grabbed Kai's arm, not at all gentle as she wrenched him from his seat. His sole response was to stare at her, tears leaking from his melted-penny eyes.

"Get out," Cinder sobbed, pointing at the door. "Please, please just leave."

Kai sputtered, but no words escaped him. He looked as if he wanted to reach out for her, but he didn't. Cinder was both relieved and disappointed that he didn't. She wasn't sure whether she would collapse into the comfort of his arms or throttle him. Somehow she wanted to do both at the same time.

"Please, Kai. " Cinder inhaled a shaky breath— one that sounded more like a shiver than an attempt for air.

One last tear fell down his face before he turned away from her and walked out her front door. He left swiftly, but shut her door gently, not slamming it as she had expected him to— as she had almost wanted him to, for she longed for him to prove himself to be the monster Iko thought he was. But he appeared only as the gentle lamb and not the violent wolf.

Cinder rushed to the door, locking and bolting it shut. She nearly broke her fingers with the violence she used for the task. Once she finished, she stalked away from the door, only to rush back at it with her fist.

She screamed as she hit the door and wailed as the pain of her actions overcame her. Cinder let out a string of curses, all of them directed at either herself or Kai. She hated him with all that she was— it was the kind of hate that one could only feel if they had loved first. It was an anger made up of passion and heartbreak and the agony of losing something so precious.

Tears traced down Cinder's cheeks in a sticky mess. She cradled her now bloody hand against her chest, sobbing in earnest as she stumbled into the kitchen.

It was only then that she saw it— that gray hoodie that he always seemed to be wearing, neatly hung over the back of the chair where Kai had left it.

Numbly, Cinder walked toward the sweatshirt, her tears stopping in place of fish-out-of-water gasping. She reached out for the item with her uninjured hand, bringing the material up into her grasp.

She clutched the hoodie to her chest and sunk down into the chair, letting out another wail. She buried her face in the fabric and let her tears puddle into it. Cinder sobbed, leaning her head down to the table and allowing it to rest upon the soft gray of Kai's sweatshirt.

It still smelled of him— that sweet scent of laundry detergent and rain and a place far away. It was almost comforting as she laid her ear to it, as if her head were upon Kai's chest once more and she was listening to his heartbeat. For a moment Cinder let herself pretend that the throbbing from within her skull was the gentle thump of Kai's heart; and for that one moment, she almost felt okay.


	30. Twice

_USA, 2019 A.D_

_"You will have ten chances— ten lives— to find your dear Selene and make her fall in love with you again."_

Kai buried his head in his hands, the words swimming around in his mind like the blasted koi that had surrounded him as the words had originally been uttered. He couldn't get them to abandon him— not after all that had happened.

_"With each life, however, she will appear somewhere new, and you must search for her. You must find her, make her fall in love with you, and marry her."_

Tears fell from Kai's eyes, salty as the ocean that would be his home for the rest of eternity. He had failed— Cinder did not love him. He would spend all of forever as a slave to the _Blue Koi_. He would be a servant to death.

_"If, after your ten chances to win back your love you fail, you must spend the rest of eternity as one of my own— a slave of death, if you will."_

He couldn't believe that this had happened. After all the years of work— all his time loving Selene with his whole heart— it was over. He had failed; she truly didn't love him as he had thought she did.

In all his years of searching for his dearest love, he had never stopped to consider that perhaps their love wasn't as strong as he believed it to be— that it could have possibly been one-sided. But how else could they have come to this ending so many times if Selene's soul was not as fond of his as he was of hers. It made no sense.

"Why must it always be so painful," Kai moaned, scrubbing at his face with the heel of his hand. He felt cold for the first time in centuries, as if his very veins were filling with the icy water of Blue's home— as if his immortality were already fading away.

"No," Kai whimpered. He clutched at his wrist, digging his fingers into the final blue koi— the one that swam faster than all the rest, as if afraid of something behind her. Kai had always found the final koi to be odd— unusual. It was like a box of chocolates, all of the sweets made from the same mold save for one. He had always gazed at the final koi with a curiosity from the time there had been ten— all the rest had been varying shades of the same design, but this one was absolutely terrified. 

He tried to scratch it away, but his nails made no harm upon his skin. He could perform no injury upon himself just as it had been for the past four hundred years— but he felt little relief in this fact. The loss of pain was not a blessing in his eyes— it was just another layer demonstrating how cursed he actually was.

Curling in upon himself, Kai cried senselessly for what felt like hours. It was that same kind of crying he had performed upon her death every single time. The tears came endlessly, as if Kai was filled with the very ocean he would soon be damned to.

He wasn't entirely sure what would happen to him once Cinder died, but he was sure it would not be pleasant. Perhaps he would be turned into that screaming koi upon his arm, forever cursed to swim. Or maybe he would be a slave to the _Blue Koi_ in helping her with others like himself— following those also granted the ten reincarnations, or whatever she allowed them. If that were the case, he vowed to help the poor people just as Blue had aided him.

Kai would offer advice— travel everywhere with them. He could be a translator for the poor soul if their lover spoke a new language. He could tell them how to do it all— teach them from his own mistakes.

There had been a time when he'd wondered how Blue managed to look after all the many people who'd been given second chances like himself. He'd dreamt up henchmen, carrying out her will all over the world. What with the veil and mysterious air, Kai could have had a different companion each time he found Selene in a new life. For all he knew, the woman who came to him was never the same.

But something deep down inside him told him that she was constant— that she cared too much for him for her to not be the same goddess. Blue was the one who had come to him when everything had started, and she had come to him ever since.

It almost frightened Kai to think of how close they were— how she came whenever he needed her and offered him advice. He loved her despite their often strained relationship, though not in the same way he cared for Selene— not even remotely. The _Blue Koi_ was lovable in the same way that religious people loved their gods or as children loved their mothers. She was the beginning of creation and a nurturer, but never one to dream of or wish to hold.

Through all the years she'd been Kai's only friend. She'd taught and advised him, though not always well, he believed it was her best.

But then again, when had her advice ever actually helped him?

Kai sat bolt upright, his mind reeling as he tried to conjure up a memory in which Blue had given him advice that had actually brought him success. He came up dry.

Of course with Selene's first and second reincarnations she had told him to search, and he had. He'd found Ying just upon her death in the streets of London, but he had found her. The pain of losing Selene's second reincarnation had torn at his very being, but knowing that he could _at least_ find her had given him hope for the third reincarnation.

Then he'd found Amaris— he'd discovered her as a nun, unsure of how to possibly court her. But somehow he'd managed to charm her despite her position. She could have asked for leave, or to break her vows— had even offered— but Kai had taken Blue's advice and attempted to run. He'd been locked up for "kidnapping" and "brainwashing" one of god's servants. He'd been left in the cell for over a decade, waiting for Blue to come for him—years upon years of waiting.

Kai couldn't find it in himself to blame Blue for Pimchan's death— her suicide had been due to his own foolishness. But how was it that she was related to the one person who had been persecuted after Kai's disappearance? Out of all the millions of families Selene could have been born to, she had somehow been given the last name of Konn.

Despite all her wrongs, Blue had also done him good; she had helped him realize himself after Pimchan's death. She'd worked him out of his misery during Selene's fifth reincarnation. She'd helped him come to terms with his failures and understand that there was no time to sit about moping.

 _That is because she is your ally_ , Kai reminded himself. He couldn't believe he was thinking terribly of the personage who had granted him ten chances to be with the girl he had lost due to his own stupidity. It was the type of dream that Romeo and Juliet would have dreamed up, though in all honesty Kai often longed for their fate rather than his own. But still: Blue had helped him in so many ways.

Sure, she'd given him a couple pieces of bad advice, but that wasn't the issue; Kai was the problem in every scenario. He would find Selene, only for her to die, or leave him or be unable to be with him. It was always the wrong circumstances. He didn't have enough time— enough of the right time.

But why was it that there were so many close calls? Why did he end up in prison twice, unable to be with Selene despite their love for one another? Why had she died twice, right before they were to be married? Why had Kai found her twice, only for her to die immediately after? Why had he been unable to find her twice? Why was it that the fates had circled around, repeating in its terrible loop of torture?

The only fate that they had not endured twice was the dementia— that terrible life Zhen had lived, ending with Kai as her caretaker. Those had been the years in which he'd spent the most time with her, but the only ones that had pained him so. To watch her deteriorate into nothing— that had ripped Kai's heart to shreds.

Would Kai have to live that life again? Was it the fate of the _Blue Koi_?

Kai let out a melancholy moan and allowed for his head to fall into his hands. The thoughts and memories swimming about his head tortured him, as if Blue had transformed into her original form and was taking a nice, twirling turn amongst his brains.

He took in a deep breath, trying to calm himself. His heart hammered rapidly, and he placed his palm over his chest, feeling the quick beat. Over all the years of so many constants, Kai loved his heart for beating irregularly— because his heart was the only part of him that could still be hurt. His heart was the only piece of his body that could have pain inflicted upon it.

Thoughts plagued his mind, none of them good. Everything that had once made sense no longer fit into the image of the world he had devised within himself. Of course they lived in a world filled with many odd coincidences, but Kai had lived long enough to know that there was always a hand playing with those oddities, and they were never mortal hands.

The world was filled with horrors that Kai could only begin to comprehend after centuries upon the earth, but they all had a purpose. He'd seen the world reform as it realized its wrongs— but there had not once been a change in his ending. Expecting the worse at every turn and doing all within his power had never prevented Selene's death.

It made no sense for Kai to have gotten so close on numerous occasions only to fail. Each time had ended too fast— each time had ended in death. He had made the accusation before, just a quarter of a century earlier at Rose's funeral—Selene's ninth reincarnation. She had denied the ability to simply collect a soul then, but how could Kai know if she was telling the truth when he could not look into her eyes and see her lies?

Kai leapt to his feet, gasping as they hit the floor. He could hardly breathe as the final piece of the puzzle came to rest within his mind. How could he never realized it? She was death— she was the end to every near-victory Kai had. She was the reason Kai had failed so miserably.

He rushed to where his keys rested on the counter of his small apartment. His hands shook terribly as he grasped them and ran out the door. He had to see her— had to confirm that everything swirling about his mind wasn't just him grasping at the blame straws.

But in his heart he knew— it was as if he had been staring at a picture from underneath the water, looking up at the distorted colors, unable to see clearly. But now— now his head had broken the surface of those tossing waves. Now he could see clearly, and he was terrified of the image he saw.


	31. The Face of the Devil

_USA, 2019 A.D._

Kai tapped his fingers maddeningly along the table, his fingertips clipping a horse-trot sound despite the sturdy makings of the surface. Music sung by the King of Rock played chirpily through the speakers above him but they only caused agitation. He couldn't stand the chipper whine of Elvis' voice as he sang of dogs and lying.

Kai had never been the violent sort— save for when harm came upon the one he loved— but he was beyond all rational thought and wanted for nothing more than to kick the wall behind him and scream at the top of his lungs. He longed to pummel a brick wall and feel the pain of it; but Kai was immune to all pain, so it would yield nothing more than an increase in agitation— he knew this because he had already tried.

So he sat, drumming his fingers across the white fake-marble tabletop, his nose twitching as he stared at the checkered floor. Everything within him was motion and anger— so much so that the hostess had yet to come and ask him what his order would be. For the first time in his long life, Kai was a creature to be feared.

He'd called Blue just minutes before— after he'd hit the wall outside his apartment building and felt nothing but pressure— and she hadn't picked up. It didn't matter though, because she would show up soon enough. She always did.

Kai didn't know how he'd never found her suspicious. She showed up whenever he called for her, despite having others like him spread throughout the world—thousands of souls to collect every day. She could be anywhere at any point in time. It made no sense. The _Blue Koi_ was an enigma— a creature of only mystery and death.

The door swung open behind Kai in a gentle _whoosh_. It was a sort of sound that no mortal could perfect, as it required harmonization with the wind as one opened the door. He didn't even turn his head to look and see— he already knew that it would be her.

Seconds later, Blue glided to sit before him, her dark veil and robe of oceanic shades fluttering as she sat gracefully before him. She looked like a child wearing a ghost costume made of a blue sheet. In other words, Kai found her array of clothing to be childish all of a sudden, rather than mysterious.

And why was it that she always wore such an array of clothing? What in the world could she possibly have to hide?

For a minute he just sat there, fuming as he took her in. It aggravated him that he couldn't see her face and glare into her very soul. He wanted his eyes to burn into hers until she could no longer see any part of the world. Kai was not the violent sort, but he wanted her to feel the pain that screamed for relief from within his heart. He _needed_ her to know how much she had destroyed him.

"Young Princeling," Blue began, drawing one hand out of her lap and placing its gloved fingertips on top of Kai's. He jerked his hand away, hissing at her touch.

"Do not," Kai growled through clenched teeth, "touch me."

"My, oh my," Blue tutted, her tongue clicking within her mouth. "Who's tied your fins in a knot?"

Kai clenched his hands, digging the nails into his palms. If he were able to sustain injury, his hands would have been dripping with crimson.

"You know what you did," Kai said, though the words did not sound like his own. His voice had changed into something that he had never been— predatorial. It was the deep, grating bite to his tone and the lack of any affection. His voice was exactly that of his father's, all cruelty without mercy; it was the voice of Prince Kaito resurrected from hell.

"I most assuredly do not," Blue hummed, though she sounded almost gleeful as the words left her mouth.

"Stop lying to me!" Kai shouted, slamming his hand down upon the table just as Cinder had done the night before. He suddenly realized how she must have felt, knowing that he had kept something so great from her— that he knew her more intimately than she could have ever imagined and he had never let on. Her rage joined his own, magnifying his emotions into a monstrous beast. "All you have ever done is lie to me," Kai hissed, "and it has to stop now."

"How have I ever lied to you, Kaito," Blue purred in that same way his once-betrothed Levana had always done. Though she had been fond of running a finger down Kai's face as she said it, letting him know that he was hers.

"Do not call me by that forsaken name," Kai said very slowly, allowing each syllable to ring. Of course Blue had called him by his forgotten name on numerous occasions before and he had tolerated it, but no longer. Prince Kaito was dead— he would not face any reincarnation; he deserved none. Kai would not allow for his old self to corrupt the face of the earth.

Blue leaned forward, and Kai could imagine a smirk upon her face as she did so. He'd never before laid eyes upon any part of her other than her feet, but he could picture quite clearly the face of the devil beneath the blue veil.

"Why, you are so dreadfully sensitive upon this day," Blue said. "What could possibly have brought so much anger upon your countenance?"

Kai seethed, but he could no longer keep his rage within him— he exploded. "You have tormented me for the past four hundred years." Kai held up four fingers in demonstration and jabbed them in Blue's direction. "You have taunted me with the idea of being with my love once more, but you never meant for that possibility to become a reality. That is why I always fail— that is the exact reason as to why we have never ended up together despite all our time longing for it. Our separation has been due to you."

Blue let out a low hiss beneath her veil, sending the fabric moving in a wave-like pattern. He could tell that his words angered her, but Kai was madder than she could ever hope to be— his rage filled him and then overflowed like a plastic cup beneath a waterfall. The emotions were overpowering.

"You, the master of fate and death and all things _evil_ are the reason why I have never been with my dearest love," Kai choked on the words as his eyes began to sting.

"Do not be a fool, Princeling," Blue whispered. "I may be the collector of the dead, but my title does not by any means allow me to be master of fate."

"But they are the same thing."

"Nay, that is where you are wrong." Blue sounded quite calm as she said the words, as if Kai's boiling rage did not affect her. He almost wished that she would yell at him, rather than dealing with his anger with solemnity.

"Fate is death. They are interchangeable," Kai said. He jabbed his finger toward Blue, his eyes shining with his righteous and maddening outrage. "Selene's fate has always been to die and there has never yet been a solution to that issue. No matter my actions, she always dies."

"Perhaps your actions were not pure enough to hearken to her heart."

"That is not the issue of the matter," Kai gently tapped his fist against the table, reeling his anger in before he threw a salt and pepper shaker at the deity's head. "I know Selene better than any other soul upon this earth— even after four hundred years with myself, hers is the heart that I best understand. I know that the fault is not my own, no matter how vainly you attempt to convince me otherwise. I have figured you out, you unjust, slimy–"

"Do you truly wish to continue on with that sentence?" Blue cut in. Her face was as neutral as always— all blue silk— but her voice had a bite to it that Kai had seldom heard.

"You could not possibly grasp all the notions I wish to scream at you in this moment," Kai hissed. "But alas I shall refrain for the sake of my dignity alone. I shall not be made out to be a maddened fool. My anger will not bring justice to your cruel actions."

"Logic ails you now, does it?"

"No, truth," Kai responded, sneering at her.

"What do you wish for me to say?"

Kai tilted his head as he watched her. He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at her faceless face and soulless soul and wished that he could throttle her. But alas, she was an immortal soul— unable to ever die. He could not kill her even if he wished to, and his greatest dream would never be her death— not so long as one of Selene's reincarnations lived.

"I wish for you to tell me that you shall no longer interfere with my actions— that you will not bring death upon Cinder. I wish for you to promise me that I shall have my chance to convince my dearest love of my affections and that your caress will not be felt upon her soul."

"I cannot make such promises," Blue growled. "You know this, Kaito. You know the way of death— it is unpreventable. It can never be stopped."

"Kai," Kai corrected through his teeth. "And the both of us know that that is a falsehood. You have taken Selene's life purposefully on more than one occasion. Back in Scotland, in England just last reincarnation— both times it was your doing, do not deny it."

"Whatever answers you are wishing for me to divulge you will not get them. I shall never admit to being anything other than an honest and true deity whose unfortunate position is to collect the souls of those most ready to die," Blue said.

Kai huffed, his nostrils flaring as he glared. He wanted to kick a wall or punch something— his anger could not dissipate without the relief of pain. Perhaps that was why he had felt so much rage over the course of his immortality: he had no means of release.

"Fine," Kai said, clawing his way out of the booth seat. As always, the vinyl made the most unfortunate series of noises as he scootched his butt across it. "Then I have but one final request to ask of you."

"Name it, my Princeling," Blue purred. Her body did not move, but the gentle caress of her voice suggested that she was messing with the tendrils of his hair in a most intimate manner and whispering the words into his ear. He felt a shiver roll down his spine with the phantom ear-whispering.

"Never, by any means, approach me again. I never wish to see you from this day forth," Kai said. "Withdraw from me and allow for my soul to be with its mate. Forget me— abandon my cause and chase after another innocent who has not yet come to grips with your evil ways."

Blue rose from her seat— literally rose into the air like a goddess. Kai almost checked to see if her feet were touching the floor, but his mind was too shocked to think anything other than various versions of "what have I done?"

"You have insulted me far too easily upon this day, young Princeling," Blue growled, her voice deep and nothing like her usual lofty tone. "You speak of falsehoods most corrupt and accuse me of sins I have not committed. I have helped you in ages past and have sought only to help you find true joy. You should be begging for my forgiveness after such horrendous behavior— I, your savior of life and love."

"Perhaps you did save my love in your own cruel way," Kai conceded. "But you have also brought more sorrow upon the both of us than any human, no matter their sins, deserves. Never entreat to visit me again— I no longer wish to gaze upon your face."

For a moment there was silence. Then there was noise. Then there was silence again. It was as if the world were a radio coming in and out of range— undecided on whether or not it wanted to elicit sound. Kai felt as if the entire world were falling out beneath his feet as Blue stood before him, all dark oceanic silk and an invisible look that could kill.

"For the rest of eternity mine is the only face upon which you shall gaze. I hope that you remember that, Kaito, as you attempt to regain your love's affection once more. I hope that you remember your own fate as you fight against the world's wishes." Blue walked past him toward the door, then turned to face him once more. "Because while I am not fate, young Princeling, I know her well— and your fate has always been to lose your love to me. Your fate has always been me as Selene's has always been death."

She turned and glided out of the diner, her robes billowing out behind her like the sea on a stormy day. Kai couldn't help but watch as she walked out, all destruction and no mercy.

He wasn't entirely sure what he needed to do next other than make sure that Cinder was alright. He had to protect her at all costs and make sure that no accident fell upon her. Kai wouldn't lose her again— he still had time to make things right. Perhaps if he talked to her friend that feared him so and convinced her that he was not a creature to shun— that he truly loved Cinder.

Nodding his head to himself, Kai walked out of the diner and down the street. Thoughts swum throughout his head like the frantic koi tattooed upon his wrist. There was still time— still time to make things right and fix his wrongs. But how much time did Kai have left?


	32. To Live a Lie

_USA, 2019 A.D._

The gray sweatshirt sat on the table like an ancient relic displayed in a museum. Cinder stared at the hoodie, unsure of what to do with it— was that the sort of thing one burned or threw out when they broke up? Could one even consider what had happened a break-up? Cinder didn't know the protocol for this situation.

She'd cried for hours the night before; it was the kind of crying that disappeared for a while only to return stronger than before. Cinder had held onto the sweatshirt, abandoning all her dignity as she allowed herself to mourn the boy she'd fallen in love with.

Throughout the duration of her sorrows Cinder had called out for him and cursed him into oblivion and wept for him. She'd felt more emotions that night than at any other point in her life— it had been even more painful than her visit to the hospital in Seattle. At least then she'd had Kai to comfort her; now he was gone forever.

Cinder grabbed the sweatshirt and brought it up to her face. She allowed herself a moment of smelling its now-musty scent from her tears and the rain that Kai had worn into her home. But below the smell of forgotten water she could make out his scent of laundry detergent and that weird sense she'd only ever been able to describe as _old_.

She let out a sigh and hugged the worn material against her chest. She walked back toward her room and deposited the clothing in her small closet, hiding it behind a stack of her own sweatshirts— she would deal with it later.

A knock sounded at Cinder's door in the same instant, startling her out of the closet with a small hiss. She stumbled from her room and walked to the front door. She knew who it would be despite them not having arrangements to talk— Iko always knew when something was amiss. It was almost as if she could sense the spike in Cinder's emotions.

Cinder opened the door and smiled at her best friend. She looked stylish as always, especially in comparison to Cinder's grubby sweats and Nirvana t-shirt. Her blue braided hair was pulled up into an intricate knot, and her dress was a complementary shade of navy. But somehow the organized look was thrown to shambles by the look on Iko's face—a look that made her appear almost crazed.

"What?" Cinder asked, glancing down at herself as if there was something wrong with her physical appearance. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Did you do it?" Iko walked into Cinder's apartment, brushing past her and walking straight into the kitchen.

"Yeah," Cinder mumbled, rubbing a hand against the back of her neck.

Iko did a one-eighty, giving Cinder that down-the-nose look of questioning. Her perfect brow was raised with one eyebrow quirked slightly higher than the other. Cinder suddenly had the violent urge to punch her best friend.

"You asked him if he killed Dr. Erland?"

"Yes, Iko," Cinder huffed, storming into the kitchen. She stalked to the sink and filled up her kettle with water. She didn't want tea— she just wanted something to do.

Iko squinted at her, as if she was unsure of what was going on. Cinder wanted to scream.

"Why are you being like this?" Iko asked, taking a seat at Cinder's kitchen table. She leaned her elbows upon the surface and placed her cheek in her palm, allowing her head to tilt as she watched Cinder rage-make tea.

Cinder "accidentally" slammed the kettle on the stove— a wretched screech filled the air with the contact. Iko sneered; Cinder clenched her teeth.

She thought that she wouldn't be so mad at her friend— she had, after all, saved Cinder from dating a guy who believed himself to be over four hundred years old. All night she'd thought over what could have happened— what kind of tricks Kai could have had up his sleeve.

But no matter how much she tried to convince herself she'd dodged a bullet, her heart still felt alone and empty without Kai. Perhaps it was only because he was her first love that she felt this way, but she'd honestly believed him to be that missing part of her soul. He'd made her feel whole for the first time in her miserable life.

Before the pain of an empty heart had hardly registered— she'd known that there was a piece missing within her, but she had no other feeling to compare it to. But now, after feeling alive and whole, going back to that aching loneliness was the most horrendous punishment in the world.

Her heart was angry at Iko— not Kai. Her soul longed for him, and not her best friend. She despised her best friend for ruining her first chance at happiness, even if she had done it for Cinder's own good.

"He didn't murder the old man," Cinder said, changing the conversation. She turned the stove on high and walked to the table, sitting across from Iko.

"Do you know that for a fact?"

"Yes," Cinder growled, digging her fingernails into her palm.

Iko huffed, her eyes bright and livid as she looked at Cinder. "Seriously, Cinder, do you know for a fact?"

"Yes," Cinder repeated, her tone growing agitated. "Yes, I know for a fact that he didn't kill the old man."

"Well then who did?" Iko asked, thumping one finger down upon the table in a repetitive motion. "Who else has the motive to kill a silly old man?"

"I don't know!" Cinder yelled, throwing her hands into the air. "I don't exactly know Erland and neither do you. He could have secretly been a member of the Mafia, or had a crazy ex-wife, or– or maybe Oregon has a serial killer that likes to kill historians. _I don't know!_ There are thousands of options that don't involve Kai."

"Don't let your emotions cloud your better judgement, Cinder," Iko hissed. "Stars, I thought you were more sensible than this." She rolled her eyes violently, then folded her arms across her chest with the same gusto as the eye-rolling. "I discover that you're dating a murderer and you're mad at _me_? What the hell is with that, Cinder?"

"For the last time," Cinder said, her voice a low, dangerous whisper. "He didn't kill the old historian. I know it— I could see it in his eyes. He had never even heard of the man before."

"Fine," Iko spat, her teeth prominent as she let out the single word. "So he's not a killer— he's still crazy."

Cinder pushed back from her chair and walked to the kettle. It wasn't whistling yet, but she didn't much care. She no longer wanted to sit at the table and discuss Kai— she couldn't bear it.

Tension sizzled in the air like a tangible thing— it stung at Cinder's skin and in her eyes. It pierced her very soul like a burning spike. She wanted nothing more than to scream and cry and break everything within her reach. How was it her rotten luck that she'd fallen in love with a crazy person?

How was it that she didn't even find him all that crazy?

After thinking about him all night long and not sleeping a wink, she couldn't shake the fact that she thought he was telling the truth. Of course mentally she knew that every word pertaining to his life as "Prince Kaito" was utter falsehood, but in her heart she felt that the words were not lies. It was almost worse to not disbelieve his words— if she had found him crazy, perhaps he would have been easier to get over.

There was something about the way he talked about his life— about her and him and everything in between. He knew the story in a way that no liar could explain. His understanding of her soul at the very base of everything made her sure— despite everything within her— that every inch of his story was the truth.

It did not stop her from being mad at him— she wished that he would have revealed himself to be ancient or crazy before she'd fallen in love with him. But she still did not believe him a liar.

"He's still a crazy lune..." Iko trailed off, her words sounding more like a question than anything else. Her lips were slightly parted and her eyes wide as she stared at Cinder. She had that look on her face that one only had when they no longer recognized someone they had once known.

"Cinder," Iko hissed.

"I don't know anymore, Iko," moaned, swiping at her eyes as angry tears started to pool. "I just don't know anymore."

"Well I know," Iko sneered. "Stars, Cinder, are you really delusional enough to believe that this guy is four hundred years old? Are you even listening to yourself? What kind of utter nonsense is this?"

"Iko, I told you that I don't know."

Iko stood from her chair, shoving back with more anger than Cinder thought the situation warranted. She stalked back to the kitchen and paced the floor ferociously. Cinder couldn't think of a word to say— she'd never seen Iko lose her cool before. She'd always been the calm one while Cinder lost it.

"What did he do to you?"

"What?" Cinder asked, surprised by the question.

"What the hell did he do to you?" Iko said the words slow, as if Cinder were too young or too stupid to understand.

Cinder sucked in a breath to calm herself, and when that didn't work she closed her eyes. Both her hands were clenched into iron fists so tight that she could feel the pounding of her blood through her fingertips. Everything within her was roaring fire and all things destructive.

"What are you insinuating?" Cinder pronounced every syllable of the last word as if it had personally offended her.

"Stars, Cinder," Iko growled. She stalked over to the table and slammed her hand down on top of it. Cinder flinched and shrunk back, away from her friend. "What has he done to you? How... how did you get to be like this? You used to be so... sensible."

"I can _not_ believe you," Cinder said. She sat back, with her body leaning as far away from Iko as it could possibly get. "You were the one who encouraged me to pursue this when I was scared— you were the one that prompted this on. If anything, it's your fault that this happened."

"My fault?" Iko roared.

"Yes!" Cinder screeched. She leapt to her feet and came to stand within just inches of Iko. "It's your fault! You were the one to tell me to go after him with your words of 'oh fear is man's worst traitor and love's greatest enemy' crap. So I didn't hold back— I didn't let fear stop me just as you told me. It's your own damn fault, Iko!"

Iko stared at Cinder with fire in her eyes. They were mere inches apart, eyes burning into the other's as the inferno of a broken friendship raged between them. It was strange to feel such feelings of contempt toward the person who had always been her greatest ally. Iko, who had gotten Cinder out of Seattle and stood by her side for the past few years. But now there was nothing left but a shattered friendship.

Perhaps it had been broken for some time, or never truly whole. Their friendship had always been based on Iko taking care of Cinder— Iko saving Cinder from her past and herself. Maybe now that Cinder could take care of herself there was nothing left to bond the two together.

Cinder tore her eyes away first, spinning on her heel and back to her chair. She fell into the seat, head in her hands and tears upon her cheeks.

Somehow her life had fallen apart in the last twenty-four hours, and she wasn't entirely sure how to mend it. She was living a lie if she convinced herself that she didn't love Kai. She was untrue to herself if she allowed for Iko to dictate the ways of her life as she had in the past. She could no longer continue to live a lie, no matter what that meant.

"I need you to leave," Cinder whispered, her breath barely a wisp upon the air. She kept her head down in her hands as she let her tears fall down upon the table.

"What?"

Cinder's body began to shake in her effort to suppress her sobs. It was an awful kind of convulsing— she wanted to puke. Everything hurt and she wasn't sure if she wanted to break something or lay on the floor for many, many days.

"I have some things I need to figure out, and I can't have you here while I do that," Cinder murmured, her words broken by a hiccup. "I need you to go."

Iko said nothing, but Cinder could still feel her presence above her, bearing down like an angry shadow. Her stare was all anger and no mercy— it tore a hole through Cinder's very heart.

"Just don't do anything you'll regret," Iko said, her voice soft and almost sad. Then she turned and walked out of the apartment, letting herself out with a gentle _whoosh_ of the door.

Cinder allowed herself to collapse then. She rested her arms upon the table and cradled her face within them. She cried tears of sadness and anger and bitter loneliness. Never in her life had she felt so alone in the world.

She cried until all her tears dried up, then she sat and contemplated everything about her messed up life. She thought of Kai and his lies that sounded like truths, and how she had quite possibly just obliterated the only friendship she'd ever had.

It felt like the entire world was falling down upon her, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Nothing made sense anymore— it was like she was a child aging out of that time when everything was good and waking up to the world's cruelest realities. No one loved her; all anyone ever wanted was to bring her pain. And perhaps that was the way that it had always been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote a little dinky bonus chapter on tumblr. It’s titled “Aching Seconds” and it’s from the perspective of the waitress from the last chapter. It’s literally joke but if you want to read it...


	33. The Word Called Lonely

_USA, 2019 A.D._

The rain fell in a soft drizzle— that kind that felt like the gentle spray of a thumb over a hose pipe. It was that lovely, refreshing sensation rather than the dump of an angry sky. It was the sort of rain that was supposed to make one feel better.

Despite the lovely rain, Kai felt terrible. The past forty-eight hours of his life had been a rollercoaster, starting with a rapid rise of hope and declining faster than one could let out a scream. He'd thought that his life had finally found its purpose— that he had at long last succeeded in his four hundred year-long quest. But of course his assumptions had been premature; Cinder had discovered his lying by omission and then proceeded to accuse him of a murder he had not committed.

And to make everything oh-so much worse, Kai had finally connected the dots to Selene's consistency in dying or discovering that he was something _other_ just as he felt he had succeeded. He'd argued violently with the _Blue Koi_ — master of death and the reason he was where he was now— and somehow felt bad about it. Of course, she had been his oldest friend throughout his many years of searching and finding and losing the girl he loved, but she was also the reason he kept on failing.

There had been times when Kai had grown suspicious of his friend, especially with the death of Selene's ninth reincarnation, but never could he have imagined this. He thought that she cared for him— that she wanted him to succeed. After all her years of advice to him and comfort upon Selene's many deaths, he'd believed her to be his ally.

But as it turned out, Kai had no allies. He was a man alone in the world, on a constant quest that always ended in failure. It was like playing one of those blasted arcade games: sometimes he neared the final level, but somehow he always ended up losing, no matter how much practice he had. He could not complete the final level— he could not defeat the final boss.

A car pulled into the parking lot of the park that Kai was at. It was not the same park that he had been with Cinder just two nights before when they had kissed for the first time in this life. It was a park meant for the young, as it had a swing set and a few rusted slides.

Kai watched as a figure walked toward him— she was tall and completely... blue. From her bright azure hair to her navy dress, she was varying shades of the color. Kai had seen much of the color throughout his life but never another person wear the color so boldly as the _Blue Koi_.

She advanced through the rain, her face completely devoid of all emotion. Upon reaching Kai, who was seated at a picnic table, she stared at him for a moment with only her eyes conveying any sense of emotion. The only problem was that Kai could not tell _what_ the emotion was.

It had taken less convincing than Kai thought it would to get Iko to meet with him. One would think that finding a girl with only a first name as a guide would be difficult, but after four centuries of doing just that, Kai was a pro. It had taken him less than fifteen minutes to track down Iko. Convincing her to meet him had taken even less time— almost as if she had been expecting Kai to reach out. Their text conversation had been abrupt and to the point; their meeting followed only an hour later.

And now they were together— two people whose only connection to one another was Cinder Linh. It was a strange thing to know another person well through association without ever having met them before. Kai knew loads of random facts about Iko, from her favorite color— uh, blue— to the fact that she was terrified of fire. He knew her, and she was sure she knew him, but they did not _know_ one another.

"Hello, Iko," Kai said, clearing his throat as he said the words. "Thank you for agreeing to meet me upon this day." He almost added _"despite you believing me to be a murderer"_ but thought better of it.

She nodded, her face betraying no emotion upon his words. Kai did not allow this to deter him; he'd charmed Selene multiple times over the centuries— standoffish women were not new territory for him.

"I thought that perhaps we could talk things through— that I could explain myself to you and come to understand why you believe me to be both untrustworthy and a murderer."

Again she only nodded, so Kai continued on.

"I shall not lie to you upon this occasion, despite the absurdity that is my life. I am a man who has lived many years upon this earth. When I was just a lad of eighteen my beloved— Selene— died in my arms. Upon this most devastating occurrence the deity the _Blue Koi_ came to me and offered me a chance to find my Selene in another life and be with her. I seized the opportunity and now here I am. Your friend, Cinder Linh is the last of my love Selene's reincarnations."

Kai stopped for breath, expecting this woman to interject here— to explain that he was a psycho who clearly needed professional help— but she did not. Her piercing golden eyes continued to stare at him, as if they were gazing into his very soul. He suddenly felt very unsettled.

"I swear to you, upon every life of my beloved, that I speak the truth," Kai continued, wishing for this silent woman to speak to him. "I love her with all that I am and ever have been— she is the dearest wonder of my heart and I cannot bear the idea of being parted with her."

The rain suddenly began to pour, shaking the leaves of the surrounding trees with a hiss. Everything was all cold and damp and gray. The sky was that shade of darkness that looked like doom itself coming to conquer the earth.

"I know that you believe me to be mad— and you may indeed be correct in that sentiment, for I have not known the state of my sanity for many centuries. My love and loss has driven me to the edges of all that I am. But know this: I am, and will forever be in love with Cinder, and I promise you that. I am a man who has finally found what was once lost to him— I have been reunited with my dearest– my loveliest Selene. I am indeed an ancient prince from the Wanli Empire of China, and I am not ashamed to admit such facts. I only beg that you _believe me_.

"While I am speaking truths, I also wish to dispute your belief that I am a slayer of men. This is another deed upon which Selene's lives I shall swear to never have done. I knew not of this man, and even if I had, I have never had any desire to kill save for those that have harmed my dearest love." Kai clasped his hands together, as if he were begging for this woman to believe him— and he indeed was. If she did not accept his words as truth, Kai knew that he could not continue forward; he had to fix whatever the _Blue Koi_ had broken. He still had time.

"Please," Kai inclined his body toward hers, his arms shaking with his anxieties. "I beg you to speak unto me and believe the words that I have just uttered. Please, Iko."

" _Oh_ ," Iko's lips parted, a devilish smile overcoming her features. "I most assuredly believe you, my dear _Princeling_."

Kai's heart stopped; all the breath within his lungs left him in a short gasp. Suddenly the entire world felt as if it were tipping upside down because _that voice_ was not supposed to come out of _that person._ It couldn't be possible. _It just couldn't_.

"Kaito," Iko crooned, though her voice was not Iko's. Kai had never before met this woman in his life but he knew that voice almost as well as he knew Selene's. "Are you not pleased to finally lay your eyes upon me? Am I not as beautiful as you imagined?"

Unable to speak, Kai continued to stare, his mouth slightly agape. Discovering the _Blue Koi_ to have been the reasons for all his failures just hours before had been enough to destroy him, but this was simply more than insanity— this absolute lunacy. It was everything that the world should not have been; it was horror and the sound of violent screams in the dark and a black hole swallowing the entire universe.

 _This is not happening,_ Kai thought. But it was.

"Oh my dear Princeling," Iko grinned— but she was not Iko. "Did you not know?"

The syrupy sweetness within her voice was enough to rot the teeth of every one of Selene's reincarnations. Her smile was that look of death— which was quite fitting considering that _she was death_. Everything about her emanated absolute horror of the worst kind; she was the boogeyman beneath a child's bed; she was the shadow always lurking in the dark; she was the angel, cast from heaven and forever damned to live among the dead.

"Blue?" Kai choked, awful tears stinging his eyes and pouring down his eyes in time with the falling rain.

Her smile broadened upon hearing her name, and she somehow looked as Kai had always imagined her. It was not the color of her eyes or the beautiful structure of her face that he recognized so well, but rather, the emptiness within her eyes as they roved over Kai. She was a creature of loneliness, so desperate for reprieve from her aching way of existing that she found solace in torment.

"Ah, so you do recognize me," Blue said. She stuck her tongue out between her teeth in a way that was either manic or childish. "How lovely."

Kai opened his mouth to respond but only managed a wretched sputtering noise. It was as if his mouth had forgotten entirely how to speak.

In all his life, Kai had seen many strange things. At the age of eighteen a deity rose from the marble floor of his palace home and proclaimed to him that he could have temporary immortality while she allowed for the love of his life to be reincarnated ten times. Since then he had traveled the world, seeing all that it had to offer. For over four hundred years he visited country after country. He'd lived through plagues and wars and advancements in technology that he could have never imagined as Prince Kaito.

Through all the decades of travel— of seeing every continent of the earth. Every crazy thing that a person could dream up, Kai had seen. But despite all that, he was still shocked out of his mind. 

"H-how?" Kai asked. A crack of thunder sounded in the distance, but Kai didn't even flinch. He could not process anything other than the information that had just been revealed to him.

"Are you truly so surprised?" Iko— no, Blue laid her perfect brown cheek upon her perfect ungloved hand. "After your revelation of this morning I thought that you most definitely knew."

"Do not play games," Kai growled, though the menace within his voice was that of a terrified dog rather than a ferocious wolf. "You know precisely of all things— you knew of this."

"Ah, so there is some intelligence within that pretty, pretty head of yours."

Kai stared at her, taking in all that was the _Blue Koi_ in reality. She truly was beautiful, with dark skin and brilliant blue hair that was the color of a happy sea. Her blue dress, though drenched through from the rain, was the shade of the deepest depths of the ocean. She was every bit as majestic as she had been while wearing her finer wardrobe of silken veil and robes. She was still just as terrifying, even with a face.

"Have you done this in lives past?" Kai asked, his voice raised over the sound of the throbbing rainstorm. "Is this why in each life I have not succeeded? Because you were whispering in the ear of my beloved?"

"Of course not," Blue hissed, dropping her palm flat against the table. "I was not in the position to do so within other lives—not to this extreme. And besides, in all the other lives I personally was not needed in order for you to fail. I could cause Selene's death in simple ways or create her to come into being as one who would not trust you when she came to know you. But this reincarnation," Blue sneered, "Cinder Linh, she is different from the others. She is more terrified and therefore more trusting. With a heart as broken as hers, love of any form feels most powerful; she was the only life that had the freedom to choose you and ultimately would in the end."

"Why would you do this to me? After all these years of lonesome searching and endings that left me brokenhearted, how could you do this?"

"You speak of loneliness to me?" Blue scoffed. "Dear young Princeling, you do not understand the word called lonely. You believe that four hundred years is an eternity? Try four thousand— four million. I have been a creature of loneliness since the dawn of time; do not ever speak to me of being lonesome, for you do not know what that word means."

Lightning struck in the distance behind Blue, illuminating her features in such a fierce way that she truly looked other-worldly. She was the goddess of death— she could end life in a matter of seconds. She was a creature of only destruction and unhappy endings.

"Is that why you did this to me?" Kai asked, his hand flying to his wrist without even thinking. "You want companionship in your loneliness? You want me to spend damnation with you?"

"Oh you speak of it as if it is the worst thing imaginable," Blue whined, reaching a hand out to touch Kai's. He withdrew his fingers from her own with a hiss. "Do you not love me after all these years of companionship? Have I not proven myself to be a better lover than that Selene."

The way she spat out Selene's name, as if it were a nasty curse she wished would not foul her mouth, caused fire to burn up Kai's chest. He stood from the bench seat and pointed an angered finger into Blue's face. His entire being shook with his almighty rage as he glared down at the goddess of death.

"You have never known love," Kai said, his voice low— poisonous. "And you never shall. A creature so hellish as yourself will never know anything other than misery."

"Is that so?" Blue asked, rising slowly from her seat like a gentle summer tide against the sea shore.

Kai continued to glare, even as Blue brushed Kai's finger out of her face. She tutted, a slow, mocking sound.

"Oh young Princeling," Blue bit her bottom lip. "You shall spend the rest of your eternity regretting those words."

She drew one hand through the air and waved it about like a sorceress performing a bit of magic. It was entrancing to watch as her fingers danced like wisps of smoke throughout the air— Kai couldn't stop watching the movement of her hand.

"I am as powerful as the sea— and that is to say that I am the most powerful entity upon this very earth. I am not life, a weakness known only by the living, but death. I am the destruction of all, and now I shall be the destruction of you and your precious love."

Her hand stopped tracing through the air and landed upon Kai's cheek with the gentle flutter of a butterfly. Kai couldn't move away from her touch, even as her fingers danced along his face.

"I can end lives with the snap of my fingers," she whispered, her voice still somehow heard over the smashing sound of violent raindrops. "I can end all that you love," Blue grinned, drawing her hand back from Kai's face and raising it to the sky. Lightning struck just behind her, illuminating the curve of her arm and the delicate arch of her fingers. "Just like that."

Blue struck her fingers against one another with a click that resounded in time with the thunder. Kai stared in horror as a sick grin overtook her features— her eyes alight with a blazing fire. Then Kai's hand flew to his left wrist, and he sunk to the ground, wondering if this horror was the end of the world— for surely, it had to be.


	34. Into the Light

USA, 2019 A.D.

Cinder flinched with the sound of booming thunder, knocking her forehead into the bottom of the vehicle she was working on. She cursed vibrantly, then rolled out from beneath the car. Pressing a hand to her head, she scowled at herself and her own jumpy mannerisms.

"I didn't even do anything," Thorne huffed. Cinder looked up to see her boss standing just feet away, arms crossed over his chest as he looked down on her. She dropped her hand and turned her scowl on him.

"What?" Thorne raised his hands in surrender. "I literally didn't even do anything— unless I'm now accountable for the weather, which would be cool, but is totally not feasible."

Cinder grumbled and shut her eyes for a moment, trying to clear her headache. The pain wasn't from the bonk she had sustained from the underside of the silver sedan, but rather all the crying she had done just prior to coming into work.

Originally she had called in sick that morning, after sleeping zero hours and crying or trying not to cry during all that time awake. But once she'd talked with Iko she couldn't stay home— she needed to get out and away from her problems and the gray sweatshirt hidden away in her closet. She needed to do something with her hands. The only problem was that her hands were controlled by her mind and her mind couldn't occupy itself with anything other than the two people she loved more than anything else in the world.

"Are you okay?" Thorne asked, pulling Cinder from her thoughts. She opened her eyes and glared at the man, but it was half-hearted. She wasn't mad at Thorne, no matter how much of an idiot he always was.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Cinder mumbled. She rubbed at her eyes— they hurt terribly either due to lack of sleep or crying or, most probably, both. She just wanted to go to sleep and forget everything that had happened to her within the past month— no, she wanted to forget her whole life. She wanted to start again as someone else. Perhaps Kai's story was right, and maybe she'd be reincarnated into another girl just like her, only with a completely different life. She liked the idea.

But no— he had claimed that this was her last reincarnation. So even if he was speaking the truth, this would be her last life upon the earth. It didn't make much difference to her; she'd never thought that she would have any other life than the one she'd been born into.

Thorne sat down in front of her, legs crossed in the way that elementary kids had to for quiet time. He placed both his palms upon his knees and stared at her inquisitively. The look was so not Thorne that Cinder couldn't think of a sarcastic comment snarl at him.

"Is it the Red Truck British Guy?" Thorne asked, scowling as he said it. "Because I wasn't lying when I said I'd kick his ass. I'll go and hunt him down right this instant and kick his–"

"Thorne," Cinder put a hand up to stop him, but a smile was creeping up her face. "It's nothing, really. I swear."

"Aces, you're a terrible liar," Thorne chuckled, placing a hand atop Cinder's head and rubbing her hair. Messy hair became messier, but somehow Cinder's spirits lightened. She thought that Thorne was an idiot and quite possibly the most ridiculous person she'd ever met, but the fact that he cared about her in the slightest warmed her heart.

They sat in silence for a moment, which was probably a first for Thorne. Cinder felt the emotions of the past twenty-four hours whirl within her, an endless torment of what ifs? and an angry conscience screaming that she was a fool to still be in love with Kai. It was all just too much for her to handle.

And even if Kai had been the only issue it still would have been too much; but somehow she had also managed to lose the only friend she'd ever had. Nothing felt good anymore— she just wished that she could go back. To when, she didn't know. She just wanted to be anywhere other than here.

"Have you ever been in love?" Cinder asked, attempting to hide the quivering of her lower lip and failing spectacularly.

Thorne let out a huff of air and glanced around as if he suddenly wished he was anywhere other than where he was too. But he didn't get up and walk away; instead, he looked her in the eyes and nodded sadly.

"Yeah, kid. Once," he whispered, a sort of sad smile overcoming his features. In the background another mechanic dropped something and swore loudly, but neither of them broke from their reverie.

"Did it hurt this bad?"

"The most painful thing I ever experienced," Thorne sucked on his teeth, his face taking on a sour expression. "The actual falling in love stuff was great, like unicorns always crapping candy on your lawn. But picking up the pieces and trying to remember who you were before you loved another is pretty damn difficult."

"Does it ever get better?" Cinder asked, her question hardly a breath of desperation. "Or will I have to live like this— feeling like this for forever?"

Thorne let out a sigh and rubbed the back of his hand over his eyes. "I don't know, kid," he said, his voice somewhat wistful. "I fell in love with her fifteen years ago and I still can't seem to forget her. But there are some people who find new partners every day, so perhaps it's just a broken part of me that can't seem to let go."

Everything about Thorne that Cinder had ever known suddenly shifted within her mind. His odd behavior and endless drinking— it was no excuse, but now it all made sense. He was lovesick for the one that got away.

"What do you think I should do?" Cinder leaned forward, as if Thorne were a man of much wisdom and she would give all she had to hear his words. Of course, Thorne was not a wisdomous man, but he had life experience that she did not— he knew of things that she was only just beginning to feel and she needed direction.

Never before had Cinder had someone to give her guidance— someone older and wiser than her to tell her stories of similar experiences and offer her advice on where to turn. She'd never had a parent, save for Garan, but she could hardly remember him. Her own biological parents had abandoned her when she was hardly older than a baby and she'd bounced from foster home to foster home. Of course Iko had been there through high school, but she could only give Cinder the wisdom of a girl her age, no matter how mature she was.

For the first time in her life there was someone before her who cared; and while Thorne was quite possibly the least qualified adult to speak to anyone in any situation, he was there for her.

"I don't know, kid," Thorne said. He tapped a finger on his kneecap with an anxious energy. "I really just don't know."

"Well," Cinder huffed, "what would you do if you were in my situation?"

Thorne sighed. He looked more tired than he usually did, with dark circles under his eyes and a sadness upon his lips. Cinder wondered if he had always looked so terribly exhausted— perhaps it had been she who had never noticed the pain her boss was going through. But then again, how often did one notice the pain of another until it was brought into the light?

"Cinder, I don't even know what your situation is."

"If I told you, you wouldn't believe me," Cinder mumbled.

"Try me," Thorne smirked. "I've heard a few crazy stories in my lifetime."

"Oh I don't think you've heard this specific brand of crazy," Cinder said, leaning her body to the side in an effort to shove her emotions out of herself.

Thorne glared, and without saying a word Cinder knew that she had to tell him the story. So she explained, from start to finish how the guy she was dating had told her that he was some four hundred year-old prince from China who had been searching for her ten reincarnations. She detailed the story of their dating, explaining how kind and wonderful Kai had been. And as she recounted the story of how she had fallen in love with Kai Prince she allowed the ache in her heart to leech into her words. It felt as if she were singing a heartbroken lullaby rather than explaining her craziest— and only— dating story.

"Woah," Thorne let out a low whistle. His face had started off neutral as the story went on, but once Cinder had revealed Kai's supposed origin story his entire face had turned into a Picasso painting of emotions.

"I know," Cinder groaned, leaning back until her head thumped against the side of the silver car. "It's all complete and utter nonsense— and now my friend isn't even speaking to me because she thinks he killed that old man."

"Do you think he killed that old man?"

"Not in the slightest," Cinder whispered. Her eyes began to sting once more but she swallowed her emotions. "He may be a very specific brand of crazy, but he is no killer. I mean, you met him for stars sake! He's about as kind and gentle as they come."

"You do know that sociopaths blend in very well with ordinary society, right?" Thorne asked, as if speaking to a young child.

Cinder glared, her gaze a steady stream of boiling lava. "Yes, Thorne, I know that. I also know that sociopath is not synonymous with murderer and that Kai is not a killer."

"And," Cinder cut in, before Thorne's open mouth could emit stupid words. "I also don't think that Kai is a sociopath."

They sat in silence for a beat, both thinking the same thing but too afraid to say it aloud. Finally Thorne gave in, voicing the unspoken question.

"Do you think he's the long lost prince of China?"

Cinder shut her eyes, wishing that by doing so she could transport herself to another point in time— she didn't know when that time was and whether or not it was in the future or the past but she wanted to be there. As long as it was a time where the boy she was in love with was not quite possibly a lunatic believing himself to be a lost prince of China.

"I don't know what to think," Cinder whispered. "All I know is that, truth or no truth, I'm furious with him."

Opening her eyes, she allowed herself to glare adamantly at Thorne, as if he were Kai and her eyes were burning right through his lying face. His wonderful, kind, lying face that she somehow managed to hate and love all at the same time.

"Aces, Cinder," Thorne raised his hands before him as if he were surrendering to her. "If looks could kill I'm pretty sure I'd be nothing more than ashes at this point."

Cinder rolled her eyes, but all the anger within her melted. She put a hand on the floor and pushed herself up to her feet. Then she extended a hand toward Thorne and pulled him up and off the ground.

"Thanks for the help," Cinder said, shifting her weight from foot to foot.

"Aw, any time, Cindy," Thorne winked, waving a hand through the air as if to say that it was nothing.

Cinder hissed at the nickname but didn't protest— she was in rather a better mood than she had been before.

"Oh," Thorne pointed two finger guns at her. He walked away from her slowly, his easy backwards steps paced so that he did not trip. "And if you still ever want me to kick his ass, just let me know. Or if he turns out to be a psycho-murderer; I'd really hate to be the sobbing interviewee on Dateline's next edition. I'll beat the hell out of that punk."

Cinder nodded her head and allowed for a half grin to take presence upon her face. She picked up a wrench and prepared to slide back under the car. But before she got the chance, her phone rang.

The world seemed to stop as the small device buzzed upon Cinder's work table. She stared at it for a moment, before walking over to it and picking it up. When she saw the numbers on the screen she somehow felt both shocked and disappointed at the same time.

"Hello?" Cinder asked upon clicking accept and holding the phone up to her ear.

"Oh Cinder," Pearl wailed on the other end of the line. "Oh my stars, Cinder. Oh my stars."

Cinder placed her other hand over her ear that wasn't listening to Pearl's broken sobbing. She couldn't seem to make sense of the words her sister was uttering, either due to the hysteria within her voice or the actual words, Cinder did not know.

"Pearl?" Cinder said her adopted sister's name like both a question and a command. "What's going on?"

A sniffle sounded on the other end of the line. Cinder could hear hushed voices in the background, but not the commanding sneer of Adri's voice.

"Pearl?" Cinder said her name softer now, suddenly realizing just exactly what the phone call was about. Her heart sank in spite of herself.

"She's gone," Pearl choked on the word, her voice letting out a little moan as she said it. "Mom's dead."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To accommodate the extra chapters, I will now be updating on Thursdays too! So the schedule will be Tuesday-Thursday-Saturday save for the very last chapter which will be posted a day early on the 25th of December (the anniversary of this story first being published).


	35. The Blasted Rain

_USA, 2019 A.D._

Kai's knees hit the ground with a thud, but he couldn't feel it— and even if he could, he wouldn't have cared. He let out a wail as he clutched at his wrist, cradling the limb to his chest as he anticipated the burning pain that was sure to seer across the no-longer immortal skin. He shut his eyes and let the rain cry for him as the whole world fell down around him.

He waited for the burn of another koi brand disappearing from his arm to come, but it never did. He held his wrist ever-so tenderly, but there was no cause for it— there was no pain.

Opening his eyes against the rain, Kai peered down at his wrist, wondering if perhaps he wouldn't feel the pain of Cinder's death due to his immediate damnation. But no— if that were so, wouldn't he already be swimming at the bottommost depths of the ocean with the rest of the _Blue Koi's_ treasures?

He pulled his wrist up to his eyes and studied the small tattoo that remained upon it. The fish was still that of a small, terrified koi, swimming from some unknown danger. Selene was not dead; Cinder was not dead.

Kai peered up at the _Blue Koi_ , one eye closed against the rain. If he were a mortal man, he would have been frozen to his bones due to the icy rain pouring down upon him, but he was no mortal man. He had not felt the sting of cold in centuries.

"You have not killed her," Kai grinned triumphantly up at the _Blue Koi._ She towered over him like a statue of blue. Her eyes bore into his own with their piercing golden stare. Her lips were twitched up just slightly at the corners.

"Indeed, I have not killed her... _yet_ ," the _Blue Koi_ crowed, her teeth bared like fangs upon the last word. "But another close to her has just passed into the realm of the dead, and your dear Selene shall soon follow."

" _No_ ," Kai cried, his hand tightening about his wrist. "You cannot do that! We have a deal, Blue. You promised me..."

The _Blue Koi_ smiled at him, though it was the grin of a lioness before she pounced upon her prey. Her large, brilliant eyes somehow shone through the pouring rain and her teeth sparkled like marble tombstones in a haunted graveyard.

"You had your chance," the _Blue Koi_ said, her words sounding like a chant from hell. "You had your chance, young Princeling. You had every chance in the world, and yet you still managed to lose the girl. She is no longer yours to love."

Anger seethed within Kai, but before he could say anything, the soft ring of a phone hummed through the air. Kai didn't have to check his person to know that the sound was not coming from himself.

Pulling out a cellular device from the folds of her dress, the _Blue Koi_ brought it up to her ear. A smirk covered her face, as if she had been expecting the call and it had arrived right on time. Kai couldn't deny the dramatics of a call at exactly that moment.

"Cinder," the _Blue Koi_ sighed, just a beat after answering. Her voice had somehow transformed with that singular word, and suddenly she was no longer a mysterious goddess of death but a young woman from the twenty-first century. If Kai had had any doubts before as to whether or not Blue was Iko, they were squashed within that moment.

"Of course I'd pick up. You're my best friend no matter what," she said, her voice exasperated as she said the words. Kai couldn't think of what to do— his brain was working in accordance to its age, which was to say that it was very, very slow. Kai had never met another person who lived in a four hundred year-old body, but he figured that if one were to do so naturally their mental state would not be of the best condition. "Are you calling to talk about what happened earlier?"

Another beat of silence followed on Iko's end of the line, and Kai knew that it was her: Selene— Cinder— the girl he was so wretchedly in love with. She was speaking on the other end of the line, talking to the _Blue Koi_ while he sat upon the ground.

"Do you mean the Kai stuff?" Iko asked, her voice irritated despite the smirk she was dealing in Kai's direction. The use of his name in their conversation tore at his heart more than he had ever expected it would. Of course he knew that Cinder talked about him with Iko, but he hadn't known that Iko was the _Blue Koi_ until about ten minutes ago. Everything within himself was working at one-tenth its normal speed, unsure of how to catch up to his new reality.

"Well I think that's a great idea," Iko grinned. She paced over to Kai so that she towered over him. Rain still spattered down upon the both of them, though Kai couldn't feel a thing and the _Blue Koi_ only seemed to revel in it— she was a fish, after all.

Suddenly, Kai's brain caught up to the situation. Cinder was on the other end of that line— Cinder, his dearest love. She was talking to the woman that wanted to cause her demise, the woman who most assuredly would; he had to stop Blue, no matter the cost.

"Cinder!" Kai screamed her name with the full force of his lungs. "Cinder, you can't trust her! Cinder-"

The _Blue Koi_ kicked Kai in the face so hard and swift that his entire body fell back upon the ground. He could not feel pain, but the force of the kick was so strong and shocking that all the breath within his lungs left him.

He started to pull himself up, prepared to scream her name until his unbreakable voice broke. But before he could drag his body from the muddy earth, the _Blue Koi_ was upon him, pushing her foot against his throat in a way that would have choked him if he were capable of such a thing. Rather, it cut off his supply of oxygen, something that he did not need to survive, though something that Cinder indeed needed in that moment if she were to live.

"Oh it's just the blasted rain," Iko said, somehow managing to keep the growl from her voice as she dug her bare foot harder into Kai's neck. Mentally he knew that it should have pained him, but it was only pressure. It was that feeling of numbness when one got a shot from the doctor— he could feel her touch, but not the agony it should have inflicted.

Kai grabbed hold of her foot and tried to shove it away, but she was immovable. So he dug his nails into the flesh of her foot, scratching at the skin with all his might despite her immortality. He unleashed all his anger into ripping at the soft brown skin as she choked the air from his body.

"Please do," the _Blue Koi_ hissed through clenched teeth, her face filled with more rage than Kai thought imaginable. "Just stay safe, Cinder," she said, glaring purposefully at Kai.

There was a small moment of silence from Iko, and Kai tried to let out a breath of air— just a small scream to let Cinder know that she was being led into a trap. Whatever the _Blue Koi_ had planned next for her would be her death— and Kai couldn't stand to lose her. After all the years he'd spent loving her and searching for her and losing her, he just couldn't do it again. Damnation be damned, he couldn't bear the thought of her dying once more.

"Yeah, okay. See you soon," the _Blue Koi_ said, then she pulled the phone away from her ear and tucked it back into the folds of her dress. Not an instant later, she wrenched her foot out of Kai's grasp and stumbled back, her lips twitching as she looked down upon him.

Without wasting a single moment, Kai jerked his body up and off the ground and onto his feet. He was a muddy mess, but he did not care— nothing in the world mattered anymore save for Selene— Cinder's safety.

"What have you done?" Kai yelled, pointing a finger right at the _Blue Koi's_ face. "What have you done to my love?"

"Oh hush," the _Blue Koi_ spat, tilting her head down so she could glare at him through her lashes. "I haven't done anything to her yet, my dear, young Princeling."

"But by day's end," she jeered, allowing her body to move toward him with the gentle sway of a snake. "Your dearest love will be no longer."

***

Cinder's jacket was soaked through with rain, but she didn't care— she was a woman on a mission. She wasn't entirely sure why she was on said mission, but she was still committed to it. Perhaps it was her need to be somewhere other, even if that meant she was in Seattle with the sister she despised. At least it was _away_.

Immediately after Pearl's words of "she's gone, mom's dead," Cinder had told her sister that she would come as soon as possible. She'd explained to Thorne that she had a family emergency, to which he'd waved his hand dismissively and not asked a single question. She appreciated the lack of questioning; Cinder wasn't entirely sure what she would say if anyone did ask her what she was doing.

After her last visit to Seattle, when her adoptive mother had asked Cinder for money and said terrible things about her, Cinder had vowed to herself that she would never go back. But here she was, preparing to hop on a train and head to Seattle upon a whim. What she would do once she got there was an entire mystery to her.

Pulling out her phone from her back pocket, Cinder debated whether or not she should call Iko. She was still terribly angry with her friend for all the horrible things she had said and her refusal to hear Cinder out, but she was the only person in the world who still seemed to care for Cinder.

Letting out a sigh, Cinder called her friend. She half expected for her call to go to voicemail, but Iko picked up almost immediately.

"Oh, hi," Cinder mumbled, immediately uncomfortable. "I wasn't sure you'd pick up."

"Of course I'd pick up. You're my best friend no matter what," Iko said, and Cinder could hear the eye-roll within her voice. "Are you calling to talk about what happened earlier?"

"Uh," Cinder gnawed on her bottom lip, tasting the sweet rain upon it. "No. Sorry. I um, my mo– Adri died," Cinder said, then hurried on before Iko could express her feelings on that topic. "Pearl asked me to come down and I thought that it might be a good idea. You know, to just get away for a few days and put some distance between me and... everything."

"Do you mean the Kai stuff?" Iko asked, immediately sensing what Cinder hadn't said.

"Yeah," Cinder muttered, rolling her eyes at herself as she said so. Kai was only part of the reason why Cinder needed an escape, but Cinder couldn't very well tell her best friend that she had the strangest desire to strangle _her_. "That and other things."

"Well I think that's a great idea," Iko said, though her tone was more sneerful than cheerful. It simply agitated Cinder more.

And then suddenly, there was a scream on the other end of Cinder's phone call. Cinder had talked to Iko on the phone so few times that she didn't know whether or not that was typical for her. Regardless, she couldn't help but ask, "What was that?"

Abruptly, the scream ended, leaving only the sound of rain to console Cinder. She couldn't tell if it was raining on Iko's end of the phone too, or if it was only on her side. Not that it mattered— she and Iko were both in the rainy state either way.

"Oh it's just the blasted rain," Iko sniffed, her voice somehow distant despite its clarity. Cinder felt her heart drop a little bit, but she didn't question it. Whatever had just happened on Iko's end of the phone was like no rain she had ever heard, but she had more pressing things to worry about.

"Alright, well I just thought I'd let you know that I'm leaving. I'm sorry about how things went this morning. I think that this will be a really good time for me to clear my head and get space from everything."

Iko's breath hitched with the softest breath on the other line, but that single sound caused Cinder's heart to stop a beat. "I promise I'll keep you updated on everything," she continued. "I'll even call you every day if you want."

"Please do," Iko said, though her words sounded almost pained.

Cinder scowled at the sidewalk, watching as large droplets fell upon the pavement. Her insides churned as she listened to Iko and the slight inconsistency within her voice— there was something off. Perhaps she was still mad about their fight that morning. If she was being honest, Cinder was still agitated where the fight was concerned. But Cinder had already lost too much in life— she couldn't bear to lose Iko as well.

"Alright, I guess I'll talk to you soon," Cinder said, pushing on the doors of the train station and stepping into the dry building. Immediately her feet began to squeak upon the white marble floor, tracking water against cool rock.

"Yeah, okay. See you soon," Iko mumbled. Not a moment later, the line went dead. Of course the phone call had been over at that point, but Cinder still found it odd that her friend had not wasted a single second in hanging up on her.

Perhaps if she had been Iko she would have looked into whatever Iko was up to just as she had done with Cinder's relationship with Kai. But Cinder preferred to let people have their privacy— after all, her own privacy was all she wanted.

She let out a melancholic hum, shoving her phone in her back pocket. There was no time for her to think about Iko or Kai or anything other than her current predicament. She was leaving to visit her sister— to possibly patch things up with her now that their horrid mother was gone.

So she walked up to the toll booth and bought a ticket that would get her on the next train to Seattle— the only one they had leaving out that day. If Cinder had allowed herself, she would have found that in itself odd; people were always going to Seattle.

But Cinder wouldn't let herself to worry about anything at that moment. Not about Iko or Kai or the odd train schedules. She was on her way to clear her mind of all its insanity— so she would not worry about the insane.


	36. Hues of Red

_USA, 2019 A.D._

Nothing existed anymore— the world had ceased to be. There were no stars in the heavens or rain falling from the sky. There were no tears to fall down one's cheeks. All that existed was the great nothingness within Kai's chest as he heard her words ringing through his ears like a second heartbeat.

Explosive emptiness tore at his heart, consuming his entire being. It was like watching a retelling of Romeo and Juliet— he wished, _longed_ for the pair to have a happy ending. He convinced himself that they would get a finale that was not death. But Kai had been around since the beginning of that fateful tale, and in the hundreds of years since its origin he had never gotten anything other than death from the legend of the two lovers.

After losing her ten times, he should have known that it was ultimately out of his hands to change the ending— he did not have the power to rewrite their tragic love story. He was bound to always find Selene; he was bound to always lose her. There was no way for him to change his fate.

"Don't fret, dear Princeling," the _Blue Koi_ trilled, placing a dark hand upon his wet cheek. "The pain will not be much."

Kai jerked back from her, blinking rapidly as he listened to her words. He was having one of those odd moments where he was there, but not actually. Physically he stood before death in the rain, but his mind had traveled back to 1615, just minutes before Selene had passed into a world that he had never been.

" _Don't fret, the pain is not much,_ " Rikan sneered at Kaito, his eyes the same as the _Blue Koi's_. Of course the eyes of his father had been coppery brown like Kai's rather than gold, but there was that same dangerous look within them.

His arms were bound, and all he could see was his father, and Selene's form upon the ground, slowly burning from the insides as the poison within her took its toll. She was dying right in front of him and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

But no— his arms were not bound, but free. Selene was not there, but somewhere else. He could save her if he found her in time; all he had to do was get away from the _Blue Koi_ and her golden eyes of horror.

"What are you going to do to her?" Kai asked, trying to formulate a plan. Cinder would only live if Kai could get to her in time—he needed to find out where she was and escape to her. The _Blue Koi_ was cunning, but Kai was heartbroken; after centuries of longing and anguish, he had nothing more to lose— and sometimes that outweighed everything else.

A horrible grin spread across the _Blue Koi's_ features, making her look inhuman. Of course she had the body of a woman, but the look within her eyes was something _other_. She was a creature unknown to man— prepared to take him down.

"She is readying herself to board a train," the _Blue Koi_ said, her expression still beyond creepy. "But there's the issue of this terrible storm, and the tracks that have somehow... _disappeared_."

Kai's heart dropped like a stone into the ocean. He felt cold all over despite the fact that he shouldn't have been able to feel anything other than nothing. But somehow all his senses were suddenly alive for the first time in centuries.

"Why are you doing this?" Kai asked, trying to buy himself some time. He knew what she wanted from him— looking back, he had known it all along. He had simply been too terrified to admit that she wanted _him_.

"Oh Kaito, love," she hummed.

Kai seethed, taking a step back from her. "Do not ever call me that," he snarled. "Never allow for those words to pass your lips or else I shall–"

"You shall _what?_ " The _Blue Koi_ advanced toward Kai, and for the first time in his life he feared for his own safety. "You cannot harm me, young one. For I have an immortal soul— I am death in the flesh."

She placed a hand upon Kai's shoulder, a sleepy grin overcoming her face. "You're mine now, Kaito," she said, her words barely more than a breath. Her mouth was wide in a smirk that displayed each one of her pearly teeth, and her eyes were bigger than any Kai had ever seen before. Her blue braids tumbled about her face, sticking to her cheeks with the heavy rainfall.

"No," Kai whimpered, stepping back and out of her reach. His foot slipped in a soft mud puddle, and he fell to the ground with a small _splash_. Mud splattered upon him, causing the few clean patches of his red t-shirt and jeans to be nothing more than brown. Everything was dirt and rain and the horror of the goddess of death bearing down upon him.

The _Blue Koi_ stood, her body towering above Kai's prone form. He held up a hand as if to shield her from his view, for he could not stand her horrible stare.

But as his hand reached up to the heavens he noticed something peculiar— something that should not have been possible. Upon his hands he saw dirt and raindrops falling upon his palm, but he also discovered deep hues of red still clinging beneath his fingernails— blood.

Kai pulled his hand down from the sky and stared at the tiny limbs and tried to figure out where the blood had come from. He knew that it could not be himself, as Kai hadn't bled in hundreds of years— he knew after many accidents that no matter how hard he fell, his skin would not break.

It was then that he recalled his fingers, digging into the skin of the _Blue Koi's_ foot, scratching terribly at the flesh there as she pushed him into the ground. But no— the _Blue Koi_ was as incapable of injury as Kai was, unable to bleed as a mere human. No amount of harm could cause injury to her, no matter Kai's ferocious intent. One glance at her uninjured foot proved this point; he could not hurt her.

Something tugged at the back of Kai's memory, begging for his attention, though he could not seem to grasp whatever it was. Everything around him was moving too fast and all of it called to his mind. The blood beneath his fingernails, the evil smile upon the _Blue Koi_ 's face, the quickening pace of his heart as fear raced through his veins.

"Oh dear one, pull yourself from the dirt and into my arms," the _Blue Koi_ said, her voice all kindness and warmth. She extended a beautiful hand down toward Kai, her fingers splayed out delicately.

Kai stared at her fingers, and within a moment he remembered— the small shack in England which Kai had hidden in during Selene's fifth reincarnation. The time that he had shoved his veiled friend away from him and her hand had fallen into the fire. For the longest time Kai had thought himself insane; he had convinced himself that the blistering flesh had been nothing more than a trick of the lights, and it had not been a hard thing to convince himself of— her burn had faded away only moments later.

But Kai was not crazy— the burn had been real, and so was the blood beneath his fingernails.

With his hand that still rested upon the ground, Kai felt the earth for something— anything that he could use as a weapon. The _Blue Koi_ still bore down upon him, her hand outstretched and her terrifying eyes attempting to master the expression of love that only humans could maintain.

His fingers brushed against something hard and rough. He wrapped his hand around it, allowing for the dirty rock to rest against his palm. He clutched the stone tightly, letting its rough edges press into his invulnerable skin. He wasn't sure why he was unable to be harmed and the _Blue Koi_ was not, but it no longer mattered. He would do anything to save Cinder— _anything_.

Kai reached his hand that was not clutching the rock up to the _Blue Koi_ and allowed for her to grasp his fingers. She grinned as their hands touched, skin to skin for the first time ever. Then she pulled, dragging him away from the muddy earth.

Using the propulsion of his body up and off the ground, Kai swung his arm around, slamming the filthy rock into the _Blue Koi's_ skull with a sickening crunch. The grin upon the _Blue Koi's_ face did not fade, and for a moment Kai worried that he was wrong, and that she couldn't actually be hurt. But then her body began to sway dreamily, and her eyes rolled back into her skull.

Kai caught her before she hit the ground, not because he cared for her but because it was his instinct. Her head lolled against his chest, and it was then that Kai saw the indentation within her skull and the soft trickle of blood. The injury sustained was far worse than it appeared on the outside, meaning that all the damage he had inflicted with his rock was internal.

Gently, he set her upon the ground, not sparing her a second glance as he ran toward his red truck still parked in the lot. He knew that despite the depth of the injury, she would be back for him. Her body was not invulnerable like his own, but she still healed considerably faster than any mortal. There were only minutes to spare before she would rise from the ground, fully healed and madder than ever.

So Kai wasted no time in peeling out of the parking lot, his tires squealing against the rain-soaked pavement. The smell of burning filled his nostrils, but he didn't particularly care— he had to get to Selene.

His memories faded back to another time, long ago, when he had been racing to find his dearest love. He had known then that something was amiss— that she was in danger— but he had been unaware of her very near death. He wondered now if he still would have raced to the throne room if he had known what awaited him there. It would have been so much easier to turn around and pretend as if nothing had ever happened— that he had never loved, never been able to because he was heartless Prince Kaito.

But Selene had never been the easy route, and Kai had never cared. She was the owner of his very heart and soul, and he could not abandon her, no matter the pains she cost him. He would run from any corner of the earth to find her, even if he knew that he had no chance of saving her.

It mattered not to him whether he was racing down a highway at unbearable speeds, or running with all his strength down the illustrious hallways of his home. He would never abandon Selene in her times of need— he would always be there for her.

He was still the man that had lost the love of his life— a heartbroken prince that could not bear to go on without his dearest love. He was the boy running down the hallway with vibrant tapestries and fine stone statues. He was nothing more than a lover, trying to do all within his power to save his other half— the piece of himself that had been lost to him for centuries.

Kai felt like the final koi tattoo on his wrist, completely terrified of all that was chasing after it and chasing whatever lay before it. He had to escape the much larger fish of the sea— he had to save his Selene.

No longer was he a scared boy who knew only the joys of love. He was an ancient soul who had seen sorrows of every kind and felt more pain than any mortal could endure. But Kai was done losing what he loved— this time, he would not allow for Selene to be taken from him. This time he would not allow for Cinder to die, no matter what it cost him.


	37. Falling

_USA, 2019 A.D._

The train station was empty. All around Cinder there were benches filled with nothing but ghosts. Even the desk where she had bought her ticket was now vacated, leaving her entirely alone within the station.

She sat on a cold bench, feeling the hardness of it beneath her and allowing for the frigid ice of the metal to seep into her skin. The feeling grounded her to reality— of what she was about to do. It made her feel something other than all the other emotions raging within herself. It somehow allowed for her to forget her life and think only of how cold her legs were.

Cinder shivered and zipped her black jacket up over her Nirvana t-shirt, though it was of no use. Her clothes were still wet from her walk to the train station, and she imagined that they would remain damp and cold until she reached Seattle.

Briefly, she considered taking out a pair of clothes from within her backpack and changing right there, but then remembered that there were probably cameras. And besides, someone could walk in at any moment and she didn't want to spend hours on a train with someone who had seen her in the midst of shimmying out of her wet clothes.

So she sat there, trembling against the cold air, alone in a train station. She found it odd that there was no jazzy music playing, or train ushers watching the tracks. Of course it was a Tuesday afternoon, but surely someone else would be traveling somewhere.

As if conjured from her thoughts, a person walked through the doorway and into the train station. Cinder looked at them, her brow furrowed as she took in the mass of brown. At first she thought that the person was wearing a full-body suit or dirt-colored material, until she realized that this person was wearing actual mud upon their skin.

A trickle of fear ran down her spine, causing her to shiver for an entirely different reason than before. She was alone in a train station with a man who wore mud for clothes— well, perhaps he was wearing clothing beneath all the grime, but Cinder could not see it.

The person raced through the room, their breathing both heavy and unlabored at the same time. They were glancing about the station, as if searching for someone within the emptiness. Then their eyes landed on Cinder and she froze.

She knew those eyes— the soft brown that she had stared into on so many occasions and dreamed about whenever they were not within her gaze. She somehow had memorized the exact shape and shade of them within the month that they had known one another— when had she done that? His eyes were somehow as familiar to Cinder as the shades of yellow within her kitchen or the beat of her own heart. She wasn't sure why she knew those eyes so well, but she knew that she could never forget them.

"Kai?" Cinder choked out. She forgot the cold bench beneath her and the way her clothes stuck to her skin. "What are you doing here?"

He wasn't out of breath despite his race into the station, but he appeared to be at a loss for words. His eyes roved over her, taking in her sitting upon the bench and her green backpack that rested beside her. Then his eyes flitted onto hers and she felt electricity run through her veins.

Vaguely, she remembered that she was mad at him— so angry in fact that she never wanted to see him again. The only problem was that she couldn't recall why. Because seeing him there in front of her caused every negative emotion to flee, allowing for only a bubble of warmth to bloom within her chest.

Slowly, Kai approached, a hand lifted before him as if to demonstrate that he meant her no harm. It was this hand that drew Cinder's attention away from his eyes and the memories of his kindness and to the blood upon his fingers and the things she had accused him of the night before— the things that she didn't believe.

Cinder let out a gasp, leaning her body back and away from Kai. He stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes going wide as he watched her. He didn't seem to notice the blood that decorated his fingers, as if his eyes had but one use, and that use was to stare at Cinder.

The logical part of her knew that she should have been afraid; this man had lied to her— was possibly a lunatic— but something within her eased, telling her that this man was not one to fear.

"Kai," Cinder whimpered, folding her arms over her chest as if to muffle the sound of her rapidly beating heart. "Why is there blood on your hands?"

"I-" Kai blinked rapidly, then brought his hands up to his face as if to examine the darkness upon them. He stared at the offending fingers, but did not attempt to scrape the near-black blood from his already muddied hands. He was a complete mess from head to toe, with dirt covering his clothing and sticking to his hair and face. Cinder only managed to recognize him because of those _eyes_.

"Why are you covered in mud?" Cinder continued, standing from her place upon the bench and taking a step back. She slung her backpack over her shoulder, prepared to run if necessary. "No," she amended, shaking her head. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Cinder," Kai said, forgetting the blood upon his hands and turning urgent eyes upon Cinder's face. His gaze wandered over her features as if he wasn't entirely sure she was actually there— as if he believed her to be some sort of ghost. "Cinder," he repeated her name, as if it were the only word within his vocabulary. "Cinder."

"Yes," Cinder spat, brow furrowed as she took another step back from Kai. She was beginning to wonder if perhaps he actually was mad— that maybe he really was a murderer and he was there to end her life. "I'm Cinder, we've established that much already."

"No," Kai gasped, reaching his hands out toward her and stopping only when she stumbled away from him. He ran his fingers through his hair instead, messing it up spectacularly until it was nearly able to stand on its own due to the clumps of mud within it.

"Kai–"

"You cannot get onto that train," Kai cut off the beginning of her angry rant.

"Excuse me?" Cinder sputtered, her cheeks heating at his words. "And _who_ do you think you are to go and tell me what to do?"

Kai closed his eyes tight, his entire face squinching as if he was either in deep concentration or horrendous agony— Cinder could not tell which. Perhaps it was both.

"Cinder— your friend, Iko, is not who she claims to be," Kai said, his eyes still shut. For some reason this inability for him to look her in the eyes angered him. "She is my acquaintance the _Blue Koi_ , and she has done damage to the tracks of this train in anticipation of you being on it. I am begging you— please, do not set foot upon the train."

His gaze turned upon her, a desperate plea within his copper eyes. There were hundreds of years worth of pain within those eyes, but Cinder was too angry to see it— she was far too annoyed with Kai at this point to even consider that he might be truthful.

"Stop lying to me," Cinder growled, and this time it was she who took a step toward Kai and he who stumbled back out of fear. "You're the one who isn't who they claim to be. Stop trying to scare me into being with you; it won't work on me."

"No, you do not–"

"I don't understand?" Cinder laughed, though it was that sort of laugh that held no joy. It was a laugh filled with only bitter agony. "Kai, you are a mental patient. I swear, you are the most _delusional_ person I have ever met, and I've known many crazy people in my lifetime. You need help— you don't need me. I can't fix you."

Kai flexed his hands in a motion that was all panic. It was frightening to see him like this, so terrified and anxious. Every movement was twitchy and nothing at all like the Kai she had gotten to know over the past month. His desperation was even more terrifying than his stories of being her long lost lover.

"Cinder, I shall never call upon you again if that is your wish— I shall disappear from your life until the end of your days if you ask it of me." Kai took a step toward Cinder, and this time she did not back away. "Whatever you desire of me I shall fulfill. All I ask," Kai's voice broke, "is that you do not get on that train. _Please_."

He looked as if he was prepared to fall upon his knees and beg her, and suddenly, Cinder felt a shiver of fear run down her spine for an entirely different reason. Could it be possible that he was telling the truth, or was he just an excellent liar? Either way, his tactics were quite compelling; she no longer wanted to get on her train.

Cinder glanced around the station, looking for someone else to come and rescue her from this delusional boy and her thoughts that he maybe wasn't so delusional. But all that she could see was an empty toll booth and the bright white of the marble floors and pillars. The place was almost spotless save for the spots that Kai had trudged, muddy and wet across the floor.

She brought her attention back to Kai, reminding herself again and again that he was crazy— that there was no way anything he told her could conceivably be true. She only wanted to believe him because she'd had feelings for him— possibly had feelings for him still. But she couldn't allow for her emotions to thwart her logic; she had to stay strong and not allow for this boy to ruin her life with his lies.

"Prove it," Cinder whispered, her voice so low that she wondered if she had actually spoken aloud.

"Pardon?"

"I said," Cinder huffed, "prove it. Prove that you are who you say you are— convince me that I should trust you, or else I'm getting on that train and filing for a restraining order against you."

Kai stared at her, his eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights. He didn't breathe as he watched her, his chest never rising or falling and his face showing no strain from the lack of oxygen to his brain. 

"Your nightmares," Kai said, his voice small. And before Cinder could say anything else, he continued on, his eyes growing bright and filled with light. "The nightmares that plague you— there are ten of them, are there not?"

"Wha– yes, but I'm the one that told you that. I told you that I have nightmares," Cinder protested. "That's not new information."

"But you did not tell me the exact number of them that you have, and I know that the number is ten. You die ten different ways, and I can tell you how each nightmare goes," Kai's words were rushed but clear. There was something within his posture now— something confident. It was too bold for someone covered in mud.

"In the first one your body is burning from the inside out— you cannot hardly move or think for the pain is so terrible. There is poison within your body; my father poisoned you thinking that your death would break me. In a way, it did."

Cinder's body ached just thinking of the nightmare; the pain within it was so terrible that often, when she awoke, she could not move, as if her body was still paralyzed from the wretched poison.

"In your second nightmare— your second death—you waste away due to starvation and a life of poverty. I was not there upon that death, but I know how it went. I could not find you, but death collected you all the same, stealing your ragged body from this earth before I could discover you.

"Then your next death is much the same as the last, with you dying in the street. Except this time there are people all around you dying. You can hear the moaning of departing souls and know that you, too, are leaving the earth."

"How–" Cinder tried to cut in, but Kai kept plugging along, his voice growing louder with fervor.

"Your next death comes in the form of coughed up blood and an incurable fever," Kai said, his voice growing ragged, though he did not quit his speech. "It was then called the White Plague but now people have renamed it Tuberculosis."

Kai stopped here, his mouth agape as he stared at her. Though his face was muddy and wet, Cinder could see tears beginning to pool within his eyes. She watched as one slipped down his cheek, carving its own path through the mud.

"Pimchan–" Kai let out a sob as he said the name, and Cinder suddenly felt uncomfortable. "You—she stabbed herself. You stole your own life away."

Cinder placed a hand over her chest, as if to feel the sharp sting of the knife that carved her heart in half. Of all the nightmares that plagued her, she found this one to be the most terrible; it wasn't due to the knife though. No, it was the brokenness already within her. In the dream she was always sobbing as she drove the knife into her chest, making her emotional pain physical. She was simply completing the job that someone else had started.

Kai covered his face with one hand as his body shook with destructive sobs. It was horrible to watch— this boy that she had loved so dearly lose every ounce of his dignity and cry with all the pain in his heart. She didn't want to watch him weep, but she could not seem to tear her eyes away from him.

"Why did I do it?" Cinder asked. Kai did not respond, his agony consuming all that he was. She placed a hand upon his shoulder and repeated, "Why did I do it, Kai?"

A ragged gasp was his only response. His body could not seem to stop quivering, as if the pain within him was tearing his very soul from his body— his heart from his chest. It was a kind of anguish that one could not fake.

"You discovered me," Kai whispered, gaining enough control to say the words. He dragged his hand down his face, clearing it of most all of the mud upon it. "You saw my tattoos–" Kai grabbed at his wrist, nails digging in but causing no harm "–and you were terrified of me. You despised my soul, and wished to end your life rather than spend another moment with me."

Tears pricked at the back of her own eyes. Her hand still rested upon Kai's shoulder but she couldn't seem to remember why that was a bad thing. He was in so much pain— it would be a cruelty to steal an ounce of comfort from this tormented soul.

"I regretted it," Cinder mumbled.

"Pardon?" Kai asked, halfway through swiping at his eyes.

"In the dream," Cinder said, clenching her jaw in an effort to stop tears from flowing forth from her own eyes. "In the dream I regret it. As my life is slipping away I realize something; it's like someone has just dumped a bucket of ice-water over my head and I suddenly don't want to die anymore."

Kai didn't breathe as he studied her face— truly as if he forgot and that it didn't matter. He didn't need to breathe, and his nails digging into his skin did no damage to him.

 _He's the long lost prince,_ Cinder thought. _He's the long lost prince and I am the forgotten lover._

"Oh my stars," Cinder gasped, the world suddenly tilting in upon itself. There were two Kai's before her— no three. Four. _Five._

She teetered for a moment, before hands grabbed her by the shoulders and led her gently back down upon the bench. Her backpack fell from her shoulder, or perhaps it was removed by another party, but either way it was gone. She did not care though, for her world was spinning around in a haze of black and memories and dreams that haunted her.

"My stars," Cinder wailed, pressing a hand to her forehead as the pain ripped her skull in two. At first she thought that she simply wanted the agony to end, but then she realized that ending the pain would not be enough— it could never end so long as she was alive.

The torture that weighed upon her was like no other pain in the world— for it was a pain that came only from living too long. The only way for it to end was in death, but for some reason death had never been able to conquer her anguish.

Hands were upon her, though they felt too cold to the touch. She hissed as they held her, but was unable to shy away from them. Everything in the world was hurt, even things that were meant to relieve torture. She wanted to die— for her miserable soul to stop living. For she knew that this was the kind of pain that had accumulated after hundreds of years of walking upon the earth. She wondered how Kai could stand such miserable torment.

A voice whispered to her through the pain, attempting to reach her through it all, but the only sound that Cinder could hear were her own screams.

Suddenly, the hands that held Cinder released her, allowing for her body to _fall._ She hit something solid, whether it was the bench or the ground or the train tracks she knew not. All she knew was that the one who loved her dearly had let her go—that he had at long last released her to fall into oblivion. 

She had been falling for years—centuries. All she had known was falling and falling and falling. But in all that time, his hand had always reached out to her, as if to catch her. He had always tried to save her.

But now he was gone—the hand was no longer outstretched to her, and all that remained was nothingness. 

So she allowed herself to _fall_.


	38. The Final Koi

_USA, 2019 A.D._

Kai didn't want to let Cinder go— not with her body spasming and her voice crying out for help. He wanted to hold her until whatever pain tormenting her soul abandoned her. He needed for her to stop sobbing uncontrollably and hear his words to her. But the second the train station doors opened and a dark, muddied figure walked through, Kai had to abandon her.

So he laid her back upon the bench, setting her head atop her backpack and giving her hand one last squeeze before he stood and walked toward death in the flesh.

He wasn't sure what was wrong with Cinder; in minutes past she had been the one comforting him as he lost all semblance of sanity. But as she recalled her dream and whispered those words to him, something within her had broken entirely.

" _I regretted it_ ," she had whispered, her voice low and her thoughts dark. Kai had barely managed to comprehend her words— to understand exactly what they meant before she collapsed in a fit. Even now he wasn't sure what she meant by the statement; surely she couldn't mean that her fifth reincarnation had wished to undo her actions.

But then again, she had called out to him in her final moment. She had attempted to place a hand upon his cheek, as if she no longer found him repulsive.

Kai squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, trying to clear his head of all the thoughts swirling about within. There was no longer time for Kai to live in the past— he had to forget it all before it came back to claim him once and for all.

There had been many times in Kai's life when he couldn't allow himself to forget, but no longer would that be. The past couldn't define him anymore; he was not the prince of his youth, nor the boy lost and searching for his love. He was living in the now as a man who had found the only person he'd ever cared for, and he vowed that he would not allow for her to ever be parted from him again.

The _Blue Koi_ stood before him, her face a mess of mud and dried blood, though there was no wound to show where Kai had bashed her skull in with a rock. Her face was a combination of a thousand rotten emotions, ranging from melancholy to wrath to murder. No longer was she the Blue that Kai had come to know and even care for— now she was truly death herself, in all her ugly splendor.

"Kaito," the _Blue Koi_ growled, advancing upon him with the prowess of a lioness. "Oh you foolish young Princeling. How _dare_ _you_ betray me so?"

Each word was pronounced as if it were a knife swinging down upon a victim. Her inflection was all vehemence and overpowering rage. She was not a creature to be fought with— not a creature to win against.

" _I_ betrayed you?" Kai asked, anger of his own flaring up like a match on a forest floor. It started small, then grew into something large and unquenchable. There was nothing in the world that could stop him in his acrimony. "You are the one who led me to believe that I could be with my love again for over four hundred years. You are the one who fed me incessant lies and caused for me to care for you. You were my greatest friend through all these centuries of endless torment, and all along you were the source of every ounce of that agony. _You_ are the deceiver, Blue, not I."

The Blue Koi sneered. Her lip curled upward in a mirthless smile as she gazed at him. When he'd seen her without her veil for the first time probably only an hour before, he'd thought her to be the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Now he found her to be nothing short of astonishingly ugly, and it had nothing to do with the blood and dirt covering her person. There was something within her gaze that had changed, or perhaps it was her very face itself. Either way, she no longer looked human, but rather like something _other_. She was a monster from the land of the dead; she was a demon to be feared.

But Kai was done being afraid.

"And now I must tell you to leave, for I shall not permit you to harm my love any longer. She has suffered enough by your hands, and I will die by your hands before I allow you to even look upon my dearest Selene."

For centuries Kai had feared that he would lose Selene— but he had lost her time and time again. He'd thought only of what would happen if she died— if he failed once more— rather than thinking of the possibilities if she were to be with him. That fear had been his first mistake; his second mistake had been trusting the _Blue Koi_.

"I do not need to look upon that girl to know that she is dying," the _Blue Koi_ laughed, the sound deep and villainous. "I can feel her soul's torment even as we speak. There is nothing you can do to save her— no one has the power to stop death from collecting her prey."

"No," Kai whispered, clenching his hands into fists. He stood close enough to knock them into the _Blue Koi's_ face, "She is not dying— both of us know that you only collect souls; you told me so. You cannot command her life to end just as I was never able to command her life to continue."

"That is the truth," the _Blue Koi_ hummed, her voice ringing with glee. "You have discovered the fine truth of me now; oh now that it is too late for you to stop me." She babbled her words in a manner that led Kai to wonder if the blow to the head had left her thoughts to scramble with insanity. "But her soul has quite reached its limit— no longer can it cooperate with so many lifetimes fighting against one another. No no, young Princeling. No longer can she live with all the reincarnations."

"You lie!" Kai yelled, jabbing a finger at the _Blue Koi's_ face. "You told me that she could live through ten reincarnations— that her soul could handle it. You told me–"

"I said," the _Blue Koi_ cut in, "that any more than ten is too much for the soul to handle, at least not without falling into the depths of insanity. But that breaking does not work like a switch— the agony grows over time. With each life her soul has shattered into more pieces; I have simply found that by surpassing ten lives the soul can no longer cope with mortality in a... productive manner."

Kai let her words sink in, an icy coolness filling his veins at the same time. It was in that moment of silence that Kai realized Cinder had stopped sobbing. No longer did her pleas for help— for relief— tear through the train station.

His hand jumped to his left wrist, feeling at the flesh where his final brand still remained. There was no pain upon it, but that did not mean Cinder was safe from death.

"Why now?" Kai hissed, taking a step toward the _Blue Koi_. He still clutched her last mark left upon him, his hand claw-like around his wrist. "Why is it that upon your arrival she has fallen so? What have you done?"

"I believe the more accurate question is _what did you do?_ " The _Blue Koi_ grinned. Her face was terrifying with the action, her eyes bugging out and her teeth gleaming like fangs. Perhaps there had been a time that she had passed as human, but nevermore would she be able to.

"What do you mean?" Kai yelled, losing his patience entirely. "How could I–"

" _No_ ," Kai whispered, falling to his knees. " _No, this cannot be._ "

Kai let out a soft sob, dropping his head into his hands. He felt no physical pain save for the breaking of his heart; of course there was no force tearing it in two, but there might as well have been.

"How did she manage to remember? I thought you said–"

"Oh Kaito," the _Blue Koi_ huffed. "Your love does not remember her past lives. She cannot recall such memories until the two of you are wed."

"Then how...."

"You are so _stupid,_ Kaito," the _Blue Koi_ growled, kneeling down upon the floor in front of him. She placed her fingers to his hair; Kai did not move from her touch— no longer did he have the strength for such an action. "You know of her dreams, that she recalled one such painful memory. Not even the soul can forget death, no matter how many times it lives. And when a death is surrounded by an abundance of such torrid emotions it cannot rid itself of those either."

Kai brought his head up out of his hands slowly, rising from the ground to stare at this woman who he had once believed to be his friend. Both were still kneeling upon the marble floor of the train station, and Kai could feel the cold seeping into his skin. He could hear his heart pounding within his ears— the throb sounding like an ominous drumroll.

The station itself was all white and bright lights— it looked almost like a classic biblical depiction of heaven. It was nearly spotless save for the places where both Kai and the _Blue Koi_ had tracked mud in. The cleanliness was almost... ominous.

"Why are you telling me these truths?" Kai asked.

The _Blue Koi_ tilted her head to the side, somehow grinning down upon him despite them being at eye-level with one another. She didn't need to use words to communicate what trick she had pulled upon Kai.

Suddenly, Kai's left wrist began to sear with pain— that old familiar agony that he had felt nine times before. That pain that hurt more than just his arm; the pain that tore at his very soul.

" _NO!_ " Kai screamed, throwing himself up and off the floor. He rushed toward where Cinder still laid upon the bench, nearly falling in his haste to get to her. His knees hit the ground hard before her resting place, but he didn't care— nothing mattered anymore.

He pulled her body to him, holding her head to the hollow of his chest, as if by hearing his heartbeat her heart would recall how to beat in time with his own. He pressed sloppy wet kisses to her hair and cried out her name, begging for her not to leave him.

"Cinder, no," he sobbed, rocking back and forth as he clutched at her lifeless form. "Please do not abandon me— not again. Please, my love. I would do anything, even trade my life for yours. I would die here beside you. Just please _do not leave me_."

His crying progressed into indecipherable mumbling as the final koi upon his arm disappeared into nothing. He was once again just a boy, holding the love of his life's dead body in his arms as he begged for her not to withdraw from him.

And just as the last time this boy had cried over his dead lover, the floors upon which he knelt transformed from their marble form and the train station began to flood with the waters of the sea.


	39. Fractured Soul

_USA, 2019 A.D._

Foamy water seeped out of the white marble floor, somehow deep in color despite the lightness of the room. It rushed with the sound of great waves and quickly lapped up Kai's body, consuming him in its darkness. There were no fish within the salty ocean water this time, but somehow life still emanated from the dark depths.

Kai clutched at Cinder's body, allowing for his tears to fall like rain upon her face as the room around them flooded. He would never relinquish his hold upon her— the _Blue Koi_ would have to tear him from her. He had meant it when he said he never wished to be parted from her; he loved her with a love that was unconquerable, no matter how many deaths she died. He had promised her that he would lay down with her in eternal sleep, and he wished to never break that promise.

A wail sounded above the rush of waves, filling the flooding train station with a murderous echo. At first Kai wondered if the sound had come from him— if he had been the one to cry out so— but with one glance at his only other living companion in the room, Kai could tell that it was not indeed him who had shrieked.

The _Blue Koi_ stood mere feet away from Kai, but her attention was no longer upon him. She stared at her feet, sobbing as she took them in— they were shriveling as the water rushed up against her legs.

Kai blinked rapidly, wondering if his tears had distorted his vision, but indeed the _Blue Koi_ was withering away into nothingness, just as every one of Selene's reincarnations had done hours after her passing. Kai squeezed Cinder's body tight against him, making sure that she wasn't turning into dust as well, but she was still there.

Unable to tear his eyes away, Kai stared as his companion— his greatest enemy— deteriorated. It was a gradual process, with every part of her flaking away in its own due time. She screamed for a time, until she collapsed to the ground and her mouth and tongue no longer existed. Then she sat stock still, her body like a reverse snow storm as the ashes of her form flew skyward.

By the time she had dissipated, the water was up to Kai's chest, just tickling his neck. Kai let out a gasp at this realization, then he shivered. The water was astonishingly cold; it ate at his body with a ferocity that couldn't be named. He felt as if every piece of him was both numb and on fire at the same time and it _hurt_.

Kai let out a moan as the agony of it all sunk in. It did not matter if the _Blue Koi_ had mysteriously vanished into nothingness— Cinder was dead, and Kai no longer had a chance to be with his dearest love. He had lost it all.

Taking her up into his arms, Kai stood from his place upon the floor. The water swiftly met him, bearing most of Cinder's weight upon its slippery shoulders. It danced about them, colored with hues of purple and green and black. If Kai had not been so terrified of whatever was happening, he would have been in awe of the soft waves.

Kai glanced up toward the ceiling and saw that the light fixtures were no longer the fluorescents of the train station, but rather the high ceilings of his palace home in Beijing. Small animals were carved into the wood and painted in various colors, though it all somehow tied into something beautiful. It wasn't until that movement that Kai saw the artistry and he realized how he had missed the beauty of his home.

The water rapidly reached his jaw, and began to fill his mouth and tickle his earlobes. Kai tried to hold Cinder up above the steady stream of water, but it was to no avail. The water would consume them no matter what Kai did. So Kai swallowed one last breath of air before he allowed for his head to fall beneath the oceanic waters that filled that train station.

Immediately after his submersion, Kai longed to be back above the water where his chest and face did not hurt from the cold. But to swim above the tide was to release Cinder into the inky depths, and that was not a price that Kai was ever willing to pay.

He opened his eyes and discovered that the water had somehow filled with thousands of koi fish, just as the last time. They swam about him in a mysterious circle, rushing around like a never-ending rainbow.

For a moment Kai wondered if he had traveled back in time— back four hundred years to his palace home. Perhaps the _Blue Koi_ would transform out of this ocean and steal him away to her true home where she would keep him as her prisoner until the end of time itself. For everything was the same as it had been last time, except Kai was fully submerged and his lungs were beginning to burn from lack of oxygen intake.

The world spun in a glorious circle of koi fish, each one chasing after the tale of another. They had the frantic gaze of the tattoo that had been upon Kai's arm only minutes before, but their chase was real as they scurried after one another. They were somehow terrified to be caught— but by what?

Kai tried to catch whichever fish remained at the end of the school's torrent, but there seemed to be no end to them. The fish continued on until the end of time.

It was only then that Kai spotted a much larger fish, not at the end of the pack, but at the front. The fish weren't swimming away from a terrifying creature in fright— they were swimming after their beloved.

In the tornado that the fish had created before Kai's dizzying eyes, the _Red Koi_ led the pack, her efforts lazy yet somehow faster than the rest of the school. She was elegant and beautiful and completely mystifying.

Almost as soon as Kai spotted this trailblazer, the water all about him swiftly dissipated, disappearing into nothingness. Within seconds the tornado of rainbow koi fish were gone, and Kai knelt soaking upon the oceanic marble floor of the throne room of his home. Kai glanced down at his arms and saw Cinder still sleeping within them, her eyes shut with the everlasting slumber of death. Kai leaned down and placed a kiss between her closed eyes, his lips tasting of salt when he raised his head once more.

He stared at the room all around him, feeling somehow at peace to be back at the place where it had all begun. Everything was the same, save for Kai himself who no longer wore the clothes of a prince, but jeans and a soaking red t-shirt that neared black in its shade due to the water that consumed its fibers. This fact was the only tell that he was not reliving the same moment in which the _Blue Ko_ i had originally come to him.

"Oh my dear child," a voice gasped behind Kai.

Kai's breath caught in his lungs, frozen and petrified. They were the same words that the _Blue Koi_ had soothed him with upon Selene's death in this very throne room.

Slowly, Kai swifted his body around so he could face the koi deity, never loosening his hold upon Cinder. But when he stared at the body from whence the voice had come, he discovered an unfamiliar figure.

If the _Blue Koi_ had been beautiful, this woman was _divine_. Her skin was as dark as the depths of the sea, and her hair ringlets of ebony. Her warm brown eyes sparkled with— not mischief— but life itself. She wore all red, with swathes of crimson, scarlet, and rose silk, though her shoulders remained bare, showcasing tracings of gold along her arms that swirled like the waves of the ocean and all of the creatures of the sea.

Kai couldn't help but stared open-mouthed as this woman— no, this _goddess_ — approached him. With each step she took Kai could see that her feet were traced with the same golden patterns of the sea.

She advanced until there was nowhere left to walk, then she knelt before Kai so they were at eye-level with one another. Her gaze held his own, steady and kind and understanding. Kai could not speak as they stared at one another— he was at a complete loss for words.

Slowly, she raised one hand up to cup Kai's cheek, and with that touch he felt instant relief from all the pain that ailed him— the cold that tormented his body and the agony that destroyed his heart. He let out a soft sigh, leaning into her motherly caress.

"Oh how your soul aches," the woman gasped, her eyes fluttering shut. She did not remove her hand from Kai's race, but rather continued to stroke his cheek; it was different from the way the _Blue Koi_ had touched him, all possession and ascendency. This woman was only love.

" _Oh_ ," the red woman cried out. Soft tears escaped her closed eyes, catching in her dark eyelashes and then spilling down her cheeks. "Your very essence is weeping from the pain you have endured. Oh my child, what has happened to you?"

Kai opened his mouth, but found it to be useless to him. He stared at this goddess before him until her eyes opened and latched onto his own.

"What a silly question for me to ask," she smiled at Kai, her thumbs brushing under his eyes. He hadn't realized that he was crying. "It is my sister who tormented you so— and for that I am terribly sorry."

Closing his mouth, Kai swallowed, then attempted to speak once more. "How?" He asked, managing only the single word. Perhaps that was a good thing, for there were an abundance of add ons to that question, and he wasn't entirely sure which one he wanted to ask first.

"My sister and I are very different," the _Red Koi_ hummed, moving her hand from Kai's face and down to Cinder's. Instantly, all his pain retired full-force, but he made no noise or request for the goddess to relieve him of it once more. "As you already know, she is the deity of death, while I am her opposite. We balance one another out, you see, with our vast differences."

"Oh sweet creature," the _Red Koi_ muttered as her fingers danced along Cinder's face. "Oh the pain that you once felt. My poor child."

Kai watched, breathless as the _Red Koi_ closed her eyes and placed her palm along Cinder's cheek. He hoped and prayed that his love would take in a breath— that her lashes would flutter and her eyes opened— but she stayed motionless.

The _Red Koi_ blinked back tears, and Kai noticed that they were not clear like mortals, but the same soft gold of the tracings upon her skin. She brought her hand up to cup Kai's face once more, and relief consumed him.

"However different my sister and I may be, please believe me when I say that she is not evil as the stories often depict her. There could not be life without death, nor light without darkness. She is vital to the world and the ways in which it functions," the _Red Koi_ said.

"Then why has she spent the last four centuries torturing me?" Kai asked, allowing himself one small huff to convey the annoyance at this deity's statement. "If she is not the face of evil, why is that the only mask I have seen?"

"Because that creature who was torturing you within this room," the _Red Koi_ spoke slowly, as if she were afraid of scaring Kai off, "was not my sister."

Kai blinked. Then he blinked again. He stared at this divine woman and tried to decipher why she would tell him such a bald-faced lie. When she did not add on to her speech, Kai asked, "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean that," the _Red Ko_ i traced her delicate fingers along his right eyebrow, taking extra care with the motion, "the creature who was torturing you just minutes ago was not my sister."

"But how can that be?" Kai asked. "She appeared to me four-hundred years ago and granted me temporary immortality. Who else has that sort of power aside from yourself and your sister?"

The _Red Koi_ sighed, but she did not dispel Kai's logic. She let out a soft hum, tilting her head from side to side.

"It is true that the deity that came to you upon the Lunar New Year of 1615 was my sister, the _Blue Koi_ ," the _Red Koi_ said. "But after the moment in which she granted you ten chances to find your love once more, the woman who greeted you was not my sister— not entirely."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that the soul that has followed you around for the past four centuries is a broken piece— a sliver of the true _Blue Koi_. An immortal soul living within a mortal body for the sake being with you, much like your dearly departed has been until this moment," the _Red Koi_ explained. "Of course the true _Blue Koi_ would not have the time to chase after a mere mortal for centuries; she is far too busy as the mistress of death."

"But how can that be?" Kai inquired, his brow furrowed. "I have seen her command death— how could she do that if she is indeed not the true _Blue Koi_?"

"Because her spirit was still a fracture of my sister's— she could sense death when it came. She knew the moment in which one would die, but never was that _thing_ in control of a living being's death."

"Then how did she kill Adri Linh? How did she bring about the death of my dear Selene on so many occasions?" Kai's voice broke as he said his love's name, but he continued to stare earnestly into the eyes of the _Red Koi_.

"Commanding death and helping it along are two different things," the _Red Koi_ whispered. "This shadow of my sister could not claim life with the snap of her fingers as she claimed, but oftentimes she could sense danger and death and used her manipulative skills against you. I'm afraid the only time she caused for the soul to depart from the body was when she killed that poor old man in Oregon."

Kai allowed this information to sink in along with the guilt that came with it. The _Blue Koi_ could not take on the full blame of Selene's constant deaths.

"Do not feel guilt for this fact," the _Red Koi_ soothed, bringing her other hand up so that both palms rested against Kai's cheeks. "That creature— Blue as she liked to be called," the _Red Koi_ made a face as if this nickname disgusted her, and indeed it suddenly felt silly that Kai had called the goddess of death by a color for four centuries— or at least addressed the woman he believed to be the goddess of death by such a silly name as that. "She was your friend in the beginning."

"By what do you mean?" Kai queried.

"Oh young one, do you not know the anguish that wrecks one's soul after too many lives lived?"

Kai stared at her, attempting to furrow his brow despite her hands upon his face. She stared back, brown eyes kind, yet unyielding.

"Is the proof of the agony of living too often not resting within your arms?"

Thoughts swirled about his mind, trying to make sense of what she was saying but it made no sense. The _Blue Koi_ — Blue had followed him around for centuries, always there when he needed her. She hadn't aged or died.

Except in all the time that Kai had known the _Blue Koi_ she had covered her face beneath a veil, shrouding her looks from him until that very day. In all their years of acquaintanceship Kai had only ever seen her feet, and even that had been on seldom occasions.

And then there was the matter of her disappearing for years— even decades at a time. Of course Kai had always assumed that she was helping another soul like his, but now he knew that Blue had been placed upon the earth for the soul purpose of helping him find his love.

"But how could she have lived over ten lifetimes in the span of four centuries?" Kai asked. "I know that she cannot be killed, for I smashed her skull in just earlier today." Kai said this last part a bit sheepishly. He was not proud of his actions, but they had been for the greater good.

"Of course no injury could harm her for long as she still retained some of her former godliness— save for immersion into the destructive salt water I banished her with," the _Red Koi_ admitted. "But she aged just the same, until her mortal body of flesh and bone fell into disrepair. Her immortality is much more similar to that of your dearest love rather than yourself in that way. She lives on, though in a different body."

"But– but–" Kai sputtered, unable to come up with another argument. Everything she said fit perfectly along the lines of all that was Blue except–

"How did she manage to live through ten lives before Selene did when she could not be killed?"

At this question the _Red Koi_ laughed. She brought her hands down to rest upon Kai's shoulders, and he was glad that her power of relief still worked despite their lack of skin-to-skin contact.

"Because she has the spirit of a koi, my child, not a human," the _Red Koi_ said not unkindly, though she grinned all the while. 

Kai let out a small breath because— of course. She was the _Blue Koi_ after all, or at least a fraction of her. Her lives would be significantly shorter than Selene's, even if she often died young from a human standpoint. The average lifespan of a koi, though impressive, was marginally shorter than that of a human. It also explained how salt water destroyed her, with true koi being fish of fresh water rather than the salty sea.

"Yes," the _Red Koi_ smiled. "Yes, now you see. Your... companion Blue," the _Red Koi_ scowled once again, "lived lives averaging about twenty-five years. Then she would reincarnate, spending a couple years in a pond somewhere as she grew into her true form before finding you once more. Did you not wonder why it took her years to give you the name of Selene's first reincarnation?"

Kai nodded his head as everything clicked into place; her random absences from the initial reincarnation to his extended periods of time left in prison. Then there was the way that Blue had slowly devolved into something _other_. He couldn't blame her, after all she had lived–

"She was on her sixteenth life by the time you found Cinder," the _Red Koi_ mumbled, dropping one hand from Kai's shoulder and placing it on Cinder's cheek. "Thoroughly mad by that point and causing trouble on both ends. Once a soul reaches that level of insanity it can no longer cope with living in a compassionate manner— it loses every ounce of its humanity."

Inside of Kai another piece of him shattered, but he could not bring himself to be angry any longer. He was exhausted from everything that had happened in the last day, and heartbroken over his failures. For even with this new information, that did not end his damnation.

"Oh my lovely child," the _Red Koi_ sighed, her fingers digging into Kai's arm, though not in a particularly painful manner. "Do you truly believe that I would send you to my sister after how unfairly your trial went? Oh my dear, think not of it any longer before my soul aches any further."

"You mean–" Kai started, then broke off in unbelief. He tried again, "You mean I will not have to spend eternity as a slave to death?"

"Of course not, Kai," the _Red Koi_ said without a second's hesitation. "The deal was that if you were able to capture the heart of your love and get her to marry you then you could be with her for eternity. And while you did not succeed, you would have, I am most assured of that fact."

Kai squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for relief to overwhelm him, but it did not. He no longer faced damnation, but damnation had never been his greatest fear.

The _Red Koi_ smiled at him sadly, seeing his thoughts and turning her gaze upon Cinder. She brushed back her bangs with one hand, the dark, sticky hair falling aside with little effort.

"I can breathe life back into your love, for I am life in my truest form," the _Red Koi_ stated. Kai's heart thundered within his ears, waiting for her to add something upon the statement to make it not true— for surely it would not be so easy.

"But," the _Red Koi_ continued, deflating all of Kai's hopes. He waited for her to strike a bargain with him; another ten lifetimes of searching for his dearest love. Another four centuries of heartbreak. "I cannot force her to live once more."

"W-what?" Kai sputtered, his arms tightening around Cinder. "By what do you mean?"

"I mean that by granting her life, I must restore all her memories into her being— and that is a pain that few can endure. She would have to remember all her past lives and accept them as her own and decide that she wants to continue living," the _Red Koi_ said.

Kai swallowed hard, looking down at Cinder's face. He took in her features, still the same as when they had met so many years before. And even as a goddess of divine beauty sat beside Kai, he still preferred to gaze upon his love— for her face was most beloved to him.

"What of the destruction of the soul? Would she suffer the insanity of too many deaths died?"

"With my healing touch," the _Red Koi_ smiled, "I could mend the most broken of souls. No, she would not suffer the insanity the you have seen through that creature, but the pain of living would still remain. It would be almost as if she had not just died, and remained right below the breaking point."

Kai pondered this; he could bring Selene back into the world once more without the consequences of her final death. He had the possibility of holding her in his arms once more— but was it right for him to make that decision for her? He had done it before, and it had been the greatest regret of his life. But could he bear to lose her again?

"At what price?" Kai asked, turning his attention back to the _Red Koi_.

"None," she whispered, her smile still sad as she stared at Kai. "Nothing other than the pain of consequence."

"Then please," Kai begged, his mind made up on the decision. "Reunite her soul with her body."

The _Red Koi_ said nothing more, but placed both hands upon Cinder's cheeks— Kai shivered with her absence of touch. Then she leaned her beautiful face down and pressed her lips to Cinder's forehead in a gentle kiss.

For many moments she stayed like that, her lips pressed to the clammy skin of Cinder's forehead, and Kai prayed upon every star above that she would awake and return to him.

After a long pause, the _Red Koi_ sat up again, severing whatever link she had forged with Cinder's soul. Kai could hear the rapid thump of his heart as he stared at Cinder, willing her eyes to open and look into his own.

The _Red Koi_ removed her hands from Cinder, then placed them upon Kai's cheeks one last time. He did not look at her, but felt as her lips pressed to his own forehead. Then her touch was gone.

"The decision to come back to the realm of the living is a hard one," the _Red Koi_ said, her voice slowly fading away. "But if her love for you in all her past lives is as strong as yours is for her, I believe that perhaps not all is yet lost."

Kai did not watch as the _Red Koi_ left him, but he felt the moment that she ceased to exist within his mortal world. She vanished within the blink of an eye, taking all her magic with her.

The train station was no longer the throne room at the Beijing Palace, but simply a white train station once more. And the cold seeping into Kai's bones was nearly unbearable.

But Kai did not care, for all his attention was upon Cinder, watching her face for any motions of living. He whispered words of comfort to her and hummed the lullaby that had soothed her in so many past lives. He clutched her body close to his, trying to provide her frame with warmth that he did not have.

All this Kai did as he waited— anticipating her decision, and begging her to make the choice in which she chose to be with him once more. It was the choice that Kai had made for her four hundred years before, but no longer could he ask her to stay.

The only way that Selene could return to him now was if she wanted to; and for the first time in Kai's life, he wasn't sure if she would choose him.


	40. Never Again

_USA, 2019 A.D._

At first there was only darkness— the kind of darkness that only existed with the absence of _anything_. It was the sort of darkness that the weak of heart did not fear, for there were no monsters lurking within it. The darkness was that of the womb before birth; it was the beginning of light.

There was no sound within the darkness other than the soft thump of the girl's heart within her ears. It beat slowly, barely a whisper in the wind. The ba-bum rhythm just a hum resounding within her ears

She wanted to open her eyes, but she was not entirely sure she had eyes— she could not feel her eyes. In fact, she could not feel any part of herself other than the spot between her eyes where a gentle pressure sat. It was this soft touch that allowed her to know that she had a body; her soul was tethered to something as the very least.

It was then that she realized that the heartbeat that echoed within her was not her own— rather it was a heartbeat stolen from one near to her. She could hear the soft thrum, but could not feel it for she was not alive, at least not yet.

She pondered how she could feel this gentle kiss and hear the soft hum of a heartbeat if she was not truly living. How could one exist without a heartbeat of their own to sustain life? Was she a body, or an essence waiting to be joined with one? She wasn't sure how the two correlated, but she was sure that there could not be one without the other.

The pressure abandoned her face, leaving her to feel nothing at all— nothing, until there was everything.

With the abandonment of the caress upon her face, the girl felt a myriad of pain echoing throughout her essence— she was a girl of only pain and nothing more. She could feel the burning sensation that was life itself despite her lack of a physical form.

Color swirled out of the darkness, brightening her world with its vibrancy; she was being reborn. Her essence was more than just a breath of air, but a being that walked and talked and loved. She was a girl who laughed and smiled and lived with a heartbeat like the one sounding within her ear.

She had a name: _Selene_. _Pimchan_. _Rose_.

No— _Cinder_. Her name was Cinder, though it had not always been that. She had been called by nearly a dozen names during her soul's life, but no longer was she any of the women who had possessed those names. She was Cinder, the girl who lived in the present— the one who had most recently died.

But even though she recalled being Cinder, she also remembered what it had been like to be all those other women. She relived the time and place in which she had been Selene, so young and shiny and new— full of endless hope. She remembered the oppression of her society, and the boy— oh _the boy_.

She remembered stolen nights with him under starry skies, stealing kisses from one another and sharing stories. She felt the press of his body against hers, and heard his gentle heartbeat beneath her ear. Then those starry nights turned into a room decorated in an oceanic manner; her entire body burned with the sting of death, and the last thing she saw were the eyes of her dearest love.

Then, in an instant, she was reborn again into a life filled with only sorrow and loneliness. Her soul ached with the pain of her past life, filling her heart with depressions and an emptiness that could never be filled. Her soul no longer knew how to live without the boy's soul as her companion, and living a life without him was nothing short of torture.

The next life was much the same, filled with agony until her final moments at which he appeared— his face the same, yet sadder. He was the boy that she loved— the soul that she knew— but he had changed.

With her next life she had the boy with her, though they could be together only with bars to divide them. Her heart hurt every time she gazed upon him, knowing that he was the other half of her— the piece that completed her, though they could never be together.

Then she went on to a life in which she had the boy— for he was hers and she was his, and all things were right for a while. She watched as they loved and they loved and then she ceased to love him. No, that could not be right, for she would always love this boy with all her heart and soul.

But no— she ran from the boy, taking her life rather than being with him. Then, in those quiet moments of dying, he came to her, and her soul _knew_ him. Her spirit cried in that moment, knowing that it had stolen away what was most precious to it in a moment of misunderstanding. 

Her sorrow only increased as she passed onto the next life and lived long years without him. In these memories of looking back she could see the aching of her soul due to the absence of the boy, but knew that at the time of living she had thought only that her very being was a broken thing that could not be mended— that she had a heart that could not love.

But then he was there again, trapped behind the bars of a prison. It did not matter though, for her heart was full as long as he was with her, and her soul knew nothing of the word called lonely. Once again she was the girl who loved and wished never to be parted from the boy. Fate was a cruel thing for stealing her life before she could live it with him.

In her next life she was happier than she had been in any of the previous, for she was with her dearest love once more in full capacity. She was to be his wife, and he her husband. Their souls rejoiced to be with one another again, and loneliness was something that had grown quite unfamiliar to her. Then there was fire and death and the great weeping of her soul as she was taken once more.

Her next life was an emptiness that consumed her entire being. No longer was her soul capable of finding joy if she was without the boy. He was like a drug to her, and after a life filled with him, she was starving without him in the next. For all her years upon the earth she wished to scream for the brokenness of her soul hurt more than ever before— it was the sort of pain that found relief in nothing other than the cure.

Then the boy was there, but her lonely soul had lost the will to be anything other than empty. She had her dearest love, but he could not have her in return. She was nothing more than a soul wanting and a mind unknowing.

The hurt only seemed to follow her into the next life as she never found her other half. If she had ached in other lives, she was tortured within this one. There was only pain within her life and nothing in the world could relieve it— not the new family she had been given, or the fortunate circumstances of her birth. She was starving, and had no means to satiate that hunger.

By the time she became Cinder, the woman she knew to be herself, she no longer could feel anything. The line between her body and soul was nothing more than a willowy thread, barely managing to hang on. She was walking the thin rope between being herself and being broken.

Then the boy came once more, and Cinder no longer felt like a shattered window— she was a glass castle, all beauty and radiance and joy. The word lonely did not describe her essence when he was around— for when she was with him she did not know pain.

Her soul danced and delighted with him in her presence once more; she was body and soul while he was around— she was the girl who loved and knew nothing other than love and love and _love_.

But then somehow, she was angry with the boy; why was she angry with the boy? She loved him, yet he had wronged her— deceived her in a manner that felt much like betrayal. She had trusted him, but he had forsaken her.

And then there was that unbearable pain— it tore at every fiber of her being. No longer could her soul stand to live within its mortal frame for that meant that it lived with only anguish. To live was to suffer, and Selene— no, _Cinder_ — had been alive for far too long.

She knew that by all means she was dead, yet somehow conscious, for the two things were not the same. Spirits could live upon the earth just as easily as bodies, but to live without a vessel was to wander the Fields of Asphodel, always searching for something you could never find. She did not wish to wander any longer, but pass into a life where there was no pain or suffering.

But if her soul was untethered from her body, why was she still here?

The heartbeat sounded all around her, filling her soul with one ancient memory— it was a memory that no soul could ever forget, no matter the torment it faced. She was in a garden, with the moonlight pouring down upon her and the boy. He held her in his arms as if he never wished to let her go, and she knew that so long as she loved him, he wouldn't. Her head was laid upon his chest, listening to the slow beat of his heart, as if it were a lullaby meant only for her ears.

And even in other lives away from the garden she was listening to the consistent beat of his heart, her ear pressed to his chest as he held her to him. It didn't matter which continent they were on, for he loved her in every place they were. It didn't matter the year, for time had never stopped him from loving her.

Through hundreds of years he had always been there, no matter the consequences of it all. He loved her when they were together and when they were torn apart; and even more, she loved him. At times her heart was uncertain of her affections pertaining to him, but her soul could _never_ forget the imperishable and everlasting fire that was her love for him.

It did not matter that life was pain, for life was also love, and love outshone all else. Her soul, no matter the name it carried, loved his soul with all the agony of centuries of living. She could not part from him, just as he had never been able to abandon her. No life without pain was better than a life without him.

Just as the soul— Cinder's soul, for it was no longer Selene or any other woman— thought this, there was a sinking feeling. It was the essence of an essence reuniting with a tangible form. And that feeling of becoming a physical being once more was pain, but it was also so much more than that.

With the transcendence of her soul back into her body, Cinder could feel the shaking arms of the boy wrapped around her, unwilling to relinquish her no matter the consequences. She could feel the pound of his heart upon her ear as well as hear it. She could feel the coldness that was his aching mortal form, and the tears that flowed from his cheeks onto hers.

She heard his soft whispers to her, humming the lullaby he had sung for her time and time again throughout their many lifetimes together. He held her most tenderly, rocking her wretched body back and forth as if he believed her to be asleep rather than dead— now she was neither.

Slowly, she opened her eyes and took in her surroundings. For a single moment and not a second longer, she expected to be in the throne room where Selene had died upon the oceanic marble floor. But no, she was in the train station with its brilliant whiteness, surrounded by the lingering smell of either the ocean or tears she knew not.

Her gaze wandered for a moment, before her eyes landed upon the face of the boy that she had fallen in love with over four hundred years before. He was all messy hair and angular cheekbones and warm brown eyes.

He smiled down at her despite the tears pooling in his eyes and flowing down his cheeks; his cries were happy sobs, the kind that sounded almost like laughter. He stared at her as if he could not believe that she was real, and in all honesty, she could hardly believe that of herself either— that somehow she was alive and with him once more.

He pulled her closer to him in a crushing embrace, burying his face in her neck as he cried incoherently. She shut her eyes and allowed for him to hold her, reveling in the feel of being with him at long last.

When he pulled away, his eyes were filled with even more tears, but his sobbing had drifted into a mute kind of happiness. She smiled up at him, then reached her hand to his cheek and wiped the tears from them. He closed his eyes as she touched him, as if he could not truly believe that she was there.

Then she brought herself out of his lap so that she could sit beside him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and clutched at him with all the strength left within her, allowing for her heart to beat beside his in perfect unison.

She drew herself back only far enough so she could kiss him— a slow, aching kiss filled with tears and hundreds of years of wanting. Her fingers traced through his hair and his arms were wrapped about her waist, and everything was just as it should have been.

When they broke away, their foreheads remained pressed together as they breathed. Kai's eyes were closed, but hers remained open as she stared at the features that she had somehow forgotten time and time again— but no longer would she cease to remember him.

She pressed her lips to his once more, then drew back, her lips tingling with the recent feel of his upon hers and the joy that was coursing through her veins. Then she whispered, " _My Kai_ ," for he was hers, and she was his, and never again would they be parted.


	41. At Long Last

_USA, 2019 A.D._

A steaming mug of tea rested between Kai's hands— that wretched liquid that Americans called tea only because they were young and ignorant. But Kai did not care what it tasted like; he was reunited with Selene once more.

But no, she was Selene no longer. When he had called her by that name her lips had turned down and she'd explained that she may have still had pieces of Selene within her, she was no longer the girl from four hundred years before. She did not have to explain it to Kai— he, too, had changed over the past four centuries.

He took a sip of his tea and flinched at the burning sensation that raced along his tongue; it was like the feel of his brand dissipating, except on a much smaller scale. Kai rested his mug back upon the table, opening his mouth and breathing quickly as if his breath were fire.

Cinder laughed at him from across the table, her smile brighter than the sun itself. Kai couldn't help but grin as she laughed at him, despite the pain burning in his mouth.

"After many years divorcement from pain, I have forgotten her bitter sting," Kai said, sticking his tongue out at her. This only caused Cinder to laugh harder.

"I'm sorry," Cinder chuckled, reaching a hand out across the table to touch Kai's. "Sometimes I really just can't believe how idiotic you are."

Kai rolled his eyes, but couldn't manage to maintain a stern face for long. After years and years of searching for her and finding her and losing her, he almost couldn't believe that she was here and his forever. He would not have to watch her die again without the knowledge that he could follow her into the next life.

But Kai did not wish to contemplate either of their deaths now— Cinder had already died once that day, and Kai could not stand to imagine her soul departing from him once more. If he could make such a request, he would ask for his soul to abandon the earth before hers, but he knew that where matters of the soul were concerned, one could make no such requests.

So he enjoyed the moment of living. He watched Cinder as she laughed and blew on her own abominable tea. He memorized the frizzy way in which her hair dried, her bangs curling slightly away from her face. He celebrated every moment that was just the two of them reunited once more.

A soft ding sounded from somewhere that Kai could not see, but Cinder immediately stood and walked toward where the sound had come from. She returned holding Kai's jeans and red t-shirt in her hands, warm and fresh from the drier.

Kai took both items from her, sliding the jeans up over his boxers but placing the t-shirt upon the table. When they had returned to Cinder's from the train station, both had been too cold to think clearly but unwilling to part from one another. So Cinder had changed from her clothes and brought Kai his gray hoodie from her room, blushing all the while as she placed it upon the table. Kai had removed his soaking shirt and put on the jacket, grinning at Cinder's blush. Only moments later, Kai was the one who was hot in the face as Cinder insisted she toss his pants in the drier, leaving him wearing only a sweatshirt and his checkered boxers.

Once Kai had his pants on, Cinder grabbed his hands and led him to her bedroom, pulling him behind her as if he were a kite upon a string.

The room was varying shades of blue, like calming ocean waves. Cinder pulled him to the bed, dragging back the flower-patterned quilt that covered the twin and laying upon the worn green sheets. Kai laid himself down beside her, his head resting upon the same pillow as her, their faces only inches apart. He pulled the covers up over them, a cocoon from the outside world.

Kai's skin was still cold from his recent dousing in water and the knowledge of Cinder's death, but beneath the covers it was only warmth as the pair nestled against one another. Arms were around bodies and legs were tangled with one another and silent breaths were shared.

Cinder's eyes captured Kai's all the while, as if she could not find it within her to look away. Kai stared at her as well, though his reason for watching her was different; he was too afraid that she would disappear for forever.

"You scared me today," Kai whispered, the words low and intimate. His hand rested upon her cheek, his thumb rubbing lazy circles upon it. Cinder brought her own hand up to cover his, moving his palm down until it brushed her lips.

"After the _Red Koi_ left and you did not stir for so long, I began to lose hope that you would come back to me."

Cinder shut her eyes tight, then opened them again with a new wetness residing within them. Kai watched as a single tear slipped from the corner of her eye and onto the pillow.

"I almost didn't," Cinder admitted, her lips tickling Kai's palm. "I almost–" she broke off as more tears slid down her cheeks. "Stars Kai, do you have any idea how painful living is?"

Kai blinked in response and Cinder carried on, "It's the most terrible thing imaginable. I don't know how you've managed it for four hundred years. Perhaps it is only because you do not know the relief of death, but living— possessing a body— it's miserable."

"And you lived some of the most terrible lives imaginable," Kai said, his own eyes beginning to sting. "For that I will be eternally sorry. Please forgive me for making that decision on your behalf— never have I made a more selfish decision in my entire life."

"Hey," Cinder soothed, leaning her face forward until her lips brushed his cheek. "If the roles had been reversed, I would have made the same decision; love is a selfish creature, and any opportunity to live with you for this moment is worth it in my eyes."

Kai nodded as a sob escaped him. Cinder removed her hand from his and brought it to rest on the back of his head, pulling his face to her neck. He allowed himself to cry, hot tears falling from his eyes to wet Cinder's neck and green sweatshirt. She held him as he cried, her fingers playing with his hair.

"You don't have to live with that pain anymore, Kai," Cinder mumbled against the side of his face. "It's over now; we're together, and no one can separate us ever again. She's gone, Kai."

He closed his eyes and breathed her in. She smelled of salt and motor oil and flowery shampoo— a strange combination that he found oddly comforting only because it was _her_. He knew that the pain of everything they had been through would never truly go away; pain so great as theirs stained the soul forever. But now they would no longer have to suffer alone. Each time they remembered the awfulness of a past life, they had the others arms to cry into.

"None of it was your fault," Cinder hushed, brushing a strand of Kai's hair off his forehead. "Stop blaming yourself for it all."

Kai cried harder at this, though not because he was sad— he was relieved. For centuries he had lived with the guilt of her pain, and the rush of that remorse being lifted from his conscience was overwhelming in its goodness.

"I–" Kai tried, but before he could gather himself enough to apologize again Cinder was shushing him, her hands soothing him with their gentle caress and her lips pressed to his forehead.

Cinder held him until his tears disappeared, and then held him a while longer. It had been so long since someone had _held_ Kai that he couldn't bear the idea of her letting him go. All that existed within their world was the two of them: bodies pressed together, heartbeat against heartbeat, breathing the same breaths. It was the sort of world that one never wished to leave.

"What do we do now?" Cinder asked after a while. The question broke the air like a gunshot in the night, awakening Kai from his peaceful reverie. If truth be told, he had pondered that very question on numerous occasions, but now that it was time for him to regurgitate his answer, he wasn't sure if it was the one that Cinder would want to hear.

"I feel like I can't go back to my old life— not with all these other lives living within me," Cinder continued. "I'm still me, but I'm also all of them. I don't fit in with the world anymore."

"I have not fit in with the world for four hundred years," Kai hummed, his breath tickling her neck. Cinder pulled back so she could look him in the eyes. Her gaze was serious, yet still soft and kind. Her brow furrowed in the way it always had, one eyebrow slightly more quirked than the other. Kai pressed a gentle kiss to her brow.

"How do we live in this modern world, Kai?"

Kai let out a sigh that was more a soft hum than anything else. He looked at Cinder's face and saw the concern etched within her features. It amazed him that despite the many years and many lives she still looked exactly the same as she had upon the day that he met and fell in love with her.

"I want to travel the world with you," Kai whispered, his words rushed and secretive despite it being only the two of them in the room. "We could visit all the places in which we lived and put a right ending to all our sad stories."

"We could go to China once more and visit the place where it all began," Kai continued, watching Cinder's face as he muttered the words. "Of course I do not think it will be the same as it once was, but to be in the place of our origin might be good— healing."

Cinder said nothing to this, her face unreadable. Kai wondered if maybe she no longer cared for their past lives and wished to forget them entirely. But no matter how hard he tried, Kai knew that he could never erase their past from his thoughts— they were everything that he was, both the good and the bad.

"I'd like that," Cinder finally said, a soft smile curving her lips. "We could see the streets of London without death, and be in Japan together."

"And watch the stars in the sky in that valley of wishes in Scotland," Kai added, thinking of the distinct smell of pollen, and how dreamlike the scene would have been under different circumstances.

"We can fix everything," Cinder whispered, her face so close to his that her breath tickled his lips. "We can make it all right at long last."

"At long last," Kai repeated with a sigh.

Cinder closed the gap between them, pressing her lips to his. Kai shut his eyes, allowing for the kiss to overwhelm all of his senses. Everything was her lips and his lips and their bodies so close that there was no telling that they were two separate beings.

Then they pulled apart, the exhaustion of the day overwhelming the both of them. Kai had not felt the physical need to sleep in over four centuries, and the pull was undeniable.

So they held one another, unable to relinquish the other even in sleep, with Kai's chin resting atop Cinder's head and hers against his chest. They were all arms about one another and a mishmash of legs, and the easy breathing of a peaceful sleep.

And as both of them drifted into nothingness, they only dreamed of one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only the Epilogue left! I'm really starting to get sad that this is almost over... Also I just wanted to say thank you to those that read and comment-- you are what made this story worth writing, and the ones who helped me to continue this story. Love you all<333


	42. Epilogue

_China, 2020 A.D._

The magnolia trees were not the same ones that had stood in the seventeenth century, but they might as well have been, for the fragrance was just as sweet. In fact, in the hundreds of years that had passed since the fateful Lunar New Year of 1615, seemingly nothing had changed. The flowers were still in righteous bloom and the grass was a sweet blanket to lie upon.

And just as it had been four centuries ago, a boy and a girl laid down upon the grass under the light of the moon, staring up at the sky and marveling in its beauty, not knowing that they were truly talking about one another and the deepest affections they had. For love turns the whole world into a beautiful, fantastic thing, even when nothing has changed.

The pair had their arms about one another, a mess of limbs and holding. Flowers that had fallen from the surrounding bushes decorated their hair with soft pink petals and veiny leaves. They wore modern day clothes, with the both of them in jeans and wearing sweatshirts— the boy's a soft gray and the girl's black. No longer were they adorned by clothes worn by princes or servants, for they were not those people anymore.

In all actuality, they had never been the prince and the servant; they had always been the boy and the girl— lovers who could not be separated by time, no matter how much it tore at them. For their souls were twined together after years of longing and hardship, not as mates as the stories often believed, but as companions who couldn't bear to be separated. Their love was not predestined, but rather neverending. No one had ordained their souls to one another, but once his soul met hers, the only choice had been to love one another ceaselessly.

"Kai," the girl whispered, turning upon her side, her chest halfway on top of his. She placed gentle fingers to touch his pale cheek, stroking the skin as if she could hardly believe he was real. Kai grabbed the fingers and placed them to his lips.

"What is it, my love?" Kai asked, intertwining his fingers with her own. She was looking down upon him, her head blocking out the light of the moon. Her hair fell down around her shoulders, and with the flowers that decorated it and the moonbeams behind her she looked like a goddess.

She smiled at him— the kind of smile that is only meant for one most dear to the heart. It was small, yet powerful in its simplicity, her lips curving just enough to convey the unparalleled joy within her.

"I can't believe we're here again," she sighed, blinking slowly.

"Neither can I, love."

Cinder pressed the most delightful kiss to his cheek, letting her lips linger for only a moment before they wandered to dance upon his other cheek. Her lips brushed against every inch of his face, tracing from his forehead, to the tip of his nose, and finally, to his own lips.

Their kiss was patience, as years of waiting to do this once more had left them with only that one virtue. It was only knowing lips and fluttering fingers and soft sighs— it was a kiss that knew that there were thousands more kisses in store.

They broke apart, and Cinder laid herself down by Kai's side once more, head on his shoulder and hand over his heart. Kai's arm wrapped around her, his fingers tracing down her arm. His other hand rested atop hers, unable to feel his heartbeat but able to feel her which was almost the same thing.

"I never thought I'd see the moon through those trees again," Cinder murmured, her gaze upon the sky. "In all my dying thoughts, I always wondered about this patch of sky, and whether or not this secret still existed."

"Me too," Kai hummed, mapping the stars in his mind's eye. "I always hoped that our hearts could return home one day to rest here in this spot and stare up at the night sky that was once our haven."

"You remember sneaking out here in the dead of night?"

"I could never forget," Kai said, his fingers worming their way into Cinder's. "Those were the only moments of happiness during my time as Prince Kaito. It was in those moments alone that I was me."

Cinder didn't say anything, but let out the softest sigh. It wasn't the sort of the noise that was annoyed— it was nostalgic. Though he could not see her face, he could picture it clearly, with her eyes shut and her mouth tilted in a sleepy smile.

"Remember the last time we were here, and I asked you to run away with me?" Kai asked, slightly breathless at the thought of the memory. He withdrew his fingers from Cinder's to play with the band embedded with emeralds upon her fourth finger. "I was terrified that night."

A laugh escaped Cinder, and she turned her head so she could stare up at Kai. He looked down at her, his face a double-chin with the effort.

"Why would you have been terrified?"

"Because I feared that you did not love me so much as I loved you. I worried that your answer would not be in my favor," Kai said, his words low and filled with memories.

"How your heart could imagine my love less strong than yours I cannot fathom," Cinder whispered. Kai traced his fingers up her arm and then touched them to her neck, playing with the soft tendrils of her hair.

"I was a fool then."

"You are a fool now," Cinder shot back, though her words were nothing but playful.

"Perhaps you are right," Kai heaved a great sigh. "But alas, my courage paid off— er, eventually."

They said nothing for a while, their silence comfortable. They had known one another far too long for something so trivial as silence to make either uneasy. Kai had watched Cinder die eleven times, either by holding her in his arms or watching a brand upon his arm burn into nothing. Their love would endure until both of their souls ceased to exist, and that is to say until the end of time.

"Did you believe you would succeed?" Cinder asked, her voice small.

Kai thought upon this question for a long moment, allowing for his thoughts to drift into the air like a lullaby. Of course he had feared that he would lose her forever— each time she died felt as if it were the end of the world, and in a way, it was. But in the back of his mind he knew that damnation wasn't an option. She was the only option he had ever had, and he would choose her even if she was not a choice.

"I often feared that I would not," Kai conceded, nibbling on his lower lip. "But never could I imagine a life without you in it— for in that life I cannot live."

A breeze picked up upon the clear night with a soft _whoosh_ , rustling the trees and sprinkling stiff leaves and white petals upon them. It was a shower of beauty— a rainfall meant for angels alone. It was calming in the way that all rainfall was, even though this magic from heaven itself appeared in the form of fragrant flowers.

They drifted into a sort of hazy existence, where the moon became two moons and the sky was truly endless and spectacular. And in the end nothing existed except for them, though perhaps it had always been that way.

"Sing me a lullaby?" Cinder breathed the words as a question, though she knew that Kai would never refuse such a request.

Kai turned his body so as to wrap Cinder in both his arms. He held her tight against him, one arm around her waist while the other cradled the back of her head. She nestled against him, one arm tucked to her chest whilst the other was tossed about him.

Licking his lips, Kai began:

_"Like stars down to earth,_

_Or rain coming from the sky."_

Cinder began to hum in tune with him, her voice a broken mesh of melody in her sleepy haze.

" _Tears sliding gently from your face_ ," Kai sang, tracing a finger down her cheek.

_"Pennies tossed into a well,_

_A ship caught in the sea's swell,_

_Everything, it falls."_

Kai closed his eyes and heaved a big breath. It was as if no time had passed since they had been here upon the soft grass, holding one another as petals rained down from the sky. Because in this moment there was no pain— it was just them, together once more.

_"But no one ever seems to know:_

_The time it takes to fall asleep,_

_The time it takes to fall apart,_

_The time it takes to fall in love,_

_The time it takes to fall."_

Cinder had stopped humming, her breathing evening out into that soft lull of sleep. Kai pet her hair and continued on with the lullaby.

_"Like Kings usurped from thrones,_

_Or children learning how to walk,_

_Soldiers fighting in the war."_

Kai felt himself slipping into the sweet arms of sleep, but he continued, unwilling to leave the lullaby unsung.

_"Angels cast from heaven above,_

_The martyrs born for their true cause;_

_Everyone, they fall."_

Kai had fallen many times in his life— first he'd fallen in love with Selene, then every version of her he met until he found Cinder. Each time he found her he knew that there was no way he could stop falling. His love for her was an exile from the earth itself; it was living without gravity and knowing that there was no ground to catch him. All that was left for him was to fall and fall and _fall_.

_"But no one ever seems to know:_

_The time it takes to fall asleep."_

Even now, as he was wrapped in her arms, his mind drifting as the final lines of the lullaby slipped from his lips, Kai could not gauge the time it took to flutter into that world where the living did not dwell, but neither did the dead. It was another world of falling, with the only end being waking.

_"The time it takes to fall apart."_

Over the hundreds of years of love and loss, Kai had fallen to pieces too many times to count. His very soul had been crushed into a thousand pieces— yet somehow, as he laid here beside Cinder, he could only feel whole.

_"The time it takes to fall in love."_

He'd loved her from the moment he met her, but since that time he'd never stopped falling in love with her. She was Cinder, the dearest love of his heart even after four hundred years. And if he had to do it all over again, he would fall for another four centuries just to have this moment with her, back where it all began.

Sleep called to him, and as Kai held Cinder, softly asleep in his arms, he let it take him. But before he allowed his mind to drift into a world unknown, he sang the last haunting line of the lullaby, a knowing that perhaps he would never know:

_"The time it takes to fall."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end! Wow... I can't believe it's actually over. Thank you to all that read, and those of you that commented and were so kind-- it means the whole world to me. This was my first AO3 story (I was only on Wattpad before this) so I really appreciate how well this was received. This story has a special place in my heart-- it helped me a lot through this crappy year, and I hope it helped you too<333 
> 
> For those of you wondering what's going on next, I have a few things in the works. I currently have another ongoing story called "Unsinkable" and while Jacinter is the main couple, there's loads of Kaider in there too because I simply can't help myself. I'm still doing lots of dinky shots too. I also will be staring the sequel to my story When Earth Turns to Ashes and the sequel will be called "Rise From the Ashes" so keep an eye out for it (probably January or February). I also have another au in the works but I'm going to keep that one on the down low until the end of Unsinkable...
> 
> If you want any more content for this story, check out my tumblr! I have a masterlist as the top of my @/salt-warrior account and it has all the chapters, bonus chapters, art, my playlist, moodboard and more! Thank you again for reading this story! I love you all<3


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